I"m in- just found my way

[Mthomas3824]

This weekend I went to a movie with the wife. This was the first movie I ever remember where i didn't have a crave, and i didn't have to slink off to the "restroom" to load up the lip. Ever! I do remember a couple of times of not having access to the stuff, adn the craves were so strong believe me the nic bitch made sure i remembered to pack some after that. I remember trying to come up with ways to hid the can for each movie, so I could stay a ninja dipper. I remember sometimes packing a dip or two's worth into some folded paper or a napkin prior to a movie, so i wouldn't risk discovery of the can and still would have some of "the precious" with me to pack into my lip during the show. If nothing else was available, i'd be sure to swallow a little cope to "help me make it" through the movie.  Never again! and it was really nice not to be a slave/slut to copenhagen for just this one time!

The rest of the weekend was fine. My main withdrawal symptom seemed to be that I was sleepy sometimes, but luckily it was the weekend. 

The nic bitch seems to have shifted a little from physical and fog, to a quieter, sneakier, and more mental game. And it feels familiar, like times I must have caved before. I can hear her whispering that "you've got this, you've proven you can quit, you've made it. Now how about  a little one to celebrate? Just one."  It feels so familiar that it must have worked a lot in the past. Now I see it as dangerous and sneaky shit of my addict mind. I can slap it down, and it helps to write about it so you all too- brings it into the light. I'm scared of this one, and so it's good to have a place where i can be accountable. I'll stay quit today with you all.

I know that feeling all too well. Just find people on this site that did that and had to post a day 1 again. If you can learn from their personal surrender, you will dismiss that thought as a lie. A celebratory dip is a crock of shit! I never gave in but I have read too many posts of some that did. I know without experiencing myself that celebration or reward dips are bullshit!

Again, addiction is a liar. You quit that bitch and she is pissed. She is pulling out the stops. Celebrate by doing what you quit?

Think about that lie. I just need one and I deserve it, I've proven or have done great.

If nicotine is so bad, why would even one sound like a reward????

Because your addicted mind is messing with you. Is the buzz worth going back on your word. Is the buzz worth the regret you will feel for surrendering again...even if it was only once?

You are walking back to freedom. It's like a missing your jail cell. Sure there might be comfort because you are in the real world now learning how to be free. That hurts but its worth it.

Don't go back to jail to celebrate. Celebrate by taking in a long breath of freedom! It might hurt at first but it is soooo refreshing! 608, I never want to come near jail again that is why I personally quit alcohol and am on day 5. Freedom from vice. "I like pain. Whats your excuse?" (Joemellow's wrestlers say that to him) Stay undefeated by fighting today. No thoughts about tomorrow but today. Don't go back and reminisce about your cell. Fresh air of freedom can burn your lungs at first but it does more for your mind and soul than that piece of shit weed! Stay quit today brother in the gospel of quit!

[brettlees]

This weekend I went to a movie with the wife. This was the first movie I ever remember where i didn't have a crave, and i didn't have to slink off to the "restroom" to load up the lip. Ever! I do remember a couple of times of not having access to the stuff, adn the craves were so strong believe me the nic bitch made sure i remembered to pack some after that. I remember trying to come up with ways to hid the can for each movie, so I could stay a ninja dipper. I remember sometimes packing a dip or two's worth into some folded paper or a napkin prior to a movie, so i wouldn't risk discovery of the can and still would have some of "the precious" with me to pack into my lip during the show. If nothing else was available, i'd be sure to swallow a little cope to "help me make it" through the movie. Never again! and it was really nice not to be a slave/slut to copenhagen for just this one time!

The rest of the weekend was fine. My main withdrawal symptom seemed to be that I was sleepy sometimes, but luckily it was the weekend.

The nic bitch seems to have shifted a little from physical and fog, to a quieter, sneakier, and more mental game. And it feels familiar, like times I must have caved before. I can hear her whispering that "you've got this, you've proven you can quit, you've made it. Now how about a little one to celebrate? Just one." It feels so familiar that it must have worked a lot in the past. Now I see it as dangerous and sneaky shit of my addict mind. I can slap it down, and it helps to write about it so you all too- brings it into the light. I'm scared of this one, and so it's good to have a place where i can be accountable. I'll stay quit today with you all.

[Mthomas3824]

'clap' 'clap'

Bravo! No reason not to trust what is being said. We are not making any money off you to keep you here. We have walked the trail you are on.

We are here because its worth it. It pissed me off too. I got so pissed I refused to let the nic bitch win. I couldn't have done it without calling for reinforcements but it gets easier. When the voice in your head tells you to make the call. Call a brother before giving in. There is something magical about that call. But call before you surrender to the seduction. Its a lie. If you can out last the crave, you will never regret it.

Right now when it is hurting the most...YOU ARE WINNING. YOU ARE A FIGHTER and its inspiring!

Keep your resolve, keep your word to us and Quit on.

Some will go back to can humping, but you have the edge. Stay with the plan. Post roll, keep your promise and don't think you are quit forever. Just every day you wake and its today...Post first thing.

Keep sharing too. We support you but your thoughts and your fight. I start pissing vinegar and want to beat down nicotine.

Don't be a can humper. Stay quit today.

[cdmavs41]

keep on pushing forward brettlees and big russ. the mouth shedding is all part of it. believe it or not, reading updates from new guys like y'all help keep me energized and is one of the main reasons i keep coming to this site multiple times per day. pm me if you need an extra number. most importantly, stay strong this weekend! if you don't have numbers, get some, and if you have them, use them.

[DerikR]

I'm right there with you man, especially with the fog and the shedding mouth. Keep plugging on, I quit with you today.

[Pinched]

You are making great use of the tools. You have the right attitude and yeah it can be hard to see the path in the forest because of all the trees in the damned way. Just keep forging ahead, we have all been there and we understand that your days can either suck or suck worse in these stages.

I am at day 117 today and I can tell you that the days do all get better, there is still some sucky days and other days I would prefer just stay in bed with the covers over my head hiding from an addiction, but I choose daily to get up and kick addiction's ass every damned day.

I choose life today over anything else.

Pinched

[srans]

Thanks for the support and comments, Mogul, Jayhawk, Grizfall, Skoal Monster, worktowin, MThomas-- each of you have really helped me in the last week with your words.

Logging in the suck lately- day 17:

Big issues since the past post are sharp, mean, fast craves. I"m meaner though. They piss me off because they are arrogant and strong- nic bitch is showing the real bitch side with them. Note to self: remember these when you are about to get complacent, because they seem to be sneaky and dangerous. I'm going to slap the damn things down as well as I can right now though, so that bitch doesn't think they might work sometime.

Another issue is my mouth feeling like i'm shedding a layer- feels swollen in gums and lips, and teeth hurt some. ALso feels numbish or tingly a lot, in toungue, lips, gums somewhat. Sort of I swished a little novacaine or something. It must be healing, and it'll pass.

Fuzzy-brain fog comes and goes in waves, and i've resigned to ride out the "brain don't work right" for another month before I worry about it. It does get me weary though, becuase i'm used to having what I thought was a sharp brain for the most part. At least I probably will have a living brain longer because of this quit.  Gas still an issue at nights usually, but it doesn't hurt so im not complaining, just logging it.

I"m feeling pretty bummed/scared/pissed because of a couple of guys dealing with health issues despite their quits. Just read dunlapsig's account of a problem in his mouth. Pisses me off, mostly. So does caving- not the person caving- i've caved every time I've stopped before in the past so i'm no better, but rather I hate the fact that this shit is engineered to make us have to be warriors to not cave, and by byproducts of that is the cancer. F-ing mean and heartless. F* this shit. F* the people who make it and live in big houses in in the Southeast and whereever else because they made it this way and made a financial sucess. F the people who have had chances to protect peopl from it and voted against it because of money. F the people living in estates built on family money gained from dealing in this government-sanctioned highly addictive and deadly poison drug trade.

My heart is with everyone fighting this shit today, because the cards were stacked against you but you fight, and you win, day by day, person by person. Thanks for this site and the people to give to it to help it work.  And thanks for giving me the strength to get this far this time. I know we preach the day to day, but I"m quitting today AND all weekend RIGHT NOW. Sure, I"ll post role or ask someone to help me if i cant get to a computer, but go ahead and consider me quit today, tomorrow and the next, and damned proud to be quit with each one of you who might read ths.

I'm right with you man, my mouth is shedding also, painful some days and other days it's fine. You and I have emailed back and forth and I appreciate your support and I hope I can be a sounding board for you as well.

I think we're in a spot right now where it's hard to see the forest through the trees. The fog, anxiety, mood swings, intense craves and irritability are necessary so we don't go back to killing ourselves.....which will happen if we go back to the can. Change is hard but it's got to be worth it.

Get busy livin or get busy dyin. Damn right.

Keep Grindin.

Both of y'all are doing great. Stay in the moment. One minute, one second at a time. There is a door you both are heading for. This door is hard to get to and open. I can't tell you how long it will take you to get there, but i can tell you it's worth it. Keep pushing forward knowing that what's beyond this door is well worth the fight. Glad to be quit with you today.

[BigRuss]

Thanks for the support and comments, Mogul, Jayhawk, Grizfall, Skoal Monster, worktowin, MThomas-- each of you have really helped me in the last week with your words.

Logging in the suck lately- day 17:

Big issues since the past post are sharp, mean, fast craves. I"m meaner though. They piss me off because they are arrogant and strong- nic bitch is showing the real bitch side with them. Note to self: remember these when you are about to get complacent, because they seem to be sneaky and dangerous. I'm going to slap the damn things down as well as I can right now though, so that bitch doesn't think they might work sometime.

Another issue is my mouth feeling like i'm shedding a layer- feels swollen in gums and lips, and teeth hurt some. ALso feels numbish or tingly a lot, in toungue, lips, gums somewhat. Sort of I swished a little novacaine or something. It must be healing, and it'll pass.

Fuzzy-brain fog comes and goes in waves, and i've resigned to ride out the "brain don't work right" for another month before I worry about it. It does get me weary though, becuase i'm used to having what I thought was a sharp brain for the most part. At least I probably will have a living brain longer because of this quit. Gas still an issue at nights usually, but it doesn't hurt so im not complaining, just logging it.

I"m feeling pretty bummed/scared/pissed because of a couple of guys dealing with health issues despite their quits. Just read dunlapsig's account of a problem in his mouth. Pisses me off, mostly. So does caving- not the person caving- i've caved every time I've stopped before in the past so i'm no better, but rather I hate the fact that this shit is engineered to make us have to be warriors to not cave, and by byproducts of that is the cancer. F-ing mean and heartless. F* this shit. F* the people who make it and live in big houses in in the Southeast and whereever else because they made it this way and made a financial sucess. F the people who have had chances to protect peopl from it and voted against it because of money. F the people living in estates built on family money gained from dealing in this government-sanctioned highly addictive and deadly poison drug trade.

My heart is with everyone fighting this shit today, because the cards were stacked against you but you fight, and you win, day by day, person by person. Thanks for this site and the people to give to it to help it work. And thanks for giving me the strength to get this far this time. I know we preach the day to day, but I"m quitting today AND all weekend RIGHT NOW. Sure, I"ll post role or ask someone to help me if i cant get to a computer, but go ahead and consider me quit today, tomorrow and the next, and damned proud to be quit with each one of you who might read ths.

I'm right with you man, my mouth is shedding also, painful some days and other days it's fine. You and I have emailed back and forth and I appreciate your support and I hope I can be a sounding board for you as well.

I think we're in a spot right now where it's hard to see the forest through the trees. The fog, anxiety, mood swings, intense craves and irritability are necessary so we don't go back to killing ourselves.....which will happen if we go back to the can. Change is hard but it's got to be worth it.

Get busy livin or get busy dyin. Damn right.

Keep Grindin.

[brettlees]

Thanks for the support and comments, Mogul, Jayhawk, Grizfall, Skoal Monster, worktowin, MThomas-- each of you have really helped me in the last week with your words.

Logging in the suck lately- day 17:

Big issues since the past post are sharp, mean, fast craves. I"m meaner though. They piss me off because they are arrogant and strong- nic bitch is showing the real bitch side with them. Note to self: remember these when you are about to get complacent, because they seem to be sneaky and dangerous. I'm going to slap the damn things down as well as I can right now though, so that bitch doesn't think they might work sometime.

Another issue is my mouth feeling like i'm shedding a layer- feels swollen in gums and lips, and teeth hurt some. ALso feels numbish or tingly a lot, in toungue, lips, gums somewhat. Sort of I swished a little novacaine or something. It must be healing, and it'll pass.

Fuzzy-brain fog comes and goes in waves, and i've resigned to ride out the "brain don't work right" for another month before I worry about it. It does get me weary though, becuase i'm used to having what I thought was a sharp brain for the most part. At least I probably will have a living brain longer because of this quit. Gas still an issue at nights usually, but it doesn't hurt so im not complaining, just logging it.

I"m feeling pretty bummed/scared/pissed because of a couple of guys dealing with health issues despite their quits. Just read dunlapsig's account of a problem in his mouth. Pisses me off, mostly. So does caving- not the person caving- i've caved every time I've stopped before in the past so i'm no better, but rather I hate the fact that this shit is engineered to make us have to be warriors to not cave, and by byproducts of that is the cancer. F-ing mean and heartless. F* this shit. F* the people who make it and live in big houses in in the Southeast and whereever else because they made it this way and made a financial sucess. F the people who have had chances to protect peopl from it and voted against it because of money. F the people living in estates built on family money gained from dealing in this government-sanctioned highly addictive and deadly poison drug trade.

My heart is with everyone fighting this shit today, because the cards were stacked against you but you fight, and you win, day by day, person by person. Thanks for this site and the people to give to it to help it work. And thanks for giving me the strength to get this far this time. I know we preach the day to day, but I"m quitting today AND all weekend RIGHT NOW. Sure, I"ll post role or ask someone to help me if i cant get to a computer, but go ahead and consider me quit today, tomorrow and the next, and damned proud to be quit with each one of you who might read ths.

[Mogul]

Brettlees, your posts have shown true fight and dedication. I loved it when you got mad at Nic. You are a champion. Keep it up, I'm only in day 6 and the fog is tough. I may need your help but enjoy reading what you are posting.

mogul

[Grizzfall]

Like trying to think with a fuzzy wet blanket on your brain isn't it.

While the nicotine is out of your system there are another dozen chemicals that are still being purged from your body.  In another few days you should start feeling much better.

Exercise will absolutely help combat the fog.  Even a walk.

Watch your caffeine intake and keep your blood sugar steady

You got this.  If I could do it so can you.

sM

Listen to this dude and keep on quitting. I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. Trust me - this will break up and get better. Just keep kicking that cans ass each and every minute today.

Dont stress over mental lacking now. Relish the days of freedom you've earned. Keep quitting.

[Jayhawk]

Like trying to think with a fuzzy wet blanket on your brain isn't it.

While the nicotine is out of your system there are another dozen chemicals that are still being purged from your body. In another few days you should start feeling much better.

Exercise will absolutely help combat the fog. Even a walk.

Watch your caffeine intake and keep your blood sugar steady

You got this. If I could do it so can you.

sM

Listen to this dude and keep on quitting. I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. Trust me - this will break up and get better. Just keep kicking that cans ass each and every minute today.

[Skoal Monster]

Like trying to think with a fuzzy wet blanket on your brain isn't it.

While the nicotine is out of your system there are another dozen chemicals that are still being purged from your body. In another few days you should start feeling much better.

Exercise will absolutely help combat the fog. Even a walk.

Watch your caffeine intake and keep your blood sugar steady

You got this. If I could do it so can you.

sM

[brettlees]

Journal entry, day 15-- last two days, the dizziness of the fog is a lot less, but the stupidness/can't focus for sh** is still there. Also, these two days, when a craving hits i feel it deep in my body, pretty strong like in the first three days. That's a surprise. I am finding that I am confident that I can beat them too.

I have read a few things that really hit home for me. One guy caved over the weekend, and is getting beat up on the board. I hope he makes it back in line. I have caved every time in the past so i can't be too arrogant about it. And, another guy got called out by his wife for being an ass. I"ve been lucky in that regard- yes, i've been an ass too though. His experience reminds me to be aware of my temper, etc. I do almost blow up at about anything lately--- feels sort of fun to indulge it a little, and also to be aware of the extent of the rage- i feel like I could really kick the **** out of any petty "offender"-- and that shows me how out of proportion it is and helps me keep calm, strangely. Finally, several guys are in the fog as much and as long as me. At least I"m not alone. And several with longer quits are saying that's pretty normal, and that helps too.

I"m out. Dizziness of the fog's coming on, going to try and move around and shake that because i have to get some work done!

[Jayhawk]

Hello Brettlees!

Glad to have you on board. However, I hate to be the bearer of this news - the fog can sometimes take a while.

But, trust me and Worktowin. It will eventually pass. I also agree with W2W - you don't want to forget this. Let it be a reminder to you as you progress just how much effort it takes to quit. Yes, it sucks, but hey - nothing worth doing is easy.

Your physical body is getting rid of years and years of nicotine and habit and feelings of security. Just take the advice and try out what works for you.

The following information below was provided to me when I first joined KTC from CBird. During the fog, I went through this e-mail hundreds of times. It helped me each and every time in a different way. I am posting it here - thanks to CBird for you to use. Use it. It helps.

This site can help you kick your nicotine habit to the curb. We don't use words like try or hope as they are just another excuse for our addictive brains to tell us another lie. There are no short cuts, but here are some links that will help you navigate this site.

This a NO NICOTINE site. End of discussion. Why this Site Works

Biggest thing to do is get acquainted with this site.

Highly recommend you go here: WELCOME CENTER, Getting acclimated and What to Expect

Your quit decision MUST be 100% your decision. Anything short of that sets you up for failure by allowing your addict brain to blame a given situation as reason for you to go back to the can

You want another layer of accountability? Come post in my room every morning after you post roll in yours April 2012

If applicable Spousal or Significant Other Support

Here are some things that got me through the initial "suck period":

Find an alternative herbal dip. I dipped Copenhagen for 35 years and used the fake herbal dip to help with the oral fixation. Here is a list of Smokeless non-tobacco alternative Don't want to use a 'fake dip' then nuts, candy or gum might help

Start drinking a lot of water and do it every day

Find an exercise program - walking - jogging- weights- basketball- anything that will wear you out

Be prepared for restless sleep - try Melatonin (all natural) or get some Tylenol PM (careful those can be habit forming)

Any time you feel a "crave" try to determine what is triggering it -write it down so you'll remember next time or so you can reflect later in your quit- never forget the "hell you are going through right now" get up and move -

Get on the site and read - Need to CHAT

Like any other open forum - everyone has an opinion - when they are sharing (whether is asked for or not) - take what you need and leave the rest - it's not personal its only about the quit -

Feeling weak- like you can't quit? Print this out contract to cave and tell everyone you love the can means more to you than they do

Most important Post roll every damn day - like your life depends on it-
keep your word - you posted today - do it daily, keep that promise and then repeat

Need some motivation for your quit The meaning of QLF Get an attitude about it and quit that shit and do it every damned day (EDD)


Reach out to other quitters. Get their phone numbers and talk with them. It might be awkward at first but these are the guys you are going to lean on for support or help out when they are in need.

Try to find some: Local KTC Quitters Never underestimate the value of a face to face meet with another KTC Quitter.

Once you've digested all of this stuff try this :In the upper right corner of your screen, click on "My Controls". Then, on the left of the page click "Board Settings". Set your posts and topics viewed per page to 90." I will make reading the 'older posts easier.

Turn your introduction page into a journal by adding updates on your quit there * no need to open a 2nd intro page. If you didn't do an Intro- start one now! This is a great way to reflect on your quit success but also provides a trail to a new quitter.

PM if I can help