3rd time quitter. First time using what I know.

[kubiackalpha]

Thank you. I hope it helps others. I know it does me. The Sleeps are crazy. One moment (with plenty of sleep the night before) I am up and around and ready to rock the next moment is falling asleep with standing and doing physical labor. Never get that way while driving thank goodness.

When I was a counselor I always promoted writing a journal. I know it helps them. I, myself, have penned a goodbye letter to Nicotene. When I did this with my clients we would read them out loud and put them in a metal container outside and set them on fire. Symbolically it sends the problem to someone or something greater than ourselves, it signifies we are tired of dealing with this on our own. It signifies we are cutting the bond that the chemical had over us and a fire makes it permanent. You can retie strings, ropes or even weld together a chain. But, burning you have to really work at it. The entire structure has to be rebuilt at that time.

This Sunday, I set the ties that bind on fire.

[brettlees]

Indeed, this is an entertaining read. I love it. It's been a while since I've seen a good intro thread document a quitter's progress. Thanks for doing this. These really help others. It will help you too, when you look back and see what you don't want to ever go through again. The mind tends to forget the suffering it had to go through, at least forget a lot of the specifics.

You're on the right path. With this log you're keeping, with your reflections on your condition, and by being involved with other quitters. Keep it up. I want to support you because you have the guts and commitment to put yourself out there. You deserve what i can give. Let me know if i can help you in any way with your quit.

Your experience with other addictions helps too-- this nicotine addiction is so evil in some ways, and so overlooked what a true bitch it is. Validates other quitters struggles just to know it really is a big, heroic fight. And there are a lot heroes around here, helping each other win daily. Glad to fight with you, Ka.

[kubiackalpha]

Sweet tooth has backed off a bit. Cravings havent happened (not saying they wont). It doesn't pre occupy my mind like it had previously. Here I am, saturday, sitting at work typing on my work computer, texting occasionally, listening to Drop Kick Murphys, The Rumjacks, Flannery, Celtic Cowboys, Orthodox Celts, Irish Stew of Sindidum. I got a nice chill day. Get to play with plants a little later. Maybe drive the farm and shoot the shit with some co workers. Days like this, I need more of. Maybe some rain later today. Might have to put the frost blankets on some of the plants. Other than that. Smoooooooth sailing. OH! And a mis dialed text just sent me several pics of her boobs. About 13 so far. I don't have the heart.....or desire....to tell her she mis text the breastesessss. I hope everyone that is at work this day is also having a nice chill day.

BTW, I say 'Just for today, Self' not because I am not quitting with others or that I am not supporting others. But, it is a constant reminder that I am doing this for myself. I am my worst enemy, biggest judge, and the only one in the end, that it matters I keep the promise.




Just for today, Self.

[kubiackalpha]

Sweet tooth seems to be waning at the moment. I hope so. I hope it stays gone. Work has been busy and not really stressful, but, demanding. Which, is good. keeps me active. Now, to convince my body to be active. I went to clean up some parts of the farm for the D.E.Q. I ended up breaking out in a rash from something. Red Blotches all over my legs. At one time, I would soak my fingers by pressing really hard on the copenhagen then just a few pieces on my fingers and rub it on the blotches. it would draw out whatever it was and make it less itchy. This is a prime example of how we, as humans, can take something that was meant for great things and pervert it into something bad for us. Dynamite once was hailed as amazing because it shaped the country, built roads and such. Then someone thought. Hmm. Let's kill someone with it. I know that isn't exactly how the story goes. But, it is the point that I am trying to make. This isn't a week moment. This is a lament what could have been if she hadn't listened to the snake and ate that apple. HAHA! See. Dodged responsibility. Addict thinking. Still funny, though.

[kubiackalpha]

DAMNIT! Sweet Tooth has kicked in big time! I never used to like my coffee with sweetened creamer. Now, that is all I will drink. You know the cookies that come in a pack of ten and are around a dollar. 3 in 3 days. not 3 cookies. 3 packages of cookies. Pop Tarts a package a day. This is crazy! I lost 175 pounds over 2 years. I think since quitting I have put back on 25lbs. Oh well. I can always diet and lose the weight. I cant eat differently to get rid of cancer. So. Still a positive trade off. No matter what. Just for today, Self.

Haha, you are an entertaining read! I have had quite the sweet tooth as well. Everything tastes better, now that I can actually taste it! Who knew?? I've been working out 30 minutes a day in the morning, and I know I've still gained weight. My lovely wife made it a point to tell me that. But, same here, that's something I can attack later on, for now, I can try and make healthy choices and work out, but all that really matters is that I quit today. Quit with you today!

Yeah. I can't wait to go back to the gym. Love it. I would do 3 minutes treadmill for weight loss and 30 minutes weight training. For 355lbs and 6'5" I was sculpted. I even scared myself one time. Maybe I can get my girlfriend to move closer and we can both lose weight the fun way.

I literally just sat down at work after making a run for gum, jolly ranchers, sunflower seeds, and chocolate. I have cranberry juice next to me. I sympathize with the newfound sweet tooth! haha. At least I've also been making myself run in the morning and evening every day so far. Working on day 5. Proud to quit with you today, bud!

Yeah. I work in Agriculture and am constantly wrestling 1 ton (or more) bags of soil, moving trees in 15 gallon pots (On up to 55 gallon). Sometimes I am at my desk like I am today. Yesterday, I worked about 100 acres of wooded area cleaning it for the EPA because it is a wildlife sanctuary and a lot of our stuff (pots and tags) got onto it. I do enough physical activity for a 3000 calorie diet. You would think...haha, whatever, you are recovering from dip....that I could eat a 100 calories of sweets and not gain a single pound...NOOOOOO! Dip recovery metabolism has a different idea. I thought I had a slow metabolism before. NOW?!?! AHAHAHA FUNNY SHIT MISTER! LOL!

[Sacksyboy]

DAMNIT! Sweet Tooth has kicked in big time! I never used to like my coffee with sweetened creamer. Now, that is all I will drink. You know the cookies that come in a pack of ten and are around a dollar. 3 in 3 days. not 3 cookies. 3 packages of cookies. Pop Tarts a package a day. This is crazy! I lost 175 pounds over 2 years. I think since quitting I have put back on 25lbs. Oh well. I can always diet and lose the weight. I cant eat differently to get rid of cancer. So. Still a positive trade off. No matter what. Just for today, Self.

Haha, you are an entertaining read! I have had quite the sweet tooth as well. Everything tastes better, now that I can actually taste it! Who knew?? I've been working out 30 minutes a day in the morning, and I know I've still gained weight. My lovely wife made it a point to tell me that. But, same here, that's something I can attack later on, for now, I can try and make healthy choices and work out, but all that really matters is that I quit today. Quit with you today!

Yeah. I can't wait to go back to the gym. Love it. I would do 3 minutes treadmill for weight loss and 30 minutes weight training. For 355lbs and 6'5" I was sculpted. I even scared myself one time. Maybe I can get my girlfriend to move closer and we can both lose weight the fun way.

I literally just sat down at work after making a run for gum, jolly ranchers, sunflower seeds, and chocolate. I have cranberry juice next to me. I sympathize with the newfound sweet tooth! haha. At least I've also been making myself run in the morning and evening every day so far. Working on day 5. Proud to quit with you today, bud!

[kubiackalpha]

DAMNIT! Sweet Tooth has kicked in big time! I never used to like my coffee with sweetened creamer. Now, that is all I will drink. You know the cookies that come in a pack of ten and are around a dollar. 3 in 3 days. not 3 cookies. 3 packages of cookies. Pop Tarts a package a day. This is crazy! I lost 175 pounds over 2 years. I think since quitting I have put back on 25lbs. Oh well. I can always diet and lose the weight. I cant eat differently to get rid of cancer. So. Still a positive trade off. No matter what. Just for today, Self.

Haha, you are an entertaining read! I have had quite the sweet tooth as well. Everything tastes better, now that I can actually taste it! Who knew?? I've been working out 30 minutes a day in the morning, and I know I've still gained weight. My lovely wife made it a point to tell me that. But, same here, that's something I can attack later on, for now, I can try and make healthy choices and work out, but all that really matters is that I quit today. Quit with you today!

Yeah. I can't wait to go back to the gym. Love it. I would do 3 minutes treadmill for weight loss and 30 minutes weight training. For 355lbs and 6'5" I was sculpted. I even scared myself one time. Maybe I can get my girlfriend to move closer and we can both lose weight the fun way.

[overitinmt]

DAMNIT! Sweet Tooth has kicked in big time! I never used to like my coffee with sweetened creamer. Now, that is all I will drink. You know the cookies that come in a pack of ten and are around a dollar. 3 in 3 days. not 3 cookies. 3 packages of cookies. Pop Tarts a package a day. This is crazy! I lost 175 pounds over 2 years. I think since quitting I have put back on 25lbs. Oh well. I can always diet and lose the weight. I cant eat differently to get rid of cancer. So. Still a positive trade off. No matter what. Just for today, Self.

Haha, you are an entertaining read! I have had quite the sweet tooth as well. Everything tastes better, now that I can actually taste it! Who knew?? I've been working out 30 minutes a day in the morning, and I know I've still gained weight. My lovely wife made it a point to tell me that. But, same here, that's something I can attack later on, for now, I can try and make healthy choices and work out, but all that really matters is that I quit today. Quit with you today!

[kubiackalpha]

DAMNIT! Sweet Tooth has kicked in big time! I never used to like my coffee with sweetened creamer. Now, that is all I will drink. You know the cookies that come in a pack of ten and are around a dollar. 3 in 3 days. not 3 cookies. 3 packages of cookies. Pop Tarts a package a day. This is crazy! I lost 175 pounds over 2 years. I think since quitting I have put back on 25lbs. Oh well. I can always diet and lose the weight. I cant eat differently to get rid of cancer. So. Still a positive trade off. No matter what. Just for today, Self.

[kubiackalpha]

Bought 3 cans of Bacc Off yesterday. 3 cans is what I would go through in a 7 day period. i know this week is going to be a test for me. Money is going to be super tight. 12 to 16hr work days. Holes in the roof of the Ghetto Shack I rent. Holes in the floor of the Ghetto Shack I rent. Landlord wont do a damn thing about it. The city and state housing wont do anything about him. I cant afford to move. Mom is having another back surgery. It is nothing that others havent gone through and triumphed. I know. But, I know it is still a test for me. I got some numbers of solid dudes that I can text if having an issue. I have everything I need.

[kubiackalpha]

So. I am an asshole by calling people out on them having reservations. Yet, those same people calling me an asshole are the same ones that are saying "we are tough on you because we care blah blah blah." Look. I learned a long time ago that when a guy comes into treatment and he is holding, he is not ready to quit no matter what his mouth says. Yes. I am venting here. i know some newbies are going to see it and want to back out. Well. they have reservations as well. IF they see something and use that as an excuse to not join and do something that is tried and true and proven. Well, they were going to be cavers anyways and not really ready to quit. So. Okay. I vented. Not good to hold onto something like this. had to vent to let it go.

[kubiackalpha]

Worked a 13 hour shift yesterday. It really wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be to go without cravings. However, I believe I know why. Actually, I know why. I planned for it. This event was likely to come up. This event was for sure going to happen sooner or later. So, I planned. I did my best to work by myself (Working Agriculture it is not unusual to be either a smoker or a dipper). I got a fresh can of Bacc Off, didn't break the seal yet (That is part of the fun/lust/like of a can for me). I waited until I was starting to want one. Popped one in, took a deep breath, and enjoyed it. Craving gone. It felt good to succeed. 'winker'

[Mogul]

You funny. I quit with ya today.

Mogul

[kubiackalpha]

Trollop! YES! I made it to Trollop status! WOOHOO! You know, Heroine, Meth, optiates, etc, all have withdrawals. In my experience dealing with clients that have had them they are gone after 3 days. I have never dealt with a beast such as this NIC that would still have withdrawals 15 days after the fact. Some Hall of Famers are reporting 100 days plus still having withdrawals. Fuck, man. Nic is a BITCH!

[kubiackalpha]

So sick of being sick. Think i am becoming allergic to children. My friends boy stole the families only car to go joy riding. He lost control of the vehicle and wrecked. Glad he is okay and all. But, I was the one that got up and helped him get his boy and arrange and do all that stuff with him. I think that is why I was craving a dip this morning. Usually in these times I have a dip in to keep me level. Instead, it was talking all I had. Why did I need to stay level? Why was I frustrated? I feel, that he should have been able to handle all of that. He is an adult. Heck, he is older than me. I understand the family only having the one vehicle. But, this was me talking to the hi po, the wrecker service, impound, fees and all that shit. Why the fuck am I the one doing it? That, is why I craved. I didnt cave, though. WOOHOO! Victory!!

Just for today, Self.