Hi everyone,
I'm on day 2 of phase 2 of my quit. I quit 6 years ago and caved about 3 months ago, so here I am again.
Why? I have theories, but in the end, I stood at the counter at 7-11, felt weak, and bought a can. Once that happens, it isn't any different than an alcoholic. You can't stop.
I've had a couple people encourage me to give the back story. I'd say in the last year, my cravings kicked back in and I was getting dip dreams much more often. Separately, my wife and I carpooled much less starting this year since I wanted to go to the gym. Simultaneously, my mom's dementia accelerated and we had to move her out of her house she'd been living in for 50 years. I was extremely stressed. We also had to empty the house out to sell it and it took close to 3 months of intense labor to get it done. I spent many nights and weekends there by myself doing the cleanup. Between going to the gym and doing this house work, it was almost like I was a bachelor again. Bachelors don't have any external accountability, so bachelors can do stupid things. Still, my wife figured it out (obviously), but this time she didn't freak out on me and just let me be. I'd have to make up my mind on my own this time... and it has been tough.
I chose July 1 to quit, but then caved later that day. I didn't go to KTC. Now, August is here, and I'm at KTC, doing this for myself. I'm depressed because I have to do this all over again, but am already glad that I'm not dealing with all the logistics, expense, and mess that you always have to manage when dipping. Here's to a new moment of opportunity. It's time to be free.
Lastly, thanks to Duathman who was in my original quit group. He still had my number and texted me yesterday. Amazing.