Day 5

[chewie]

Day 62 - Excuses

One of the incongruencies that my quit has brought to light is my propensity to make excuses. I have found that people will argue for their limitations and make excuses to justify their total pussiness and I am no exception. I used to like to make excuses as to why I couldnÂ’t do something, whether that something was in my business, my marriage, or my quit.

I used to argue with myself for years about how I was going to quit right after I did “fill in the blank”. I mean, I can’t count the number of times that I would tell myself that I was going to quit right after the weekend, because I was going fishing and I wanted to dip the entire time I was fishing… Then I was done, I would quit. Or I’m going to quit right after my next camping trip, because there was no way I could go camping without a dip. The reality is, it didn’t matter what the activity was, I would make up some bullshit excuse as to why I couldn’t quit that day, but I certainly could quit right after said activity.

My point is that I would make up excuses and then argue and rationalize so that it was truth. The sad thing is, if I break down the word rationalize, it becomes rational – lies. That is exactly what I would do to myself. Make up what I thought were rational lies about why I was going to quit as soon as “fill in the blank” happens.

I took my final dip on Thursday February 4th 2010, I considered Friday the 5th my day 1. That was my first day without nicotine in over 22 years. Since that day I have turned the incongruencies of making excuses to the benefit of my life and health.

I now make excuses as to why I WILL NOT dip, why I must stay quit, why I must have truth, honesty and full disclosure in all of my relationships, I make excuses as to why I MUST post roll every day, excuses as to why I have to keep my daily PROMISE. Excuses as to why I must protect my integrity.

The only thing that really matters in my life is the relationships that I have with people. The quality of those relationships boils down to the integrity of my word. It takes a lifetime to develop integrity and a moment to destroy it, just ask Tiger Woods.

Since the day I joined KTC on February 8th 2010 I have never missed a roll call. Not a single one. I refuse to make an excuse that will allow me to miss the opportunity to share my promise with my community of quit brothers and sisters. Integrity is all we have here, there is no way I will forsake that, there is no way I will make an excuse to cave.

These posts may be for you, sensei, but you're doing a fine job articulating some thoughts and feelings I think we all are, were or will be going through. Thank you. 'clap'

Great post my friend !!

'clap' 'clap'

This is fucking brilliant my friend... you definitely "get it".

Bravo.

[Greg5280]

Day 62 - Excuses

One of the incongruencies that my quit has brought to light is my propensity to make excuses. I have found that people will argue for their limitations and make excuses to justify their total pussiness and I am no exception. I used to like to make excuses as to why I couldnÂ’t do something, whether that something was in my business, my marriage, or my quit.

I used to argue with myself for years about how I was going to quit right after I did “fill in the blank”. I mean, I can’t count the number of times that I would tell myself that I was going to quit right after the weekend, because I was going fishing and I wanted to dip the entire time I was fishing… Then I was done, I would quit. Or I’m going to quit right after my next camping trip, because there was no way I could go camping without a dip. The reality is, it didn’t matter what the activity was, I would make up some bullshit excuse as to why I couldn’t quit that day, but I certainly could quit right after said activity.

My point is that I would make up excuses and then argue and rationalize so that it was truth. The sad thing is, if I break down the word rationalize, it becomes rational – lies. That is exactly what I would do to myself. Make up what I thought were rational lies about why I was going to quit as soon as “fill in the blank” happens.

I took my final dip on Thursday February 4th 2010, I considered Friday the 5th my day 1. That was my first day without nicotine in over 22 years. Since that day I have turned the incongruencies of making excuses to the benefit of my life and health.

I now make excuses as to why I WILL NOT dip, why I must stay quit, why I must have truth, honesty and full disclosure in all of my relationships, I make excuses as to why I MUST post roll every day, excuses as to why I have to keep my daily PROMISE. Excuses as to why I must protect my integrity.

The only thing that really matters in my life is the relationships that I have with people. The quality of those relationships boils down to the integrity of my word. It takes a lifetime to develop integrity and a moment to destroy it, just ask Tiger Woods.

Since the day I joined KTC on February 8th 2010 I have never missed a roll call. Not a single one. I refuse to make an excuse that will allow me to miss the opportunity to share my promise with my community of quit brothers and sisters. Integrity is all we have here, there is no way I will forsake that, there is no way I will make an excuse to cave.

These posts may be for you, sensei, but you're doing a fine job articulating some thoughts and feelings I think we all are, were or will be going through. Thank you. 'clap'

Great post my friend !!

'clap' 'clap'

[teamgreen]

Day 62 - Excuses

One of the incongruencies that my quit has brought to light is my propensity to make excuses. I have found that people will argue for their limitations and make excuses to justify their total pussiness and I am no exception. I used to like to make excuses as to why I couldnÂ’t do something, whether that something was in my business, my marriage, or my quit.

I used to argue with myself for years about how I was going to quit right after I did “fill in the blank”. I mean, I can’t count the number of times that I would tell myself that I was going to quit right after the weekend, because I was going fishing and I wanted to dip the entire time I was fishing… Then I was done, I would quit. Or I’m going to quit right after my next camping trip, because there was no way I could go camping without a dip. The reality is, it didn’t matter what the activity was, I would make up some bullshit excuse as to why I couldn’t quit that day, but I certainly could quit right after said activity.

My point is that I would make up excuses and then argue and rationalize so that it was truth. The sad thing is, if I break down the word rationalize, it becomes rational – lies. That is exactly what I would do to myself. Make up what I thought were rational lies about why I was going to quit as soon as “fill in the blank” happens.

I took my final dip on Thursday February 4th 2010, I considered Friday the 5th my day 1. That was my first day without nicotine in over 22 years. Since that day I have turned the incongruencies of making excuses to the benefit of my life and health.

I now make excuses as to why I WILL NOT dip, why I must stay quit, why I must have truth, honesty and full disclosure in all of my relationships, I make excuses as to why I MUST post roll every day, excuses as to why I have to keep my daily PROMISE. Excuses as to why I must protect my integrity.

The only thing that really matters in my life is the relationships that I have with people. The quality of those relationships boils down to the integrity of my word. It takes a lifetime to develop integrity and a moment to destroy it, just ask Tiger Woods.

Since the day I joined KTC on February 8th 2010 I have never missed a roll call. Not a single one. I refuse to make an excuse that will allow me to miss the opportunity to share my promise with my community of quit brothers and sisters. Integrity is all we have here, there is no way I will forsake that, there is no way I will make an excuse to cave.

These posts may be for you, sensei, but you're doing a fine job articulating some thoughts and feelings I think we all are, were or will be going through. Thank you. 'clap'

[sensei]

Day 62 - Excuses

One of the incongruencies that my quit has brought to light is my propensity to make excuses. I have found that people will argue for their limitations and make excuses to justify their total pussiness and I am no exception. I used to like to make excuses as to why I couldnÂ’t do something, whether that something was in my business, my marriage, or my quit.

I used to argue with myself for years about how I was going to quit right after I did “fill in the blank”. I mean, I can’t count the number of times that I would tell myself that I was going to quit right after the weekend, because I was going fishing and I wanted to dip the entire time I was fishing… Then I was done, I would quit. Or I’m going to quit right after my next camping trip, because there was no way I could go camping without a dip. The reality is, it didn’t matter what the activity was, I would make up some bullshit excuse as to why I couldn’t quit that day, but I certainly could quit right after said activity.

My point is that I would make up excuses and then argue and rationalize so that it was truth. The sad thing is, if I break down the word rationalize, it becomes rational – lies. That is exactly what I would do to myself. Make up what I thought were rational lies about why I was going to quit as soon as “fill in the blank” happens.

I took my final dip on Thursday February 4th 2010, I considered Friday the 5th my day 1. That was my first day without nicotine in over 22 years. Since that day I have turned the incongruencies of making excuses to the benefit of my life and health.

I now make excuses as to why I WILL NOT dip, why I must stay quit, why I must have truth, honesty and full disclosure in all of my relationships, I make excuses as to why I MUST post roll every day, excuses as to why I have to keep my daily PROMISE. Excuses as to why I must protect my integrity.

The only thing that really matters in my life is the relationships that I have with people. The quality of those relationships boils down to the integrity of my word. It takes a lifetime to develop integrity and a moment to destroy it, just ask Tiger Woods.

Since the day I joined KTC on February 8th 2010 I have never missed a roll call. Not a single one. I refuse to make an excuse that will allow me to miss the opportunity to share my promise with my community of quit brothers and sisters. Integrity is all we have here, there is no way I will forsake that, there is no way I will make an excuse to cave.

[Greg5280]

Day 46

My developing revelation:

I rarely ever use the word hate. I think it is an extremely strong word that is used way too often and loosely for the power that it possesses. Not a day goes by that I don't hear the word being used in a phrase like "I hate when that happens", or "Don't you hate it when..." or "I hate that show". When I think of the word hate, I think of things like the enemy, bigotry, racism, or extreme violence. And today I can add something else to that list, my addiction.

I am deeply saddened that I allowed this to happen to me. When I think about the how or why of my addiction with a rational and nicotine-free oxygen-rich mind, I am compelled to realize a few things.

1. I nurtured this addiction daily for over 22 years. In that time I never went more than 15 hours without packing my lip with tobacco.

2. My habit became a relationship. This relationship grew very strong. Just as any relationship would when given 22 years of consistent daily attention.

3. This relationship had quietly grown to be THE most important relationship in my life. It became more important than my wife, my family, my friends; it even became more important than my life. That fucking sucks to admit, but it is the unadulterated truth.

4. When I realized that this relationship was not healthy and I wanted out, some emotions surfaced just like when any other intimate relationship is ending. There was some anxiety, grief, pain, jealousy, fear, and hatred.

I decided to quit years ago, in fact I decided to quit all the time when I was dipping. The idea was there for years, but my mistress kept lying to me saying that I couldn't do it and I wasn't strong enough. The reality is that she is still lying to me every day. I don't enjoy her company anymore, but she didn't take the break up easy and she is still trying to patch things up. She is still trying get back together. She is tenacious and doesn't seem to get the idea that I don't want her around anymore. I make a promise everyday that I am not going back to her, but she ignores me, and she continues to whisper in my ear. She tells me how great things will be, but I know itÂ’s a lie.

We were together for over 22 years. That is over 8030 days. How can I expect not to constantly think about something that I had a daily intimate relationship with for over 8000 days? Is it realistic or fair to expect some resentment and resistance over the next few months, years, even decades?

I want to say no, fuck that, I quit dipping and thatÂ’s itÂ… Leave me alone. DidnÂ’t you hear me? I said weÂ’re done; now go away and never come back.

If only it were that easy. IÂ’m learning it doesnÂ’t work like that.

So now I begin to feel the hatred and resentment build, not because I hate myself. I donÂ’t at all; in fact I love myself so much that I made the difficult decision to quit an unhealthy relationship. I am developing the strength to maintain that decision each and every day. The strength that is necessary to overcome repeated daily temptation from my past relationship.

Just like a warrior needs to develop a healthy hatred and pity for his enemy, I also need to develop a healthy hatred and pity of my past relationship. I think this is the strongest way for me to have continued, lifelong success. If I am successful then in about 8030 days I may have erased the memory of that tenacious mistress.

Thank you for that sensei, that was an awesome read.

Very Very true... GREAT POST !!!

'clap'

[MikeA]

Day 46

My developing revelation:

I rarely ever use the word hate. I think it is an extremely strong word that is used way too often and loosely for the power that it possesses. Not a day goes by that I don't hear the word being used in a phrase like "I hate when that happens", or "Don't you hate it when..." or "I hate that show". When I think of the word hate, I think of things like the enemy, bigotry, racism, or extreme violence. And today I can add something else to that list, my addiction.

I am deeply saddened that I allowed this to happen to me. When I think about the how or why of my addiction with a rational and nicotine-free oxygen-rich mind, I am compelled to realize a few things.

1. I nurtured this addiction daily for over 22 years. In that time I never went more than 15 hours without packing my lip with tobacco.

2. My habit became a relationship. This relationship grew very strong. Just as any relationship would when given 22 years of consistent daily attention.

3. This relationship had quietly grown to be THE most important relationship in my life. It became more important than my wife, my family, my friends; it even became more important than my life. That fucking sucks to admit, but it is the unadulterated truth.

4. When I realized that this relationship was not healthy and I wanted out, some emotions surfaced just like when any other intimate relationship is ending. There was some anxiety, grief, pain, jealousy, fear, and hatred.

I decided to quit years ago, in fact I decided to quit all the time when I was dipping. The idea was there for years, but my mistress kept lying to me saying that I couldn't do it and I wasn't strong enough. The reality is that she is still lying to me every day. I don't enjoy her company anymore, but she didn't take the break up easy and she is still trying to patch things up. She is still trying get back together. She is tenacious and doesn't seem to get the idea that I don't want her around anymore. I make a promise everyday that I am not going back to her, but she ignores me, and she continues to whisper in my ear. She tells me how great things will be, but I know itÂ’s a lie.

We were together for over 22 years. That is over 8030 days. How can I expect not to constantly think about something that I had a daily intimate relationship with for over 8000 days? Is it realistic or fair to expect some resentment and resistance over the next few months, years, even decades?

I want to say no, fuck that, I quit dipping and thatÂ’s itÂ… Leave me alone. DidnÂ’t you hear me? I said weÂ’re done; now go away and never come back.

If only it were that easy. IÂ’m learning it doesnÂ’t work like that.

So now I begin to feel the hatred and resentment build, not because I hate myself. I donÂ’t at all; in fact I love myself so much that I made the difficult decision to quit an unhealthy relationship. I am developing the strength to maintain that decision each and every day. The strength that is necessary to overcome repeated daily temptation from my past relationship.

Just like a warrior needs to develop a healthy hatred and pity for his enemy, I also need to develop a healthy hatred and pity of my past relationship. I think this is the strongest way for me to have continued, lifelong success. If I am successful then in about 8030 days I may have erased the memory of that tenacious mistress.

Thank you for that sensei, that was an awesome read.

[sensei]

Day 46

My developing revelation:

I rarely ever use the word hate. I think it is an extremely strong word that is used way too often and loosely for the power that it possesses. Not a day goes by that I don't hear the word being used in a phrase like "I hate when that happens", or "Don't you hate it when..." or "I hate that show". When I think of the word hate, I think of things like the enemy, bigotry, racism, or extreme violence. And today I can add something else to that list, my addiction.

I am deeply saddened that I allowed this to happen to me. When I think about the how or why of my addiction with a rational and nicotine-free oxygen-rich mind, I am compelled to realize a few things.

1. I nurtured this addiction daily for over 22 years. In that time I never went more than 15 hours without packing my lip with tobacco.

2. My habit became a relationship. This relationship grew very strong. Just as any relationship would when given 22 years of consistent daily attention.

3. This relationship had quietly grown to be THE most important relationship in my life. It became more important than my wife, my family, my friends; it even became more important than my life. That fucking sucks to admit, but it is the unadulterated truth.

4. When I realized that this relationship was not healthy and I wanted out, some emotions surfaced just like when any other intimate relationship is ending. There was some anxiety, grief, pain, jealousy, fear, and hatred.

I decided to quit years ago, in fact I decided to quit all the time when I was dipping. The idea was there for years, but my mistress kept lying to me saying that I couldn't do it and I wasn't strong enough. The reality is that she is still lying to me every day. I don't enjoy her company anymore, but she didn't take the break up easy and she is still trying to patch things up. She is still trying get back together. She is tenacious and doesn't seem to get the idea that I don't want her around anymore. I make a promise everyday that I am not going back to her, but she ignores me, and she continues to whisper in my ear. She tells me how great things will be, but I know itÂ’s a lie.

We were together for over 22 years. That is over 8030 days. How can I expect not to constantly think about something that I had a daily intimate relationship with for over 8000 days? Is it realistic or fair to expect some resentment and resistance over the next few months, years, even decades?

I want to say no, fuck that, I quit dipping and thatÂ’s itÂ… Leave me alone. DidnÂ’t you hear me? I said weÂ’re done; now go away and never come back.

If only it were that easy. IÂ’m learning it doesnÂ’t work like that.

So now I begin to feel the hatred and resentment build, not because I hate myself. I donÂ’t at all; in fact I love myself so much that I made the difficult decision to quit an unhealthy relationship. I am developing the strength to maintain that decision each and every day. The strength that is necessary to overcome repeated daily temptation from my past relationship.

Just like a warrior needs to develop a healthy hatred and pity for his enemy, I also need to develop a healthy hatred and pity of my past relationship. I think this is the strongest way for me to have continued, lifelong success. If I am successful then in about 8030 days I may have erased the memory of that tenacious mistress.

[mule]

I noticed some weird shit happening to me today, so I wanted to write it down.

This is Day 21 of my quit and I am a grumpy SOB today. It was one of those days that I had to remember my grandma saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was really quiet today.

The fog returned tonight. My wife and I went to dinner and I was getting out of the car and as I stood up I started spinning and I had to put my hand out against the side of the car to prevent myself from falling over. I must have looked like a drunk driver. When we were inside the restaurant, they called my name to seat us and I just went blank, my wife looks at me and says “are you ok?” I can see her talking to me, but it’s like the volume was turned down. It’s really a strange experience, walking in the fog is an excellent metaphor.

The poor waitress, she was really nice but dumber than a bag of hammers. She screwed everything up on our order and I was about to lose it. I guess I looked pissed because my beautiful loving wife says “is there anything I can help you with Dear?” I smiled and relaxed, reminding myself to just enjoy being with her.

We finish dinner and headed home, about a 15 minute drive. When I arrive home I am feeling so foggy, so bitchy, so fucking irritated for no reason other than for the first time in over 22 years there is no nicotine pumping through my veins.

I sit down and start to journal this and I became really emotional. This is not something that I am used to feeling but itÂ’s like this pent up frustration started boiling out of me. I feel like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. Instead, tears started rolling from my eyes. I realize I have been lying to myself and my family while secretly killing myself a little each day for the past 22 years.

How did I let this happen? Am I one of those boiled frogs? What I do know is that I will never allow it to happen again. From today forward I am basing my family relationships on honesty and full disclosure. There can be no other way.

What really pisses me off is that my addiction to nicotine created all the bullshit that I think I am missing without it. All the triggers that are creating this massive craving, frustration and irritabilityÂ… They are all created by the addiction. It is a vicious cycle, and unless I made the decision stop, it would keep on going until my death. That will not happen, not any more. I decided.

Today I understand my addiction better
Today I am a better man
Today I am quit

'clap' Good stuff Sensei

OUTSTANDING.

NICE!

I like your total honesty. You won't believe how much quitting will make you humble you before your are done!!! It is all WORTH it to break free of this shit!!!! I look forward to seeing you hit HOF!!! You can and will do this!!! Congrats on your 21 days so far!!!!!!

im am with you sensei...lets kick this shit, i better see you in the roll call tomorrow

very.....well.....done



thank you for posting this and reminding me.....it took some time to realize....

i like me pretty good w/o cope and do not need it to help define me.

[loot]

BTW...day 30 was the closest LOOT ever came to caving. forewarned is forskinned.

[loot]

I noticed some weird shit happening to me today, so I wanted to write it down.

This is Day 21 of my quit and I am a grumpy SOB today. It was one of those days that I had to remember my grandma saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was really quiet today.

The fog returned tonight. My wife and I went to dinner and I was getting out of the car and as I stood up I started spinning and I had to put my hand out against the side of the car to prevent myself from falling over. I must have looked like a drunk driver. When we were inside the restaurant, they called my name to seat us and I just went blank, my wife looks at me and says “are you ok?” I can see her talking to me, but it’s like the volume was turned down. It’s really a strange experience, walking in the fog is an excellent metaphor.

The poor waitress, she was really nice but dumber than a bag of hammers. She screwed everything up on our order and I was about to lose it. I guess I looked pissed because my beautiful loving wife says “is there anything I can help you with Dear?” I smiled and relaxed, reminding myself to just enjoy being with her.

We finish dinner and headed home, about a 15 minute drive. When I arrive home I am feeling so foggy, so bitchy, so fucking irritated for no reason other than for the first time in over 22 years there is no nicotine pumping through my veins.

I sit down and start to journal this and I became really emotional. This is not something that I am used to feeling but itÂ’s like this pent up frustration started boiling out of me. I feel like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. Instead, tears started rolling from my eyes. I realize I have been lying to myself and my family while secretly killing myself a little each day for the past 22 years.

How did I let this happen? Am I one of those boiled frogs? What I do know is that I will never allow it to happen again. From today forward I am basing my family relationships on honesty and full disclosure. There can be no other way.

What really pisses me off is that my addiction to nicotine created all the bullshit that I think I am missing without it. All the triggers that are creating this massive craving, frustration and irritabilityÂ… They are all created by the addiction. It is a vicious cycle, and unless I made the decision stop, it would keep on going until my death. That will not happen, not any more. I decided.

Today I understand my addiction better
Today I am a better man
Today I am quit

'clap' Good stuff Sensei

OUTSTANDING.

NICE!

gawdamn dude

nice post. nice read.

reminds LOOT of LOOT

listen tho...if you start being overly agressive...see a doctor. ask LOOT about it...LOOT was a fuckin maniac for a long time. you ever feel like you are losing control...send LOOT a PM

done.

never again...for any reason.

[dissturbbed]

I noticed some weird shit happening to me today, so I wanted to write it down.

This is Day 21 of my quit and I am a grumpy SOB today. It was one of those days that I had to remember my grandma saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was really quiet today.

The fog returned tonight. My wife and I went to dinner and I was getting out of the car and as I stood up I started spinning and I had to put my hand out against the side of the car to prevent myself from falling over. I must have looked like a drunk driver. When we were inside the restaurant, they called my name to seat us and I just went blank, my wife looks at me and says “are you ok?” I can see her talking to me, but it’s like the volume was turned down. It’s really a strange experience, walking in the fog is an excellent metaphor.

The poor waitress, she was really nice but dumber than a bag of hammers. She screwed everything up on our order and I was about to lose it. I guess I looked pissed because my beautiful loving wife says “is there anything I can help you with Dear?” I smiled and relaxed, reminding myself to just enjoy being with her.

We finish dinner and headed home, about a 15 minute drive. When I arrive home I am feeling so foggy, so bitchy, so fucking irritated for no reason other than for the first time in over 22 years there is no nicotine pumping through my veins.

I sit down and start to journal this and I became really emotional. This is not something that I am used to feeling but itÂ’s like this pent up frustration started boiling out of me. I feel like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. Instead, tears started rolling from my eyes. I realize I have been lying to myself and my family while secretly killing myself a little each day for the past 22 years.

How did I let this happen? Am I one of those boiled frogs? What I do know is that I will never allow it to happen again. From today forward I am basing my family relationships on honesty and full disclosure. There can be no other way.

What really pisses me off is that my addiction to nicotine created all the bullshit that I think I am missing without it. All the triggers that are creating this massive craving, frustration and irritabilityÂ… They are all created by the addiction. It is a vicious cycle, and unless I made the decision stop, it would keep on going until my death. That will not happen, not any more. I decided.

Today I understand my addiction better
Today I am a better man
Today I am quit

'clap' Good stuff Sensei

OUTSTANDING.

NICE!

I like your total honesty. You won't believe how much quitting will make you humble you before your are done!!! It is all WORTH it to break free of this shit!!!! I look forward to seeing you hit HOF!!! You can and will do this!!! Congrats on your 21 days so far!!!!!!

im am with you sensei...lets kick this shit, i better see you in the roll call tomorrow

[Kdip]

I noticed some weird shit happening to me today, so I wanted to write it down.

This is Day 21 of my quit and I am a grumpy SOB today. It was one of those days that I had to remember my grandma saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was really quiet today.

The fog returned tonight. My wife and I went to dinner and I was getting out of the car and as I stood up I started spinning and I had to put my hand out against the side of the car to prevent myself from falling over. I must have looked like a drunk driver. When we were inside the restaurant, they called my name to seat us and I just went blank, my wife looks at me and says “are you ok?” I can see her talking to me, but it’s like the volume was turned down. It’s really a strange experience, walking in the fog is an excellent metaphor.

The poor waitress, she was really nice but dumber than a bag of hammers. She screwed everything up on our order and I was about to lose it. I guess I looked pissed because my beautiful loving wife says “is there anything I can help you with Dear?” I smiled and relaxed, reminding myself to just enjoy being with her.

We finish dinner and headed home, about a 15 minute drive. When I arrive home I am feeling so foggy, so bitchy, so fucking irritated for no reason other than for the first time in over 22 years there is no nicotine pumping through my veins.

I sit down and start to journal this and I became really emotional. This is not something that I am used to feeling but itÂ’s like this pent up frustration started boiling out of me. I feel like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. Instead, tears started rolling from my eyes. I realize I have been lying to myself and my family while secretly killing myself a little each day for the past 22 years.

How did I let this happen? Am I one of those boiled frogs? What I do know is that I will never allow it to happen again. From today forward I am basing my family relationships on honesty and full disclosure. There can be no other way.

What really pisses me off is that my addiction to nicotine created all the bullshit that I think I am missing without it. All the triggers that are creating this massive craving, frustration and irritabilityÂ… They are all created by the addiction. It is a vicious cycle, and unless I made the decision stop, it would keep on going until my death. That will not happen, not any more. I decided.

Today I understand my addiction better
Today I am a better man
Today I am quit

'clap' Good stuff Sensei

OUTSTANDING.

NICE!

I like your total honesty. You won't believe how much quitting will make you humble you before your are done!!! It is all WORTH it to break free of this shit!!!! I look forward to seeing you hit HOF!!! You can and will do this!!! Congrats on your 21 days so far!!!!!!

[RAZD611]

I noticed some weird shit happening to me today, so I wanted to write it down.

This is Day 21 of my quit and I am a grumpy SOB today. It was one of those days that I had to remember my grandma saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was really quiet today.

The fog returned tonight. My wife and I went to dinner and I was getting out of the car and as I stood up I started spinning and I had to put my hand out against the side of the car to prevent myself from falling over. I must have looked like a drunk driver. When we were inside the restaurant, they called my name to seat us and I just went blank, my wife looks at me and says “are you ok?” I can see her talking to me, but it’s like the volume was turned down. It’s really a strange experience, walking in the fog is an excellent metaphor.

The poor waitress, she was really nice but dumber than a bag of hammers. She screwed everything up on our order and I was about to lose it. I guess I looked pissed because my beautiful loving wife says “is there anything I can help you with Dear?” I smiled and relaxed, reminding myself to just enjoy being with her.

We finish dinner and headed home, about a 15 minute drive. When I arrive home I am feeling so foggy, so bitchy, so fucking irritated for no reason other than for the first time in over 22 years there is no nicotine pumping through my veins.

I sit down and start to journal this and I became really emotional. This is not something that I am used to feeling but itÂ’s like this pent up frustration started boiling out of me. I feel like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. Instead, tears started rolling from my eyes. I realize I have been lying to myself and my family while secretly killing myself a little each day for the past 22 years.

How did I let this happen? Am I one of those boiled frogs? What I do know is that I will never allow it to happen again. From today forward I am basing my family relationships on honesty and full disclosure. There can be no other way.

What really pisses me off is that my addiction to nicotine created all the bullshit that I think I am missing without it. All the triggers that are creating this massive craving, frustration and irritabilityÂ… They are all created by the addiction. It is a vicious cycle, and unless I made the decision stop, it would keep on going until my death. That will not happen, not any more. I decided.

Today I understand my addiction better
Today I am a better man
Today I am quit

'clap' Good stuff Sensei

OUTSTANDING.

NICE!

[Greg5280]

I noticed some weird shit happening to me today, so I wanted to write it down.

This is Day 21 of my quit and I am a grumpy SOB today. It was one of those days that I had to remember my grandma saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was really quiet today.

The fog returned tonight. My wife and I went to dinner and I was getting out of the car and as I stood up I started spinning and I had to put my hand out against the side of the car to prevent myself from falling over. I must have looked like a drunk driver. When we were inside the restaurant, they called my name to seat us and I just went blank, my wife looks at me and says “are you ok?” I can see her talking to me, but it’s like the volume was turned down. It’s really a strange experience, walking in the fog is an excellent metaphor.

The poor waitress, she was really nice but dumber than a bag of hammers. She screwed everything up on our order and I was about to lose it. I guess I looked pissed because my beautiful loving wife says “is there anything I can help you with Dear?” I smiled and relaxed, reminding myself to just enjoy being with her.

We finish dinner and headed home, about a 15 minute drive. When I arrive home I am feeling so foggy, so bitchy, so fucking irritated for no reason other than for the first time in over 22 years there is no nicotine pumping through my veins.

I sit down and start to journal this and I became really emotional. This is not something that I am used to feeling but itÂ’s like this pent up frustration started boiling out of me. I feel like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. Instead, tears started rolling from my eyes. I realize I have been lying to myself and my family while secretly killing myself a little each day for the past 22 years.

How did I let this happen? Am I one of those boiled frogs? What I do know is that I will never allow it to happen again. From today forward I am basing my family relationships on honesty and full disclosure. There can be no other way.

What really pisses me off is that my addiction to nicotine created all the bullshit that I think I am missing without it. All the triggers that are creating this massive craving, frustration and irritabilityÂ… They are all created by the addiction. It is a vicious cycle, and unless I made the decision stop, it would keep on going until my death. That will not happen, not any more. I decided.

Today I understand my addiction better
Today I am a better man
Today I am quit

'clap' Good stuff Sensei

OUTSTANDING.

[Ready]

I noticed some weird shit happening to me today, so I wanted to write it down.

This is Day 21 of my quit and I am a grumpy SOB today. It was one of those days that I had to remember my grandma saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was really quiet today.

The fog returned tonight. My wife and I went to dinner and I was getting out of the car and as I stood up I started spinning and I had to put my hand out against the side of the car to prevent myself from falling over. I must have looked like a drunk driver. When we were inside the restaurant, they called my name to seat us and I just went blank, my wife looks at me and says “are you ok?” I can see her talking to me, but it’s like the volume was turned down. It’s really a strange experience, walking in the fog is an excellent metaphor.

The poor waitress, she was really nice but dumber than a bag of hammers. She screwed everything up on our order and I was about to lose it. I guess I looked pissed because my beautiful loving wife says “is there anything I can help you with Dear?” I smiled and relaxed, reminding myself to just enjoy being with her.

We finish dinner and headed home, about a 15 minute drive. When I arrive home I am feeling so foggy, so bitchy, so fucking irritated for no reason other than for the first time in over 22 years there is no nicotine pumping through my veins.

I sit down and start to journal this and I became really emotional. This is not something that I am used to feeling but itÂ’s like this pent up frustration started boiling out of me. I feel like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. Instead, tears started rolling from my eyes. I realize I have been lying to myself and my family while secretly killing myself a little each day for the past 22 years.

How did I let this happen? Am I one of those boiled frogs? What I do know is that I will never allow it to happen again. From today forward I am basing my family relationships on honesty and full disclosure. There can be no other way.

What really pisses me off is that my addiction to nicotine created all the bullshit that I think I am missing without it. All the triggers that are creating this massive craving, frustration and irritabilityÂ… They are all created by the addiction. It is a vicious cycle, and unless I made the decision stop, it would keep on going until my death. That will not happen, not any more. I decided.

Today I understand my addiction better
Today I am a better man
Today I am quit

'clap' Good stuff Sensei