Hello, I'm new here, and feel totally stuck

[Parputt]

My personal opinion is you are not ready to quit.

If you really are, however, we can help you. It will not be fun and you will have to give it everything you have, but it can be done.

You know it will kill you. If you want to live, throw away the dip you have in your mouth right now, you know you do, and tell us you are ready.

PS. People with half a face are really scary: http://www.killthecan.org/pics/

[radar]

So, here's the Reader's Digest condensed version of my story:

Started smoking when I was 11, mainly because I was a goody-two shoes and wanted my own level of badassery. Started dipping at 15 when my grandfather passed away, and I just couldn't handle reality.

Smoked and dipped almost constantly, hitting something like 2 packs and 2 cans a day by the time I was 20. Then I went to Navy boot camp. Couldn't smoke or dip there, but once I got out, all hell broke loose.

I smoked, and I kid you not, 3 packs a day, often 2 at a time. I was never without a dip either. Ate with one, slept with one, hell, it was my "other half."

Fast-forward to April, 2010. I quit smoking for good, or so I thought. Switched to nicotine gum for when I couldn't dip, and thought everything was ok.

This, of course, meant that now I'm dipping bigger pinches, and chewing 2 pieces of 4mg nicotine gum at a time when not dipping.

Yesterday, I looked through my can box, where I save empty cans. There were over a hundred in there, and I emptied that box last month.

Cancer never bothered me, as I always had a sort of fatalistic approach to life in general. I just never cared, about anything, after...well, that's maybe for another post.

So where am I now? Well, hiding dipping from most people, going through 2+ cans a day and 2 boxes of hundred count nicotine gum a month. I've had a few smoking relapses as well: last month, I bought a carton, sat myself down and smoked the whole thing over the course of 2 days.

I'm 27 fucking years old, I spend more money on nicotine than food, can't function without it, and have finally hit a point where I think it's time to kick it for good.

Problem is, I don't know if I'm going to change as a person, become someone different. This has been a part of my life for 16 years, and I fear losing myself more than death, if that makes any sense.

So, that's my story. Taking things one day at a time. Not sure if I'm ready to quit, but I figure if I post this, maybe someone will give me enough of a verbal beating to finally push me over the edge.