I've been back and forth with quitting for so long, not even actually attempting, just thinking about it. I did quit once years ago, then started again on pouches because I thought they were "healthier". I've now been starting long cut again because the pouches aren't cutting it anymore. I am so, so sick of this, but so, so addicted. After one hour I feel the intense need for nicotine. Haven't gone longer than that except when sleeping in a long time.
I am scared for a couple reasons, gaining weight that I worked so hard to lose, (only 10 pounds from goal) and scared about being irritable beyond control with my 3 children. And I'm scared of missing it. It's there for everything in my life.
What complicates things even more (but I guess helpful in this case) is that I have severe health anxiety/paranoia and every day I think about having cancer and check my mouth/teeth/gums obsessively.
When I get anywhere near past that one hour mark I feel like I turn into a monster! I can't imagine putting my family through my rage, and crazy irritability, anxiety, etc.
How do I control that? How do I control the weight gain?
Are there some tricks I should know about?
Dread. That's the word I have to describe quitting. But I am SICK of it. Blowing money I don't have on cans. $5.39 several times a week really does not fit into our meager budget and that's SO frickin selfish of me!
Having the inside of my mouth all wrinkly and sore and running my tongue over it panicking all day.
My teeth are turning YELLOW.
Hiding it from everyone outside of my house.
Cancer cancer cancer.
That's why I want to be done.
But gosh darn it I am petrified.
