Betrayal

[wantmylifeback]

Day 1 is gone. No craving really, but anxiety was too much. Day 2 is going good so far. But my real day 1 has not started yet.

Congrats on hitting Day 2. Now go post that shit up on roll.

br /I'm confused. Why hasn't your real Day 1 started yet?

Because chew is not the big problem here. Winning my wife's trust and changing to be a normal, honest person (which I never was in 7 years of marriage is. The day she starts trusting me is day 1. And I need to consistently be that, for years to come. My addiction is dishonesty, atleast I'm honest about that.

[wantmylifeback]

Day 1 is gone. No craving really, but anxiety was too much. Day 2 is going good so far. But my real day 1 has not started yet.

Congrats on hitting Day 2. Now go post that shit up on roll.

I'm confused. Why hasn't your real Day 1 started yet?

Because chew is not the big problem here. Winning my wife's trust and changing to be a normal, honest person (which I never was in 7 years of marriage is. The day she starts trusting me is day 1. And I need to consistently be that, for years to come. My addiction is dishonesty, atleast I'm honest about that.

[wantmylifeback]

Day 1 is gone. No craving really, but anxiety was too much. Day 2 is going good so far. But my real day 1 has not started yet.

It's gonna suck until it doesn't, but by football Sunday you should be feeling better!

Im not a football buff, not a big sports buff, but have my ways of distracting myself and straightening out the temptation hump. Just hoping that all that will help me jump over  not under.

[Frosty179]

I am in the same bout you are man I have tired quitting for years now lying to my wife in the process, which in return makes her very angry and not trust me, but this time is different I got support from awesome people on this website, also people that will push you in the direction that you need to go. You can do this buddy after the first three days it gets easier not completely but easier. Just pledge and post roll every day it will help. Also hit me up if you have any questions.

[lighty7]

Day 1 is gone. No craving really, but anxiety was too much. Day 2 is going good so far. But my real day 1 has not started yet.

Congrats on hitting Day 2. Now go post that shit up on roll.

I'm confused. Why hasn't your real Day 1 started yet?

[Tuco]

Day 1 is gone. No craving really, but anxiety was too much. Day 2 is going good so far. But my real day 1 has not started yet.

Congrats on hitting Day 2. Now go post that shit up on roll.

[Thumblewort]

Day 1 is gone. No craving really, but anxiety was too much. Day 2 is going good so far. But my real day 1 has not started yet.

It's gonna suck until it doesn't, but by football Sunday you should be feeling better!

[wantmylifeback]

Day 1 is gone. No craving really, but anxiety was too much. Day 2 is going good so far. But my real day 1 has not started yet.

[Thumblewort]

That's true Tumblewort. This time around, the resolution is to quit, and never go back to it again. Infact, even if there is a pack in front of me, I should not touch it. That's the challenge. I have appointments with my dentist and ENT coming up during the second week of October, and hope there I haven't screwed up my health (too).

I had my first dentist appointment Tuesday, Day 180 of my quit. I could have went earlier, but based on the theory of KTC, I choose to postpone my visit. Why? Because I did not want a clean cancer result 20 - 30 days into my quit, since I have stopped before, only to get the results from a dentist of "clean", and pack a fatty before I leave the dentist's parking lot.

I'm not saying KTC is against oral health, but there is a faction of quitters that get a bump or lump, make an appointment, get the "all clear", and cave quickly.

Oh, and if there is "a pack" in front of you, you ain't quitting correctly. You need to want this quit more than most anything you have ever wanted.

[wantmylifeback]

Thanks Idahospuds. Since my situation is peculiar - I've been lying and dishonest and chew is only of it, I really cant expect her support. She is, rightfully so, in total wrath, being betrayed for the nth time. So the challenge in front of me is three fold - controlling, handling withdrawal symptoms and accepting her wrath and punishment. Its going to be very tough - but I am prepared.

[wantmylifeback]

That's true Tumblewort. This time around, the resolution is to quit, and never go back to it again. Infact, even if there is a pack in front of me, I should not touch it. That's the challenge. I have appointments with my dentist and ENT coming up during the second week of October, and hope there I haven't screwed up my health (too).

[Idaho Spuds]

You got this buddy, your story is similar to mine and many on this site.
It is hard to earn that trust back when we have lied and hide it soo many times before.
But you can quit one day at a time.

Show your wife the site and this page:
http://www.killthecan.org/community/spousal-support/
and print a couple copies of this form, give one to her and put one in your wallet:
http://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures ... o-give-up/
PM me for phone number and support,
Charles

[Thumblewort]

Thanks Tuco's. I know I can quit, like I have twice in the past. But the more burning problem is the evident lack of transparency, and my way of more actively seeking ways to be transparent is sharing my profile in this forum, so that she can see what I tell / I am told. Again, none of this matters till I resolve to change, which I have.

You didn't quit in the past, you stopped. Big difference.

[wantmylifeback]

Thanks Tuco's. I know I can quit, like I have twice in the past. But the more burning problem is the evident lack of transparency, and my way of more actively seeking ways to be transparent is sharing my profile in this forum, so that she can see what I tell / I am told. Again, none of this matters till I resolve to change, which I have.

[Tuco]

Welcome. You took a huge first step by laying it all bare, everything, out on the carpet for you and all of the world to see. I bet that was a relief to finally put into words.

You are in the company of countless ninja dippers and liar addicts that spent years plying their trade of subterfuge and deception on the ones they love the most. I am one of those former ninja dippers, and that does not make me special in any regard. Go read my intro - or the intro's of several others. You will see a very common theme across all of them. Acceptance, admission, and contrition over our addiction and what we have allowed to suffer as a consequence of feeding it for so long.

You are accountable to your wife. Actively demonstrate and seek new ways to be as up-front and accountable to her as you can. That's the only way you will earn her trust back.

I quit with you today.