Hey Blue,
I really connected with your intro. That piece of truth, which could have come from nowhere but your heart, needs to be the cornerstone of your Quit. Print that sucker off and stick it in your wallet and in times of frustration and pure brain scramble, you can lean on YOUR words that YOU wrote when you saw clearly. You know what you want and you are clearly well on your way to achieving it brother.
One Question: Does your wife now know that you have failed her and that you didn't keep your promise as she thought? Does she know that you are currently in a nasty struggle with the nic bitch in a fight for your life?
The reason I ask, and I apoligize if you've posted this elsewhere, is that I went through the same lie-stricken route as you and it was pivotal FOR ME that my wife know what I was going through and that THIS Quit was different than any previous "quit". I showed her the site, She thought it was wierd at first. I expected that. But now, 331 Days Free, she doesn't think it's too silly :)
Just some food for thought. It wasn't easy telling my wife for the ---th time that I had failed her, and had been lying to her. She cried, got angry, and she was well within her right to do so. I had to see this. I had to see what I was doing to my family. It sucked for a day or two but ultimately it strengthened my Quit to a higher level.
Take care.
Cancrusher