Day 1

[sts]

nice to have you here.

go post roll in your group. one day at a time brother.

[30yraddict]

blue,

one of the best introductions I've read. Sounds like you got your head on straight. You are on your way to some fantastic days, water's gonna be choppy on the way there, but it's right around the corner. Let's you and I quit, one day at a time.

30

[bluemtndrifter]

The past few days, ive read alot on this site, about quitting, pain, suffering, cancer.. about pride, triumph, joy.. .. .the struggle with the nic bitch.

well its just after midnight, im about to go nuts... and ive gotta do something anything to kill the thoughts in my head.

I guess to get to where Im goin free of the nic bitch, i gotta figure out where im startin at, and to do that guess i gotta see how i got here and where ive been.

For starters i was born and raised, still live in a small town nestled in the blue ridge mtns of north carolina. I would dare say more locals used tobacco here than didnt, we grew it, daddy chews, older brother dips, grandpa and granny both dipped dental snuff. Hell most of the drinking glasses in the house were and still are old snuff glasses. Not trying to make excuses here, just painting the picture that tobacco was an acceptable way of life.

I guess i took my first dip of snuff when i was in 6th grade, brother gave me a dip of copenhagen, puked my guts out in the front yard and asked for another, if him and his buddies could do it I could I thought. Tried again and same result, I guess this should have showed me something, I never learned!

After the front yard adventure I never really touched the stuff again til my freshman year of high school, me and all my buddies got hooked.... KODIAK, goin bear huntin is what we called it. Well we caught that bear or it caught us, all of us have been bitten, at least a little with either cavities, acid reflux from not spitting, high blood pressure, luckily it hasnt killed any of us yet. Some of us have already managed to escape its grasp, some like me are fighting that fight now and some are still in denial about being held.

Now for 17 years I have been in the grasp of this beast. Always lying to my self or my loved ones.... Im gonna quit tomorrow, Or mom, I promise I will quit. or I am trying, she would say try harder. Which i honestly did try several times, never because I was an addict, and I needed help, but because it was expensive, or to get mom, my dentist or a girlfriend to stop badgering me.

Now a little over a year ago, I met my wife, for her birthday all she wanted was me to promise I would quit dipping. I said I would. I kept that promise for several months.... I dont know if it was the chemicals released from love or what that enabled me to be that stong for that little bit. But it was a promise i thought i would keep. Then one day I told myself I can have just one pinch, and bummed off of a coworker, so the addicition begins again. I am now a raging idiot, hiding snuff in my car, tool box at work , sneaking out at night to dip, driving the long way home, avoiding taking my stepchildren to town when i go so i could cheat on all of them with my beloved snuff. Til one day I am careless and my wife finds and empty in the car, which i tell her I am sorry I slipped, I wont do it again, my lies she believes and she is satisifed, all i did was become more resolved to hide my nasty addiciton, or habit better.

That was 6 months ago.....the lies, cheating with a weed, the money stole from my family for my addicition, eating at me...

Thats who I was, a cheating liar, thief, addict .....

For the past three days ive been a raving nut, unable to focus, feeling miserable craving the snuff I threw away, but also in those 3 days ive been the man i promised my wife, my mother, my stepdaughters, and myself i would be, and its making what ever pain im going through worth it..... still the addict, probably will forever be, but that doesnt mean i have to give in

who i want to be.... well i want to be the good son, husband, father... friend, i want to do it all without a dip in my mouth, i want to be free of being chained to a can, i want to help others here......I know its a long road one day at a time, one craving at a time, one commitment at a time.... but i wanna look in the mirror and be a man of my word.

[bluemtndrifter]

quick question does anyone else on here work nights?

No night work for me - I'll bet that is real tough - my night work now is trying to sleep - are you resting ok during the day? Man I am up and down with sweats and freezing all night long past two day - lots of gas - weird dreams - lotsa fun - but should be better tonight.

What is your plan tonight - it is gonna be grueling at work - keep the site open and call me if you need me -

PMd my number

Corn

safe thing about nights, its saves the family from feeling the rage and seeing the fog......... they get long though.... as far as resting. sleeping as about as well as you do working 3rd shift..... go from freezing to sweating, gas, stomach cramps..... but the past day and what ever it is no matter how bad have been free

[CORNWALLACE]

quick question does anyone else on here work nights?

No night work for me - I'll bet that is real tough - my night work now is trying to sleep - are you resting ok during the day? Man I am up and down with sweats and freezing all night long past two day - lots of gas - weird dreams - lotsa fun - but should be better tonight.

What is your plan tonight - it is gonna be grueling at work - keep the site open and call me if you need me -

PMd my number

Corn

[rebeldog]

quick question does anyone else on here work nights?

I realize it's not quite the same, but due to my commute  work schedule, I get up at 3am to go to the gym so I'm on the freeways before 6am. This is going to sound stupid and I haven't posted this in other threads, but since I went cold turkey, including no fake/minty snuff I rarely chew gum or eat seeds. My jaw was killing me the first two days of quit gnashing on the gum. So the 'stupid' / weird thing I've been doing occassionally to get through 9+ hours locked in a skyscraper is that I've been chewing on paper towel pieces. I tear off a strip of thick, white, unprinted paper towel...fold/roll it the size of a "Bandit" and chew on that for a few minutes and spit it out. For me, I still have something of familiar size in my mouth, it's not as plyable as gum and it's nearly free. It took my wife a week to figure out why the paper towel roll in our kitchen was riped to shreads.
Do whatever works for you. I'm up nearly 18-19 hours a day Monday through Friday so the paper thing works for me. I'm in an office where seeds would be too messy. The paper towel thing looks like I'm just chewing gum because it's white.
Stay strong.

[bluemtndrifter]

quick question does anyone else on here work nights?

[bluemtndrifter]

dizzy foggy, face still tingling....... feel like im a lil drunk...... cant focus.... no dip though..... waitin for this night of hell to end......

Remember just how bad this sucks. All of us have been thru this and we know. Bottom line is your body is telling you just how badly you have abused it with nicotine. You have screwed up your brain with this poison. It does get better, trust me it does.

Chaos it correct.

Also, I see you mentioned cigars and noted that the have nicotine. Just to clarify. No cigars. Not allowed. PM me if I can help. You can do this.

As bad as it sucked I lived through it...... made it home to sleep and now up again for another day......

[Scowick65]

dizzy foggy, face still tingling....... feel like im a lil drunk...... cant focus.... no dip though..... waitin for this night of hell to end......

Remember just how bad this sucks. All of us have been thru this and we know. Bottom line is your body is telling you just how badly you have abused it with nicotine. You have screwed up your brain with this poison. It does get better, trust me it does.

Chaos it correct.

Also, I see you mentioned cigars and noted that the have nicotine. Just to clarify. No cigars. Not allowed. PM me if I can help. You can do this.

[Chaos]

dizzy foggy, face still tingling....... feel like im a lil drunk...... cant focus.... no dip though..... waitin for this night of hell to end......

Remember just how bad this sucks. All of us have been thru this and we know. Bottom line is your body is telling you just how badly you have abused it with nicotine. You have screwed up your brain with this poison. It does get better, trust me it does.

[Jfosh]

chewing gum..... keeping this website open all nite........ im sick of pretending that im strong, sick of living in a make believe world where nicotine is happines.....

quit one day, didn't even have a cigar last night (seeing as how that would be nicotine too...) so far so good. I will not use nicotine today. My second day in a row. If I keep this up I can continue to say I do not chew!

[bluemtndrifter]

dizzy foggy, face still tingling....... feel like im a lil drunk...... cant focus.... no dip though..... waitin for this night of hell to end......

[bluemtndrifter]

1:30 am right after lunch....... ugggghhhhh..... mind is foggy.... only thought that keeps running through my head is copenhagen. cheeks and gums tingling, this sucks........

[magnum9]

chewing gum..... keeping this website open all nite........ im sick of pretending that im strong, sick of living in a make believe world where nicotine is happines.....

You said something great there... "Im sick of pretending that im strong"


This is exactly what nicotine addiction entails. Believing you are a bad ass dude but failing to control a piece of weed.

You will be strong when you finally control this weed. It is not as hard as it seems. Just post roll every day and be quit!

[bluemtndrifter]

chewing gum..... keeping this website open all nite........ im sick of pretending that im strong, sick of living in a make believe world where nicotine is happines.....