I'm in!

[DennyX]

Day 154

So, there I was... (all good stories start that way)

Part I
Yesterday evening I had just wrapped up teaching a full-day hospital decontamination course, cleaned up as much as I could, and jumped in my truck for the ride home. This was the first time I had done this course since I quit. So...as soon as I jumped into my truck I was hit be the biggest crave I think I've had so far. You see, for about three years while I was living in South Carolina I taught these programs for hospitals around the state. The best part of those courses was after everything was wrapped up and loaded into the trailer, I'd throw in a big wad of Copenhagen for the long drive home...usually around three hours.

So when I got into my truck last night and got hit with the crave I had to stop...literally stop the truck and ask myself "what the hell are you thinking?" It hadn't occurred to me that this was the first decon class I'd done since quitting and it really surprised me that going through those motions would be a huge trigger. Fortunately my quit had giant stainless steel balls and laughed off the crave...but it still surprised me. So, my young grasshoppers, be vigilant. You never know when she's waiting around the corner for you with a plan to trip you up.

Part II
This morning I got to do a little bragging on KTC. With all the changes to the healthcare system going on, our hospital decided to do health screenings for all the employees in an attempt to get our insurance premiums down. I had mine at 0830 today. So, there I was (see?) sitting down with this stunning health educator trying to keep my blood pressure in check when I notice that there's a question on the survey about tobacco use. So when she gets to the question "Do you use any kind of tobacco" I surpirsed her with "No, I quit 154 days ago."

That led to the conversation about how I did it and I brought up KTC. Much to my surprise she had heard of it already. Then she mentioned that she wished her husband (that kind of bummed me out) would get on KTC so he would quit too, but she knew that he had to make the decision for himself. It was almost like she had read a bunch of our posts...anyway, we talked a little more about the ups and downs of quitting and I offered to talk to her husband if he wanted to know more and in the end she invited me to speak at one of our tobacco cessation programs. I accepted her invitation (who wouldn't?) and now I'll be spreading the word of KTC even farther.

So far, the past two days have been pretty cool... 'archer'

Damn, Taz, them IS some big ok stainless steel balls. I think I'm blushing!

[Souliman]

Day 154

So, there I was... (all good stories start that way)


dot dot dot

badass quittery and such

dot dot dot

This is awesome. Talk about walking the path with purpose. Good shit right there.

And a belated Happy Holiday bro. Best wishes to you and your family.

[tazmed]

Day 154

So, there I was... (all good stories start that way)

Part I
Yesterday evening I had just wrapped up teaching a full-day hospital decontamination course, cleaned up as much as I could, and jumped in my truck for the ride home. This was the first time I had done this course since I quit. So...as soon as I jumped into my truck I was hit be the biggest crave I think I've had so far. You see, for about three years while I was living in South Carolina I taught these programs for hospitals around the state. The best part of those courses was after everything was wrapped up and loaded into the trailer, I'd throw in a big wad of Copenhagen for the long drive home...usually around three hours.

So when I got into my truck last night and got hit with the crave I had to stop...literally stop the truck and ask myself "what the hell are you thinking?" It hadn't occurred to me that this was the first decon class I'd done since quitting and it really surprised me that going through those motions would be a huge trigger. Fortunately my quit had giant stainless steel balls and laughed off the crave...but it still surprised me. So, my young grasshoppers, be vigilant. You never know when she's waiting around the corner for you with a plan to trip you up.

Part II
This morning I got to do a little bragging on KTC. With all the changes to the healthcare system going on, our hospital decided to do health screenings for all the employees in an attempt to get our insurance premiums down. I had mine at 0830 today. So, there I was (see?) sitting down with this stunning health educator trying to keep my blood pressure in check when I notice that there's a question on the survey about tobacco use. So when she gets to the question "Do you use any kind of tobacco" I surpirsed her with "No, I quit 154 days ago."

That led to the conversation about how I did it and I brought up KTC. Much to my surprise she had heard of it already. Then she mentioned that she wished her husband (that kind of bummed me out) would get on KTC so he would quit too, but she knew that he had to make the decision for himself. It was almost like she had read a bunch of our posts...anyway, we talked a little more about the ups and downs of quitting and I offered to talk to her husband if he wanted to know more and in the end she invited me to speak at one of our tobacco cessation programs. I accepted her invitation (who wouldn't?) and now I'll be spreading the word of KTC even farther.

So far, the past two days have been pretty cool... 'archer'

[LLCope]

Day 150...that is all.   'oh yeah'

Bad ass... that is all

'arse'

'clap' 'clap'

Beast of quit scaring little nic bitches back into their caves

'Cheers'

[Souliman]

Day 150...that is all.   'oh yeah'

Bad ass... that is all

'arse'

'clap' 'clap'

Beast of quit scaring little nic bitches back into their caves

[Parputt]

Day 150...that is all.   'oh yeah'

Bad ass... that is all

'arse'

'clap' 'clap'

[Scowick65]

Day 150...that is all.  'oh yeah'

Bad ass... that is all

'arse'

[luby]

Day 150...that is all. 'oh yeah'

Bad ass... that is all

[tazmed]

Day 150...that is all. 'oh yeah'

[Souliman]

Day 133

What to say today...who knows?  I've been reading a bunch of things from a number of people this morning and I'm starting to enter into a bit of a funk.  It may be because of what I'm reading, or it may be something completely different. 

For the past couple days I've gotten up, taken care of the early morning bladder purge, gotten my coffee and headed to the computer...just like every other morning.  Only the difference over the past couple days is that I haven't logged into KTC right away.  It's normally the first thing I do as soon as the hard drive gets spun up, but for the past couple days it hasn't been a priority.  I wonder why...

10 days ago I had a run-in with the NB while I was heading down the stairs going to a conference.  That motivated me to get back on KTC and get some interactions going.  But now it's just not a priority...I'm still quit and I make that promise every morning, but something's different now.  Something that I learned at the conference might have some application here...I'll have to think about this a bit. 

This was a safety conference, so naturally we talked about safety and cultures.  We're told that safety shouldn't be a priority since priorities change...but, safety should be a core value for an organization.  Maybe that applies to my quit too.  For 133 days my priority has been to be quit.  It looks like my priorities have changed.  Maybe quit should be one of my core values instead of a priority.  The question is, how do I get there?

Yesterday we found out that someone with 136 days quit caved...today I'm reading about how people entering the 40-70's funk don't feel like they need KTC anymore.  That doesn't have the same effect on me that I used to, and that bothers me.  Maybe I'm entering a 130's funk...who knows?  I'm quit today and that's all that really matters.

Taz I've been kicking this question around in the parking lot of Souliman's dementia since I read it. I think the question is more: what is it vs. how to get there? I believe you have it already. I've taken on quit to mean something more primitive or more intrinsic to my being and that's only due to my approach to addiction: put as much distance between me and what I don't want to be. I know what I don't want which implies what I do want at least can be defined. That's what quit has done for me. Its forced me to be what I want to be. And there has been so many changes in that process. So its hard for me to say that quit has been something I need to find, but its been something that has guided me. Another personal tidbit: I wrote down a list of goals when I was 21. Some tangible (run a marathon, run triathlon, buy a car, get a phd) and some not so tangible(play guitar in a rock band, bang a super model). I also kept a journal on how I was doing on achieving those goals this whole time. I've knocked some off. Obviously, some ain't got a chance of coming off that list. A couple years ago I went back and read through a bunch of that journal and saw how much of my energy was wasted in quite frankly being wasted and not moving towards those goals. This whole transformation over the past year has been like I've been sliding down one of those giant kid slides that's got all the turns and stuff in it. Sometimes when I hit the curve I can feel the tube around me. When I'm on a straight part I'm moving without knowing it. That's sort of what quit has been for me. At first, I could feel the slide all around me like I was almost fighting it on the corners. Now, I feel secure and satisfied coming down that slide letting my hands drag along the sides while I come down. I like that slide there. I don't know if this is helpful or not. KTC has done tremendous things for me and I'm grateful. This is where I learned 'how to be Souliman' again. Do I need this place? Some days yes. Others, may be not so much. Do I want this place? Most definitely. I want this place everyday because it keeps Souliman moving down the slide.

[bigsky406]

Day 133

What to say today...who knows? I've been reading a bunch of things from a number of people this morning and I'm starting to enter into a bit of a funk. It may be because of what I'm reading, or it may be something completely different.

For the past couple days I've gotten up, taken care of the early morning bladder purge, gotten my coffee and headed to the computer...just like every other morning. Only the difference over the past couple days is that I haven't logged into KTC right away. It's normally the first thing I do as soon as the hard drive gets spun up, but for the past couple days it hasn't been a priority. I wonder why...

10 days ago I had a run-in with the NB while I was heading down the stairs going to a conference. That motivated me to get back on KTC and get some interactions going. But now it's just not a priority...I'm still quit and I make that promise every morning, but something's different now. Something that I learned at the conference might have some application here...I'll have to think about this a bit.

This was a safety conference, so naturally we talked about safety and cultures. We're told that safety shouldn't be a priority since priorities change...but, safety should be a core value for an organization. Maybe that applies to my quit too. For 133 days my priority has been to be quit. It looks like my priorities have changed. Maybe quit should be one of my core values instead of a priority. The question is, how do I get there?

Yesterday we found out that someone with 136 days quit caved...today I'm reading about how people entering the 40-70's funk don't feel like they need KTC anymore. That doesn't have the same effect on me that I used to, and that bothers me. Maybe I'm entering a 130's funk...who knows? I'm quit today and that's all that really matters.

That's some heavy shit. Thanks for sharing. Stick with it man. At the very least you're helping others. There has to be some joy in that.

[Scowick65]

Day 133

What to say today...who knows? I've been reading a bunch of things from a number of people this morning and I'm starting to enter into a bit of a funk. It may be because of what I'm reading, or it may be something completely different.

For the past couple days I've gotten up, taken care of the early morning bladder purge, gotten my coffee and headed to the computer...just like every other morning. Only the difference over the past couple days is that I haven't logged into KTC right away. It's normally the first thing I do as soon as the hard drive gets spun up, but for the past couple days it hasn't been a priority. I wonder why...

10 days ago I had a run-in with the NB while I was heading down the stairs going to a conference. That motivated me to get back on KTC and get some interactions going. But now it's just not a priority...I'm still quit and I make that promise every morning, but something's different now. Something that I learned at the conference might have some application here...I'll have to think about this a bit.

This was a safety conference, so naturally we talked about safety and cultures. We're told that safety shouldn't be a priority since priorities change...but, safety should be a core value for an organization. Maybe that applies to my quit too. For 133 days my priority has been to be quit. It looks like my priorities have changed. Maybe quit should be one of my core values instead of a priority. The question is, how do I get there?

Yesterday we found out that someone with 136 days quit caved...today I'm reading about how people entering the 40-70's funk don't feel like they need KTC anymore. That doesn't have the same effect on me that I used to, and that bothers me. Maybe I'm entering a 130's funk...who knows? I'm quit today and that's all that really matters.

I get it. I noticed you gravitated right back at KTC. Helping others out. You can't play that funk card any better. You are a bad ass. Keep up the fight. She is a whore.

[tazmed]

Day 133

What to say today...who knows? I've been reading a bunch of things from a number of people this morning and I'm starting to enter into a bit of a funk. It may be because of what I'm reading, or it may be something completely different.

For the past couple days I've gotten up, taken care of the early morning bladder purge, gotten my coffee and headed to the computer...just like every other morning. Only the difference over the past couple days is that I haven't logged into KTC right away. It's normally the first thing I do as soon as the hard drive gets spun up, but for the past couple days it hasn't been a priority. I wonder why...

10 days ago I had a run-in with the NB while I was heading down the stairs going to a conference. That motivated me to get back on KTC and get some interactions going. But now it's just not a priority...I'm still quit and I make that promise every morning, but something's different now. Something that I learned at the conference might have some application here...I'll have to think about this a bit.

This was a safety conference, so naturally we talked about safety and cultures. We're told that safety shouldn't be a priority since priorities change...but, safety should be a core value for an organization. Maybe that applies to my quit too. For 133 days my priority has been to be quit. It looks like my priorities have changed. Maybe quit should be one of my core values instead of a priority. The question is, how do I get there?

Yesterday we found out that someone with 136 days quit caved...today I'm reading about how people entering the 40-70's funk don't feel like they need KTC anymore. That doesn't have the same effect on me that I used to, and that bothers me. Maybe I'm entering a 130's funk...who knows? I'm quit today and that's all that really matters.

[Souliman]

Nice work taz. I had the same experience last week. Its almost shocking when you have a "clear and rational thought" about using. Easily combated but still shocking.

And keep working on that guy.

[tazmed]

Day 123

You never know when the bitch might be hanging out right around the next corner...keep your guard up.

On Wednesday morning of this week I changed up my routine just a bit. We hold an occupational health and safety conference at our hospital every year and this time I attended. So, I park in the same area of the parking garage every day and I walk down the 4 flights of stairs. The only difference on Wednesday was that I didn't have my back pack...going to the conference I wouldn't need it.

Well...somewhere between the second and third floor I stopped and thought "Shit, I forgot to grab my Copenhagen" since I normally kept my tins in my back pack. I actually turned around and took two or three steps back up towards my truck before I remembered that I don't do that shit anymore. If that didn't drive home the realization that I'm an addict and always will be, nothing will. That realization really hit me hard.

So throughout the three days of conference I keep seeing these guys with dip-rings in their pockets. There were a couple craves that hit me, but for the most part I was able to laugh them off. Now instead of carrying a tin of Copenhagen, I carry a tin of Altoids. When the craves wouldn't go away I'd drop one of those in my mouth and press on. The rest of the time I'd look at the other guys and just laugh to myself, thinking about the bonds of slavery they're under.

On a side note, I just found out that an old friend from high school recently quit dipping. I'm trying to get him to sign up here, but he's not been real receptive to that so far. I'll keep trying though...you guys saved my life, I know we can help save his. Glad to be quit with everyone today! 'archer'