20 years and scared

[rgross298]

So here I sit at day 15. Some days have been ok, but most have sucked ridiculous amounts of donkey dick!! I read quite a bit on this site. There's a lot of repetitively used phrases...drink the Kool-aid...quit for you...one day at a time..etc. I completely understand all of them except one..."embrace the suck"...until today. Normally, when a crave hits, I will do some push-ups, or something else that I've read about other people doing. But inside my head, I am not fighting the crave. I am feeling sorry for myself, wondering why I have to go through this, and other pussyish thoughts. Today I watched as my co-worker stuff a fatty in his lip. Watched him tongue it into place, throw a napkin in a paper cup and let out that first brown spit. Man, it is crazy how something that is sooooo disgusting to normal people, looks fucking delicious to an addict. BAM!!! The crave hit me so hard, I think I was drooling. I thought about asking him to spare one for a few seconds. Changed my mind, and walked away. As the self-pitying thoughts were flowing into my head, something changed. I got fucking pissed!!!! I was so sick of suffering and feeling sorry for myself day after day after day, that I got more pissed off than I can remember being in a very long time. I tried going to the men's restroom to splash some water on my face and cool down. Upon discovering the door was locked, I unleashed about 3 or 4 full force punches on the door. After hearing my boss scream like a 3 year old girl, I decided to take a brisk walk to the other side of the plant...and then it hit me...embrace the suck...it sucks so bad so that I won't forget it, and won't be stupid enough to put myself through it again. How simple? Why did it take me this long to figure out? Gentlemen, I have welcomed craves since that moment this morning. In a sick way, enjoying them even. I have been given TONS of excellent advice from you guys. But I definitely have a favorite piece now.

Good Stuff Ball:
Continue day by day. Recognizing your triggers and learning how to deal with all the emotions we used to cram back inside our souls, solidifies your quit. I am proud of you. Keep your quit vigilant and don't hesitate to reach out.

Vadge

Where do you work? Any chance you can ask this coworker that you're trying to unass the cancer dirt and to at least show some respect by stepping out to shovel that crap into his mouth? I honestly don't think that's too big of an imposition. If you feel skittish about that, don't. WTF is he doing dipping at work anyways. If he gives you shit about it, throw his can out the window and tell him to fuck off.

You're a beast. I'm lucky I don't have assholes around me loading their lips, that would make it rougher for sure. Screw those pricks.

I'm glad to see you getting pissed off about this stuff. I feel like Emperor Palpatine -- "I can FEEL your anger". It really helps you maintain focus against the addictive thought justifications that randomly come. Come over to the dark side, bro. Fuck tobacco, and fuck those assholes at work. This guy at work is an obstacle between you and your quit, regardless of how "cool" he is.

[RAZD611]

Thanks nv and grizzly. Feels like I kinda turned a corner today. Won't get too cocky about it, but feel confident in my quit for the first time.

Feels Damn Good when it finally hits you.

This is the second thing about your quit you never need to forget.

1. The discomfort and the pain of the beginning.
2. The epiphiny

[ERDVM]

So here I sit at day 15. Some days have been ok, but most have sucked ridiculous amounts of donkey dick!! I read quite a bit on this site. There's a lot of repetitively used phrases...drink the Kool-aid...quit for you...one day at a time..etc. I completely understand all of them except one..."embrace the suck"...until today. Normally, when a crave hits, I will do some push-ups, or something else that I've read about other people doing. But inside my head, I am not fighting the crave. I am feeling sorry for myself, wondering why I have to go through this, and other pussyish thoughts. Today I watched as my co-worker stuff a fatty in his lip. Watched him tongue it into place, throw a napkin in a paper cup and let out that first brown spit. Man, it is crazy how something that is sooooo disgusting to normal people, looks fucking delicious to an addict. BAM!!! The crave hit me so hard, I think I was drooling. I thought about asking him to spare one for a few seconds. Changed my mind, and walked away. As the self-pitying thoughts were flowing into my head, something changed. I got fucking pissed!!!! I was so sick of suffering and feeling sorry for myself day after day after day, that I got more pissed off than I can remember being in a very long time. I tried going to the men's restroom to splash some water on my face and cool down. Upon discovering the door was locked, I unleashed about 3 or 4 full force punches on the door. After hearing my boss scream like a 3 year old girl, I decided to take a brisk walk to the other side of the plant...and then it hit me...embrace the suck...it sucks so bad so that I won't forget it, and won't be stupid enough to put myself through it again. How simple? Why did it take me this long to figure out? Gentlemen, I have welcomed craves since that moment this morning. In a sick way, enjoying them even. I have been given TONS of excellent advice from you guys. But I definitely have a favorite piece now.

Good Stuff Ball:
Continue day by day. Recognizing your triggers and learning how to deal with all the emotions we used to cram back inside our souls, solidifies your quit. I am proud of you. Keep your quit vigilant and don't hesitate to reach out.

Vadge

[Bean]

Great job!!! Stay strong, stay quit! You can do this, brother.

[raiderx]

I quit with you today

[ballplayer76]

Thanks nv and grizzly. Feels like I kinda turned a corner today. Won't get too cocky about it, but feel confident in my quit for the first time.

[Grizzly25]

Outstanding!!!!!

Quit on Quiter!!!!

Winning these battles are what will make your quit stronger and your resolve unbeatable!

[nv0311]

dude good for you, you fought the nic bitch and won....am proud of you bro. one day at a time.

[ballplayer76]

My pleasure mt. Glad I could help. Learning a lot about myself lately.

1: I can live the rest of my life without that poison!!

2: I am a lot more twisted than I thought learning how to enjoy pain!!

3: I might try some SM with the wife tonight, and see how far this fetish of mine runs!!!...LOL

[Mthomas3824]

Ballplayer. Day 15 for me too. Thanks for the post. Today is a bitch for me. There is wisdom in what you said and great timing. I have been feeling sorry for myself. Sorry that I'm free by quitting???? You said what I needed to hear. Thanks for slapping me across the face and telling me to quit being a little bitch.

I embrace the suck too!

[ballplayer76]

So here I sit at day 15. Some days have been ok, but most have sucked ridiculous amounts of donkey dick!! I read quite a bit on this site. There's a lot of repetitively used phrases...drink the Kool-aid...quit for you...one day at a time..etc. I completely understand all of them except one..."embrace the suck"...until today. Normally, when a crave hits, I will do some push-ups, or something else that I've read about other people doing. But inside my head, I am not fighting the crave. I am feeling sorry for myself, wondering why I have to go through this, and other pussyish thoughts. Today I watched as my co-worker stuff a fatty in his lip. Watched him tongue it into place, throw a napkin in a paper cup and let out that first brown spit. Man, it is crazy how something that is sooooo disgusting to normal people, looks fucking delicious to an addict. BAM!!! The crave hit me so hard, I think I was drooling. I thought about asking him to spare one for a few seconds. Changed my mind, and walked away. As the self-pitying thoughts were flowing into my head, something changed. I got fucking pissed!!!! I was so sick of suffering and feeling sorry for myself day after day after day, that I got more pissed off than I can remember being in a very long time. I tried going to the men's restroom to splash some water on my face and cool down. Upon discovering the door was locked, I unleashed about 3 or 4 full force punches on the door. After hearing my boss scream like a 3 year old girl, I decided to take a brisk walk to the other side of the plant...and then it hit me...embrace the suck...it sucks so bad so that I won't forget it, and won't be stupid enough to put myself through it again. How simple? Why did it take me this long to figure out? Gentlemen, I have welcomed craves since that moment this morning. In a sick way, enjoying them even. I have been given TONS of excellent advice from you guys. But I definitely have a favorite piece now.

[nv0311]

thats what I use to keep my sanity, alot of differed opinions on fake snuff, I say do what works, it ain't tobacco or the nic bitch. glad to hear your doing well and staying strong. good job.

[ballplayer76]

Just a recommendation for interested quitters. Tried quite a few of the fake dips out there. None of them did much for me. Tried bacc-off wintergreen-too dry and fine cut for me. Tried Smokey mountain wintergreen and classic-too sweet, like candy. Saw Smokey mountain straight at wal-Mart and bought a can. Yep, they nailed it on that one. Really gets you through the tough cravings. I know a lot of guys aren't fans of the fake stuff. And I know that eventually I'll have to get off the whole oral fixation thing. But for now, i'm digging it. Wish I would have had it on day 1...

[nv0311]

hey BP, congrats on your post this morning. another day, you badass. stay quit bro, find something to do today. you have my number if you need to, call me. I am going riding but will return all messages. stay strong. I think smokey is saying action not words, do whatever works for ya brother, read HOF speechs that helps me out.

[Souliman]

As long as your quit, I don't care if you're in GMann's Hotrods of the Day thread...