Diesel's Intro Page

[Diesel2112]

I find this odd and frustrating....

A year ago on Memoria Day I vividly remember sitting at my Moms house writhing in fear, anxiety and sheer restlessness.

I had just come off having a panic attack after finding a bump on my lip that I thought was cancer. It wasn't but the horrid memory of that panic attack and the thoughts associated with it took me from the couch at my Moms back to a Memorial Day trip to the ER. I literally didn't know what to do, I thought I was dieing.

Fast forward to today. The vividness of that day is really messing with me right now, as we are headed over to my moms once again for a Memorial Day party.

I am filled with fear and anxiety that I have not felt in months. Why? That stuff was a year ago. I've come so far since then. What the hell am I so afraid of? I simply don't get it.

Has this ever happened to anyone else at this point in their quit?

Its like I'm an accident victim returning to the scene of a tragic accident. Shouldn't I be over this crud by now? I talk tough yet here I am getting slapped around still. Hell, my wife had to give me a pep talk just to get me out of bed today. I've done great things and cleared many hurdles this past 357 days. This should not be fucking with me.

What am I afraid of? Dipping again? No, hasn't really crossed my mind. Having another panic attack? Possibly but what the hell for? Plus I have meds to help with that. That like last year, I'm going to go through hell again this summer and this was the event that triggered it? If I made it through last summer I can make it through anything.

So what to do???? Well, I'm just going to keep pushing forward. Gonna load up the cooler and the kids (and the anti anxiety meds) and just fucking try and roll over yet another bump of SHIT in the road.

It really grinds my ass to feel this way. But it is what it is, I guess. Ill get tthrough it, just shocked to feel this way. Some odd shit, that's for sure.

Thanks for listening and have a great memorial day everyone.

[traumagnet]

Nice Diesel,
lead the way!!! If I can find some reruns of the Brady girls I can send them to you for your spank tank!!!

So which Golden girl is the hottest

[Diesel2112]

Hey guys, gals, he-shes and pre op tranny's. 

Today I coached baseball, went golfing, cut the grass, ate a big fat dinner, cut up some wood,  had a bonefire, watched sports on tv and spanked the monkey.

Guess what?  I did it all without hardly a thought or dip.  Go figure, eh? 

I did think a lot about the golden girls when I flogged the dolphin though....

NEWBIES OR ANYONE STRUGGLING.  STICK WITH IT.  IT DOES GET EASIER!!!!

You are a BadAss Diesel! Thanks for the encouragement.

fap fap fap

Fuel for the spank bank. Thanks!

[kana]

Hey guys, gals, he-shes and pre op tranny's. 

Today I coached baseball, went golfing, cut the grass, ate a big fat dinner, cut up some wood,  had a bonefire, watched sports on tv and spanked the monkey.

Guess what?  I did it all without hardly a thought or dip.  Go figure, eh? 

I did think a lot about the golden girls when I flogged the dolphin though....

NEWBIES OR ANYONE STRUGGLING.  STICK WITH IT.  IT DOES GET EASIER!!!!

You are a BadAss Diesel! Thanks for the encouragement.

fap fap fap

fucking awesome... thanks for leading the way...

[Jlud007]

You guys really know how to quit! Really helps on a shity day 2right now. Thanks!

[rustaf]

Hey guys, gals, he-shes and pre op tranny's. 

Today I coached baseball, went golfing, cut the grass, ate a big fat dinner, cut up some wood,  had a bonefire, watched sports on tv and spanked the monkey.

Guess what?  I did it all without hardly a thought or dip.  Go figure, eh? 

I did think a lot about the golden girls when I flogged the dolphin though....

NEWBIES OR ANYONE STRUGGLING.  STICK WITH IT.  IT DOES GET EASIER!!!!

You are a BadAss Diesel! Thanks for the encouragement.

fap fap fap

[Sage]

Hey guys, gals, he-shes and pre op tranny's.

Today I coached baseball, went golfing, cut the grass, ate a big fat dinner, cut up some wood, had a bonefire, watched sports on tv and spanked the monkey.

Guess what? I did it all without hardly a thought or dip. Go figure, eh?

I did think a lot about the golden girls when I flogged the dolphin though....

NEWBIES OR ANYONE STRUGGLING. STICK WITH IT. IT DOES GET EASIER!!!!

You are a BadAss Diesel! Thanks for the encouragement.

[Diesel2112]

Hey guys, gals, he-shes and pre op tranny's.

Today I coached baseball, went golfing, cut the grass, ate a big fat dinner, cut up some wood, had a bonefire, watched sports on tv and spanked the monkey.

Guess what? I did it all without hardly a thought or dip. Go figure, eh?

I did think a lot about the golden girls when I flogged the dolphin though....

NEWBIES OR ANYONE STRUGGLING. STICK WITH IT. IT DOES GET EASIER!!!!

[RAZD611]

Useless observation....

Waiting in line to pay for gass.  Lady being waited on says "two packs, Virginia slim menthols please".  Clerk hands her her death sticks.  Next guy in line takes a deep, fuck...I know I should stop this shit breath and says "3 packs Marlboro red shorts in a box please".  The lady who was before him was still fumbling with her enormous purse and could see the same anquish on his face that I did and says, "look honey, we all gotta die of something, might as well have some fun and do what you like to do.  Everything nowadays will kill ya".

Dude. Ate. That. Up. 

Like it was a breath of fresh air to him, or a second wind , or almost VALIDATION that what he was doing was ok.  Because he was not alone.  He immediately felt better and they both walked out with huge smiles on their face.

I used to be like that.  Looked for validation for an addiction I knew was bad. Found strength in numbers by hanging with my boys who drank, smoked, and would say shit like, "hey everyone has a vice" after I would ask them to not tell my wife or their wives if they were friends with mine.

Strength in numbers.

Well guess what, that shit works both ways.  There's some SERIOUS ASS strength in numbers right here on this site.  And they won't jack you off either.  Won't lie to you and tell you some bullshit to make you both feel better.  Because deep down...you knew.  You knew you were doing wrong, I know I did.  But when I'd get that ONE buddy who stroked that part of my brain into thinking "yeah, this ain't so bad" the realization that I was doing wrong, VANISHED.  And I continued to kill myself and lie to my family with little care, because butt fuck Bobby was doing it too.

What a fucking crock.

Stick to this site boys and girls.  You will get the truth.  Sometimes the truth hurts, will smack your shit like a god damn 2 X 4 across the face.  But guess what...we need that, because this shit WILL control you, will empty your pockets, will make you a toothless liar, will strip you of time with family and loved ones, and will fucking KILL you....literally.

There is TRUE strength in numbers here.  Not hollow ass bullshit validatuon for killing yourself and being a pussy ass slave to a can of weeds.

THIS is a place of champions.  Fucking stay here, not only for yourself, but for others. 

Sorry so long.

Diesel out.

so true...

Thanks Deisel, you speakin the truth man. You jumped all over my intro 134 days ago and you are still helping to strengthen my quit to this day. Keep up the great work.

How stupid addicts can be? I used to do the same crap and justify my addiction by calling it a stress reliever. I was a foolish and evil.

"There are three kinds of people in this world, wise, foolish, and evil. We all have our moments with each, but some people choose to make a living out of one of them.". Henry Cloud

The good news about fools, is that they can get wise. Cloud says that the orienting question in terms of whether you are wise, foolish, or evil person is this..."what do you do when the light(truth)comes?". Wise people smile and adjust themselves to the light. Foolish people get angry and attempt to adjust the light. Evil people scurry away from the light in search of the darkness.

Necessary Endings is a book by Henry Cloud that really laid groundwork for my quit. He wrote another boom called 9 things you simply must do to succeed in life and love. I share this because anyone who can relate to diesel's story, and maybe has someone in their life who regularly speaks "lies" into your life and quit, I would reccomend either of those books. don't hang around fools! Hang around wise people like diesel:)

codependency, enablers...whatever it is that the psychoanalists call it. Whatever the name, we all look for that validation for stupidity when thoughts of truth and common sense creep into our heads. There are a LOT of others out there willing to validate our dumbassery in exchange for validating theirs. We crave that validation as much as the dip. Maybe MORE than the dip, because without it, whatever we were hoping to get out of that dip is partially ruined by the guilt and realization that we are being total doochbags. When there are only two nicotine users left in the universe, they will seek each other out in order to replay the scenario witnessed by Diesel.
Good stuff man, thanks.

.....psychoanalists

Damn.
Anyone that is that crazy for anal is no friend of mine... :ph43r:

I'm a Champion with Diesel2112 Today and everyday that ends with a "y". 'bang head'

'clap'

[30isEnuff]

Useless observation....

Waiting in line to pay for gass.  Lady being waited on says "two packs, Virginia slim menthols please".  Clerk hands her her death sticks.  Next guy in line takes a deep, fuck...I know I should stop this shit breath and says "3 packs Marlboro red shorts in a box please".  The lady who was before him was still fumbling with her enormous purse and could see the same anquish on his face that I did and says, "look honey, we all gotta die of something, might as well have some fun and do what you like to do.  Everything nowadays will kill ya".

Dude. Ate. That. Up. 

Like it was a breath of fresh air to him, or a second wind , or almost VALIDATION that what he was doing was ok.  Because he was not alone.  He immediately felt better and they both walked out with huge smiles on their face.

I used to be like that.  Looked for validation for an addiction I knew was bad. Found strength in numbers by hanging with my boys who drank, smoked, and would say shit like, "hey everyone has a vice" after I would ask them to not tell my wife or their wives if they were friends with mine.

Strength in numbers.

Well guess what, that shit works both ways.  There's some SERIOUS ASS strength in numbers right here on this site.  And they won't jack you off either.  Won't lie to you and tell you some bullshit to make you both feel better.  Because deep down...you knew.  You knew you were doing wrong, I know I did.  But when I'd get that ONE buddy who stroked that part of my brain into thinking "yeah, this ain't so bad" the realization that I was doing wrong, VANISHED.  And I continued to kill myself and lie to my family with little care, because butt fuck Bobby was doing it too.

What a fucking crock.

Stick to this site boys and girls.  You will get the truth.  Sometimes the truth hurts, will smack your shit like a god damn 2 X 4 across the face.  But guess what...we need that, because this shit WILL control you, will empty your pockets, will make you a toothless liar, will strip you of time with family and loved ones, and will fucking KILL you....literally.

There is TRUE strength in numbers here.  Not hollow ass bullshit validatuon for killing yourself and being a pussy ass slave to a can of weeds.

THIS is a place of champions.  Fucking stay here, not only for yourself, but for others. 

Sorry so long.

Diesel out.

so true...

Thanks Deisel, you speakin the truth man. You jumped all over my intro 134 days ago and you are still helping to strengthen my quit to this day. Keep up the great work.

How stupid addicts can be? I used to do the same crap and justify my addiction by calling it a stress reliever. I was a foolish and evil.

"There are three kinds of people in this world, wise, foolish, and evil. We all have our moments with each, but some people choose to make a living out of one of them.". Henry Cloud

The good news about fools, is that they can get wise. Cloud says that the orienting question in terms of whether you are wise, foolish, or evil person is this..."what do you do when the light(truth)comes?". Wise people smile and adjust themselves to the light. Foolish people get angry and attempt to adjust the light. Evil people scurry away from the light in search of the darkness.

Necessary Endings is a book by Henry Cloud that really laid groundwork for my quit. He wrote another boom called 9 things you simply must do to succeed in life and love. I share this because anyone who can relate to diesel's story, and maybe has someone in their life who regularly speaks "lies" into your life and quit, I would reccomend either of those books. don't hang around fools! Hang around wise people like diesel:)

codependency, enablers...whatever it is that the psychoanalists call it. Whatever the name, we all look for that validation for stupidity when thoughts of truth and common sense creep into our heads. There are a LOT of others out there willing to validate our dumbassery in exchange for validating theirs. We crave that validation as much as the dip. Maybe MORE than the dip, because without it, whatever we were hoping to get out of that dip is partially ruined by the guilt and realization that we are being total doochbags. When there are only two nicotine users left in the universe, they will seek each other out in order to replay the scenario witnessed by Diesel.
Good stuff man, thanks.

.....psychoanalists

Damn.
Anyone that is that crazy for anal is no friend of mine... :ph43r:

I'm a Champion with Diesel2112 Today and everyday that ends with a "y". 'bang head'

[ERDVM]

Useless observation....

Waiting in line to pay for gass.  Lady being waited on says "two packs, Virginia slim menthols please".  Clerk hands her her death sticks.  Next guy in line takes a deep, fuck...I know I should stop this shit breath and says "3 packs Marlboro red shorts in a box please".  The lady who was before him was still fumbling with her enormous purse and could see the same anquish on his face that I did and says, "look honey, we all gotta die of something, might as well have some fun and do what you like to do.  Everything nowadays will kill ya".

Dude. Ate. That. Up. 

Like it was a breath of fresh air to him, or a second wind , or almost VALIDATION that what he was doing was ok.  Because he was not alone.  He immediately felt better and they both walked out with huge smiles on their face.

I used to be like that.  Looked for validation for an addiction I knew was bad. Found strength in numbers by hanging with my boys who drank, smoked, and would say shit like, "hey everyone has a vice" after I would ask them to not tell my wife or their wives if they were friends with mine.

Strength in numbers.

Well guess what, that shit works both ways.  There's some SERIOUS ASS strength in numbers right here on this site.  And they won't jack you off either.  Won't lie to you and tell you some bullshit to make you both feel better.  Because deep down...you knew.  You knew you were doing wrong, I know I did.  But when I'd get that ONE buddy who stroked that part of my brain into thinking "yeah, this ain't so bad" the realization that I was doing wrong, VANISHED.  And I continued to kill myself and lie to my family with little care, because butt fuck Bobby was doing it too.

What a fucking crock.

Stick to this site boys and girls.  You will get the truth.  Sometimes the truth hurts, will smack your shit like a god damn 2 X 4 across the face.  But guess what...we need that, because this shit WILL control you, will empty your pockets, will make you a toothless liar, will strip you of time with family and loved ones, and will fucking KILL you....literally.

There is TRUE strength in numbers here.  Not hollow ass bullshit validatuon for killing yourself and being a pussy ass slave to a can of weeds.

THIS is a place of champions.  Fucking stay here, not only for yourself, but for others. 

Sorry so long.

Diesel out.

so true...

Thanks Deisel, you speakin the truth man. You jumped all over my intro 134 days ago and you are still helping to strengthen my quit to this day. Keep up the great work.

How stupid addicts can be? I used to do the same crap and justify my addiction by calling it a stress reliever. I was a foolish and evil.

"There are three kinds of people in this world, wise, foolish, and evil. We all have our moments with each, but some people choose to make a living out of one of them.". Henry Cloud

The good news about fools, is that they can get wise. Cloud says that the orienting question in terms of whether you are wise, foolish, or evil person is this..."what do you do when the light(truth)comes?". Wise people smile and adjust themselves to the light. Foolish people get angry and attempt to adjust the light. Evil people scurry away from the light in search of the darkness.

Necessary Endings is a book by Henry Cloud that really laid groundwork for my quit. He wrote another boom called 9 things you simply must do to succeed in life and love. I share this because anyone who can relate to diesel's story, and maybe has someone in their life who regularly speaks "lies" into your life and quit, I would reccomend either of those books. don't hang around fools! Hang around wise people like diesel:)

codependency, enablers...whatever it is that the psychoanalists call it. Whatever the name, we all look for that validation for stupidity when thoughts of truth and common sense creep into our heads. There are a LOT of others out there willing to validate our dumbassery in exchange for validating theirs. We crave that validation as much as the dip. Maybe MORE than the dip, because without it, whatever we were hoping to get out of that dip is partially ruined by the guilt and realization that we are being total doochbags. When there are only two nicotine users left in the universe, they will seek each other out in order to replay the scenario witnessed by Diesel.
Good stuff man, thanks.

.....psychoanalists

Damn.
Anyone that is that crazy for anal is no friend of mine... :ph43r:

[zam]

Useless observation....

Waiting in line to pay for gass.  Lady being waited on says "two packs, Virginia slim menthols please".  Clerk hands her her death sticks.  Next guy in line takes a deep, fuck...I know I should stop this shit breath and says "3 packs Marlboro red shorts in a box please".  The lady who was before him was still fumbling with her enormous purse and could see the same anquish on his face that I did and says, "look honey, we all gotta die of something, might as well have some fun and do what you like to do.  Everything nowadays will kill ya".

Dude. Ate. That. Up. 

Like it was a breath of fresh air to him, or a second wind , or almost VALIDATION that what he was doing was ok.  Because he was not alone.  He immediately felt better and they both walked out with huge smiles on their face.

I used to be like that.  Looked for validation for an addiction I knew was bad. Found strength in numbers by hanging with my boys who drank, smoked, and would say shit like, "hey everyone has a vice" after I would ask them to not tell my wife or their wives if they were friends with mine.

Strength in numbers.

Well guess what, that shit works both ways.  There's some SERIOUS ASS strength in numbers right here on this site.  And they won't jack you off either.  Won't lie to you and tell you some bullshit to make you both feel better.  Because deep down...you knew.  You knew you were doing wrong, I know I did.  But when I'd get that ONE buddy who stroked that part of my brain into thinking "yeah, this ain't so bad" the realization that I was doing wrong, VANISHED.  And I continued to kill myself and lie to my family with little care, because butt fuck Bobby was doing it too.

What a fucking crock.

Stick to this site boys and girls.  You will get the truth.  Sometimes the truth hurts, will smack your shit like a god damn 2 X 4 across the face.  But guess what...we need that, because this shit WILL control you, will empty your pockets, will make you a toothless liar, will strip you of time with family and loved ones, and will fucking KILL you....literally.

There is TRUE strength in numbers here.  Not hollow ass bullshit validatuon for killing yourself and being a pussy ass slave to a can of weeds.

THIS is a place of champions.  Fucking stay here, not only for yourself, but for others. 

Sorry so long.

Diesel out.

so true...

Thanks Deisel, you speakin the truth man. You jumped all over my intro 134 days ago and you are still helping to strengthen my quit to this day. Keep up the great work.

How stupid addicts can be? I used to do the same crap and justify my addiction by calling it a stress reliever. I was a foolish and evil.

"There are three kinds of people in this world, wise, foolish, and evil. We all have our moments with each, but some people choose to make a living out of one of them.". Henry Cloud

The good news about fools, is that they can get wise. Cloud says that the orienting question in terms of whether you are wise, foolish, or evil person is this..."what do you do when the light(truth)comes?". Wise people smile and adjust themselves to the light. Foolish people get angry and attempt to adjust the light. Evil people scurry away from the light in search of the darkness.

Necessary Endings is a book by Henry Cloud that really laid groundwork for my quit. He wrote another boom called 9 things you simply must do to succeed in life and love. I share this because anyone who can relate to diesel's story, and maybe has someone in their life who regularly speaks "lies" into your life and quit, I would reccomend either of those books. don't hang around fools! Hang around wise people like diesel:)

codependency, enablers...whatever it is that the psychoanalists call it. Whatever the name, we all look for that validation for stupidity when thoughts of truth and common sense creep into our heads. There are a LOT of others out there willing to validate our dumbassery in exchange for validating theirs. We crave that validation as much as the dip. Maybe MORE than the dip, because without it, whatever we were hoping to get out of that dip is partially ruined by the guilt and realization that we are being total doochbags. When there are only two nicotine users left in the universe, they will seek each other out in order to replay the scenario witnessed by Diesel.
Good stuff man, thanks.

[cbird65]

It's amazing how clear we can see after the fog goes away.

Now we have learned we can separate truth from the lies the NicBitch told us and now we call BS and give her a 'nutkick'

Drawing the line in the sand again today with you.

[Phil16]

Useless observation....

Waiting in line to pay for gass.  Lady being waited on says "two packs, Virginia slim menthols please".  Clerk hands her her death sticks.  Next guy in line takes a deep, fuck...I know I should stop this shit breath and says "3 packs Marlboro red shorts in a box please".  The lady who was before him was still fumbling with her enormous purse and could see the same anquish on his face that I did and says, "look honey, we all gotta die of something, might as well have some fun and do what you like to do.  Everything nowadays will kill ya".

Dude. Ate. That. Up. 

Like it was a breath of fresh air to him, or a second wind , or almost VALIDATION that what he was doing was ok.  Because he was not alone.  He immediately felt better and they both walked out with huge smiles on their face.

I used to be like that.  Looked for validation for an addiction I knew was bad. Found strength in numbers by hanging with my boys who drank, smoked, and would say shit like, "hey everyone has a vice" after I would ask them to not tell my wife or their wives if they were friends with mine.

Strength in numbers.

Well guess what, that shit works both ways.  There's some SERIOUS ASS strength in numbers right here on this site.  And they won't jack you off either.  Won't lie to you and tell you some bullshit to make you both feel better.  Because deep down...you knew.  You knew you were doing wrong, I know I did.  But when I'd get that ONE buddy who stroked that part of my brain into thinking "yeah, this ain't so bad" the realization that I was doing wrong, VANISHED.  And I continued to kill myself and lie to my family with little care, because butt fuck Bobby was doing it too.

What a fucking crock.

Stick to this site boys and girls.  You will get the truth.  Sometimes the truth hurts, will smack your shit like a god damn 2 X 4 across the face.  But guess what...we need that, because this shit WILL control you, will empty your pockets, will make you a toothless liar, will strip you of time with family and loved ones, and will fucking KILL you....literally.

There is TRUE strength in numbers here.  Not hollow ass bullshit validatuon for killing yourself and being a pussy ass slave to a can of weeds.

THIS is a place of champions.  Fucking stay here, not only for yourself, but for others. 

Sorry so long.

Diesel out.

so true...

Thanks Deisel, you speakin the truth man. You jumped all over my intro 134 days ago and you are still helping to strengthen my quit to this day. Keep up the great work.

How stupid addicts can be? I used to do the same crap and justify my addiction by calling it a stress reliever. I was a foolish and evil.

"There are three kinds of people in this world, wise, foolish, and evil. We all have our moments with each, but some people choose to make a living out of one of them.". Henry Cloud

The good news about fools, is that they can get wise. Cloud says that the orienting question in terms of whether you are wise, foolish, or evil person is this..."what do you do when the light(truth)comes?". Wise people smile and adjust themselves to the light. Foolish people get angry and attempt to adjust the light. Evil people scurry away from the light in search of the darkness.

Necessary Endings is a book by Henry Cloud that really laid groundwork for my quit. He wrote another boom called 9 things you simply must do to succeed in life and love. I share this because anyone who can relate to diesel's story, and maybe has someone in their life who regularly speaks "lies" into your life and quit, I would reccomend either of those books. don't hang around fools! Hang around wise people like diesel:)

[Its_Got2Happen]

Useless observation....

Waiting in line to pay for gass.  Lady being waited on says "two packs, Virginia slim menthols please".  Clerk hands her her death sticks.  Next guy in line takes a deep, fuck...I know I should stop this shit breath and says "3 packs Marlboro red shorts in a box please".  The lady who was before him was still fumbling with her enormous purse and could see the same anquish on his face that I did and says, "look honey, we all gotta die of something, might as well have some fun and do what you like to do.  Everything nowadays will kill ya".

Dude. Ate. That. Up. 

Like it was a breath of fresh air to him, or a second wind , or almost VALIDATION that what he was doing was ok.  Because he was not alone.  He immediately felt better and they both walked out with huge smiles on their face.

I used to be like that.  Looked for validation for an addiction I knew was bad. Found strength in numbers by hanging with my boys who drank, smoked, and would say shit like, "hey everyone has a vice" after I would ask them to not tell my wife or their wives if they were friends with mine.

Strength in numbers.

Well guess what, that shit works both ways.  There's some SERIOUS ASS strength in numbers right here on this site.  And they won't jack you off either.  Won't lie to you and tell you some bullshit to make you both feel better.  Because deep down...you knew.  You knew you were doing wrong, I know I did.  But when I'd get that ONE buddy who stroked that part of my brain into thinking "yeah, this ain't so bad" the realization that I was doing wrong, VANISHED.  And I continued to kill myself and lie to my family with little care, because butt fuck Bobby was doing it too.

What a fucking crock.

Stick to this site boys and girls.  You will get the truth.  Sometimes the truth hurts, will smack your shit like a god damn 2 X 4 across the face.  But guess what...we need that, because this shit WILL control you, will empty your pockets, will make you a toothless liar, will strip you of time with family and loved ones, and will fucking KILL you....literally.

There is TRUE strength in numbers here.  Not hollow ass bullshit validatuon for killing yourself and being a pussy ass slave to a can of weeds.

THIS is a place of champions.  Fucking stay here, not only for yourself, but for others. 

Sorry so long.

Diesel out.

so true...

Thanks Deisel, you speakin the truth man. You jumped all over my intro 134 days ago and you are still helping to strengthen my quit to this day. Keep up the great work.