It's been almost 6 months since I posted here. I'm on day 682 and yet most days I feel more vulnerable in my quit then I did even in the beginning. I wish you new guys were able to read my thread and see that the struggle goes away, but it's not the case. I coasted for almost a year with few moments of question. But the last several months seem to present struggles daily. The most notable would be complacency. After almost 2 years I feel like I should have this addiction beat but everyday it seems that I have a moment or two where I want to say "fuck it" and leave this brotherhood so I can fall on my face in private. It's been these last few months that I've become acutely aware of the need to stay and continue to learn about my addiction and who I am as a quitter. As simple as the solution sounds though I'm finding it hard to live out. Work is busier then ever and my time to roam these halls is more limited then it was in the past. So how do I break out of the dangerous cycle I've been in? Take it back to the basics! Rather then looking at my day count and feeling inadequate because I'm not at some level of quit that Ive put on myself I'm going to go back to focusing on today. I'm an addict who only has to worry about ODAAT. The 681 days before today don't mean shit if I lose sight of today. So in closing, I have realized that days quit isn't as important as quitting today. And focusing on that alone. Stay focused new quitters. Most days get better. Once and awhile though we have to be reminded where we come from and regroup our efforts. The alternative is failure.
IDWC 682
