I mentioned a few weeks ago to some quitter brothers that I was having one of the most stressful times i've had since i quit dipping. I can say that I have had some of the worst craves and serious thoughts about going to the gas station and buying about three cans of dip and eating them all at the same time during this time. I even asked my wife for permission to stop at a store and get some. That should tell you how close i've come to just losing it completely! I have found over the last few months that just being able to come here and write what i'm feeling is very theraputic (SP?) So I'm going to lay some of the heavy burden I've been carry around lately down right here.
I have been married three times. Wife 1 stuck around for about 3 years and then decided we needed to be seperated. Little did I know that she would end up liking the split tails more than me!! We split with no kids so no big deal. Wife 2 was a god damn control freak and couldn't have a relationship with a man if her fucking life depended on it. Wife 3 turned out to be my high school sweet heart and a damn good keeper. Should have married her to begin with instead of being a pussy and letting her mother intimidate me and letting her shoo me off.
My burden concerns wife 2. We had a son together. He is now 17 and will be a senior in high school next year. Like most kids he can be self centered and find it almost impossible to think beyond the next few moments. He's very bright but doesn't always put forth the effort to do the best he can. Again, as a former high school teacher, i'm afraid alot of kids are that way. Like all kids he has made bad decisions. None so serious that he went to jail or anything, just stuff like not always telling the truth, not being where he is supposed to be, not turning his school work in on time. He did try smoking some pot. Luckily he got busted by his mother instead of the cops!
Here has what has had me all tore up. Wife 2 is a man hater. She suffered some abuse at the hands of her own father and because of that she believes that all men are pieces of shit. All men are and all boys will turn out to be just like her father. She has been disappointed in our son from the day she found out that he was a boy. I wish you could have heard the tone in her voice when she told me that we were going to have a boy. It was the sound of deep disappointment. I didn't recognize it as such at the time but came to hear it later after many years of tyring to prove to her that neither I or Michael was her father.
Wife 2 has never been able to have a relationship with a man in any situation. She has failed at every relationship she has had and that includes relationships in love and professional relationships. It really is unbelievable. Because she is so jaded towards men, she has never really had a good relationship with our son. Truth be told she is one of those people that should never have had children. She has never been the nurturing type. Michael got his nurturing from his nanny and my mother. But we all know that is not the same as getting it from your mother. She always expected him to act older than he was. When he was 3 she wanted him to act like he was 7. When he was 10 she wanted him to act like he was 14 or 15. Now that he is 17 she expects him to have the maturity of a 35 year old man.
Michael could never please her. She never tells anyone they have done a good job. She is always critcal of whatever he does. It's never good enough. I tried to tell him for years that that was just how his mother was and he would have to learn to except her as she was. That hard for a kid to do. He just never understood why his mother couldn't be like other moms. For tht matter, I could understand it either.
Wife 2 reached her breaking point and has decided to wash her hands of him. Soon I will become the parent with full custody of him until he graduates next year. She has told him to take all his stuff that he wants to keep and move it to my house. She has told him the rest will be given away or thrown in the trash. She wants no part of anything that goes on at school. In short she wants nothing to do with him. She says she will still come and watch him play ball and watch him take part in other school activities. So really she will just play the "mommie" roll when it suits her or when there are people around who might ask questions.
She has always compared him to her neices. One is at Carnigie Mellon, the other is at Duke. They are very bright and had very successful high school careers. Michael is every bit as bright and capable as they are but hasn't put forth the effort to really achieve the way they have. Part of that is he knows everything he does will never be as good as they are. Who wouldn't get tired of hearing that shit!!
So, tonight she brought him to my house and dumped him and all his clothes on my front porch. I happend to be at work or I might have just choked the bitch right there in the driveway! My current wife said wife 2 told him she loved him. What a fucking crock!! How can you treat your son like a piece of garbage and then turn around and say that?
So now my biggest challenge I've ever had begins. How do I try and piece his heart back together? I can't imagine the pain that comes with knowing that your mother doesn't love you, has totally given up on you, and has basically thrown you out with the trash. Michael puts on a brave face but I know that this is painful for him. So now it's up to me to show him that he is not a piece of trash. That he is a good person and that he can become a successful person and achieve the things he wants to achieve in life. And I have to do all this without being to mushy and cottling. I have to do it while still being the parent and being firm enough to still give him boundries and enforce those rules and boundries.
Shit!!! this is going to be tough!!!
Thanks for listening
Mike
