well you did say you were going to get the tough love, and I think those posts before hit that point on the head more that that. But that is then.....
this is now, as it is hard for me to say too much as 1) that is not my style and 2) I have looked you eye to eye in person and have had some times at the PA meet.
As others say, alcohol is not an excuse to cave. Never has been and never will be. And you had 2 things badly going for you. The lack of decision making when inebriated and a feeling of low esteem (the f*ck it feeling). Either of which on their own is a terrible danger to a quit whether it be day 10 or day 1,000, but when combined not only is that major red zone to quit, but a major red zone to one's own life.
I am glad you had posted and realize that, for yourself, the need to handle the alcohol issue as well as nicotine. Both are toxic, addictive substances that if one cannot handle need to remove from one's life, somehow.
You are in a unique situation now, that decision point to right the ship, or just sink. I think after meeting you, that you can handle both, and shed them aside.
Start today with a 'double day 1'
we may not be able to help with the alcohol, but know there are others who can. But you have learned in 3 years what needs to be done. This time just do not let anything get in the way of that knowledge.