Self loathing

[Grizzfall]

Guys,
I know its only a few days into my presence here but im starting to understand the posting of roll, at least for my own benefit. I went to sleep last night looking forward to posting roll before work this morning. I apoligize for fucking it up and thank you to whomever put me on the general list.
(Side bar: its ok to work on columbus day because he didnt really discover the Americas. We should make the post office aware of that)
Went through work with a more manic feel than normal but it was sunny and the job went smooth. Beats the hell out of the paralyzing anxiety that gripped me fri/sat/sun. Chewed a stupid amount of dill flavored sunflower seeds. Ive discovered these are less abusive on my cheek than ranch or plain. Cant wait to post roll in the morning and will try get it right this time.

[wmcatty]

Nice job of posting roll this morning Grizz. Keep plowing through it, as you will win this battle if you allow yourself to. And welcome to KTC. PM me if you need any more numbers.

[DippinDave911]

Grizz,

I've seen you posting roll. Congrats man, I mean it. You keep posting, and I will keep supporting you.

If you need anything, dont hesitate to ask. Im here for you, brother.

DD911

[DippinDave911]

I would say without hesitation that the guys I have met here whether I met them in person or just on line are my most dependable and treasured friends.  I don't call that being weak my friend.  I call that being blessed!

X2.

[Mike_Land]

Thanks guys. What you say makes a ton of sense. The rationalizatin for the discomfort i feel now is something i need to permanently hold on to. Im trying to think of it as an investment. But in the middle of day 8 here its hard to see the freedom im investing in. I just keep reading and learning more and more.

Welcome to the club Grizz. I can tell you that what you are feeling is normal. 100% normal. You are only 7 days quit. you are right in the middle of the Suck and Fog! There is no way that you could expect to perform at peak capacity at this time in your quit. I can tell you that it gets better. The longer you go without dip the better it gets. At some point you will realize that you were good at what you did because of your talent and not because you had a mouth full of cat turd in your lip!.

I'm a 36 year user, 2 cans/day most days. I'm on day 324 and i"ve never felt better. I promise that if you stick to the ideals of KTC, post roll everyday, keep your word and do it 100% of the time, you will beat this addiction.

I understand how you feel about thinking you might be weak because you are depending on others to help you quit. In time, the relationships you build from this site will become your most treasured relationships. I went to my first quitter meet in August at the Pennsylvania 6th edition get together. I met some of the veterans from this sight. I think I was the newest member. I met scowick, theowood, bait, big brother jack, chewie, sir derek, Keddy, Btdogboy, and a couple of others. I don't talk to them everyday. in fact I haven't spoken to any of them since August. What I will tell you is I know these guys have my back. If I were in a bind and needed any of them to come help me, I'm 100% sure that they would come running themselves or send someone who could. I would say without hesitation that the guys I have met here whether I met them in person or just on line are my most dependable and treasured friends. I don't call that being weak my friend. I call that being blessed!

So with that being said, I quit with you everyday. check your in box. I've sent my numbers just in case you need to call.

Mike

[Grizzfall]

Thanks guys. What you say makes a ton of sense. The rationalizatin for the discomfort i feel now is something i need to permanently hold on to. Im trying to think of it as an investment. But in the middle of day 8 here its hard to see the freedom im investing in. I just keep reading and learning more and more.

[Smokeyg]

I hope that some day your self-loathing regarding your perceived weakness translates into a celebration of providing help to others.

[Skoal Monster]

The problem is not one of self control , you just lack the tools to build your house of quit. You'll find what you Need here. Just follow the program.

[DippinDave911]

I have been quit for 7 days now and i hate the fact that i have to be here. I tried using the site to quit about 6 months ago and only lasted 40 days or so. I read every page i had access to but refused to become a member and post roll and all this bullshit. I was stronger alone i thought. Forget other people, i didnt need them to build a business from scratch, rise above the socioeconomic class i was born into, climb mt rainier last month, or any of the other achievments i thought i was proud of. I give myself over to no one except my wife and never even fully to her.
Im 29, dipped for 16yrs, and cant quit by myself. I hate myself for this weakness.
Feeling vulnerable is the worst possible thing i can imagine. I would rather just quietly chew my self to death and never let on my weakness to anyone else.
This is my self loathing and i think its healthy. It is not for anyone else except me and from all i have read here, thats a good thing.

Grizz,

Believe me when I tell you that at one point not to long ago I shared your beliefs 100%. While I cant relate to building a business, rising above my economic status or conquering one of the nations most dangerous volcanoes, I can assure you that I thought I could conquer something as seemingly simple as quitting a long term addiction. Hmm, just typing that out actually sounds completely ridiculous to me.

Truth be told, and it sounds like you've come to understand it, you cant quit alone. Ive said it before and I will say it again, if I had never found this site, maybe, MAYBE, I could have quit on my own. But even then its a slim chance, seeing as how 1. I found my way to this site and 2. You admit to flirting around the site.

Ive been quit for 73 days as of today. I had my fair share of problems, what with the constant mindset that I could do this alone. I actually walked away from the site for over a week. Problem is, I lacked the foresight to see the conclusion that you have come to. Realizing that you cannot quit alone is a damn good step in the right direction.

Everyone here has gone through and is going through the exact same thing as you. Everyone has at some point in their quit thought they could go at it alone. If you truly care about the integrity of your quit, post roll every damn day. Dont get angry when others hold you accountable if you miss a day. (Dont miss a day).

Ill reiterate that KTC can be your biggest weapon against the Nic Bitch, but you have to want it more than anything else. The idea that you can quit by yourself is indeed a weakness, but if you embrace the idea that makes KTC what it is, your weakness can very well become your strength.

I am proud to call you a brother and I will do anything in my power to help you with your quit. If you need anything, and I mean anything (within reason) let me know.

I am going to PM you my number. I hope that you will send me yours and we can strengthen our respective quits a little bit better. I am quit with you today.

DD911 (Dave)

[Mike from AB]

I have been quit for 7 days now and i hate the fact that i have to be here. I tried using the site to quit about 6 months ago and only lasted 40 days or so. I read every page i had access to but refused to become a member and post roll and all this bullshit. I was stronger alone i thought. Forget other people, i didnt need them to build a business from scratch, rise above the socioeconomic class i was born into, climb mt rainier last month, or any of the other achievments i thought i was proud of. I give myself over to no one except my wife and never even fully to her.
Im 29, dipped for 16yrs, and cant quit by myself. I hate myself for this weakness.
Feeling vulnerable is the worst possible thing i can imagine. I would rather just quietly chew my self to death and never let on my weakness to anyone else.
This is my self loathing and i think its healthy. It is not for anyone else except me and from all i have read here, thats a good thing.

I hated the fact that I needed a support group to free myself from the bondage of nicotine. I initially felt that it made me weak. Now I sit here 282 days quit and I understand that it makes me human, NOT WEAK. I see that you have 2 posts. I hope the other is role. I will send you a PM later with my number. Feel free to use it. I am sure happy that I decided to finally accept some help. I encourage you to do the same. An addict without accountability, is a USER.

I read your intro and was struck by the point you made about not being able to work with the same capacity anymore. I think that has been the most aggravating part for me. Im a carpenter and am used to surrmounting any physical task. I quit this week because i took the week off to stain my own home. Nice, mindless work. i got half of what i normally expected to done and feel fucking paralyzed. The anxiety is the hardest part because i give myself time constraints.
So the question is, will we ever get back to our expected level of productivity without nicotine? Thats a scary thought if the answer is no.

THe answer is yes. Infact I expect as time goes on you'll be even more productive! I initially was completely incapacitated at work, unable to seemingly get through a day. I confided in my boss (something you can't do  don't need to do being self employed). He hadn't noticed. So while I coudln't do what I normally thought, it wasn't as big of a deal. Eventually you'll be so much better able to cope, bit it's gonna be tough  it's gonna take a bit. The fog won't lift overnight. ODAAT  you'll get this done. Using the help  support on this site isn't weak, it is human  normal. When you're doing this on your own, tomorrow is soon enough to quit, until it's too late. When you're accountable to all the new friends you'll meet on this site, you gotta get this quit done today like any other challenge. Climbing Mt.Ranier might well seem easy by comparison so don't be afraid to accept the help this site offers.

[Its_Got2Happen]

I have been quit for 7 days now and i hate the fact that i have to be here. I tried using the site to quit about 6 months ago and only lasted 40 days or so. I read every page i had access to but refused to become a member and post roll and all this bullshit. I was stronger alone i thought. Forget other people, i didnt need them to build a business from scratch, rise above the socioeconomic class i was born into, climb mt rainier last month, or any of the other achievments i thought i was proud of. I give myself over to no one except my wife and never even fully to her.
Im 29, dipped for 16yrs, and cant quit by myself. I hate myself for this weakness.
Feeling vulnerable is the worst possible thing i can imagine. I would rather just quietly chew my self to death and never let on my weakness to anyone else.
This is my self loathing and i think its healthy. It is not for anyone else except me and from all i have read here, thats a good thing.

I hated the fact that I needed a support group to free myself from the bondage of nicotine. I initially felt that it made me weak. Now I sit here 282 days quit and I understand that it makes me human, NOT WEAK. I see that you have 2 posts. I hope the other is role. I will send you a PM later with my number. Feel free to use it. I am sure happy that I decided to finally accept some help. I encourage you to do the same. An addict without accountability, is a USER.

I read your intro and was struck by the point you made about not being able to work with the same capacity anymore. I think that has been the most aggravating part for me. Im a carpenter and am used to surrmounting any physical task. I quit this week because i took the week off to stain my own home. Nice, mindless work. i got half of what i normally expected to done and feel fucking paralyzed. The anxiety is the hardest part because i give myself time constraints.
So the question is, will we ever get back to our expected level of productivity without nicotine? Thats a scary thought if the answer is no.

Grizz. I have to answer with a resounding YES. But it does take time. The truth about nicotine is this. Nicotine in a BIG LIE. It never did anything for you or me. The powerful, addictive nature of this poison just made us think that we NEEDED it. The only thing nicotine EVER did for us was remove the withdrawal symptoms that IT created. That's it man. That is the reality. All the other bullshit we think and feel about what it did or does for us is.........................SIMPLY BULLSHIT. A false reality that we created.

You are a good carpenter, NOT BECAUSE OF NICOTINE, but in spite of nicotine. You can quit if you want to, but you have to want it bad. You have fight, claw, scratch, and dig your way out of this addiciton. It is a big wide, deep ass hole we put ourselves into. But you can climb out. It can be done. You can do this.

In the end there is only one way out, no nicotine today. One day at a time, you can kick this shit to the curb. I want to share a book with you. A wise quitter named SkoalMonster shared it with me and it profoundly strengthened my quit. It is a PDF file, send me an e-mail and I will get it to you if you are interested.

Ryan

[Punkin]

I have been quit for 7 days now and i hate the fact that i have to be here. I tried using the site to quit about 6 months ago and only lasted 40 days or so. I read every page i had access to but refused to become a member and post roll and all this bullshit. I was stronger alone i thought. Forget other people, i didnt need them to build a business from scratch, rise above the socioeconomic class i was born into, climb mt rainier last month, or any of the other achievments i thought i was proud of. I give myself over to no one except my wife and never even fully to her.
Im 29, dipped for 16yrs, and cant quit by myself. I hate myself for this weakness.
Feeling vulnerable is the worst possible thing i can imagine. I would rather just quietly chew my self to death and never let on my weakness to anyone else.
This is my self loathing and i think its healthy. It is not for anyone else except me and from all i have read here, thats a good thing.

I felt the exact same way about a support group. I thought "what kind of hippy bullshit is this". I originally came here because there was reviews of fake snuff and I wanted to research some before I bought it. I read some reviews and then I roamed over to this here forum and started reading some more of these "weak peoples"post. After about 20minutes of reading, I realized that I was the weak one. I soon found out that this was a family and everyone leaned on each other for support.

To quit nicotine is no easy task but it is very rewarding. I'll quit with you everyday, if you'll promise me the same.

Punkin

[Grizzfall]

I have been quit for 7 days now and i hate the fact that i have to be here. I tried using the site to quit about 6 months ago and only lasted 40 days or so. I read every page i had access to but refused to become a member and post roll and all this bullshit. I was stronger alone i thought. Forget other people, i didnt need them to build a business from scratch, rise above the socioeconomic class i was born into, climb mt rainier last month, or any of the other achievments i thought i was proud of. I give myself over to no one except my wife and never even fully to her.
Im 29, dipped for 16yrs, and cant quit by myself. I hate myself for this weakness.
Feeling vulnerable is the worst possible thing i can imagine. I would rather just quietly chew my self to death and never let on my weakness to anyone else.
This is my self loathing and i think its healthy. It is not for anyone else except me and from all i have read here, thats a good thing.

I hated the fact that I needed a support group to free myself from the bondage of nicotine. I initially felt that it made me weak. Now I sit here 282 days quit and I understand that it makes me human, NOT WEAK. I see that you have 2 posts. I hope the other is role. I will send you a PM later with my number. Feel free to use it. I am sure happy that I decided to finally accept some help. I encourage you to do the same. An addict without accountability, is a USER.

I read your intro and was struck by the point you made about not being able to work with the same capacity anymore. I think that has been the most aggravating part for me. Im a carpenter and am used to surrmounting any physical task. I quit this week because i took the week off to stain my own home. Nice, mindless work. i got half of what i normally expected to done and feel fucking paralyzed. The anxiety is the hardest part because i give myself time constraints.
So the question is, will we ever get back to our expected level of productivity without nicotine? Thats a scary thought if the answer is no.

[Its_Got2Happen]

I have been quit for 7 days now and i hate the fact that i have to be here. I tried using the site to quit about 6 months ago and only lasted 40 days or so. I read every page i had access to but refused to become a member and post roll and all this bullshit. I was stronger alone i thought. Forget other people, i didnt need them to build a business from scratch, rise above the socioeconomic class i was born into, climb mt rainier last month, or any of the other achievments i thought i was proud of. I give myself over to no one except my wife and never even fully to her.
Im 29, dipped for 16yrs, and cant quit by myself. I hate myself for this weakness.
Feeling vulnerable is the worst possible thing i can imagine. I would rather just quietly chew my self to death and never let on my weakness to anyone else.
This is my self loathing and i think its healthy. It is not for anyone else except me and from all i have read here, thats a good thing.

I hated the fact that I needed a support group to free myself from the bondage of nicotine. I initially felt that it made me weak. Now I sit here 282 days quit and I understand that it makes me human, NOT WEAK. I see that you have 2 posts. I hope the other is role. I will send you a PM later with my number. Feel free to use it. I am sure happy that I decided to finally accept some help. I encourage you to do the same. An addict without accountability, is a USER.

[Grizzfall]

I have been quit for 7 days now and i hate the fact that i have to be here. I tried using the site to quit about 6 months ago and only lasted 40 days or so. I read every page i had access to but refused to become a member and post roll and all this bullshit. I was stronger alone i thought. Forget other people, i didnt need them to build a business from scratch, rise above the socioeconomic class i was born into, climb mt rainier last month, or any of the other achievments i thought i was proud of. I give myself over to no one except my wife and never even fully to her.
Im 29, dipped for 16yrs, and cant quit by myself. I hate myself for this weakness.
Feeling vulnerable is the worst possible thing i can imagine. I would rather just quietly chew my self to death and never let on my weakness to anyone else.
This is my self loathing and i think its healthy. It is not for anyone else except me and from all i have read here, thats a good thing.