Gum Grafts - I've had 5!

[Wt57]

OK fellas here goes.. I really appreciate all the texts  calls.. seriously I have been as far south KY as I can go without being in TN with little phone service.. the reason I did not post this morning was I intended to use Nic in some form today and I did.. I respect you all and the site too much so I will spare you the details.. but it started with nic gum and that only worked for a while today.. I will say this I have not gone full honey badger, but still I have truly caved today...I promise I do not have anything in my mouth as I write this, I do respect you guys more than that.  I lost the desire to quit days ago.. and struggled to post everyday for the past week... I knew once I posted I would not use..thats why i didnt post today.. I am sorry guys.. I don't and will not go into grave detail.. I have had a lot of addiction in my life.. Tobacco is the last one..  In the last few days I have honestly struggled with the thoughts of doing other things as well.. and I have posted several times.. if i thought really thought I was going to drink again I would use nic..I truthfully caved days ago in my mind, it just took until today to catch up.. I know the hell that is about to follow this when it hits the thread!  Go ahead guys let me have it.. no matter what some of you will think or say.. I am not a failure or a sack of shit or any of the other things that I know is about to follow..and no matter what you guys say I will not believe I am a failure.. I have accomplished much in my life and over came a hell of a lot of addiction!  Since quitting dip over 2 month ago.. I am pre-diabetic (all the sugar and candy I have eaten I guess?).  I'm 10lbs over weight, even while working out! I have dipped more coffee than I can even say.. my gall bladder is in knots.. I still can't sleep.. and still struggle to focus.. It's no excuse but I have so much work to do and a lot of people are depending on me to get things done.. I have to be me again?  I know I will want to quit again.. maybe 2 days.. maybe 2 weeks? maybe 2 months?  Will I come back here?  Don't know after the terrific beating you guys are about to give me.. In the recovery circles I come from we truly don't kick somebody when they are down..  And if I am truly honest I am not down, so kick away.  I actually feel normal again.. The one thing i will do and be is honest.. I respect you guys more than you know..  I really thought I was tough!  that's a joke!  you guys that keep doing this.. you are tough.. hats off to you all.. Diesel.. Tinman.. Wastepanel..Raider.. Pave.. swede..hell Gordy even wrote my PM today..  WT you are without a doubt one bag ass quitter... Thanks boys... sorry if you feel that I let you all down.. I really hope you all can do it better than me!  Signing Off - Gooch

I want to reply and am not sure what I feel! Mike has shared with me a lot of very personal shit, confided in me. Even though I do not agree with your decision that is for me. You are still honorable in my mind because I know you wanted to cave other days but didn't only because you had made a promise. As for today, he didn't cave right away. He texted me this morning and shared his troubles and intentions. I know you struggled hard in making this decision and didn't do it in the heat of the moment. When you get your shit together I know you'll be back, I'll be here if it's 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months or 2 years. I will not judge you the same as I do some other caves it wasn't done in the dark hiding or on a whim without prior thought. I may take shit for saying that but I stick to it! All that being said: caving is a really stupid decision that gives temporary satisfaction (maybe) for circumstances that can be dealt with in much better ways. Everyone reading this learn a lesson. Prepare your selves in advance for all types of circumstances, know your plan well follow through on it and make sure there are no loop holes in it!!

WT

[Timeless117]

OK fellas here goes.. I really appreciate all the texts  calls.. seriously I have been as far south KY as I can go without being in TN with little phone service.. the reason I did not post this morning was I intended to use Nic in some form today and I did.. I respect you all and the site too much so I will spare you the details.. but it started with nic gum and that only worked for a while today.. I will say this I have not gone full honey badger, but still I have truly caved today...I promise I do not have anything in my mouth as I write this, I do respect you guys more than that. I lost the desire to quit days ago.. and struggled to post everyday for the past week... I knew once I posted I would not use..thats why i didnt post today.. I am sorry guys.. I don't and will not go into grave detail.. I have had a lot of addiction in my life.. Tobacco is the last one.. In the last few days I have honestly struggled with the thoughts of doing other things as well.. and I have posted several times.. if i thought really thought I was going to drink again I would use nic..I truthfully caved days ago in my mind, it just took until today to catch up.. I know the hell that is about to follow this when it hits the thread! Go ahead guys let me have it.. no matter what some of you will think or say.. I am not a failure or a sack of shit or any of the other things that I know is about to follow..and no matter what you guys say I will not believe I am a failure.. I have accomplished much in my life and over came a hell of a lot of addiction! Since quitting dip over 2 month ago.. I am pre-diabetic (all the sugar and candy I have eaten I guess?). I'm 10lbs over weight, even while working out! I have dipped more coffee than I can even say.. my gall bladder is in knots.. I still can't sleep.. and still struggle to focus.. It's no excuse but I have so much work to do and a lot of people are depending on me to get things done.. I have to be me again? I know I will want to quit again.. maybe 2 days.. maybe 2 weeks? maybe 2 months? Will I come back here? Don't know after the terrific beating you guys are about to give me.. In the recovery circles I come from we truly don't kick somebody when they are down.. And if I am truly honest I am not down, so kick away. I actually feel normal again.. The one thing i will do and be is honest.. I respect you guys more than you know..  I really thought I was tough! that's a joke! you guys that keep doing this.. you are tough.. hats off to you all.. Diesel.. Tinman.. Wastepanel..Raider.. Pave.. swede..hell Gordy even wrote my PM today..  WT you are without a doubt one bag ass quitter... Thanks boys... sorry if you feel that I let you all down.. I really hope you all can do it better than me! Signing Off - Gooch

So what the fuck is dip going to do to make it better? 100% guaranteed all those problems get worse by putting that shit in your mouth

[mikegooch]

OK fellas here goes.. I really appreciate all the texts  calls.. seriously I have been as far south KY as I can go without being in TN with little phone service.. the reason I did not post this morning was I intended to use Nic in some form today and I did.. I respect you all and the site too much so I will spare you the details.. but it started with nic gum and that only worked for a while today.. I will say this I have not gone full honey badger, but still I have truly caved today...I promise I do not have anything in my mouth as I write this, I do respect you guys more than that. I lost the desire to quit days ago.. and struggled to post everyday for the past week... I knew once I posted I would not use..thats why i didnt post today.. I am sorry guys.. I don't and will not go into grave detail.. I have had a lot of addiction in my life.. Tobacco is the last one.. In the last few days I have honestly struggled with the thoughts of doing other things as well.. and I have posted several times.. if i thought really thought I was going to drink again I would use nic..I truthfully caved days ago in my mind, it just took until today to catch up.. I know the hell that is about to follow this when it hits the thread! Go ahead guys let me have it.. no matter what some of you will think or say.. I am not a failure or a sack of shit or any of the other things that I know is about to follow..and no matter what you guys say I will not believe I am a failure.. I have accomplished much in my life and over came a hell of a lot of addiction! Since quitting dip over 2 month ago.. I am pre-diabetic (all the sugar and candy I have eaten I guess?). I'm 10lbs over weight, even while working out! I have dipped more coffee than I can even say.. my gall bladder is in knots.. I still can't sleep.. and still struggle to focus.. It's no excuse but I have so much work to do and a lot of people are depending on me to get things done.. I have to be me again? I know I will want to quit again.. maybe 2 days.. maybe 2 weeks? maybe 2 months? Will I come back here? Don't know after the terrific beating you guys are about to give me.. In the recovery circles I come from we truly don't kick somebody when they are down.. And if I am truly honest I am not down, so kick away. I actually feel normal again.. The one thing i will do and be is honest.. I respect you guys more than you know..  I really thought I was tough! that's a joke! you guys that keep doing this.. you are tough.. hats off to you all.. Diesel.. Tinman.. Wastepanel..Raider.. Pave.. swede..hell Gordy even wrote my PM today..  WT you are without a doubt one bag ass quitter... Thanks boys... sorry if you feel that I let you all down.. I really hope you all can do it better than me! Signing Off - Gooch

[tinman]

... and also my business/life coach all pitched in yesterday and helped me through a very rough day of mental obsession . . .

Where do I get me one of these life coaches, man? I saw one of these on a show my wife watches.

Stay strong bro.

Gooch - Chime in MOFO -where you at?

I'll take a DD Life Coach while we're at it!! 'boob' 'boob'

[rgross298]

... and also my business/life coach all pitched in yesterday and helped me through a very rough day of mental obsession . . .

Where do I get me one of these life coaches, man? I saw one of these on a show my wife watches.

Stay strong bro.

[raiderx]

Gooch

I have had very short intense cravings the last week and I am at 158 days. The key is that now I have the tools and the more importantly the knowledge to handle the situations.

keep doing what you are doing

[pavetheway]

Gooch....you good?

[Big Swede]

Gooch, I've been having some bad moments myself lately - once I hit day 60 or so, I found myself nonchalantly thinking about grabbing a chew. Like you said, you couldn't call it a crave . . . there was nothing physical, no trigger, just a stray thought leading me back to nicotine.

In some ways, it was easier when it was still a struggle. Now, it seems like at times I'm losing focus and have to jolt myself back to quit mode. Right now, I need my quit brothers and KTC more than ever - I need constant reminders that I quit and will stay quit.

[Wt57]

Day 73. Seems last week or so has been the hardest of my quit.. Yesterday I was dangerously close to a cave (I think).. A lady I am currently dong an auction for, my crazy GF I always complain about and also my business/life coach all pitched in yesterday and helped me through a very rough day of mental obsession.. can't really call it a crave after 71 days.. it was more of a mental obsession..  Everybody here that thinks we are steel balled fuckers and we are invincible.. That's actually a joke!  We are not.. Put us on an island without each other and others around us to help and love us... then we are pretty much fucked!  There is a power much bigger than ourselves that is keeping us from using today! I guess I better speak for myself!  There is a power much bigger than me keeping me from using today!  This power works through numbers..works through this site.. and works through those closest to me if I let it!  Anybody here that does not believe they are powerless when it comes to this addiction.. you are fooling yourself.. if you are a true addict you are powerless... just somehow for today you have been given the power to defeat it..

Feel what you're feeling there Gooch. Been a rough couple days here as well. Maybe it's the barometric pressure, who knows. That bigger thing that keeps us quit is what is called integrity. It is getting up and posting roll first thing in our day. It is being accountable to everyone who saw us post roll. It is looking at the man in the mirror and him being able to look back at you with no regret or timidity. It is what we do when no one is looking. It is divine and instilled in us by our God and our desire to be more like Him. Lean on someone bigger than yourself and you will never fall. Proud to be quit with you today.

Gooch, you absolutely CAN have craves on Day 71 and beyond. In fact, Day 80 was one of my worst crave days other than the first 3 days. Now.....they will subside and get less intense as time goes on. But for the time being you must know that you are by no means out of the woods at Day 71. Thinking that you should be feeling 100% after 2 months of quit just isn't a reality. It takes time to re-wire your brain and 71 days isn't enough time to complete that cycle. Keep fighting, you'll get where you want to be one day at a time.

You touched on something else and that is the "higher power" you spoke of. That, my friend, is the accountability you are feeling. It is very real and very powerful. In fact, I would venture to say that accountability is more important than individual will power as it pertains to a successful quit.

Gooch I agree with Steve that accountability is still keeping me quit! You've been around long enough now to see what happen when someone thinks they have it licked, they come crawling back with their tail between their legs licking their shriveled balls. Some Days are easier and they do start coming more often but remember how long and how much effort you put into gaining and feeding the addiction! For me that 40 yrs can't be reversed in 100, 150, 365 days I honestly don't know when or if I'll ever feel comfortable going even a day or two alone, I know it isn't now! That's why I always post roll early and also make contact with many of you personally every day I need that accountability and I know you do too!

[Coach Steve]

Day 73. Seems last week or so has been the hardest of my quit.. Yesterday I was dangerously close to a cave (I think).. A lady I am currently dong an auction for, my crazy GF I always complain about and also my business/life coach all pitched in yesterday and helped me through a very rough day of mental obsession.. can't really call it a crave after 71 days.. it was more of a mental obsession..  Everybody here that thinks we are steel balled fuckers and we are invincible.. That's actually a joke!  We are not.. Put us on an island without each other and others around us to help and love us... then we are pretty much fucked!  There is a power much bigger than ourselves that is keeping us from using today! I guess I better speak for myself!  There is a power much bigger than me keeping me from using today!  This power works through numbers..works through this site.. and works through those closest to me if I let it!  Anybody here that does not believe they are powerless when it comes to this addiction.. you are fooling yourself.. if you are a true addict you are powerless... just somehow for today you have been given the power to defeat it..

Feel what you're feeling there Gooch. Been a rough couple days here as well. Maybe it's the barometric pressure, who knows. That bigger thing that keeps us quit is what is called integrity. It is getting up and posting roll first thing in our day. It is being accountable to everyone who saw us post roll. It is looking at the man in the mirror and him being able to look back at you with no regret or timidity. It is what we do when no one is looking. It is divine and instilled in us by our God and our desire to be more like Him. Lean on someone bigger than yourself and you will never fall. Proud to be quit with you today.

Gooch, you absolutely CAN have craves on Day 71 and beyond. In fact, Day 80 was one of my worst crave days other than the first 3 days. Now.....they will subside and get less intense as time goes on. But for the time being you must know that you are by no means out of the woods at Day 71. Thinking that you should be feeling 100% after 2 months of quit just isn't a reality. It takes time to re-wire your brain and 71 days isn't enough time to complete that cycle. Keep fighting, you'll get where you want to be one day at a time.

You touched on something else and that is the "higher power" you spoke of. That, my friend, is the accountability you are feeling. It is very real and very powerful. In fact, I would venture to say that accountability is more important than individual will power as it pertains to a successful quit.

[eric71]

Day 73. Seems last week or so has been the hardest of my quit.. Yesterday I was dangerously close to a cave (I think).. A lady I am currently dong an auction for, my crazy GF I always complain about and also my business/life coach all pitched in yesterday and helped me through a very rough day of mental obsession.. can't really call it a crave after 71 days.. it was more of a mental obsession.. Everybody here that thinks we are steel balled fuckers and we are invincible.. That's actually a joke! We are not.. Put us on an island without each other and others around us to help and love us... then we are pretty much fucked! There is a power much bigger than ourselves that is keeping us from using today! I guess I better speak for myself! There is a power much bigger than me keeping me from using today! This power works through numbers..works through this site.. and works through those closest to me if I let it! Anybody here that does not believe they are powerless when it comes to this addiction.. you are fooling yourself.. if you are a true addict you are powerless... just somehow for today you have been given the power to defeat it..

Feel what you're feeling there Gooch. Been a rough couple days here as well. Maybe it's the barometric pressure, who knows. That bigger thing that keeps us quit is what is called integrity. It is getting up and posting roll first thing in our day. It is being accountable to everyone who saw us post roll. It is looking at the man in the mirror and him being able to look back at you with no regret or timidity. It is what we do when no one is looking. It is divine and instilled in us by our God and our desire to be more like Him. Lean on someone bigger than yourself and you will never fall. Proud to be quit with you today.

[mikegooch]

Day 73. Seems last week or so has been the hardest of my quit.. Yesterday I was dangerously close to a cave (I think).. A lady I am currently dong an auction for, my crazy GF I always complain about and also my business/life coach all pitched in yesterday and helped me through a very rough day of mental obsession.. can't really call it a crave after 71 days.. it was more of a mental obsession.. Everybody here that thinks we are steel balled fuckers and we are invincible.. That's actually a joke! We are not.. Put us on an island without each other and others around us to help and love us... then we are pretty much fucked! There is a power much bigger than ourselves that is keeping us from using today! I guess I better speak for myself! There is a power much bigger than me keeping me from using today! This power works through numbers..works through this site.. and works through those closest to me if I let it! Anybody here that does not believe they are powerless when it comes to this addiction.. you are fooling yourself.. if you are a true addict you are powerless... just somehow for today you have been given the power to defeat it..

[copingwithoutcopen]

Mike,
Yankee here craving every day. Although they are getting less intence and less frequent they'll always be there. I've found myself tapping my pocket on more then one occasion just because it's what I did even after 2 months of freedom. We can't expect habits to change so quickly, what took decades to develop. The important thing is we post up, don't give the bitch the cunnilingus she begs for and stick to your promise. You being here has strengthened the quit of many of us and even gotten some to dump the shit and post up. We've come too far to turn back now.
Be strong brotha! Don't give the slinky bitch a second glance.
Coping

[mikegooch]

Hey Ladies... Busy as shit last few days!  This is a very good thing for me being self employed!  Still for me,  real busy = craving.. Today  more this afternoon was BAD!  Made it through again, however.. then I drove by the local BP/Baccer Shop (all you Yankees  Yuppies - Baccer is what rednecks call tobacco)  Roll of Grizzly $8.99!  I don't even like Griz and I was like DAMN!  Now this evening.. No biggie!  So what about the rest of you Sept Quitters?  Any ya'll getting some KINGSIZE craves hitting you in the late 60s early 70s?  WTF??  Gooch

Do they REALLY call it baccer or is that just a redneck joke? I mean if I was in some backwoods kinda place like BFE Tennessee way up in the hills would guys walk into a store and ask for "some a that baccer"?

BTW - fuck the cravings Gooch - beat em down like I know you will. You don't crave that garbage anymore. Thats the nic bitch fuckin with you. Tell her to piss off. You crave life and the quit. You crave posting roll.

Morgan... Sadly there are some places in KY.. They would say the same thing.. Some people would still say "baccer".. No joke!

[Morgan1]

Hey Ladies... Busy as shit last few days! This is a very good thing for me being self employed! Still for me, real busy = craving.. Today  more this afternoon was BAD! Made it through again, however.. then I drove by the local BP/Baccer Shop (all you Yankees  Yuppies - Baccer is what rednecks call tobacco) Roll of Grizzly $8.99! I don't even like Griz and I was like DAMN! Now this evening.. No biggie! So what about the rest of you Sept Quitters? Any ya'll getting some KINGSIZE craves hitting you in the late 60s early 70s? WTF?? Gooch

Do they REALLY call it baccer or is that just a redneck joke? I mean if I was in some backwoods kinda place like BFE Tennessee way up in the hills would guys walk into a store and ask for "some a that baccer"?

BTW - fuck the cravings Gooch - beat em down like I know you will. You don't crave that garbage anymore. Thats the nic bitch fuckin with you. Tell her to piss off. You crave life and the quit. You crave posting roll.