Author Topic: No looking back  (Read 8313 times)

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Offline Keith0617

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Re: No looking back
« Reply #225 on: July 10, 2024, 12:56:50 PM »
If your quit is new, or you are feeling fragile at all maybe don't read this....

First let me introduce myself, I am Luby, I have been around awhile, 2,139 days to be exact, I was once a very active quitter, sometime after I hit my comma I just kinda didn't need to be as involved on site or as involved in my quit. I got comfortable, there were occasional cravings but nothing that wasn't easy to deal with.

From the outside I look like I have my shit together, I am pretty damn good at what I do, my finances are pretty ok, I am a good husband. In general I have my shit together, but, oh boy I don't think a lot of people would trade me for what goes on inside my head, I flat have anxiety, gotta take drugs for it and everything, but there is other stuff in my noggin that ain't great either, nothing diagnosed or named but I have some rough times, so I have to go see a therapist from time to time.

Today I went in, nothing dramatic but about 50 minutes into the hour session my nicotine addiction came up, she said she hadn't really dealt with nicotine but she said a lot of what I was talking about seemed like "relapse behavior". Kinda hit me like a ton of bricks, almost 6 years and a mental health professional is observing signs of relapse, we discussed it and she seemed right.

The only reason I am writing this here is because writing on here has always been helpful to me, I always hate expressing my vulnerability, well because I hate expressing vulnerability at all, but also because someone 2 days quit might look at this and say "fuck he's thousands of days in and still has issues? fuck this", and I hate that.

The thing is I still have to protect my quit, day 1, day 2, day 2,139, I am a addict, and I wonder if my relapse behavior would have manifested itself without me even realizing it. I am hyper aware now, but I am a vulnerable to the self justified, barely thinking about it trip to the corner store, so you might see me around a bit more for awhile. This place saved me, I hate to have to rely on it when I should be paying back, but I have to do what it takes to stay quit, I have enough shit going on without adding poison to my mouth and having that to add to my already fucked up head.

thanks for letting me ramble

Funny, took a trip down memory lane today and this was my last post in introductions, frankly I haven’t been around much for years, but I still know this community is here, still appreciate it so much.

Most days anymore it doesn’t matter, some days it does, My life’s kinda a pile right now, and one of the things I appreciate amongst all my other issues is at least I’m not figuring out how to get my nicotine fix….. My brother at 54 started using Zin’s cus he claimed it helped with his tinnitus, since getting tinnitus myself (thanks asshole at the gun range that unloaded his snub 45 right next to me in the quiet area that my father in law and I were at with silenced 9’s mostly so we could bullshit and still shoot) I have almost considered it, in the abstract…

Anyway nothing important just haven’t been around in awhile and wanted to say hi! This community saved me, and I am definitely piled under a lot of issues but not wondering where my next fix is coming from is almost a luxury. Gonna try harder to post roll and get somewhat back in the flow here. Not going back to the quit front lines, but i wanna be around, kinda like the old quiet guy at the country club/va/club, most won’t know what my deal is but “hey its that old dude”
Good to hear from you @luby . Would love to see you posting again. Tag me and I will post with you. A lot of KTC is now on Discord but some of the older crowd is still here. Here is the link to Discord if you want to check it out:   https://discord.gg/9qXQcTHuhd
Jan19

Offline luby

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Re: No looking back
« Reply #224 on: July 09, 2024, 07:27:18 PM »
If your quit is new, or you are feeling fragile at all maybe don't read this....

First let me introduce myself, I am Luby, I have been around awhile, 2,139 days to be exact, I was once a very active quitter, sometime after I hit my comma I just kinda didn't need to be as involved on site or as involved in my quit. I got comfortable, there were occasional cravings but nothing that wasn't easy to deal with.

From the outside I look like I have my shit together, I am pretty damn good at what I do, my finances are pretty ok, I am a good husband. In general I have my shit together, but, oh boy I don't think a lot of people would trade me for what goes on inside my head, I flat have anxiety, gotta take drugs for it and everything, but there is other stuff in my noggin that ain't great either, nothing diagnosed or named but I have some rough times, so I have to go see a therapist from time to time.

Today I went in, nothing dramatic but about 50 minutes into the hour session my nicotine addiction came up, she said she hadn't really dealt with nicotine but she said a lot of what I was talking about seemed like "relapse behavior". Kinda hit me like a ton of bricks, almost 6 years and a mental health professional is observing signs of relapse, we discussed it and she seemed right.

The only reason I am writing this here is because writing on here has always been helpful to me, I always hate expressing my vulnerability, well because I hate expressing vulnerability at all, but also because someone 2 days quit might look at this and say "fuck he's thousands of days in and still has issues? fuck this", and I hate that.

The thing is I still have to protect my quit, day 1, day 2, day 2,139, I am a addict, and I wonder if my relapse behavior would have manifested itself without me even realizing it. I am hyper aware now, but I am a vulnerable to the self justified, barely thinking about it trip to the corner store, so you might see me around a bit more for awhile. This place saved me, I hate to have to rely on it when I should be paying back, but I have to do what it takes to stay quit, I have enough shit going on without adding poison to my mouth and having that to add to my already fucked up head.

thanks for letting me ramble

Funny, took a trip down memory lane today and this was my last post in introductions, frankly I haven’t been around much for years, but I still know this community is here, still appreciate it so much.

Most days anymore it doesn’t matter, some days it does, My life’s kinda a pile right now, and one of the things I appreciate amongst all my other issues is at least I’m not figuring out how to get my nicotine fix….. My brother at 54 started using Zin’s cus he claimed it helped with his tinnitus, since getting tinnitus myself (thanks asshole at the gun range that unloaded his snub 45 right next to me in the quiet area that my father in law and I were at with silenced 9’s mostly so we could bullshit and still shoot) I have almost considered it, in the abstract…

Anyway nothing important just haven’t been around in awhile and wanted to say hi! This community saved me, and I am definitely piled under a lot of issues but not wondering where my next fix is coming from is almost a luxury. Gonna try harder to post roll and get somewhat back in the flow here. Not going back to the quit front lines, but i wanna be around, kinda like the old quiet guy at the country club/va/club, most won’t know what my deal is but “hey its that old dude”

Offline worktowin

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Re: No looking back
« Reply #223 on: May 26, 2017, 09:02:00 AM »
Quote from: sportsfan231
Quote from: AppleJack
Quote from: Luby
If your quit is new, or you are feeling fragile at all maybe don't read this....

First let me introduce myself, I am Luby, I have been around awhile, 2,139 days to be exact, I was once a very active quitter, sometime after I hit my comma I just kinda didn't need to be as involved on site or as involved in my quit. I got comfortable, there were occasional cravings but nothing that wasn't easy to deal with.

From the outside I look like I have my shit together, I am pretty damn good at what I do, my finances are pretty ok, I am a good husband. In general I have my shit together, but, oh boy I don't think a lot of people would trade me for what goes on inside my head, I flat have anxiety, gotta take drugs for it and everything, but there is other stuff in my noggin that ain't great either, nothing diagnosed or named but I have some rough times, so I have to go see a therapist from time to time.

Today I went in, nothing dramatic but about 50 minutes into the hour session my nicotine addiction came up, she said she hadn't really dealt with nicotine but she said a lot of what I was talking about seemed like "relapse behavior". Kinda hit me like a ton of bricks, almost 6 years and a mental health professional is observing signs of relapse, we discussed it and she seemed right.

The only reason I am writing this here is because writing on here has always been helpful to me, I always hate expressing my vulnerability, well because I hate expressing vulnerability at all, but also because someone 2 days quit might look at this and say "fuck he's thousands of days in and still has issues? fuck this", and I hate that.

The thing is I still have to protect my quit, day 1, day 2, day 2,139, I am a addict, and I wonder if my relapse behavior would have manifested itself without me even realizing it. I am hyper aware now, but I am a vulnerable to the self justified, barely thinking about it trip to the corner store, so you might see me around a bit more for awhile. This place saved me, I hate to have to rely on it when I should be paying back, but I have to do what it takes to stay quit, I have enough shit going on without adding poison to my mouth and having that to add to my already fucked up head.

thanks for letting me ramble
Epic post brother... epic.

Truthfully... this post is further proof that the method this place preaches works beautifully if you work it. I see nothing weak here man... takes uncommon strength to humble yourself and get back to basics. None of us... none... are so far ahead of our addiction that we can ignore the desperation of that "day 1" we've all posted. Good on ya bro... give or take... do whatever the hell you need to square yourself off.
very well said, I too use to be very active it help my quit more then anything. at 1693 days I still have bad days weeks so I start spending more time on here it helps a lot.
We used to look to nicotine to level out the lows... and the highs. Many of us used it like we would a medication. Fuck... work sucks... shove face full. Fuck fight with wife... shove face full. Promotion at work... shove face full. Crazy animal sex wife wife.... shove face full.

It leveled out all of the emotions. Now that we are on the roller coaster that life is, sometimes we miss the leveling out. Not weird at all. Stress sucks - and we used to deal with it by using nicotine. Now we don't. Continuous improvement is what life is all about. Always trying to get better, win bigger, lose less, find better and shorter paths to success. Nicotine didn't help us win, it just dulled the feeling of losing (and of winning). Hang tough bro - I'm loving this freedom from the clutches of nicotine.

worktowin 1,615

Offline Sportsfan231

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Re: No looking back
« Reply #222 on: May 26, 2017, 08:40:00 AM »
Quote from: AppleJack
Quote from: Luby
If your quit is new, or you are feeling fragile at all maybe don't read this....

First let me introduce myself, I am Luby, I have been around awhile, 2,139 days to be exact, I was once a very active quitter, sometime after I hit my comma I just kinda didn't need to be as involved on site or as involved in my quit. I got comfortable, there were occasional cravings but nothing that wasn't easy to deal with.

From the outside I look like I have my shit together, I am pretty damn good at what I do, my finances are pretty ok, I am a good husband. In general I have my shit together, but, oh boy I don't think a lot of people would trade me for what goes on inside my head, I flat have anxiety, gotta take drugs for it and everything, but there is other stuff in my noggin that ain't great either, nothing diagnosed or named but I have some rough times, so I have to go see a therapist from time to time.

Today I went in, nothing dramatic but about 50 minutes into the hour session my nicotine addiction came up, she said she hadn't really dealt with nicotine but she said a lot of what I was talking about seemed like "relapse behavior". Kinda hit me like a ton of bricks, almost 6 years and a mental health professional is observing signs of relapse, we discussed it and she seemed right.

The only reason I am writing this here is because writing on here has always been helpful to me, I always hate expressing my vulnerability, well because I hate expressing vulnerability at all, but also because someone 2 days quit might look at this and say "fuck he's thousands of days in and still has issues? fuck this", and I hate that.

The thing is I still have to protect my quit, day 1, day 2, day 2,139, I am a addict, and I wonder if my relapse behavior would have manifested itself without me even realizing it. I am hyper aware now, but I am a vulnerable to the self justified, barely thinking about it trip to the corner store, so you might see me around a bit more for awhile. This place saved me, I hate to have to rely on it when I should be paying back, but I have to do what it takes to stay quit, I have enough shit going on without adding poison to my mouth and having that to add to my already fucked up head.

thanks for letting me ramble
Epic post brother... epic.

Truthfully... this post is further proof that the method this place preaches works beautifully if you work it. I see nothing weak here man... takes uncommon strength to humble yourself and get back to basics. None of us... none... are so far ahead of our addiction that we can ignore the desperation of that "day 1" we've all posted. Good on ya bro... give or take... do whatever the hell you need to square yourself off.
very well said, I too use to be very active it help my quit more then anything. at 1693 days I still have bad days weeks so I start spending more time on here it helps a lot.

Offline AppleJack

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Re: No looking back
« Reply #221 on: May 24, 2017, 11:28:00 PM »
Quote from: Luby
If your quit is new, or you are feeling fragile at all maybe don't read this....

First let me introduce myself, I am Luby, I have been around awhile, 2,139 days to be exact, I was once a very active quitter, sometime after I hit my comma I just kinda didn't need to be as involved on site or as involved in my quit. I got comfortable, there were occasional cravings but nothing that wasn't easy to deal with.

From the outside I look like I have my shit together, I am pretty damn good at what I do, my finances are pretty ok, I am a good husband. In general I have my shit together, but, oh boy I don't think a lot of people would trade me for what goes on inside my head, I flat have anxiety, gotta take drugs for it and everything, but there is other stuff in my noggin that ain't great either, nothing diagnosed or named but I have some rough times, so I have to go see a therapist from time to time.

Today I went in, nothing dramatic but about 50 minutes into the hour session my nicotine addiction came up, she said she hadn't really dealt with nicotine but she said a lot of what I was talking about seemed like "relapse behavior". Kinda hit me like a ton of bricks, almost 6 years and a mental health professional is observing signs of relapse, we discussed it and she seemed right.

The only reason I am writing this here is because writing on here has always been helpful to me, I always hate expressing my vulnerability, well because I hate expressing vulnerability at all, but also because someone 2 days quit might look at this and say "fuck he's thousands of days in and still has issues? fuck this", and I hate that.

The thing is I still have to protect my quit, day 1, day 2, day 2,139, I am a addict, and I wonder if my relapse behavior would have manifested itself without me even realizing it. I am hyper aware now, but I am a vulnerable to the self justified, barely thinking about it trip to the corner store, so you might see me around a bit more for awhile. This place saved me, I hate to have to rely on it when I should be paying back, but I have to do what it takes to stay quit, I have enough shit going on without adding poison to my mouth and having that to add to my already fucked up head.

thanks for letting me ramble
Epic post brother... epic.

Truthfully... this post is further proof that the method this place preaches works beautifully if you work it. I see nothing weak here man... takes uncommon strength to humble yourself and get back to basics. None of us... none... are so far ahead of our addiction that we can ignore the desperation of that "day 1" we've all posted. Good on ya bro... give or take... do whatever the hell you need to square yourself off.
Well, it’s one louder, isn’t it? It’s not ten.

Offline luby

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Re: No looking back
« Reply #220 on: May 24, 2017, 08:22:00 PM »
If your quit is new, or you are feeling fragile at all maybe don't read this....

First let me introduce myself, I am Luby, I have been around awhile, 2,139 days to be exact, I was once a very active quitter, sometime after I hit my comma I just kinda didn't need to be as involved on site or as involved in my quit. I got comfortable, there were occasional cravings but nothing that wasn't easy to deal with.

From the outside I look like I have my shit together, I am pretty damn good at what I do, my finances are pretty ok, I am a good husband. In general I have my shit together, but, oh boy I don't think a lot of people would trade me for what goes on inside my head, I flat have anxiety, gotta take drugs for it and everything, but there is other stuff in my noggin that ain't great either, nothing diagnosed or named but I have some rough times, so I have to go see a therapist from time to time.

Today I went in, nothing dramatic but about 50 minutes into the hour session my nicotine addiction came up, she said she hadn't really dealt with nicotine but she said a lot of what I was talking about seemed like "relapse behavior". Kinda hit me like a ton of bricks, almost 6 years and a mental health professional is observing signs of relapse, we discussed it and she seemed right.

The only reason I am writing this here is because writing on here has always been helpful to me, I always hate expressing my vulnerability, well because I hate expressing vulnerability at all, but also because someone 2 days quit might look at this and say "fuck he's thousands of days in and still has issues? fuck this", and I hate that.

The thing is I still have to protect my quit, day 1, day 2, day 2,139, I am a addict, and I wonder if my relapse behavior would have manifested itself without me even realizing it. I am hyper aware now, but I am a vulnerable to the self justified, barely thinking about it trip to the corner store, so you might see me around a bit more for awhile. This place saved me, I hate to have to rely on it when I should be paying back, but I have to do what it takes to stay quit, I have enough shit going on without adding poison to my mouth and having that to add to my already fucked up head.

thanks for letting me ramble

Offline JGlav

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Re: No looking back
« Reply #219 on: February 14, 2017, 02:46:00 PM »
Quote from: AppleJack
Quote from: D2maine
Quote from: Luby
I don't spend much time around here anymore, roll in the am and the crossfit forum is about it. I just had a great reminder today of why being quit and being free are so great. I drove by a hospital on the way to the gym today and standing out front in pajamas and a robe was a woman on crutches and in obvious pain sucking on a cigarette. I live in Oregon the weather is shitty today, windy and raining. This poor slave had to crawl out of a hospital bed, painfully make her way outside to stand in the rain to get her fix.
Thanks to kill the can and all the great quitters on here today I am free of that. Today I posted roll and I am not gonna use nicotine. Not today, mother fucker, not today.
love that last line i feel the same way every time i post roll!
Missed this!

Hell yeah Lubs!
Was at the hospital today as well. Just a yearly check up for my youngest. Couple parked next to us, younger, 25ish, got out and the husband stood outside the car in the parking lot
while his wife finished the cigarette before they went into the hospital. It was 25F outside. Addiction is amazing. I made my son watch the whole act and told him how addictive it was for that lady.
So we passed the time waiting while discussing which McDonalds to go to for his Shamrock Shake. No nic for me today boys.

Offline AppleJack

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Re: No looking back
« Reply #218 on: February 14, 2017, 11:42:00 AM »
Quote from: D2maine
Quote from: Luby
I don't spend much time around here anymore, roll in the am and the crossfit forum is about it. I just had a great reminder today of why being quit and being free are so great. I drove by a hospital on the way to the gym today and standing out front in pajamas and a robe was a woman on crutches and in obvious pain sucking on a cigarette. I live in Oregon the weather is shitty today, windy and raining. This poor slave had to crawl out of a hospital bed, painfully make her way outside to stand in the rain to get her fix.
Thanks to kill the can and all the great quitters on here today I am free of that. Today I posted roll and I am not gonna use nicotine. Not today, mother fucker, not today.
love that last line i feel the same way every time i post roll!
Missed this!

Hell yeah Lubs!
Well, it’s one louder, isn’t it? It’s not ten.

Offline D2maine

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Re: No looking back
« Reply #217 on: February 12, 2017, 04:56:00 AM »
Quote from: Luby
I don't spend much time around here anymore, roll in the am and the crossfit forum is about it. I just had a great reminder today of why being quit and being free are so great. I drove by a hospital on the way to the gym today and standing out front in pajamas and a robe was a woman on crutches and in obvious pain sucking on a cigarette. I live in Oregon the weather is shitty today, windy and raining. This poor slave had to crawl out of a hospital bed, painfully make her way outside to stand in the rain to get her fix.
Thanks to kill the can and all the great quitters on here today I am free of that. Today I posted roll and I am not gonna use nicotine. Not today, mother fucker, not today.
love that last line i feel the same way every time i post roll!

Offline luby

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Re: No looking back
« Reply #216 on: February 09, 2017, 05:50:00 PM »
I don't spend much time around here anymore, roll in the am and the crossfit forum is about it. I just had a great reminder today of why being quit and being free are so great. I drove by a hospital on the way to the gym today and standing out front in pajamas and a robe was a woman on crutches and in obvious pain sucking on a cigarette. I live in Oregon the weather is shitty today, windy and raining. This poor slave had to crawl out of a hospital bed, painfully make her way outside to stand in the rain to get her fix.
Thanks to kill the can and all the great quitters on here today I am free of that. Today I posted roll and I am not gonna use nicotine. Not today, mother fucker, not today.

Offline ChickDip

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Re: No looking back
« Reply #215 on: January 04, 2017, 04:08:00 PM »
Quote from: JGlav
Quote from: Thumblewort
Quote from: AppleJack
2,000



Now, that's badass!

Congrats bro!
Truly baddassery!
Taking names ans kicking nics ass for 2,000 days. Sweet
Double up.. Badassery!
July 2015 Jackals - House of WUPP
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Try to believe that you are worth more than you think, and others are worth more than you think.
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Offline JGlav

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Re: No looking back
« Reply #214 on: January 04, 2017, 12:37:00 PM »
Quote from: Thumblewort
Quote from: AppleJack
2,000



Now, that's badass!

Congrats bro!
Truly baddassery!
Taking names ans kicking nics ass for 2,000 days. Sweet

Offline Thumblewort

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Re: No looking back
« Reply #213 on: January 04, 2017, 10:41:00 AM »
Quote from: AppleJack
2,000



Now, that's badass!

Congrats bro!
Truly baddassery!
Some of my fondest and clearest memories are peeing in places that aren't bathrooms.

Offline AppleJack

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Re: No looking back
« Reply #212 on: January 04, 2017, 10:23:00 AM »
2,000



Now, that's badass!

Congrats bro!
Well, it’s one louder, isn’t it? It’s not ten.

Offline AppleJack

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Re: No looking back
« Reply #211 on: July 15, 2016, 06:50:00 PM »
Quote from: wastepanel
'oh yeah'

Love ya you basterd!
Bad. Ass.
Congrats bro!
Well, it’s one louder, isn’t it? It’s not ten.