I've just realised something. That whole rant I went on was a setup. (I was going to post this in the October quit group, but I didn't want to choke it with something that most people probably aren't interested in reading anyway.)
All of it. Here's why:
I posted roll very early, as I've been doing. Went about my business, decided to check and see who was posting and their messages next to the day number. It helps to motivate me, and I'm interested in how others are feeling. Call it Schadenfreude if you like, but it helps move me along.
So I notice, that my name isn't in the list. Huh? How could that be, I know I posted roll.
Lo and behold, I had, at 7:58am. At 8:01, gsenk posted roll. Maybe he had to step away, but we were both posting at the same time. His post didn't have my info in it, as he started the copypasta before 7:58. Cosmic accident? Must be. Or is it?
Maybe I'm going through another phase of withdrawal, but I can't help but wonder if this is one way for people to feed off each other. Make it look like I didn't post, or anyone for that matter, and then the rest of the herd jumps on that person's back, even though they DID actually post roll earlier in the day.
So, part II: I come round in the afternoon, re-post roll, and note I might not be able to post right on the money. I may be late, or may not be within the ability to contact someone to post for me.
Everything, as we saw, exploded. I lost my temper, which, to be honest, I feel I am entitled to do as I see fit. That is the ONLY thing I will ever feel that I am entitled to, as long as I am alive.
Now, was I wrong in exploding the way I did? Yes and no. Yes in that, well, to be honest, nothing made sense, the wiring was shot, and I don't text people when I'm angry. I fucking call them, and I tell them what I feel. I don't like sounding like a whiny little cunt, so I try to avoid that and go and do other constructive things instead. This time, I blew my stack.
Why? Well, simply - as I see it, I am required until day 100 to post roll on this site, every day. I am somehow required to be in contact with someone from this site, every day, until that point. Failure to do so is an automatic accusation of a cave, planned or otherwise, scorn, criticism and horrendous cynicism. It is an unheard of possibility, within the circles here, that someone should not consider that they may not be able to contact someone, or post.
I take issue with that. For several reasons. Now that I'm finally not in so much pain, I'd like to elucidate why. I was never asking for a hall pass from posting roll. I was never planning a cave, nor was I planning on anything other than, what I've previously stated.
To have so much controversy over something like this makes me seriously question both the power dynamic of an organisation like this insofar that it is determined that a strict set of rules is to be followed. If said rules are not followed, that person shall be scorned until they either leave or acquiesce to the bidding of the public therein.
What if I have an emergency, say an accident or I get stuck in an area without the ability to contact someone, will you automatically assume I've caved and given in to the Dark Mistress that haunts us all? Do you automatically think on day 2 of no roll post "Ohhhh radar, he finally gave in. He's in an alley in Albany with half a can of Grizzly in his mouth, all disheveled and full of cancer. We should pray for him, and make him feel like shit when he comes back to the site."
Am I wrong here? Please tell me I am.
So, allow me to clarify: I will post roll here as often as I can, and will contact someone in my list of numbers if I cannot. If I cannot contact someone, rest assured, at some point, I will have posted in roll that I will be going to X destination for Y amount of time and will return on Z date. It is my hobby to go back to nature, and once this summer house is underway (if all goes well) I may have blackout periods for a little while. I will note this in roll posts as succinctly as possible.
This is not a planned cave, nor a request to be excused from posting roll, this is being in an area of northeastern Québec with no internet or cellphone service for several days at a time. Once I'm finished, you all are more than welcome to come visit (assuming this even goes through. If I don't buy land, then I won't be up there for periods of time, ok?) I need to find land, get the money together and find out what regulations I am facing once I go to build on it.
Oh, and Bowman, come over here and say that.
