No looking back

[eric71]

I lost my shit tonight. Little after 11 PM after an absolute shit storm of a night at work, combined with phone calls, texts and emails amongst various family members and issues (some unfortunately serious) all while dealing with co-workers that are so controlled by addictions that their rationalizations are their realitys, I was fucking done.
Driving home I was headed to buy a can, I even thought about who I could call and told myself there was no one up that late. I pulled my own rationalization.

I didn't cave, not even close.
My addiction told me chew was the answer. That shit is laughable. I thought about my quit brothers i'd let down, I thought about giving up my freedom, and it wasn't even close.
The best part I KNEW it wouldn't help even a little. And as all bat shit crazy, out of control pissed and losing it I was, chew didn't even sound good. A cheeseburger and a beer? That sounded good a lip filled with shame sounded like the dumbest idea ever.
The fact I still think about it proves I'm an addict, the fact I'm better than that keeps me free.

Awesome shit right there brother. In a pinch like that next time though, give me a shout, if you need #s, shoot me a PM. I don't sleep well, let alone much as a rule during the week so never assume you're playing sniper without a spotter. Someone will always have your back.

QLAFM with you today.

[luby]

I lost my shit tonight. Little after 11 PM after an absolute shit storm of a night at work, combined with phone calls, texts and emails amongst various family members and issues (some unfortunately serious) all while dealing with co-workers that are so controlled by addictions that their rationalizations are their realitys, I was fucking done.
Driving home I was headed to buy a can, I even thought about who I could call and told myself there was no one up that late. I pulled my own rationalization.

I didn't cave, not even close.
My addiction told me chew was the answer. That shit is laughable. I thought about my quit brothers i'd let down, I thought about giving up my freedom, and it wasn't even close.
The best part I KNEW it wouldn't help even a little. And as all bat shit crazy, out of control pissed and losing it I was, chew didn't even sound good. A cheeseburger and a beer? That sounded good a lip filled with shame sounded like the dumbest idea ever.
The fact I still think about it proves I'm an addict, the fact I'm better than that keeps me free.

[Greg5280]

Had to go back aways to find my intro thread but I wanted to share something and I figured here was the right place....

A year ago today was my "quit date" I had set it, built it up in my mind and I was spending the 4th owning my "independence from nicotine". Seriously that is what I was calling it, don't mock me, I am mostly awesome but sometimes even I can have bad ideas.

Anyway I owned it that day and the next and for a few more, I don't really know because this was before I found KTC, quit one day at a time and paid attention to my days..... I know I made it through the hard part physically and mentally (as I had countless times before, I was a professional "stopper") but not too long into it I was right back to the tin, I won't call it a 'cave' cus once again pre KTC I don't feel I have the right to that terminology, what I was, was a loser.

I am celebrating the 4th a little extra today because that failed attempt led to such shame and self loathing that I sought help and found KTC. Without that pathetic, independent attempt to quit on my own I would have never found the tools, the support, the brotherhood, the good friends, and the accountability that have led me to the intoxication of freedom I have earned today.

I have had a damn nice run lately. Quit is strong, life is good, living is easy, but I know there will always be rough spots, I am an addict, there is no cure, this is who I am. And you know what I wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Fourth of July KTC I hope you are all feeling the extra freedom today.

Glad you found us

I quit with you !

[Scowick65]

Had to go back aways to find my intro thread but I wanted to share something and I figured here was the right place....

A year ago today was my "quit date" I had set it, built it up in my mind and I was spending the 4th owning my "independence from nicotine". Seriously that is what I was calling it, don't mock me, I am mostly awesome but sometimes even I can have bad ideas.

Anyway I owned it that day and the next and for a few more, I don't really know because this was before I found KTC, quit one day at a time and paid attention to my days..... I know I made it through the hard part physically and mentally (as I had countless times before, I was a professional "stopper") but not too long into it I was right back to the tin, I won't call it a 'cave' cus once again pre KTC I don't feel I have the right to that terminology, what I was, was a loser.

I am celebrating the 4th a little extra today because that failed attempt led to such shame and self loathing that I sought help and found KTC. Without that pathetic, independent attempt to quit on my own I would have never found the tools, the support, the brotherhood, the good friends, and the accountability that have led me to the intoxication of freedom I have earned today.

I have had a damn nice run lately. Quit is strong, life is good, living is easy, but I know there will always be rough spots, I am an addict, there is no cure, this is who I am. And you know what I wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Fourth of July KTC I hope you are all feeling the extra freedom today.

Glad you found us

[luby]

Had to go back aways to find my intro thread but I wanted to share something and I figured here was the right place....

A year ago today was my "quit date" I had set it, built it up in my mind and I was spending the 4th owning my "independence from nicotine". Seriously that is what I was calling it, don't mock me, I am mostly awesome but sometimes even I can have bad ideas.

Anyway I owned it that day and the next and for a few more, I don't really know because this was before I found KTC, quit one day at a time and paid attention to my days..... I know I made it through the hard part physically and mentally (as I had countless times before, I was a professional "stopper") but not too long into it I was right back to the tin, I won't call it a 'cave' cus once again pre KTC I don't feel I have the right to that terminology, what I was, was a loser.

I am celebrating the 4th a little extra today because that failed attempt led to such shame and self loathing that I sought help and found KTC. Without that pathetic, independent attempt to quit on my own I would have never found the tools, the support, the brotherhood, the good friends, and the accountability that have led me to the intoxication of freedom I have earned today.

I have had a damn nice run lately. Quit is strong, life is good, living is easy, but I know there will always be rough spots, I am an addict, there is no cure, this is who I am. And you know what I wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Fourth of July KTC I hope you are all feeling the extra freedom today.

[tazmed]

Suffering from one of periodic bouts of insomnia, which sucks a ton but gives me time to write in here. My wife and I have made a huge life decision and decided to make Eugene, Oregon home. Even moving around I never thought I'd call anyplace but Seattle home, but life, box of chocolates and all that.
Anyway the moving into a new home has triggered some thoughts about my quit. A couple big life decisions and moves in the past have led to major amounts of dipping. This time it isn't even an option, not just because I post roll each day, but because I am in a great place in my quit right now. Nicotine has no appeal, and it is something that i used to do. Don't get me wrong I post everyday, I am a texting fool with many fine quitters, I am active on site and paying it forward helping anyone I can. I have not lost sight of the fact that I am an addict, I remain vigilant. My freedom was hard earned, I will do what it takes to keep it.
There is one other reason I am so strong right now, the same reason I stated in my first post here, all of you. I look back to my first post and I told this entire community that I was going to rely on all of you. It is really funny looking back on it because I had no clue what I was talking about, but boy did I get that right!
I had no idea the level that would go to. Some of the people I consider very close friends are people I have met here. The thought of letting them down, of letting this community down, of letting my wife down, of letting myself down is just so repulsive to me that I cannot even imagine it.
To anyone new, or anyone struggling I have felt your pain, I am sure I will struggle again but right now I feel great and I am proud to quit with all of you today!

Welcome to Oregon...I'm glad you've made the decision to stay here. It took me 18 years to get back here and I'm never looking back. Before you know it you'll be sporting the green and gold! 'crackup'

Seriously though, I AM glad you're here...it's good to have a strong quitter like you close enough to keep me honest, and I'll do the same for you. There are a couple other vets here too, so maybe it's time for an Oregon "convention" as Souliman puts it. B)

[Mthomas3824]

Suffering from one of periodic bouts of insomnia, which sucks a ton but gives me time to write in here. My wife and I have made a huge life decision and decided to make Eugene, Oregon home. Even moving around I never thought I'd call anyplace but Seattle home, but life, box of chocolates and all that.
Anyway the moving into a new home has triggered some thoughts about my quit. A couple big life decisions and moves in the past have led to major amounts of dipping. This time it isn't even an option, not just because I post roll each day, but because I am in a great place in my quit right now. Nicotine has no appeal, and it is something that i used to do. Don't get me wrong I post everyday, I am a texting fool with many fine quitters, I am active on site and paying it forward helping anyone I can. I have not lost sight of the fact that I am an addict, I remain vigilant. My freedom was hard earned, I will do what it takes to keep it.
There is one other reason I am so strong right now, the same reason I stated in my first post here, all of you. I look back to my first post and I told this entire community that I was going to rely on all of you. It is really funny looking back on it because I had no clue what I was talking about, but boy did I get that right!
I had no idea the level that would go to. Some of the people I consider very close friends are people I have met here. The thought of letting them down, of letting this community down, of letting my wife down, of letting myself down is just so repulsive to me that I cannot even imagine it.
To anyone new, or anyone struggling I have felt your pain, I am sure I will struggle again but right now I feel great and I am proud to quit with all of you today!

Well done Luby. I don't know if you been going to any quitter meets or anything out there...I call them conventions out here on the east coast cause it seems like a whole bunch of folks come out for these things. The thing that I always come away with is what a complete bunch of characters we all are. Strong personalities. Solid folks. And the thing I dig is I get a sense of purpose from everyone. May be I'm projecting...I dunno. Good folks. That's all I got to say.

Glad you're here man.

Great post! Thanks. So glad to be quit and celebrate with all you bastards of quit. kill The Can!

[Souliman]

Suffering from one of periodic bouts of insomnia, which sucks a ton but gives me time to write in here. My wife and I have made a huge life decision and decided to make Eugene, Oregon home. Even moving around I never thought I'd call anyplace but Seattle home, but life, box of chocolates and all that.
Anyway the moving into a new home has triggered some thoughts about my quit. A couple big life decisions and moves in the past have led to major amounts of dipping. This time it isn't even an option, not just because I post roll each day, but because I am in a great place in my quit right now. Nicotine has no appeal, and it is something that i used to do. Don't get me wrong I post everyday, I am a texting fool with many fine quitters, I am active on site and paying it forward helping anyone I can. I have not lost sight of the fact that I am an addict, I remain vigilant. My freedom was hard earned, I will do what it takes to keep it.
There is one other reason I am so strong right now, the same reason I stated in my first post here, all of you. I look back to my first post and I told this entire community that I was going to rely on all of you. It is really funny looking back on it because I had no clue what I was talking about, but boy did I get that right!
I had no idea the level that would go to. Some of the people I consider very close friends are people I have met here. The thought of letting them down, of letting this community down, of letting my wife down, of letting myself down is just so repulsive to me that I cannot even imagine it.
To anyone new, or anyone struggling I have felt your pain, I am sure I will struggle again but right now I feel great and I am proud to quit with all of you today!

Well done Luby. I don't know if you been going to any quitter meets or anything out there...I call them conventions out here on the east coast cause it seems like a whole bunch of folks come out for these things. The thing that I always come away with is what a complete bunch of characters we all are. Strong personalities. Solid folks. And the thing I dig is I get a sense of purpose from everyone. May be I'm projecting...I dunno. Good folks. That's all I got to say.

Glad you're here man.

[luby]

Suffering from one of periodic bouts of insomnia, which sucks a ton but gives me time to write in here. My wife and I have made a huge life decision and decided to make Eugene, Oregon home. Even moving around I never thought I'd call anyplace but Seattle home, but life, box of chocolates and all that.
Anyway the moving into a new home has triggered some thoughts about my quit. A couple big life decisions and moves in the past have led to major amounts of dipping. This time it isn't even an option, not just because I post roll each day, but because I am in a great place in my quit right now. Nicotine has no appeal, and it is something that i used to do. Don't get me wrong I post everyday, I am a texting fool with many fine quitters, I am active on site and paying it forward helping anyone I can. I have not lost sight of the fact that I am an addict, I remain vigilant. My freedom was hard earned, I will do what it takes to keep it.
There is one other reason I am so strong right now, the same reason I stated in my first post here, all of you. I look back to my first post and I told this entire community that I was going to rely on all of you. It is really funny looking back on it because I had no clue what I was talking about, but boy did I get that right!
I had no idea the level that would go to. Some of the people I consider very close friends are people I have met here. The thought of letting them down, of letting this community down, of letting my wife down, of letting myself down is just so repulsive to me that I cannot even imagine it.
To anyone new, or anyone struggling I have felt your pain, I am sure I will struggle again but right now I feel great and I am proud to quit with all of you today!

[ChewCrewRetiree]

Wow, it has been awhile since I wrote anything in here! I have had such a simple but powerful thought lately, it is nothing new but it just keeps hitting me. I have lived life as a dipper and I have now lived my life quit for 215 days.
The one with the freedom is so exponentially better I do not have words to describe it. It shocks me when I see a caver because he has tasted this freedom and chose to forsake it.
Gentleman raise a glass to freedom tonight, we have earned it, and it is a beautiful thing!

Freedom. It is humanity's natural state. Cheers to you!

Wonderfully stated Luby! On that note, I will cheers you as well as any who should also decide to do so! I am so very grateful to have found KTC and established such stellar brelationships with so many of the people here. Congrats on your 200+ so far and I look forward to continuing the journey with you as well! 'Have a beer'

[Scowick65]

Wow, it has been awhile since I wrote anything in here! I have had such a simple but powerful thought lately, it is nothing new but it just keeps hitting me. I have lived life as a dipper and I have now lived my life quit for 215 days.
The one with the freedom is so exponentially better I do not have words to describe it. It shocks me when I see a caver because he has tasted this freedom and chose to forsake it.
Gentleman raise a glass to freedom tonight, we have earned it, and it is a beautiful thing!

Freedom. It is humanity's natural state. Cheers to you!

[luby]

Wow, it has been awhile since I wrote anything in here! I have had such a simple but powerful thought lately, it is nothing new but it just keeps hitting me. I have lived life as a dipper and I have now lived my life quit for 215 days.
The one with the freedom is so exponentially better I do not have words to describe it. It shocks me when I see a caver because he has tasted this freedom and chose to forsake it.
Gentleman raise a glass to freedom tonight, we have earned it, and it is a beautiful thing!

[Souliman]

Keep up the fight Luby. Lots of folks here to lean on...or get a kick in the crotch from.

[per034]

Debated whether to write anything, because it may be discouraging for some but decided to because it may help others.
Day 178 and I have been struggling since the holidays, lots of factors, one being this is about my most stressful work weeks of the year, another I work around guys that dip. Whatever the reason they have combined and hit me like a ton of bricks. Whatever the reasons the craves are here and they suck.
The most important thing about these last few days is that they have reinforced the fact I cannot, and may never be able to do this alone. Yesterday I reached out in my quit group and that helped. I reached out via text to quit brothers yesterday and already this morning. One thing I did is make sure I know some guys will be near their phones for me today. I will fight like mad today, but I may not be strong enough to win the fight, but I know I don't have to be, I have people who will help me and together we will be strong enough.
I won't lie I am pissed. I want to be "done" quitting. I want to be "cured", I don't want to have to fight this everyday.
To any newbys who read this and think "fuck this guy is 6 months quit and struggling...." please trust me when I say that I have had way, way more good days than bad thought this, and the freedom is worth every bad day I've had.
And for everyone the lesson I've learned, post roll everyday, and use your resources!

I feel for you Luby, I really do. It sounds like you're going through a difficult period and questioning if you really can t through without nicotine. This is the addiction pulling at you. These are death throws from a dying nic bitch.

Let me ask you a couple questions...

Is dipping an option for you today?

Are you considering not posting roll tomorrow?

If the answer to either of those is a 'yes' or a 'maybe' then you are in a danger zone.

One of the things that has helped me is that I took the advice of some on this board and I did my best to "Shut the Door" on that period of my life when I dipped.

It's a mindset thing.

Step back from where you are and consider your big picture options. You can go back to the fucked up way of living your life, or you can continue to man-up and own that bitch.

Be a bad-ass. Own your addiction and make it play by YOUR rules...

Peace to you my friend.

I know it can suck sometimes. You have self awareness though. This is a good thing. I kinda like that.

Stick with the herd. Always best. The nic bitch is more likely to go after some dumb ass being stupid.

Luby,

You are a badass quitter and I appreciate your honesty. I will help out in any way I can.

I quit on or about the day you walked into the HOF, which means whatever you go through in your quit, I'm likely to experience 100 days or so down the line.

You've set and continue to set a great example for us quitters. I know what you deal with in your daily life and your ability to stand up and say "QUIT" each and every day is inspiring. Others in your line of work have not been so successful.

Stay strong, Luby. And hit me up whenever you need. You know how to find me.

-Bigsky

When i thought I couldn't make it through this quit, all I had to do was take a look to see that Luby, WP, CnC ect have posted roll and I know I can because they have trusted me enough to give me their word. If that didn't work for me then I called on my quit brother, Luby and it always helps. He won't let me fail and I won't let him fail either. You call or text if you need it! Last week I had a case of the effits. That is basically when you think about all of the reasons you quit and say f-it, I am going back. Short text with Luby and I had my sane quit mind back. I can't do this alone anytime soon...maybe ever...glad to be quit with you! This addiction is cunning and will strike when we least expect it. Keep your hands up sisters and brothers.

THANK YOU for sharing. The more that see this, the better. Too many people are going to leave in 100 days. IDK when I'll leave, but I do know that 100days of being nic free is a drop in the bucket compared to the 10,950 days of using nicotine.

We need to reprogram ourselves on how to handle every situation. Our brain is programmed to immediately go to the one thing it knows...stuff shit in your face. We have to retrain our brain on a new "go to". At 50days, I'm just learning how to relax without having cravings. Almost everything I've experienced in my life for the past 30years has had nicotine as part of the program.

One huge lesson for me this past week is it's much more effective to think of what I CAN do. The more I think, "What CAN I do in this situation", the more replacements I find. It's a waste of opportunity, never mind energy, to focus on what we can't do.

I've had this same emotion lately. you are not alone. stay strong luby. you are a fine quitter who many look up to. a cave decision will not only be a disappointment to you but also to your wife and your quit brothers and sisters. ultimately it comes down to one question. is dip more important? Don't be selfish today. let tomorrow take care of itself. Your quit inspires me.

[Cornholio]

Debated whether to write anything, because it may be discouraging for some but decided to because it may help others.
Day 178 and I have been struggling since the holidays, lots of factors, one being this is about my most stressful work weeks of the year, another I work around guys that dip. Whatever the reason they have combined and hit me like a ton of bricks. Whatever the reasons the craves are here and they suck.
The most important thing about these last few days is that they have reinforced the fact I cannot, and may never be able to do this alone. Yesterday I reached out in my quit group and that helped. I reached out via text to quit brothers yesterday and already this morning. One thing I did is make sure I know some guys will be near their phones for me today. I will fight like mad today, but I may not be strong enough to win the fight, but I know I don't have to be, I have people who will help me and together we will be strong enough.
I won't lie I am pissed. I want to be "done" quitting. I want to be "cured", I don't want to have to fight this everyday.
To any newbys who read this and think "fuck this guy is 6 months quit and struggling...." please trust me when I say that I have had way, way more good days than bad thought this, and the freedom is worth every bad day I've had.
And for everyone the lesson I've learned, post roll everyday, and use your resources!

I feel for you Luby, I really do. It sounds like you're going through a difficult period and questioning if you really can t through without nicotine. This is the addiction pulling at you. These are death throws from a dying nic bitch.

Let me ask you a couple questions...

Is dipping an option for you today?

Are you considering not posting roll tomorrow?

If the answer to either of those is a 'yes' or a 'maybe' then you are in a danger zone.

One of the things that has helped me is that I took the advice of some on this board and I did my best to "Shut the Door" on that period of my life when I dipped.

It's a mindset thing.

Step back from where you are and consider your big picture options. You can go back to the fucked up way of living your life, or you can continue to man-up and own that bitch.

Be a bad-ass. Own your addiction and make it play by YOUR rules...

Peace to you my friend.

I know it can suck sometimes. You have self awareness though. This is a good thing. I kinda like that.

Stick with the herd. Always best. The nic bitch is more likely to go after some dumb ass being stupid.

Luby,

You are a badass quitter and I appreciate your honesty. I will help out in any way I can.

I quit on or about the day you walked into the HOF, which means whatever you go through in your quit, I'm likely to experience 100 days or so down the line.

You've set and continue to set a great example for us quitters. I know what you deal with in your daily life and your ability to stand up and say "QUIT" each and every day is inspiring. Others in your line of work have not been so successful.

Stay strong, Luby. And hit me up whenever you need. You know how to find me.

-Bigsky

When i thought I couldn't make it through this quit, all I had to do was take a look to see that Luby, WP, CnC ect have posted roll and I know I can because they have trusted me enough to give me their word. If that didn't work for me then I called on my quit brother, Luby and it always helps. He won't let me fail and I won't let him fail either. You call or text if you need it! Last week I had a case of the effits. That is basically when you think about all of the reasons you quit and say f-it, I am going back. Short text with Luby and I had my sane quit mind back. I can't do this alone anytime soon...maybe ever...glad to be quit with you! This addiction is cunning and will strike when we least expect it. Keep your hands up sisters and brothers.

THANK YOU for sharing. The more that see this, the better. Too many people are going to leave in 100 days. IDK when I'll leave, but I do know that 100days of being nic free is a drop in the bucket compared to the 10,950 days of using nicotine.

We need to reprogram ourselves on how to handle every situation. Our brain is programmed to immediately go to the one thing it knows...stuff shit in your face. We have to retrain our brain on a new "go to". At 50days, I'm just learning how to relax without having cravings. Almost everything I've experienced in my life for the past 30years has had nicotine as part of the program.

One huge lesson for me this past week is it's much more effective to think of what I CAN do. The more I think, "What CAN I do in this situation", the more replacements I find. It's a waste of opportunity, never mind energy, to focus on what we can't do.