Closing out 2014; Without dip...
This was one of the best holidays I can remember. I feel it was the lack of nicotine, but also that it was a blast watching my almost 4yr old and his almost 2yr old lil sister open gifts. This was his 1st year to seem to really be into it which I think made it more enjoyable for me. We also started some of our own little traditions. It's been an overall awesome holiday!
We drove from Dallas to Baytown to see my wives parents and two brothers (one is married)... My wife's parents are from Thailand and I mention this just to set the scene a little bit. They are awesome people and her dad is hands down #1 grandpa. If you don't watch him he'll just take off with the kids! But, they can be a little different than what I think most of us think a "normal" family Xmas should be like. Anyway, her brothers live in like Pearland and Katy which are on opposite sides of Houston from Baytown. My father in-law smokes Marlboro Reds for 50+ years IN THE HOUSE! He'll probably live to 110!
Again, back on track here. I mention some of those things to say that there were some major triggers for me over the weekend. I was never big on smoking cigs. I grew up with a mom who smoked and I myself, a few times tried switching from snuff to cigs and it never worked. They make me cough, and my mouth taste like shit, and I just could NOT use them. Oh, HOW I wish dip would have been the same for me! It wasn't until Sunday when we left that I realized that being around all that smoke was making me constantly crave the nic bitch...
Not to fear... I think... I have fake dip! Well, I know that I've talked about it before. Everyone says it's ok to use the fake dip and when I say everyone I mean "everyone that matters to me". My dentist, the oral surgeon, my wife and myself. Because I believe getting off the nicotine and tobacco are the most important things. I will say this though - For me a big reason to get quit is to lose the spitter and the habits that go along with dipping. I think dipping is gross! That's one of the things that baffled me for SO long is how can I hate this crap and think it's gross yet at the very same moment HAVE to have it to get by.
Ok, so well, I've beat the nicotine for the moment to still be dipping and spitting and still enjoying it. Felt a little like cheating I said at the start of my quit it seemingly made it so easy... Well, now I'm starting to feel as if I'm just addicted to fake dip now. At one point recently I think it was a dream or maybe a crave but I pictured myself buying a can of REAL dip and thought "Aye, what's the difference and this will be so much easier"... Random cravings and thoughts of an addict mind healing itself? I'm not sure...
I know the fake has kept me off the dip for 76 days now... I also know I read something another member posted somewhere that they used fake for like 500 days before quitting it too. So for now I plug along and plan to use the fake for as long as I have to. At the same time knowing in my own heart I won't be completely content until the day comes that I have quit "dipping" altogether.
OK, all of that said I feel it was a little negative and that is the 70's funk talking... 76 day's quit I believe that I'm out of it and starting to feel that positive vibe again. QLF