It's go-time -- nervous anxiety and all...

[slinger]

Far too long since the last contribution to Krusty's Quit Journal, but not for lack of focus on my quit.  This entry is not meant to mark any milestone, either -- a lot of guys have reached out with congrats on reaching 50 today, and that strengthens my resolve and proves that "the system" works.  If I wasn't building a support network over the past seven weeks, however, my phone wouldn't have been lighting up all day, and I would have been cheating myself -- and today posed no test to my quit, thankfully.

I'm not so naive to think that the future is all butterflies and rainbows, and I've been amazed at some of the shit that other people have been juggling both early and well into their quits, yet their commitment has been unwavering.  I've been fortunate that the physical side of my quit has been manageable.  Mentally was a bit more challenging early-on, particularly when I lost sight of ODAAT and got overwhelmed thinking about "forever".  While HOF is in the back of my mind, it only represents a number, some words of reflection, and commemoration with the guys in my immediate circle.  Life goes on the next day, and it's back to ODAAT, regardless of how many days are behind it.

Sharing a bit more about myself and my reserved view about HOF:  the last meaningful time I took a break from my addiction to Copenhagen was one year before I got married to my beautiful (and wonderfully patient) wife, which was mid-2006 to mid-2007.  She was a social smoker at the time, and I was then as I am now:  completely beholden to nicotine.  We made a pact that we would both stop using our respective nicotine products for the year before our wedding, to "enjoy" the engagement period with a healthy lifestyle or something.  But really it was because we also agreed that on the night of the wedding reception, we would allow ourselves to let loose and get reacquainted with our old nicotine friends.

So, we kept our word to each other and stayed clean for one year.  And at the party after our reception, she bummed a cigarette from some of her friends, and I tore into a tin of Copenhagen like a wild animal deprived of food for weeks.  Kept it in / refreshed it well into the early morning hours.  Couldn't have been happier -- had just celebrated the happiest day of my life, was in the company of closest friends and family, was in an amazing location, and I had a massive fatty in my mouth.  When everyone started peeling off for bed, my new bride said she wanted to "go to bed", too.  And what did her new loving husband do, upon being presented with the quintessential wedding night opportunity?

You guessed it:  put in a fresh lipper and hung out with college buddies to fill up our spitters some more.

Fucking jackass.

I think that's why I'm trying to avoid ascribing too much importance to HOF, at least in my case:  the last time I stopped using for any comparable length of time, I rewarded myself with a cave, and embraced it.  I was counting down the days to my cave, for crying out loud.  Since that planned cave, every effort to stop using was a pathetic attempt to appease my wife's concerns about my health, our future together, and the impact my dipping was having on our relationship.  And deep down, in every case, I knew I wasn't going to keep any promise to stop dipping.

So here I am.  50 days into my quit.  And I'm counting down the days to have a massive helping of more quit, with gravy.  Fucking jackass.

Yeah the terminus isn't the objective here, it's the journey for as many consecutive 24 hr periods as possible. Thanks for sharing.

Thanks for sharing some fresh inspiration for us noobs. It's good to be quitting with you.

[Sap]

Far too long since the last contribution to Krusty's Quit Journal, but not for lack of focus on my quit. This entry is not meant to mark any milestone, either -- a lot of guys have reached out with congrats on reaching 50 today, and that strengthens my resolve and proves that "the system" works. If I wasn't building a support network over the past seven weeks, however, my phone wouldn't have been lighting up all day, and I would have been cheating myself -- and today posed no test to my quit, thankfully.

I'm not so naive to think that the future is all butterflies and rainbows, and I've been amazed at some of the shit that other people have been juggling both early and well into their quits, yet their commitment has been unwavering. I've been fortunate that the physical side of my quit has been manageable. Mentally was a bit more challenging early-on, particularly when I lost sight of ODAAT and got overwhelmed thinking about "forever". While HOF is in the back of my mind, it only represents a number, some words of reflection, and commemoration with the guys in my immediate circle. Life goes on the next day, and it's back to ODAAT, regardless of how many days are behind it.

Sharing a bit more about myself and my reserved view about HOF: the last meaningful time I took a break from my addiction to Copenhagen was one year before I got married to my beautiful (and wonderfully patient) wife, which was mid-2006 to mid-2007. She was a social smoker at the time, and I was then as I am now: completely beholden to nicotine. We made a pact that we would both stop using our respective nicotine products for the year before our wedding, to "enjoy" the engagement period with a healthy lifestyle or something. But really it was because we also agreed that on the night of the wedding reception, we would allow ourselves to let loose and get reacquainted with our old nicotine friends.

So, we kept our word to each other and stayed clean for one year. And at the party after our reception, she bummed a cigarette from some of her friends, and I tore into a tin of Copenhagen like a wild animal deprived of food for weeks. Kept it in / refreshed it well into the early morning hours. Couldn't have been happier -- had just celebrated the happiest day of my life, was in the company of closest friends and family, was in an amazing location, and I had a massive fatty in my mouth. When everyone started peeling off for bed, my new bride said she wanted to "go to bed", too. And what did her new loving husband do, upon being presented with the quintessential wedding night opportunity?

You guessed it: put in a fresh lipper and hung out with college buddies to fill up our spitters some more.

Fucking jackass.

I think that's why I'm trying to avoid ascribing too much importance to HOF, at least in my case: the last time I stopped using for any comparable length of time, I rewarded myself with a cave, and embraced it. I was counting down the days to my cave, for crying out loud. Since that planned cave, every effort to stop using was a pathetic attempt to appease my wife's concerns about my health, our future together, and the impact my dipping was having on our relationship. And deep down, in every case, I knew I wasn't going to keep any promise to stop dipping.

So here I am. 50 days into my quit. And I'm counting down the days to have a massive helping of more quit, with gravy. Fucking jackass.

Yeah the terminus isn't the objective here, it's the journey for as many consecutive 24 hr periods as possible. Thanks for sharing.

[Krusty]

Far too long since the last contribution to Krusty's Quit Journal, but not for lack of focus on my quit. This entry is not meant to mark any milestone, either -- a lot of guys have reached out with congrats on reaching 50 today, and that strengthens my resolve and proves that "the system" works. If I wasn't building a support network over the past seven weeks, however, my phone wouldn't have been lighting up all day, and I would have been cheating myself -- and today posed no test to my quit, thankfully.

I'm not so naive to think that the future is all butterflies and rainbows, and I've been amazed at some of the shit that other people have been juggling both early and well into their quits, yet their commitment has been unwavering. I've been fortunate that the physical side of my quit has been manageable. Mentally was a bit more challenging early-on, particularly when I lost sight of ODAAT and got overwhelmed thinking about "forever". While HOF is in the back of my mind, it only represents a number, some words of reflection, and commemoration with the guys in my immediate circle. Life goes on the next day, and it's back to ODAAT, regardless of how many days are behind it.

Sharing a bit more about myself and my reserved view about HOF: the last meaningful time I took a break from my addiction to Copenhagen was one year before I got married to my beautiful (and wonderfully patient) wife, which was mid-2006 to mid-2007. She was a social smoker at the time, and I was then as I am now: completely beholden to nicotine. We made a pact that we would both stop using our respective nicotine products for the year before our wedding, to "enjoy" the engagement period with a healthy lifestyle or something. But really it was because we also agreed that on the night of the wedding reception, we would allow ourselves to let loose and get reacquainted with our old nicotine friends.

So, we kept our word to each other and stayed clean for one year. And at the party after our reception, she bummed a cigarette from some of her friends, and I tore into a tin of Copenhagen like a wild animal deprived of food for weeks. Kept it in / refreshed it well into the early morning hours. Couldn't have been happier -- had just celebrated the happiest day of my life, was in the company of closest friends and family, was in an amazing location, and I had a massive fatty in my mouth. When everyone started peeling off for bed, my new bride said she wanted to "go to bed", too. And what did her new loving husband do, upon being presented with the quintessential wedding night opportunity?

You guessed it: put in a fresh lipper and hung out with college buddies to fill up our spitters some more.

Fucking jackass.

I think that's why I'm trying to avoid ascribing too much importance to HOF, at least in my case: the last time I stopped using for any comparable length of time, I rewarded myself with a cave, and embraced it. I was counting down the days to my cave, for crying out loud. Since that planned cave, every effort to stop using was a pathetic attempt to appease my wife's concerns about my health, our future together, and the impact my dipping was having on our relationship. And deep down, in every case, I knew I wasn't going to keep any promise to stop dipping.

So here I am. 50 days into my quit. And I'm counting down the days to have a massive helping of more quit, with gravy. Fucking jackass.

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

This is a long overdue post, particularly given the sidebar discussions with some outstanding guys over the past few days. I'm learning a lot, both about the power of and relationships in KTC, and about myself -- specifically the degree to which my life was absolutely controlled by nicotine (and still is, based on the roller coaster ride the past week has been).

More than a few seasoned quitters recommended reading their intros in the early days, pointing out that the intro morphed from a "this is who I am" to "this is what I'm going through". Basically a journal of the quit. Life gets hectic but given that this is an issue that affects my life -- in more ways than one -- making regular contributions is important. That said, a quick summary of my first week of quit:

First three days were a combination of euphoria and eager anticipation that this time, unlike the three times that I "tried" in the past 20-odd years, would be different. [Note: this conviction remains resolute with me, since KTC is the biggest variable that wasn't at my fingertips in the past.] I followed advice to drink water by the bucketful, loaded up on gum  seeds everyplace where I'd be tempted, and managed to restart a regular exercise routine.

My sleep patterns were brutal: waking up in cold sweats, having crazy surreal dreams (not about dip, but presumably caused by the lack of nicotine feeding my system), and only getting a handful of hours a night.

Cravings were generally manageable, but on Day 1 was definitely fidgety and had limited patience. Or was just being a jackass. Probably the latter.

Could not concentrate on one damn thing for more than 5 mins, at best, for first four days.

Last Friday (Day 4) was a beast. Physically I was good. Psychologically I was a mess. In reading the posts, backgrounds, and lengths of quit of a bunch of incredible KTC veterans, I felt like I was sitting in rowboat with one broken oar and being encouraged by a great group of guys on the other side of the ocean that I could make it across. And that a hurricane was bearing down on me. Fuck me.

Ultimately some rational thinking returned, all in the form of reassuring comments and shared experiences / pain from guys with more days under their belt than I can count -- and some eerily similar recollections in the intros of guys that have been at this for a couple of months, and still a bit "raw" from the ordeal.

A dull headache has persisted since Friday.

All in all, the nic bitch has a pretty good arsenal to throw at me.

And that bitch is going down.

For the guys that were there when I reached out for help, I can't thank you enough (or apologize enough for distracting you from your weekends with a newbie stranger like me). For those whose stories made me shake my head in awe, I will be reaching out soon. And for the newest newbies, I look forward to connecting in the coming days -- hopefully your entire quit is a cakewalk, but if it's anything like mine thus far, let's fight together.

--MCC

Keep it up Krusty, you have the right attitude. Keep learning about nicotine addiction and keep learning what the big tobacco companies are willing to do to keep you and your loved ones addicted.

[brettlees]

Nice post Krusty, and I'm glad to step in a support a quitter that is giving it his all like you are. Keep it up! This is a tough battle and the addiction is ridiculously evil, but the thousands of quitters here are proof that you can quit successfully here by following the program. And it's clear you are doing that! Looking at your thread here, I think you are going to be happy with the record if you keep logging your experiences, so it's good that you are doing it that way. I' have done the same thing, and it really is helpful as a reference.

Keep quitting on!

[Krusty]

This is a long overdue post, particularly given the sidebar discussions with some outstanding guys over the past few days. I'm learning a lot, both about the power of and relationships in KTC, and about myself -- specifically the degree to which my life was absolutely controlled by nicotine (and still is, based on the roller coaster ride the past week has been).

More than a few seasoned quitters recommended reading their intros in the early days, pointing out that the intro morphed from a "this is who I am" to "this is what I'm going through". Basically a journal of the quit. Life gets hectic but given that this is an issue that affects my life -- in more ways than one -- making regular contributions is important. That said, a quick summary of my first week of quit:

First three days were a combination of euphoria and eager anticipation that this time, unlike the three times that I "tried" in the past 20-odd years, would be different. [Note: this conviction remains resolute with me, since KTC is the biggest variable that wasn't at my fingertips in the past.] I followed advice to drink water by the bucketful, loaded up on gum  seeds everyplace where I'd be tempted, and managed to restart a regular exercise routine.

My sleep patterns were brutal: waking up in cold sweats, having crazy surreal dreams (not about dip, but presumably caused by the lack of nicotine feeding my system), and only getting a handful of hours a night.

Cravings were generally manageable, but on Day 1 was definitely fidgety and had limited patience. Or was just being a jackass. Probably the latter.

Could not concentrate on one damn thing for more than 5 mins, at best, for first four days.

Last Friday (Day 4) was a beast. Physically I was good. Psychologically I was a mess. In reading the posts, backgrounds, and lengths of quit of a bunch of incredible KTC veterans, I felt like I was sitting in rowboat with one broken oar and being encouraged by a great group of guys on the other side of the ocean that I could make it across. And that a hurricane was bearing down on me. Fuck me.

Ultimately some rational thinking returned, all in the form of reassuring comments and shared experiences / pain from guys with more days under their belt than I can count -- and some eerily similar recollections in the intros of guys that have been at this for a couple of months, and still a bit "raw" from the ordeal.

A dull headache has persisted since Friday.

All in all, the nic bitch has a pretty good arsenal to throw at me.

And that bitch is going down.

For the guys that were there when I reached out for help, I can't thank you enough (or apologize enough for distracting you from your weekends with a newbie stranger like me). For those whose stories made me shake my head in awe, I will be reaching out soon. And for the newest newbies, I look forward to connecting in the coming days -- hopefully your entire quit is a cakewalk, but if it's anything like mine thus far, let's fight together.

--MCC

[B-loMatt]

Krusty, you are killing it man! Start hating the poison for sure. You never needed it! The poison is all lies. Keep fighting. Keep reading, and keep reaching out. You have lots of bad ass quitters in your corner, and we mean it when we say PM, txt, or call if you need us. You sir are owning your quit. Keep doing what you are doing. I will be quit with you all day.

[Erussell]

My first day on this site and I can't figure out how to post roll call.  Can someone help me out please?

Check your inbox, top right rail Paul

Krusty, I read you pm and You've got the right attitude. There is no way out if the pain,,,, you've poisoned yourself for awhile and your body is confused and pissed off that your no longer feeding it's addiction. As I said in my pm and will tell you when you call me today, embrace this pain and try to remember every shifty moment of it, as it will remind you later just how negative the nicotine affected your body and how you never want to have to go through that again. Call me.

[srans]

My first day on this site and I can't figure out how to post roll call. Can someone help me out please?

Check your inbox, top right rail Paul

[RaliPaul]

My first day on this site and I can't figure out how to post roll call. Can someone help me out please?

[Derk40]

Happy / relieved to report that the drive to/from the conference was free of unwanted incidents. Not including, of course, the minivan that caught fire on the side of the freeway -- that looked pretty miserable. But I digress... Big thanks to Mogul for spotting for me on roll call while I was driving, as well as my brothers in May 2014 Quit Group for offering similar assistance and general encouragement. Another day, another confirmation that I don't need the poison to function -- and more importantly, starting to believe that I legitimately don't want it as part of my daily existence either.

Got back to the office from the conference and one of my buddies at work was still here. He's usually chomping seeds -- we've never talked about it, but he's got all the markings of a dipper at some point in his past. Stopped by to chat with him for a bit and was stunned to see the seed spitter replaced with the real deal. Obviously didn't call him out on it or get preachy, but I'll be damned if there isn't a test of my quit around every corner, whether blatantly in front of me or in the background. I don't expect the test to ever go away, just grateful that I could fire off several PMs to some brothers to take my mind off the in-your-face reminder of the past 20 years.

Hope everyone has a good night, and thanks again to the guys who got my back / gave a shout out today.

Nice job Krusty.

You are right... you will be tested daily. Know that and accept it as reality. You just proved that you can get thru a stressful day  not use the poison weed. You just don't need it to function.

Nice job posting roll for day 4 today.

Stay focused on today. ODAAT. You are doing great. Quit on!

[Krusty]

Happy / relieved to report that the drive to/from the conference was free of unwanted incidents. Not including, of course, the minivan that caught fire on the side of the freeway -- that looked pretty miserable. But I digress... Big thanks to Mogul for spotting for me on roll call while I was driving, as well as my brothers in May 2014 Quit Group for offering similar assistance and general encouragement. Another day, another confirmation that I don't need the poison to function -- and more importantly, starting to believe that I legitimately don't want it as part of my daily existence either.

Got back to the office from the conference and one of my buddies at work was still here. He's usually chomping seeds -- we've never talked about it, but he's got all the markings of a dipper at some point in his past. Stopped by to chat with him for a bit and was stunned to see the seed spitter replaced with the real deal. Obviously didn't call him out on it or get preachy, but I'll be damned if there isn't a test of my quit around every corner, whether blatantly in front of me or in the background. I don't expect the test to ever go away, just grateful that I could fire off several PMs to some brothers to take my mind off the in-your-face reminder of the past 20 years.

Hope everyone has a good night, and thanks again to the guys who got my back / gave a shout out today.

[ZillahCowboy]

Thanks guys -- great reinforcement.  Part of me wants to keep going in there every day to see they forget what a "good" customer I used to be.  Of course, the other part of me wants to light them up for inadvertently testing my quit at this early stage.  Life's too short -- wish I gave more thought to that when I first put the poison in my mouth.

Early test tomorrow AM with the hour+ drive to a conference, and back again late-morning.  Won't be able to post roll until late-morning, but understand that's all I'll be thinking about during the drives when I'd otherwise be doing something else.

Have a great morning, my eastern  central time zone brothers.

I am quitting with you too Krusty... I know what you mean with the clerk at the convience store... I had the same happen when I first quit (every other day I would stop in for 2 cans).

Feels so good to be able to stand in front of that demon and just say no.

I got your back man... If you ever feel week just give me a holler!

Nice work fellas. Way to keep each other's backs. Also, suggest you trade digits if you haven't already. Let's rev those quits into high gear! ZC.

[Shorthorn]

Thanks guys -- great reinforcement. Part of me wants to keep going in there every day to see they forget what a "good" customer I used to be. Of course, the other part of me wants to light them up for inadvertently testing my quit at this early stage. Life's too short -- wish I gave more thought to that when I first put the poison in my mouth.

Early test tomorrow AM with the hour+ drive to a conference, and back again late-morning. Won't be able to post roll until late-morning, but understand that's all I'll be thinking about during the drives when I'd otherwise be doing something else.

Have a great morning, my eastern  central time zone brothers.

I am quitting with you too Krusty... I know what you mean with the clerk at the convience store... I had the same happen when I first quit (every other day I would stop in for 2 cans).

Feels so good to be able to stand in front of that demon and just say no.

I got your back man... If you ever feel week just give me a holler!

[slug.go]

Thanks guys -- great reinforcement.  Part of me wants to keep going in there every day to see they forget what a "good" customer I used to be.  Of course, the other part of me wants to light them up for inadvertently testing my quit at this early stage.  Life's too short -- wish I gave more thought to that when I first put the poison in my mouth.

Early test tomorrow AM with the hour+ drive to a conference, and back again late-morning.  Won't be able to post roll until late-morning, but understand that's all I'll be thinking about during the drives when I'd otherwise be doing something else.

Have a great morning, my eastern  central time zone brothers.

Text me in the a.m. and I'll post roll for you.