One day at a time

[Sage]

Man it's painful to see people cave in the other quit groups or just go AWOL in my own. I know it's hard and even I still have romantic thoughts and muscle memory of dipping but they quickly fade when I fire up KTC and start reading the intros of the new folks and the HOF speeches of the veterans. I cannot imagine how hard it is for the folks that think they can go it alone without any accountability to anyone but their own weak ass self.

I also want to apologize to all the veterans for anything I might have said early on about brutalizing the cavers. I used to think that was over the top and uncalled for...but not anymore. I now see and feel the letdown, the kick in the balls, the lost trust, and the knife in the back. There's a lot more at stake here than just my quit...selfishness doesn't fly here...it's all about group unity, strength, and the collective quit. If one person caves then it potentially puts the integrity of the entire group in peril and could possibly lead to other caves...exactly what the Nic Bitch wants. That is why we need 100% representation before and after HOF because the battle ain't over at 100 days...it has just begun.

Thank you and God bless,

Ryan

Some serious truth, Ryan. Quit with you!

[BazookaJoe]

Man it's painful to see people cave in the other quit groups or just go AWOL in my own. I know it's hard and even I still have romantic thoughts and muscle memory of dipping but they quickly fade when I fire up KTC and start reading the intros of the new folks and the HOF speeches of the veterans. I cannot imagine how hard it is for the folks that think they can go it alone without any accountability to anyone but their own weak ass self.

I also want to apologize to all the veterans for anything I might have said early on about brutalizing the cavers. I used to think that was over the top and uncalled for...but not anymore. I now see and feel the letdown, the kick in the balls, the lost trust, and the knife in the back. There's a lot more at stake here than just my quit...selfishness doesn't fly here...it's all about group unity, strength, and the collective quit. If one person caves then it potentially puts the integrity of the entire group in peril and could possibly lead to other caves...exactly what the Nic Bitch wants. That is why we need 100% representation before and after HOF because the battle ain't over at 100 days...it has just begun.

Thank you and God bless,

Ryan

[BazookaJoe]

I'm on the verge of crossing into the final 20 days to HOF and I am ready to climb aboard the train. As anyone can see, I'm not a post and ghost so expect me to continue to post roll like nothing happened. Day 100 is just a milestone and not a magical number that says you're no longer a nicotine addict just as being 567 days alcohol free makes me less of an alcoholic. It will still be a battle that will require KTC reinforcements to be called out on a daily basis because I CANNOT DO THIS ALONE. I have tried to go at it alone (10+ times) but only stopped for a while until I was triggered to dip again. Each time I stopped and started it got exponentially harder to stop the next time. This time the QUIT was easier only because I had some tools derived from AA, OA, and my new weapon, KTC. So fellow November Stone Cold Badass Quitters, are y'all ready to load up and maintain our ranks for the supreme battle with the Nic Bitch?? I am. I'm cocked locked and ready to rock in condition zero.

[BazookaJoe]

Thanks Bronc. It's great to have access to the vets on here.

[bronc]

Good catching up with you in chat the other night Joe. Keep working at it. Be diligent. That crazy sleep cycle you've got going on can really screw with you and your quit so be vigilant! I'm here if you need me.

[Smeds]

Had my very first dip dream last night. I was in my truck in my old high school parking lot across from an HEB grocery store before it was demolished to make room for the new HEB. I was just sitting there when I realized I had a big old pig in my lip and a familiar presence in my pocket. I reached in and what did I find? A can of grizzly WLC. I had no recollection of where and when I bought the canned cancer but I figured it was from the HEB. I quickly spit out the pig, dumped the can, and threw the empty can into a drainage ditch. When the can touched ground, it's lid separated and made a perfect metallic clink when it hit the concrete. The best part about the dream was that once I realized my error I immediately felt shame and how I was going to break the news to KTC. This site is etched into my frickin subconscious which is great because that tells me my quit is too.

Dip dreams do suck. The Nic Bitch has found it impossible to penetrate your defenses while you're awake ... so she's forced to attack you during sleep. Fuck her!

[BazookaJoe]

Had my very first dip dream last night. I was in my truck in my old high school parking lot across from an HEB grocery store before it was demolished to make room for the new HEB. I was just sitting there when I realized I had a big old pig in my lip and a familiar presence in my pocket. I reached in and what did I find? A can of grizzly WLC. I had no recollection of where and when I bought the canned cancer but I figured it was from the HEB. I quickly spit out the pig, dumped the can, and threw the empty can into a drainage ditch. When the can touched ground, it's lid separated and made a perfect metallic clink when it hit the concrete. The best part about the dream was that once I realized my error I immediately felt shame and how I was going to break the news to KTC. This site is etched into my frickin subconscious which is great because that tells me my quit is too.

[BazookaJoe]

I'm not near as funky today. I stayed busy prepping and loading up for opening day of deer season as well as getting ready for the week ahead. Sitting in the stand is going to be interesting because the Nic Bitch will be trying to convince me to let her in but she's going to feel really stupid when she realizes she jacked with the wrong person. I don't want her company anymore. I got what I want right here and, though it might be a tight fit, KTC's gonna be in the stand with me this season...y'all just gotta be vewy vewy quiet.

[BazookaJoe]

^^^^^^This guy right here is a badass. Iron sharpens iron and he knows that. He knows the lengths that the nic bitch will go to try and worm her way back. He also knows the lengths he will go to to protect his quit. He knows that complacency is the devil's right hand. He also knows that posting roll every damn day closes the door on that complacency every damn day.

Most of all, he knows he can count on literally hundreds of his quit brothers and sisters to pick him up and sharpen his quit just as he does for us. Iron sharpens iron.

Couldn't have said that better Tuco ... Ryan has a nicely filled toolbox, and the smarts to use it! Quitting with you guys EDD!

Tuco and Smeds I don't know what I would do without y'all and KTC. I'd probably be dipping again and feeling like a total failure. Words cannot describe how much your words mean to me. Thank you for strengthening my quit.

[Smeds]

^^^^^^This guy right here is a badass. Iron sharpens iron and he knows that. He knows the lengths that the nic bitch will go to try and worm her way back. He also knows the lengths he will go to to protect his quit. He knows that complacency is the devil's right hand. He also knows that posting roll every damn day closes the door on that complacency every damn day.

Most of all, he knows he can count on literally hundreds of his quit brothers and sisters to pick him up and sharpen his quit just as he does for us. Iron sharpens iron.

Couldn't have said that better Tuco ... Ryan has a nicely filled toolbox, and the smarts to use it! Quitting with you guys EDD!

[Tuco]

^^^^^^This guy right here is a badass. Iron sharpens iron and he knows that. He knows the lengths that the nic bitch will go to try and worm her way back. He also knows the lengths he will go to to protect his quit. He knows that complacency is the devil's right hand. He also knows that posting roll every damn day closes the door on that complacency every damn day.

Most of all, he knows he can count on literally hundreds of his quit brothers and sisters to pick him up and sharpen his quit just as he does for us. Iron sharpens iron.

[BazookaJoe]

In the 70ish day funky fog now. I have those strange, burning headaches as I did on day one and two and though the headaches SUCK, they serve as grim reminders of where I came from and help to steel my resolve to maintain my quit. During the day today I had both of my quits (alcohol and tobacco) gang up on me. I immediately contacted all my offline KTC contacts and asked them how they were doing. As the replies came in, I began to feel much more at ease knowing that I have others across the nation either going through the same thing or with first hand experience in dealing with the feelings. If any newbie is reading this, be sure you make as many contacts as possible...load up on them because you never know when you're going to hit a low/depression and need another veteran quitter to pull you out.

So I must thank all those I contacted today: Smeds, Tuco's Grill, ToddMI, ZAM, Pinched, Idaho Spuds, ETXAggie, and SamCat. Y'all helped me more than you know. If y'all ever need anything... consider it done.

[BazookaJoe]

One of the tricks the old lard ass Nic Bitch used on me with great success early on was that the use of snuff helped control my eating habits. After nearly 73 whole days Nic free, my now very clear mind realized that was absolutely, positively fucking false. I was overweight for the entire 14 years that I dipped and the snuff did nothing for me because when I'd spit the dip out, food would go in...in large quantities. Plus, for the most part of my dipping career, I drank like a fish. I mean two 30 packs in a weekend was the norm, an 18 pack was a snack, and a 12 or 6 pack was laughable. The most I drank in 2.5 days was 98 beers, with 84 being the runner up. If I was drinking and dipping I'd be putting away food later like a starving great white. I was on the Highway to Hell so that had to stop so on April 2, 2013 I gave the heave ho to alcohol and then finally on August 4, 2014 I dropped kicked the Nic Bitch. Alcohol had to be first and nicotine had to be second because I've tried the other combinations and they didn't work for me.
Finally the next item on the list is food. To me, food is a bigger bitch than Alcohol or Nicotine because I need to eat to survive (the others are just luxuries). You gotta provide fuel for your boiler in order to turn the turbine and make power but that's just it...food needs to be thought of as just fuel. A coal fired power plant is a fine example. Just enough pulverized coal will keep the fire burning inside the boiler and too much will snuff out the fire and cause the unit to trip. I need to ingest only the amount of food my body needs to operate and not a bit more. A slightly negative pressure is a good thing and positive is not. So, as I slowly embark on my next journey towards physical fitness, I will need keep coming back to KTC because the Nic Bitch will always be trying to convince me that she can help me and I'll need KTC's power to maintain my clear head.
Look out world, here I come.

Ryan aka BazookaJoe

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

To any newcomer or vet that may be reading this:
Without KTC and the accountability it gives me, I would have surely caved by now. Going solo is nearly impossible because of all the external stressors we have in our lives. We can only defend a couple fronts at a time and when we think we are going to be overrun, we more than likely will succumb to our previous addiction. If we have a support group, we get the reinforcements we need to put up an awesome defense on all fronts and will come out victorious in the end.

So true. Way to put that into words.

[BazookaJoe]

To any newcomer or vet that may be reading this:
Without KTC and the accountability it gives me, I would have surely caved by now. Going solo is nearly impossible because of all the external stressors we have in our lives. We can only defend a couple fronts at a time and when we think we are going to be overrun, we more than likely will succumb to our previous addiction. If we have a support group, we get the reinforcements we need to put up an awesome defense on all fronts and will come out victorious in the end.