Nicotine, I Hate You

[Its_Got2Happen]

i understand the importance of the whole ODAAT model for KTC and for addicts as a whole. Promise to not dip today and worry about tomorrow when it comes.  I can not however help but think of this Saturday night.  I have a specific plan in place. This Saturday night will not only be my 27th day of quit, but it will be my 29th day without the booze.  I have enjoyed drinking on weekends for the majority of my adult life. I have made it a point to be sober throughout my initial quit and have been able to follow through with that obligation.  I told on day 1 of my quit that I would wait 30 days before I had a drop of alcohol. I also promised myself that I would ease my way into drinking in a progressive manner throughout the following weekends.  This Saturday is my sister-in-laws surprise 30th bday party. I have come up with a plan and here it is:
1) Post roll in the AM
2) go to work
3) go to gym
4) charge cell phone
5) check in on website
6) re-print contract
7) re-print a page from the kern story
8) place both in wallet
9) make a promise to use contract, page, and the multiple numbers I have in my phone
10) drink socially (pack buzz, no more)
11) conquer first day of drinking

This whole thing may sound dramatic, but I have been worried about this day since day 1.  My guard is up and I will not fail. thank you. out.

You got this bro. Remind yourself how much you hate nicotine, keep that fear of caving, and you'll make it through.

Put something in the front pocket of your pants, piece of bubble gum, lemon drop, chapstick, even a small rock. That is your talisman. Reach for it whenever you're not on 100% solid ground with your quit. It is your back door into the KTC community. Use it.

That sounds like a good plan, Dude. You got this.

6r,
You have already made your plan to succeed and I am sure you will. Just keep the nic bitch at bay while you play with your alky friend.
You can do it....just be careful.
Cheers!

I feel you sixer and I remember that day for me. I like your planning but be cautious. Alcohol can bring on a case of the "fuck its" real fast.

I remember getting some fake and loading up on sunflower seeds just in case. I am also remember talking to a few quitters that night which really helped a ton. If you need another number, send me a PM.

[Doc Chewfree]

i understand the importance of the whole ODAAT model for KTC and for addicts as a whole. Promise to not dip today and worry about tomorrow when it comes.  I can not however help but think of this Saturday night.  I have a specific plan in place. This Saturday night will not only be my 27th day of quit, but it will be my 29th day without the booze.  I have enjoyed drinking on weekends for the majority of my adult life. I have made it a point to be sober throughout my initial quit and have been able to follow through with that obligation.  I told on day 1 of my quit that I would wait 30 days before I had a drop of alcohol. I also promised myself that I would ease my way into drinking in a progressive manner throughout the following weekends.  This Saturday is my sister-in-laws surprise 30th bday party. I have come up with a plan and here it is:
1) Post roll in the AM
2) go to work
3) go to gym
4) charge cell phone
5) check in on website
6) re-print contract
7) re-print a page from the kern story
8) place both in wallet
9) make a promise to use contract, page, and the multiple numbers I have in my phone
10) drink socially (pack buzz, no more)
11) conquer first day of drinking

This whole thing may sound dramatic, but I have been worried about this day since day 1.  My guard is up and I will not fail. thank you. out.

You got this bro. Remind yourself how much you hate nicotine, keep that fear of caving, and you'll make it through.

Put something in the front pocket of your pants, piece of bubble gum, lemon drop, chapstick, even a small rock. That is your talisman. Reach for it whenever you're not on 100% solid ground with your quit. It is your back door into the KTC community. Use it.

That sounds like a good plan, Dude. You got this.

6r,
You have already made your plan to succeed and I am sure you will. Just keep the nic bitch at bay while you play with your alky friend.
You can do it....just be careful.
Cheers!

[slinger]

i understand the importance of the whole ODAAT model for KTC and for addicts as a whole. Promise to not dip today and worry about tomorrow when it comes.  I can not however help but think of this Saturday night.  I have a specific plan in place. This Saturday night will not only be my 27th day of quit, but it will be my 29th day without the booze.  I have enjoyed drinking on weekends for the majority of my adult life. I have made it a point to be sober throughout my initial quit and have been able to follow through with that obligation.  I told on day 1 of my quit that I would wait 30 days before I had a drop of alcohol. I also promised myself that I would ease my way into drinking in a progressive manner throughout the following weekends.  This Saturday is my sister-in-laws surprise 30th bday party. I have come up with a plan and here it is:
1) Post roll in the AM
2) go to work
3) go to gym
4) charge cell phone
5) check in on website
6) re-print contract
7) re-print a page from the kern story
8) place both in wallet
9) make a promise to use contract, page, and the multiple numbers I have in my phone
10) drink socially (pack buzz, no more)
11) conquer first day of drinking

This whole thing may sound dramatic, but I have been worried about this day since day 1.  My guard is up and I will not fail. thank you. out.

You got this bro. Remind yourself how much you hate nicotine, keep that fear of caving, and you'll make it through.

Put something in the front pocket of your pants, piece of bubble gum, lemon drop, chapstick, even a small rock. That is your talisman. Reach for it whenever you're not on 100% solid ground with your quit. It is your back door into the KTC community. Use it.

That sounds like a good plan, Dude. You got this.

[slug.go]

i understand the importance of the whole ODAAT model for KTC and for addicts as a whole. Promise to not dip today and worry about tomorrow when it comes.  I can not however help but think of this Saturday night.  I have a specific plan in place. This Saturday night will not only be my 27th day of quit, but it will be my 29th day without the booze.  I have enjoyed drinking on weekends for the majority of my adult life. I have made it a point to be sober throughout my initial quit and have been able to follow through with that obligation.  I told on day 1 of my quit that I would wait 30 days before I had a drop of alcohol. I also promised myself that I would ease my way into drinking in a progressive manner throughout the following weekends.  This Saturday is my sister-in-laws surprise 30th bday party. I have come up with a plan and here it is:
1) Post roll in the AM
2) go to work
3) go to gym
4) charge cell phone
5) check in on website
6) re-print contract
7) re-print a page from the kern story
8) place both in wallet
9) make a promise to use contract, page, and the multiple numbers I have in my phone
10) drink socially (pack buzz, no more)
11) conquer first day of drinking

This whole thing may sound dramatic, but I have been worried about this day since day 1.  My guard is up and I will not fail. thank you. out.

You got this bro. Remind yourself how much you hate nicotine, keep that fear of caving, and you'll make it through.

Put something in the front pocket of your pants, piece of bubble gum, lemon drop, chapstick, even a small rock. That is your talisman. Reach for it whenever you're not on 100% solid ground with your quit. It is your back door into the KTC community. Use it.

[Knockout]

i understand the importance of the whole ODAAT model for KTC and for addicts as a whole. Promise to not dip today and worry about tomorrow when it comes. I can not however help but think of this Saturday night. I have a specific plan in place. This Saturday night will not only be my 27th day of quit, but it will be my 29th day without the booze. I have enjoyed drinking on weekends for the majority of my adult life. I have made it a point to be sober throughout my initial quit and have been able to follow through with that obligation. I told on day 1 of my quit that I would wait 30 days before I had a drop of alcohol. I also promised myself that I would ease my way into drinking in a progressive manner throughout the following weekends. This Saturday is my sister-in-laws surprise 30th bday party. I have come up with a plan and here it is:
1) Post roll in the AM
2) go to work
3) go to gym
4) charge cell phone
5) check in on website
6) re-print contract
7) re-print a page from the kern story
8) place both in wallet
9) make a promise to use contract, page, and the multiple numbers I have in my phone
10) drink socially (pack buzz, no more)
11) conquer first day of drinking

This whole thing may sound dramatic, but I have been worried about this day since day 1. My guard is up and I will not fail. thank you. out.

You got this bro. Remind yourself how much you hate nicotine, keep that fear of caving, and you'll make it through.

[sixercountry]

i understand the importance of the whole ODAAT model for KTC and for addicts as a whole. Promise to not dip today and worry about tomorrow when it comes. I can not however help but think of this Saturday night. I have a specific plan in place. This Saturday night will not only be my 27th day of quit, but it will be my 29th day without the booze. I have enjoyed drinking on weekends for the majority of my adult life. I have made it a point to be sober throughout my initial quit and have been able to follow through with that obligation. I told on day 1 of my quit that I would wait 30 days before I had a drop of alcohol. I also promised myself that I would ease my way into drinking in a progressive manner throughout the following weekends. This Saturday is my sister-in-laws surprise 30th bday party. I have come up with a plan and here it is:
1) Post roll in the AM
2) go to work
3) go to gym
4) charge cell phone
5) check in on website
6) re-print contract
7) re-print a page from the kern story
8) place both in wallet
9) make a promise to use contract, page, and the multiple numbers I have in my phone
10) drink socially (pack buzz, no more)
11) conquer first day of drinking

This whole thing may sound dramatic, but I have been worried about this day since day 1. My guard is up and I will not fail. thank you. out.

[worktowin]

Compulsion-an irresistible urge to behave in a certain way, especially against one's conscious wishes

A compulsion can develop in a very short period of time. One in three youth that have tried tobacco products 3 and no more than 4 times have inhibited characteristics of compulsion. I have realized and researched that there are three different phases of compulsion. These are wanting, craving, and needing. Needing is obviously the highest stage of the addiction process. I have realized that it is important for us as addicts to recognize our minds entering the different phases of compulsion. This is imperative because we are at an increasingly higher risk of giving in to our urges as we enter escalated levels of the three phases. I have tried during my current quit to utilize numbers, bang out push-ups, and use other techniques while in the "want" and "craving" phase. I have felt like if I can re-focus my mind on something other than nicotine during these initial levels, then I can be more successful.
I have done much more research on addiction during this hopefully final quit. As I have mentioned many times, I caved after 58 days in 2011. I have also seen many people cave, come back to the site for a short period of time, and then be gone into years of addiction. I take the answers to the three questions seriously. This is kind of my own way of stating "what I will differently this time to avoid the previous cave". Maybe my continued reflection on these answers can solidify my quit and be the final time I have to go through this bullshit.
The use of tobacco will kill over 1 billion people in the coming century. It is the highest fatal condition of those introduced to humans at the early stages of life. I was almost guaranteed to be one of these billion people. This changed when I found this site and began to understand nicotine, my addiction, and specifics on how to win the battle each day. out.

One day at a time. Post your word and vs a man of integrity. There is no need for hope... You've got some bad ass quitters on your team. You are winning. Keep posting and you will keep winning.

Only losers (not winners) I've seen are peeps that stop posting.

By the way... None of us "need" nicotine, though I sure as fuck thought I did for 25 years. All lies.

[sixercountry]

Compulsion-an irresistible urge to behave in a certain way, especially against one's conscious wishes

A compulsion can develop in a very short period of time. One in three youth that have tried tobacco products 3 and no more than 4 times have inhibited characteristics of compulsion. I have realized and researched that there are three different phases of compulsion. These are wanting, craving, and needing. Needing is obviously the highest stage of the addiction process. I have realized that it is important for us as addicts to recognize our minds entering the different phases of compulsion. This is imperative because we are at an increasingly higher risk of giving in to our urges as we enter escalated levels of the three phases. I have tried during my current quit to utilize numbers, bang out push-ups, and use other techniques while in the "want" and "craving" phase. I have felt like if I can re-focus my mind on something other than nicotine during these initial levels, then I can be more successful.
I have done much more research on addiction during this hopefully final quit. As I have mentioned many times, I caved after 58 days in 2011. I have also seen many people cave, come back to the site for a short period of time, and then be gone into years of addiction. I take the answers to the three questions seriously. This is kind of my own way of stating "what I will differently this time to avoid the previous cave". Maybe my continued reflection on these answers can solidify my quit and be the final time I have to go through this bullshit.
The use of tobacco will kill over 1 billion people in the coming century. It is the highest fatal condition of those introduced to humans at the early stages of life. I was almost guaranteed to be one of these billion people. This changed when I found this site and began to understand nicotine, my addiction, and specifics on how to win the battle each day. out.

[Jlud007]

While I sit here residing in my never ending funk, I begin to take solace in many parts of my quit. Yes, I am miserable. Yes, I feel worse than day 2. Yes, I have thought about dip 5,432 times today. These feelings however are not endangering my quit. I have never felt like a cave was imminent. I have sort of brushed them away during times I could have proceeded to get in my car and go to the store. It doesn't make sense. I honestly feel like I am beginning to hate nicotine. I recognize that caving would only delay the inevitable. This would be the endless craves after the completion of every single dip. I recognize I can not control this habit. I get pissed off when I think about Jim Kelly. I get pissed off when i think about the Kerns. I get pissed off when i think about how this product is BANNED (yes, it is illegal) in most of Europe and Australia. Many people throughout Europe drink wine at the dinner table at the age of 9 or 10. Europeans are very tolerant in many different areas including cigarette usage, sexuality, and drinking among many others. How the hell can smokeless tobacco be banned in these nations? Why is it so readily available here in America? These are the things that fill my brain as I rage against my funk. The funk might as well go away because the nic bitch will not win. I will not be a pawn to anyone. I refuse to be a slave and a sucker to corporate greed and big tobacco. Tomorrow will be day 24 and I will continue to be on my way. Out.

Sixer your coming to a real turning point in your quit. The first month can really be a bruiser. You will come to a point soon where it really starts to click for you, this first month "fog" that most of us experience becomes a very important memory.

We all come in knowing or hearing that it only takes 72 hours to get nicotine out of our system. But the effect of depriving our bodies of the poison we supplied it for so long takes more time to heal. This funk or fog whatever you want to call it is your brain beginning to heal. The war is never over with the nic bitch, she will always scratch and claw trying to wedge herself back into your life, but you're winning these tough early battles a day at time Sixer.

I'm proud to quit with you today and know that better times are ahead!

[sixercountry]

While I sit here residing in my never ending funk, I begin to take solace in many parts of my quit. Yes, I am miserable. Yes, I feel worse than day 2. Yes, I have thought about dip 5,432 times today. These feelings however are not endangering my quit. I have never felt like a cave was imminent. I have sort of brushed them away during times I could have proceeded to get in my car and go to the store. It doesn't make sense. I honestly feel like I am beginning to hate nicotine. I recognize that caving would only delay the inevitable. This would be the endless craves after the completion of every single dip. I recognize I can not control this habit. I get pissed off when I think about Jim Kelly. I get pissed off when i think about the Kerns. I get pissed off when i think about how this product is BANNED (yes, it is illegal) in most of Europe and Australia. Many people throughout Europe drink wine at the dinner table at the age of 9 or 10. Europeans are very tolerant in many different areas including cigarette usage, sexuality, and drinking among many others. How the hell can smokeless tobacco be banned in these nations? Why is it so readily available here in America? These are the things that fill my brain as I rage against my funk. The funk might as well go away because the nic bitch will not win. I will not be a pawn to anyone. I refuse to be a slave and a sucker to corporate greed and big tobacco. Tomorrow will be day 24 and I will continue to be on my way. Out.

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

(Advanced apologies for the language)

wow.....holy shit.....on day 22....feeling like crap for 3 days. i have been foggy, depressed, and displaying super potential rage characteristics. I have neglected this introduction section because I started to feel so good since my last post.  But here it goes, again....

For the first time, I would not consider my quit "new". In the beginning, people prepare themselves for the quit.  They are actually excited to start a new chapter in their lives.  They are tired of being a slave to the bitch.  This powers them through the first 3-4 days.  They begin to feel "clean" as they surround themselves with quitter materials and sponsors.  After the 3-4 days they may begin to feel impenetrable.  Then a funk hits, they hold their quit tight to their vests.  The funk then subsides.  After the funk subsides, due to living in chat with other quitters or in the forums, they begin to realize they must live their lives again.  They run out there and become super productive.  More productive than they have ever been while using the piece of shit nicotine.  They begin to feel free again......

I get to around 19 days.  I'm mentally and physically tired.  I feel like i can not withstand this level of productivity.  I feel another funk. I am not "excited" about my quit anymore.  I begin to feel hopeless and for the first time consider the option that this may be "too difficult" for me to accomplish.  I utilize my numbers.  I talk to people. I explain in texts that "I cant do this forever" and "I have felt like this for 3 days. If i feel like this for the next 6 months. I am a goner. I am a guaranteed caver." More ODAAT is relayed to me from my text savior. I get talked off the ledge.  I start getting fucking pissed off.  I begin to feel like I am fuckin sick of hearing ODAAT. I am sick of hearing the fuckin word "quit. I am sick of reading and sitting in chat.  I continued to text. I began to feel better but still remained in a fog and some state of depression (I guess you would call it.)

March 24, 2014

Wake up.....still feeling like shit. I am pretty much raging. I walk outside to get the barrel (trash day today) and to warm my car. As I step into my car I am saying "Almost April first and it is still fuckin 20 degrees out".  I attempt to start my car. Does not start. Try again. Does not start.....Lucky me, im out of gas. I am 33 years old.  I am in a fucking fog so bad that I ran out of gas? I lose it.  I slam my door. I grab my trash barrel and gave it a 45 foot, one armed shot put throw against the side of the garage while I am yelling "fucks". My neighbors must think I am a damn maniac. I go grab a pair of gloves and a gas can and begin my 1.5 mile trek to the gas station. After about a hundred yards, I am freezing and grab the gloves. I grabbed two fucking left handed gloves!! I am so fuckin pissed. I must be walking 15 miles an hour and freezing.....

I arrive at the store and think about dip.  For the first time in my quit, I actually take responsibility for my quit and feel like I meet it head-on. I begin getting pissed at how I feel. I say to myself, "What the fuck is a dip gonna do? absolutely fucking nothing. All its going to do is maybe calm me down for 5 minutes. Then ill be thinking about it again and ill be craving in an hour....i'll dip more.....then fuckin craving for another....i'll dip more....then crave another hour. when does it fucking end? never!!!....I have came to realization that I will be fuckin miserable without dip.  And miserable with it. So fuck it. why kill myself in the process?.....All I hear is that it "gets better".  i better feel better in the coming days because i may run out of fuckin trash barrels around here......out

I started to feel better around 40 days in. You'll start feeling better intime also.

There is one thing that will change the game. Commit to the quit. After 20 days it's time bro. There is no cave. I don't care if you feel like crap for i don't care how long. Take caving off the table. There is one thing you got to realize. As long as your addicted brain thinks there is a chance it will not relent. It's time bro! Get pissed at what the poison has done to you, what it is causing now.

The poison sucks. I hated it this morning, i hated it at noon and i hate it tonight. I enjoy hating it so much I'm going to wake up tomorrow and start over hating it. When i began hating what had took so much from me things changed. My outlook changed. My quit became real! It's time my friend. Join me in the hate. It will keep you quit and begin healing what it has destroyed.

Besides all this. You gave your word. We expect you to keep that word. See you tomorrow at roll. There's some new digits coming your way. You call if you need to.

Thank you dude

Being foggy and raged up is natural.

ODAAT.... You may think you are tired of hearing it, but that fucking term will save your ass. It is hard as he'll to do, but you have to forget about forever. You have to forget about the past. All you need to worry about is today. I felt just like you around day 20 and so has just about every person on here. If you did not feel that way I would bet you didn't care about your quit and you were going to fold up tent. People who say this is ez are full of shit. You got to come out swinging every damn day. You can do it!

Look what nicotine has done to you! You are throwing trash cans at YOUR house! You aren't crazy... You are battling. F nicotine.

Believe this... It is gonna suck until it doesn't and then it just won't. Good times lie ahead, but you need to stay on your quit today.

Next time you walk into the c-store I want you to give the NIC B the 'Finger' .... The hell with dip. You are free today brother. You are fogged the hell up but we have your back. You can and will get thru today!

Believe it or not I see your day as a victory. Know why?... You are still quit!

Way to go 6r. Rage against the cunt! She is mind fucking you and your rage will set you free!
You are winning. You proved that today. Just keep +1ing and I'll be right with you.
QLF!

Tobacco is pure evil dog shit.

[bronc]

Dial the digits because you know I"m here. Hell I'd even let you throw me around if you run out of trash barrells! Super proud to be quit with you Six!

[Doc Chewfree]

(Advanced apologies for the language)

wow.....holy shit.....on day 22....feeling like crap for 3 days. i have been foggy, depressed, and displaying super potential rage characteristics. I have neglected this introduction section because I started to feel so good since my last post.  But here it goes, again....

For the first time, I would not consider my quit "new". In the beginning, people prepare themselves for the quit.  They are actually excited to start a new chapter in their lives.  They are tired of being a slave to the bitch.  This powers them through the first 3-4 days.  They begin to feel "clean" as they surround themselves with quitter materials and sponsors.  After the 3-4 days they may begin to feel impenetrable.  Then a funk hits, they hold their quit tight to their vests.  The funk then subsides.  After the funk subsides, due to living in chat with other quitters or in the forums, they begin to realize they must live their lives again.  They run out there and become super productive.  More productive than they have ever been while using the piece of shit nicotine.  They begin to feel free again......

I get to around 19 days.  I'm mentally and physically tired.  I feel like i can not withstand this level of productivity.  I feel another funk. I am not "excited" about my quit anymore.  I begin to feel hopeless and for the first time consider the option that this may be "too difficult" for me to accomplish.  I utilize my numbers.  I talk to people. I explain in texts that "I cant do this forever" and "I have felt like this for 3 days. If i feel like this for the next 6 months. I am a goner. I am a guaranteed caver." More ODAAT is relayed to me from my text savior. I get talked off the ledge.  I start getting fucking pissed off.  I begin to feel like I am fuckin sick of hearing ODAAT. I am sick of hearing the fuckin word "quit. I am sick of reading and sitting in chat.  I continued to text. I began to feel better but still remained in a fog and some state of depression (I guess you would call it.)

March 24, 2014

Wake up.....still feeling like shit. I am pretty much raging. I walk outside to get the barrel (trash day today) and to warm my car. As I step into my car I am saying "Almost April first and it is still fuckin 20 degrees out".  I attempt to start my car. Does not start. Try again. Does not start.....Lucky me, im out of gas. I am 33 years old.  I am in a fucking fog so bad that I ran out of gas? I lose it.  I slam my door. I grab my trash barrel and gave it a 45 foot, one armed shot put throw against the side of the garage while I am yelling "fucks". My neighbors must think I am a damn maniac. I go grab a pair of gloves and a gas can and begin my 1.5 mile trek to the gas station. After about a hundred yards, I am freezing and grab the gloves. I grabbed two fucking left handed gloves!! I am so fuckin pissed. I must be walking 15 miles an hour and freezing.....

I arrive at the store and think about dip.  For the first time in my quit, I actually take responsibility for my quit and feel like I meet it head-on. I begin getting pissed at how I feel. I say to myself, "What the fuck is a dip gonna do? absolutely fucking nothing. All its going to do is maybe calm me down for 5 minutes. Then ill be thinking about it again and ill be craving in an hour....i'll dip more.....then fuckin craving for another....i'll dip more....then crave another hour. when does it fucking end? never!!!....I have came to realization that I will be fuckin miserable without dip.  And miserable with it. So fuck it. why kill myself in the process?.....All I hear is that it "gets better".  i better feel better in the coming days because i may run out of fuckin trash barrels around here......out

I started to feel better around 40 days in. You'll start feeling better intime also.

There is one thing that will change the game. Commit to the quit. After 20 days it's time bro. There is no cave. I don't care if you feel like crap for i don't care how long. Take caving off the table. There is one thing you got to realize. As long as your addicted brain thinks there is a chance it will not relent. It's time bro! Get pissed at what the poison has done to you, what it is causing now.

The poison sucks. I hated it this morning, i hated it at noon and i hate it tonight. I enjoy hating it so much I'm going to wake up tomorrow and start over hating it. When i began hating what had took so much from me things changed. My outlook changed. My quit became real! It's time my friend. Join me in the hate. It will keep you quit and begin healing what it has destroyed.

Besides all this. You gave your word. We expect you to keep that word. See you tomorrow at roll. There's some new digits coming your way. You call if you need to.

Thank you dude

Being foggy and raged up is natural.

ODAAT.... You may think you are tired of hearing it, but that fucking term will save your ass. It is hard as he'll to do, but you have to forget about forever. You have to forget about the past. All you need to worry about is today. I felt just like you around day 20 and so has just about every person on here. If you did not feel that way I would bet you didn't care about your quit and you were going to fold up tent. People who say this is ez are full of shit. You got to come out swinging every damn day. You can do it!

Look what nicotine has done to you! You are throwing trash cans at YOUR house! You aren't crazy... You are battling. F nicotine.

Believe this... It is gonna suck until it doesn't and then it just won't. Good times lie ahead, but you need to stay on your quit today.

Next time you walk into the c-store I want you to give the NIC B the 'Finger' .... The hell with dip. You are free today brother. You are fogged the hell up but we have your back. You can and will get thru today!

Believe it or not I see your day as a victory. Know why?... You are still quit!

Way to go 6r. Rage against the cunt! She is mind fucking you and your rage will set you free!
You are winning. You proved that today. Just keep +1ing and I'll be right with you.
QLF!

[LeonardThompson]

I have to agree with Derk here, Six. You may feel like shit...but you won today. You've got to hold on to that. We are fighting a war here. In war, people get hurt and shit gets broke...but winning cures everything. Keep winning the war and it will all turn out.

I quit with you today. My number is on the way. Holler if you need anything.

We are June, and we are going to kick ass.

[Derk40]

(Advanced apologies for the language)

wow.....holy shit.....on day 22....feeling like crap for 3 days. i have been foggy, depressed, and displaying super potential rage characteristics. I have neglected this introduction section because I started to feel so good since my last post.  But here it goes, again....

For the first time, I would not consider my quit "new". In the beginning, people prepare themselves for the quit.  They are actually excited to start a new chapter in their lives.  They are tired of being a slave to the bitch.  This powers them through the first 3-4 days.  They begin to feel "clean" as they surround themselves with quitter materials and sponsors.  After the 3-4 days they may begin to feel impenetrable.  Then a funk hits, they hold their quit tight to their vests.  The funk then subsides.  After the funk subsides, due to living in chat with other quitters or in the forums, they begin to realize they must live their lives again.  They run out there and become super productive.  More productive than they have ever been while using the piece of shit nicotine.  They begin to feel free again......

I get to around 19 days.  I'm mentally and physically tired.  I feel like i can not withstand this level of productivity.  I feel another funk. I am not "excited" about my quit anymore.  I begin to feel hopeless and for the first time consider the option that this may be "too difficult" for me to accomplish.  I utilize my numbers.  I talk to people. I explain in texts that "I cant do this forever" and "I have felt like this for 3 days. If i feel like this for the next 6 months. I am a goner. I am a guaranteed caver." More ODAAT is relayed to me from my text savior. I get talked off the ledge.  I start getting fucking pissed off.  I begin to feel like I am fuckin sick of hearing ODAAT. I am sick of hearing the fuckin word "quit. I am sick of reading and sitting in chat.  I continued to text. I began to feel better but still remained in a fog and some state of depression (I guess you would call it.)

March 24, 2014

Wake up.....still feeling like shit. I am pretty much raging. I walk outside to get the barrel (trash day today) and to warm my car. As I step into my car I am saying "Almost April first and it is still fuckin 20 degrees out".  I attempt to start my car. Does not start. Try again. Does not start.....Lucky me, im out of gas. I am 33 years old.  I am in a fucking fog so bad that I ran out of gas? I lose it.  I slam my door. I grab my trash barrel and gave it a 45 foot, one armed shot put throw against the side of the garage while I am yelling "fucks". My neighbors must think I am a damn maniac. I go grab a pair of gloves and a gas can and begin my 1.5 mile trek to the gas station. After about a hundred yards, I am freezing and grab the gloves. I grabbed two fucking left handed gloves!! I am so fuckin pissed. I must be walking 15 miles an hour and freezing.....

I arrive at the store and think about dip.  For the first time in my quit, I actually take responsibility for my quit and feel like I meet it head-on. I begin getting pissed at how I feel. I say to myself, "What the fuck is a dip gonna do? absolutely fucking nothing. All its going to do is maybe calm me down for 5 minutes. Then ill be thinking about it again and ill be craving in an hour....i'll dip more.....then fuckin craving for another....i'll dip more....then crave another hour. when does it fucking end? never!!!....I have came to realization that I will be fuckin miserable without dip.  And miserable with it. So fuck it. why kill myself in the process?.....All I hear is that it "gets better".  i better feel better in the coming days because i may run out of fuckin trash barrels around here......out

I started to feel better around 40 days in. You'll start feeling better intime also.

There is one thing that will change the game. Commit to the quit. After 20 days it's time bro. There is no cave. I don't care if you feel like crap for i don't care how long. Take caving off the table. There is one thing you got to realize. As long as your addicted brain thinks there is a chance it will not relent. It's time bro! Get pissed at what the poison has done to you, what it is causing now.

The poison sucks. I hated it this morning, i hated it at noon and i hate it tonight. I enjoy hating it so much I'm going to wake up tomorrow and start over hating it. When i began hating what had took so much from me things changed. My outlook changed. My quit became real! It's time my friend. Join me in the hate. It will keep you quit and begin healing what it has destroyed.

Besides all this. You gave your word. We expect you to keep that word. See you tomorrow at roll. There's some new digits coming your way. You call if you need to.

Thank you dude

Being foggy and raged up is natural.

ODAAT.... You may think you are tired of hearing it, but that fucking term will save your ass. It is hard as he'll to do, but you have to forget about forever. You have to forget about the past. All you need to worry about is today. I felt just like you around day 20 and so has just about every person on here. If you did not feel that way I would bet you didn't care about your quit and you were going to fold up tent. People who say this is ez are full of shit. You got to come out swinging every damn day. You can do it!

Look what nicotine has done to you! You are throwing trash cans at YOUR house! You aren't crazy... You are battling. F nicotine.

Believe this... It is gonna suck until it doesn't and then it just won't. Good times lie ahead, but you need to stay on your quit today.

Next time you walk into the c-store I want you to give the NIC B the 'Finger' .... The hell with dip. You are free today brother. You are fogged the hell up but we have your back. You can and will get thru today!

Believe it or not I see your day as a victory. Know why?... You are still quit!