Ignore this - Move along. Just documenting my insanity to save the psychiatrists and Pope time and effort later.
To whome ever bitches about posting roll everyday:
You're right! Logging into KTC everyday (about 25 times a day) and posting roll every day DOES make me think about dip, a lot. There is a fork in my path every day and I must choose one direction.
The Right Hand Path: I can stop coming to KTC, and stop posting roll every day, or disappear for 63 days and then drop in to make an appearance. I may think about dip less. Thinking less about dip may make me feel better mentally, as I will not dwell on my past life as a nicotine addict and all the time, money, and health that I have wasted. I can forget that all of that ever existed. This path is a circle and never ending. It is well maintained with the greenest grass perfectly edged along the way. There are flowers, trees, bunnies, chipmunks, rainbows, it rains glitter and unicorns frolic under a cloudless blue sky. If I stumble no one will notice. Utopia.
Or
The Left Hand Path: I can chose to come here every day and post roll every day. I will constantly be reminded of dip. Some days a dip will sound really appealing. Some days I will read about a caver and wonder what that dip was like. Did he get a buzz? How did it taste? Would I enjoy it again? Jealousy. I will think about dip constantly and how I have likely shortened my life, wasted thousands of dollars, and stole time from my wife and kids. These thoughts will haunt me during the day and wake me up at night. The left hand path is cracked and worn, littered and overgrown with weeds. Instead of flowers there is rage, resentment, and fear of the future. Instead of unicorns I am surrounded my like-minded people who also choose this path. Overhead is a changing sky. Some days it is blue others cloudy or just black. I am constantly reminded that I am an addict and “just one” is a lie. However, if I even start to stumble, by not posting roll, someone will notice and make sure that I don’t fall. This path is short and is walked from start to end in one day, and one day only. At the end of the path it will be tomorrow, and again I will face a fork. I know which path I will choose: The Left Hand Path.