nTH time trying to Quit - First time poster

[CleanFuel]

I thought I was not going to come back to this site again. I didn't want to see and read the replies I was going to get. I tried to figure out a plan to remove myself from this environment without any trace that I had talked about things I would rather have not talked about. I had deleted all of the links I had bookmarked off of my iphone and laptop. Made sure i was using private emails, etc.

Please if I may give you some perspective. 

I can't believe I'm the person out here on a message board that needs help. In my life, in my world, I am a provider and support to everyone around me. It's so uncomfortable for me to be any sort of focus that being the topic of a forum string I started a week ago to get help with my dipping addiction... It has been very awkward. It's like when I was dipping. If nobody knows it doesn't exist. That's what I think right?

Zam,
You are right. I know my wife knows. I'm sure she knows. But she has never said anything. Nobody is Ninja enough. I'm sure it's uncomfortable for her. The position I have put her in... It's unacceptable.

I go to church most Sundays of every month. Going to church is not a magical wand that makes you better, or kill your daemons. There is no.. If I do this... I will get better.

I was freaked out this week and I came to your community to vent. Scared shitless to be honest with you. I already said it so the cat is out of the bag. In my current job others make a lot of $ from me and I'm their investment, and they want to insure me. If I'm honest... I probably wouldn't have come here if this event wasn't coming up. I'm using this testing I have to go through as a motivation to finally get rid of this fucking crappy addiction.  I needed an event.

Maybe i needed an event to kick me in the ass and maybe this is just what I needed to get straight.

I have dipped for the last 20 years. Straight Longcut. 2 tins a day. I can pack so much down that I can now put my index finger in my mouth and I can actually reach down and feel down and below my jaw to feel the underside of my jaw. Scares me to death.

I'm not sure what damage I have done that is UN-fixable.

I'm not a pill popper. Monday was bad, my fucking throat was KILLING ME. I asked my wife if we had any pain relievers. I don't have medicine she said look in the cabinet. I found hydocodine prescription from 2010.  Didn't know what that actually was but after taking it made the pain go away. I thought it was an antibiotic. Maybe I had strep at the same time I was quitting. I thought "Oxy" was a generic term for antibiotics. That's what I was thinking.

I am a nicotine addict. Probably drink too much, but at least I only drink on weekends.

I'd like to not be scared any more and come back to this forum. I'm sorry for the things I've said. I haven't had a dip since Sunday. It hasn't been "better" each day. Wednesday was worse that Tuesday. Tonight was worse that Wednesday. Even this evening watching ESPN I still had cravings. I hoped that each day gets better but that hasn't been the case.

I really don't like the focus, but If I can plea to this community. I need an outlet. i need some place to to be honest. I need a place where I can say I made it, or I didn't make it.

Isaac, just post your promise and honor it every single day.
We just quit here, that's it. No matter what.
Drink copious amounts of water so that you stay hydrated and the headaches will diminish. Exercise will keep your dopamine levels high so you don't feel so off kilter. Trident gum or sunflower seeds will give your mouth something to do while you contemplate your world.
Leave the excuses at the door.
Here's the thing Sir, your reason for being here seems purely monetary. You haven't had enough of the poison or the bondage to quit for you. Your kids aren't quite old enough to be discussed by your disease. Your wife would rather play nicey nice than call you out. Your employees have made it easy for you at work. Your dentists hasn't given you too much shit about the receding gums, tooth decay or legions because of the premium insurance. Your only incentive to quit is to save the share holders a boat load of money, it's not even your money. As soon as you pass the Insurance tests you'll be right back to ninja banging the can. Until you decide that you're done with nicotine, there is no amount of money that will keep you quit.
Most people, myself included will attest that the strength of their cravings diminish daily, becoming less frequent and less intense with each passing day. The control nicotine had over our lives decreases as well. After a couple weeks they are just a nuisance. After a couple of months they are hardly a thing. Be patient, decide that you will make it.

Post Roll and lets move on Isaac. Your writing an essay to a bunch of guys that come here to do one thing. Quit nicotine and take they're life back. How about you? If that's what you are doing post roll and make a promise not to use and you have our support. Get some thick skin and be ready because these guys don't pussy foot around. They will tell you how it is. If you say something that gets they're attention you will hear about it. This forum is for people that have quit or quiting the nicotine. They're is a bunch of good people on here that know how to Quit. They also know how to help you quit. LJQLF ( LETS JUST QUIT LIKE FUCK Isaac).

Post roll. Trade your phone number. Check your email - there is my number. It gets better. I will not say what I really want to say right now.......but just get in the fucking game and post roll.

[srans]

I thought I was not going to come back to this site again. I didn't want to see and read the replies I was going to get. I tried to figure out a plan to remove myself from this environment without any trace that I had talked about things I would rather have not talked about. I had deleted all of the links I had bookmarked off of my iphone and laptop. Made sure i was using private emails, etc.

Please if I may give you some perspective. 

I can't believe I'm the person out here on a message board that needs help. In my life, in my world, I am a provider and support to everyone around me. It's so uncomfortable for me to be any sort of focus that being the topic of a forum string I started a week ago to get help with my dipping addiction... It has been very awkward. It's like when I was dipping. If nobody knows it doesn't exist. That's what I think right?

Zam,
You are right. I know my wife knows. I'm sure she knows. But she has never said anything. Nobody is Ninja enough. I'm sure it's uncomfortable for her. The position I have put her in... It's unacceptable.

I go to church most Sundays of every month. Going to church is not a magical wand that makes you better, or kill your daemons. There is no.. If I do this... I will get better.

I was freaked out this week and I came to your community to vent. Scared shitless to be honest with you. I already said it so the cat is out of the bag. In my current job others make a lot of $ from me and I'm their investment, and they want to insure me. If I'm honest... I probably wouldn't have come here if this event wasn't coming up. I'm using this testing I have to go through as a motivation to finally get rid of this fucking crappy addiction.  I needed an event.

Maybe i needed an event to kick me in the ass and maybe this is just what I needed to get straight.

I have dipped for the last 20 years. Straight Longcut. 2 tins a day. I can pack so much down that I can now put my index finger in my mouth and I can actually reach down and feel down and below my jaw to feel the underside of my jaw. Scares me to death.

I'm not sure what damage I have done that is UN-fixable.

I'm not a pill popper. Monday was bad, my fucking throat was KILLING ME. I asked my wife if we had any pain relievers. I don't have medicine she said look in the cabinet. I found hydocodine prescription from 2010.  Didn't know what that actually was but after taking it made the pain go away. I thought it was an antibiotic. Maybe I had strep at the same time I was quitting. I thought "Oxy" was a generic term for antibiotics. That's what I was thinking.

I am a nicotine addict. Probably drink too much, but at least I only drink on weekends.

I'd like to not be scared any more and come back to this forum. I'm sorry for the things I've said. I haven't had a dip since Sunday. It hasn't been "better" each day. Wednesday was worse that Tuesday. Tonight was worse that Wednesday. Even this evening watching ESPN I still had cravings. I hoped that each day gets better but that hasn't been the case.

I really don't like the focus, but If I can plea to this community. I need an outlet. i need some place to to be honest. I need a place where I can say I made it, or I didn't make it.

Isaac, just post your promise and honor it every single day.
We just quit here, that's it. No matter what.
Drink copious amounts of water so that you stay hydrated and the headaches will diminish. Exercise will keep your dopamine levels high so you don't feel so off kilter. Trident gum or sunflower seeds will give your mouth something to do while you contemplate your world.
Leave the excuses at the door.
Here's the thing Sir, your reason for being here seems purely monetary. You haven't had enough of the poison or the bondage to quit for you. Your kids aren't quite old enough to be discussed by your disease. Your wife would rather play nicey nice than call you out. Your employees have made it easy for you at work. Your dentists hasn't given you too much shit about the receding gums, tooth decay or legions because of the premium insurance. Your only incentive to quit is to save the share holders a boat load of money, it's not even your money. As soon as you pass the Insurance tests you'll be right back to ninja banging the can. Until you decide that you're done with nicotine, there is no amount of money that will keep you quit.
Most people, myself included will attest that the strength of their cravings diminish daily, becoming less frequent and less intense with each passing day. The control nicotine had over our lives decreases as well. After a couple weeks they are just a nuisance. After a couple of months they are hardly a thing. Be patient, decide that you will make it.

Post Roll and lets move on Isaac. Your writing an essay to a bunch of guys that come here to do one thing. Quit nicotine and take they're life back. How about you? If that's what you are doing post roll and make a promise not to use and you have our support. Get some thick skin and be ready because these guys don't pussy foot around. They will tell you how it is. If you say something that gets they're attention you will hear about it. This forum is for people that have quit or quiting the nicotine. They're is a bunch of good people on here that know how to Quit. They also know how to help you quit. LJQLF ( LETS JUST QUIT LIKE FUCK Isaac).

[copingwithoutcopen]

I thought I was not going to come back to this site again. I didn't want to see and read the replies I was going to get. I tried to figure out a plan to remove myself from this environment without any trace that I had talked about things I would rather have not talked about. I had deleted all of the links I had bookmarked off of my iphone and laptop. Made sure i was using private emails, etc.

Please if I may give you some perspective. 

I can't believe I'm the person out here on a message board that needs help. In my life, in my world, I am a provider and support to everyone around me. It's so uncomfortable for me to be any sort of focus that being the topic of a forum string I started a week ago to get help with my dipping addiction... It has been very awkward. It's like when I was dipping. If nobody knows it doesn't exist. That's what I think right?

Zam,
You are right. I know my wife knows. I'm sure she knows. But she has never said anything. Nobody is Ninja enough. I'm sure it's uncomfortable for her. The position I have put her in... It's unacceptable.

I go to church most Sundays of every month. Going to church is not a magical wand that makes you better, or kill your daemons. There is no.. If I do this... I will get better.

I was freaked out this week and I came to your community to vent. Scared shitless to be honest with you. I already said it so the cat is out of the bag. In my current job others make a lot of $ from me and I'm their investment, and they want to insure me. If I'm honest... I probably wouldn't have come here if this event wasn't coming up. I'm using this testing I have to go through as a motivation to finally get rid of this fucking crappy addiction.  I needed an event.

Maybe i needed an event to kick me in the ass and maybe this is just what I needed to get straight.

I have dipped for the last 20 years. Straight Longcut. 2 tins a day. I can pack so much down that I can now put my index finger in my mouth and I can actually reach down and feel down and below my jaw to feel the underside of my jaw. Scares me to death.

I'm not sure what damage I have done that is UN-fixable.

I'm not a pill popper. Monday was bad, my fucking throat was KILLING ME. I asked my wife if we had any pain relievers. I don't have medicine she said look in the cabinet. I found hydocodine prescription from 2010.  Didn't know what that actually was but after taking it made the pain go away. I thought it was an antibiotic. Maybe I had strep at the same time I was quitting. I thought "Oxy" was a generic term for antibiotics. That's what I was thinking.

I am a nicotine addict. Probably drink too much, but at least I only drink on weekends.

I'd like to not be scared any more and come back to this forum. I'm sorry for the things I've said. I haven't had a dip since Sunday. It hasn't been "better" each day. Wednesday was worse that Tuesday. Tonight was worse that Wednesday. Even this evening watching ESPN I still had cravings. I hoped that each day gets better but that hasn't been the case.

I really don't like the focus, but If I can plea to this community. I need an outlet. i need some place to to be honest. I need a place where I can say I made it, or I didn't make it.

Isaac, just post your promise and honor it every single day.
We just quit here, that's it. No matter what.
Drink copious amounts of water so that you stay hydrated and the headaches will diminish. Exercise will keep your dopamine levels high so you don't feel so off kilter. Trident gum or sunflower seeds will give your mouth something to do while you contemplate your world.
Leave the excuses at the door.
Here's the thing Sir, your reason for being here seems purely monetary. You haven't had enough of the poison or the bondage to quit for you. Your kids aren't quite old enough to be discussed by your disease. Your wife would rather play nicey nice than call you out. Your employees have made it easy for you at work. Your dentists hasn't given you too much shit about the receding gums, tooth decay or legions because of the premium insurance. Your only incentive to quit is to save the share holders a boat load of money, it's not even your money. As soon as you pass the Insurance tests you'll be right back to ninja banging the can. Until you decide that you're done with nicotine, there is no amount of money that will keep you quit.
Most people, myself included will attest that the strength of their cravings diminish daily, becoming less frequent and less intense with each passing day. The control nicotine had over our lives decreases as well. After a couple weeks they are just a nuisance. After a couple of months they are hardly a thing. Be patient, decide that you will make it.

[isaac]

I thought I was not going to come back to this site again. I didn't want to see and read the replies I was going to get. I tried to figure out a plan to remove myself from this environment without any trace that I had talked about things I would rather have not talked about. I had deleted all of the links I had bookmarked off of my iphone and laptop. Made sure i was using private emails, etc.

Please if I may give you some perspective.

I can't believe I'm the person out here on a message board that needs help. In my life, in my world, I am a provider and support to everyone around me. It's so uncomfortable for me to be any sort of focus that being the topic of a forum string I started a week ago to get help with my dipping addiction... It has been very awkward. It's like when I was dipping. If nobody knows it doesn't exist. That's what I think right?

Zam,
You are right. I know my wife knows. I'm sure she knows. But she has never said anything. Nobody is Ninja enough. I'm sure it's uncomfortable for her. The position I have put her in... It's unacceptable.

I go to church most Sundays of every month. Going to church is not a magical wand that makes you better, or kill your daemons. There is no.. If I do this... I will get better.

I was freaked out this week and I came to your community to vent. Scared shitless to be honest with you. I already said it so the cat is out of the bag. In my current job others make a lot of $ from me and I'm their investment, and they want to insure me. If I'm honest... I probably wouldn't have come here if this event wasn't coming up. I'm using this testing I have to go through as a motivation to finally get rid of this fucking crappy addiction. I needed an event.

Maybe i needed an event to kick me in the ass and maybe this is just what I needed to get straight.

I have dipped for the last 20 years. Straight Longcut. 2 tins a day. I can pack so much down that I can now put my index finger in my mouth and I can actually reach down and feel down and below my jaw to feel the underside of my jaw. Scares me to death.

I'm not sure what damage I have done that is UN-fixable.

I'm not a pill popper. Monday was bad, my fucking throat was KILLING ME. I asked my wife if we had any pain relievers. I don't have medicine she said look in the cabinet. I found hydocodine prescription from 2010. Didn't know what that actually was but after taking it made the pain go away. I thought it was an antibiotic. Maybe I had strep at the same time I was quitting. I thought "Oxy" was a generic term for antibiotics. That's what I was thinking.

I am a nicotine addict. Probably drink too much, but at least I only drink on weekends.

I'd like to not be scared any more and come back to this forum. I'm sorry for the things I've said. I haven't had a dip since Sunday. It hasn't been "better" each day. Wednesday was worse that Tuesday. Tonight was worse that Wednesday. Even this evening watching ESPN I still had cravings. I hoped that each day gets better but that hasn't been the case.

I really don't like the focus, but If I can plea to this community. I need an outlet. i need some place to to be honest. I need a place where I can say I made it, or I didn't make it.

[Mcbeevee]

Issac, sounds like you are a very level headed guy but you are just using the addict talk to justify your behaviour. It seems that others see your potential, value, and aptitude or else they would not care to insure the "Key Man". Use the traits that make you the "Key Man" and own your quit. There is no secret here!

[kkljinc]

I think I've gone too far. I'm sorry for taking everyone's time. I obviously have work to do.

I'm a lot of things but I'm not a pill popper. Tonight was my second pill ever. I honestly thought I was trying to treat the symptoms... I actually wikipedia'd hydocodene. I wasn't trying to pick up a new habit. I wanted to treat symptoms.

I was trying to be honest with my comments this evening.

I'm not a prick Jay. I hope I'm not a righteous shit KKL.

Isaac, let's just quit brother! I quit with you today! I remember the first days, and I keep that close to me, I want to remember those feelings of the suck, it's motivation to not have to do it again. NAFAR

[jaynellie]

jaynellie
I'm your age, please don't call me a kid again. I might be an abuser, but I'm not a prick.

Rich.. earning potential is a LOT different then "rich" I was concerned about bringing that up..... always changes everything.

Isaac I wasn't calling you a "kid" to be disrespectful in anyway. I know alot of grown ass adults that when life starts getting to heavy and they don't like the direction it is heading they start acting like kids. If you can't come into Intros and dump a thread like that onto a boat load of addicts without expecting some constructive criticism then this is gonna be a long trip.99% of all the people on this site call a spade a spade.I was just trying to make a point that don't try and sugar coat your quit.The first week is called the "Suck" for a reason.Remember this week,embrace this week.Never want to FEEL this way again.Taking a prescription pain killer to deal with the crappy way you are feeling accomplishes shit.I'm glad you are quit,I'm glad I'm quit with you.

[zam]

... I envy you. I wish I knew your secret. Call me whatever you want. Today, yesterday, and the day before, I did not DIP. I need these small wins. This is very big for me. I didn't DIP today. I'm going to try and not DIP tomorrow, and not take a pill tomorrow.

It's like one foot in front of another.

Dude, Listen. LISTEN. Others are trying to tell you something. I'm trying to tell you something. Lean in close...shhh...here it goes.......

There is no secret. And your story is not special. And there are hundreds of others here in your tax bracket, or potential tax bracket.

Outside my wife and older kids, VERY few people knew I went through 3-5 tins of cope every week for well over 20 years. I tried to ninja quit like I ninja dipped. Mis-Freak'in-stake. They need to know what the fuck you are trying to do, and why the hell you are a damned basket case. And I understand the job and insurance thing, but really, big flipping whoop-t-doo. They are adults. THEY know that there is shit other people do that they don't know about. 10:1 says 95% of your team didn't raise an eyebrow.

THERE IS NO SECRET to quitting.

PS - Your wife knows already. Don't sweat it.

[Parputt]

I've mismanaged this support group.

I came to your community because dipping is is what I have done since 18yo and I want to quit. I've tried so many times, and failed.

I think I got a little too excited about the group honesty thing that I said some things that I should have left personal.

I have clouded my objective to quit dipping.

I have not had a dip since Sunday.
I should not have taken Hydrocodine yesterday or today
I will not have DIP or any pills tomorrow

Can we delete this forum string? can we remove this from the forum?

Not a fucking chance. You need to come back and read this often to remind you what an addict will do to get his fix. NEVER forget where you came from or you are bound to go back.

It's all about growth, painful or pain free.

[evilearl]

Alcohol.....rarely drink anymore, but back in the day they used to call me the Egyptian sponge. I was like a sponge that had been in the desert for 15 years and when it gets around liquid it would absorb any moisture in the vicinity.

Not sure how I never became a full blown alcoholic as I drank heavily every day for many years (cases of beer, bottles of booze, you name it...I was always the biggest drinker in any group I hung out with). You know the story. Met the love of my life 10 years ago at age 37 and just stopped for the most part. Now and again I'll have a couple of beers, but that's all I want. When I was drinking I would smoke packs of cigarettes in a sitting sometimes with a dip in also.

[evilearl]

I used getting a molar pulled as my impetus for quitting 32 days ago. They gave me Hydrocodone as a pain reliever for getting the tooth extracted (I didn't really have any pain). I took the pain killers for 4 days (how long they lasted). Right, wrong or indifferent it got me through the worst. Now I'm 32 days nicotine free.

[Rob1985]

I've mismanaged this support group.

I came to your community because dipping is is what I have done since 18yo and I want to quit. I've tried so many times, and failed.

I think I got a little too excited about the group honesty thing that I said some things that I should have left personal.

I have clouded my objective to quit dipping.

I have not had a dip since Sunday.
I should not have taken Hydrocodine yesterday or today
I will not have DIP or any pills tomorrow

Can we delete this forum string? can we remove this from the forum?

No one is judging you, but be we will be critical. Don't be ashamed, be proud that you put yourself out there! There are many others that are recovering addicts of other substances as well.

If you're concerned about your Hydrocodine use then I would definitely suggest seeing a local group and visiting the "Getting My Act Together" section and posting roll in "Drug Free Zone, Just Say No....".

I have a tremendous amount respect for you putting yourself out there. It's brave!

Again, be proud that you opened yourself up!

[isaac]

I've mismanaged this support group.

I came to your community because dipping is is what I have done since 18yo and I want to quit. I've tried so many times, and failed.

I think I got a little too excited about the group honesty thing that I said some things that I should have left personal.

I have clouded my objective to quit dipping.

I have not had a dip since Sunday.
I should not have taken Hydrocodine yesterday or today
I will not have DIP or any pills tomorrow

Can we delete this forum string? can we remove this from the forum?

[Wt57]

jaynellie
I'm your age, please don't call me a kid again. I might be an abuser, but I'm not a prick.

Rich.. earning potential is a LOT different then "rich" I was concerned about bringing that up..... always changes everything.

I guess I'll just assume that pill is so important. Your surrounded by 20 pkus year chewers that just manned the fuck up and quit with no OXY. I have to agree with Jay, get over your earning potential your self righteous shit and quit. Were all important and were all quit regardless, of what our 1099D or 1099I or K2's or W2's say. I quit like fuck, funny I earn like fuck too.

'crackup' 'crackup'

Can't believe how funny it is to read you 'kids' chatting shit. To me 'rich' has nothing to do with anything monetary! Rich for me this past year has been enjoying my grandkids knowing that I won't get any more questions about what I'm eating! I will make one simple warning. Many of us upon quitting nicotine try to replace it with other addictions. The best replacement for nicotine use is 'honest living' and daily promises!

[isaac]

I think I've gone too far. I'm sorry for taking everyone's time. I obviously have work to do.

I'm a lot of things but I'm not a pill popper. Tonight was my second pill ever. I honestly thought I was trying to treat the symptoms... I actually wikipedia'd hydocodene. I wasn't trying to pick up a new habit. I wanted to treat symptoms.

I was trying to be honest with my comments this evening.

I'm not a prick Jay. I hope I'm not a righteous shit KKL.