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Author Topic: Scared to death  (Read 8384 times)

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Offline Cindy

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #133 on: August 26, 2016, 09:35:00 PM »
I caved. It was a good long while back. I don't know when exactly. I am now on day 4. I am posting this here so I can find it and so other people who think they can walk away and be fine, will maybe reconsider. If you think "the suck" sucked the first time, trust me when I tell you the second time is worse. And knowing what I am still facing in the weeks and months ahead. It is truly terrifying. Don't cave. Don't ever EVER think you can touch that shit again and be ok.

1. What happened? I was having a rough day and when I got in the truck, my husband had a can of snuff (after he himself had quit for over 120 days) I thought I could get a dip and go on without it. I was about to the point that I didn't care either way, I was depressed and upset.
2. Why did it happen? I had let my guard down. I had let my quit group down. I had been selfish and thought I didn't need these people, not thinking about whether or not they actually needed me, too. I thought I was strong enough to do it alone. I knew better, but at the moment I underestimated what "addiction" means, I either didn't realize or didn't believe it would really be just like starting over at day one, just from one tiny dip.
3. What will I do differently? I will post roll. I will stay active here. I will never assume I can do it alone. I will stay here and I will help other people, even if I don't feel that I need help myself, because that will keep me here and keep me quit.
I am sorry I left. I am sorry to myself that I caved after all that time. I have hated every day since I caved and was too scared to try again. I was so angry that I had thrown all that away and now faced down doing it all over again. Don't ever ever cave. Quit like fuck every damn day for the rest of your life. When you stop quitting hard, you'll forget how hard it was.
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QLF ODAAT..

When you stop quitting hard, you forget how hard it was.

"When will you put the arrogance and ignorance aside and choose to live and to live with honor and integrity. It's the best fucking feeling in the world. It beats the shit out of feeling like a loser caver. It beats the shit out of knowing that you are nic's bitch. It beats the shit out of getting cancer and dying. This is really hard shit and you have to attack it with a vengeance. Get after it January. Quit like fuck" ~ Bronc

Offline worktowin

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #132 on: August 26, 2016, 09:33:00 PM »
Over. And over. And over. And over.

After 100 days, people cave for 1 reason. They stop posting roll. They either subconsciously want to cave, or subconsciously never wanted to quit. I don't get it. Who the fuck would ever want to relive that 100 days again? Not me!

We've all heard this a billion times. Post roll every day. Not posting is like hitting your head on a brick wall. Over. And over. And over. And over.
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Offline Cindy

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #131 on: August 26, 2016, 09:11:00 PM »
?
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QLF ODAAT..

When you stop quitting hard, you forget how hard it was.

"When will you put the arrogance and ignorance aside and choose to live and to live with honor and integrity. It's the best fucking feeling in the world. It beats the shit out of feeling like a loser caver. It beats the shit out of knowing that you are nic's bitch. It beats the shit out of getting cancer and dying. This is really hard shit and you have to attack it with a vengeance. Get after it January. Quit like fuck" ~ Bronc

Offline Ginet

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #130 on: July 27, 2015, 01:32:00 PM »
Hi Cindy. Feeling good huh? I know you don't think about nicotine, your addiction or the hard fight you went thru to get to this point. I loved that day, the very first time that I felt like that. It was INCREDIBLE! Not having one thought of a dip all day. Not using fake, nothing. It was pure freedom. I understand that. It is fantastic. We all get to experience it one day, all on different days, but it happens and keeps on getting better.

That whole "life" things happens. It even gets pretty shitty at times. This is why I still post. I would like you to stay and keep posting too.

Here's the thing. I feel pretty fantastic. I don't' think about my addiction either. I don't get tempted and I don't crave. I don't use fake and I still hate nicotine. Some day, I will stop posting. I don't know when but I know I will. I know you feel like you are at that point but here is what I want you to think about it....are you sure you want to risk it?

I mean if you feel good now, wait. Celebrating a year here with us is awesome. You should stay to do that. You should stay to help others. If you can't do that, just get on roll and make yourself the priority for just today.

I urge you stay. Keep building your quit. Make is stronger. That's my two cents.

Quittin like a girl,
Lady G day 576 - because I am not ready to risk missing roll
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The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person who is doing it. ~ Chinese Proverb
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. ~ Stephen R. Covey

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Offline pab1964

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #129 on: March 25, 2015, 10:23:00 PM »
Quote from: Cindy
Found it. Lol

Here is the thing. You have to make your quit your number one priority. Why would you do that you may wonder? Well three weeks ago I quit and I would give almost anything to have those 17 years of my life back. You're 18. You don't realize what the nicotine does to you but I know. It fucks up your brain. You don't know it when it's happening thanks to the magic of chemical addiction. It makes your brain think you need it. It makes you think that you need it more than you need anything in the world, right behind oxygen maybe. Don't do this for years an then wake up in your 30's and realize the shit wasted half of your life. Don't sit up at 32 years old and on night #2 and cry and bawl like an idiot because you never realized it did anything but "help" you and now you hate yourself for being so naive and letting this happen to yourself. How did I let this happen. How did it happen? What th FUCK was I thinking!?? You're young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Nicotine DOES NOT HELP YOU AT ALL. Everything you think it does is an illusion. Starting dipping was hands down the absolute worst decision I have ever made in my life. Worse than marrying a loser and not finishing college to be a veterinarian. And the best decision I have ever made was quitting. It was a better decision than divorcing the loser was. My point being marriage and divorces are big stuff. But nothing compared to what nicotine did to me. We are literally talking about your life. And say you never get cancer. It still controls your brain. It controls your sleep. It tells you when to wake up. It tells you when you can eat. It tells you what to do 24/7 and if you don't listen it kicks you in the nuts until you do listen. Kick it back and quit before it consumes anymore of your life. My husband now is an amazing man and I wouldn't trade him for anything. But he dips still. He does it in front of me. He uses my spit bottle I spit my fake in accidentally sometimes and I have to go wash it out. And I will not touch his snuff. He dips the same snuff I did. I won't buy it for him. I won't pick his can up if he drops it near me. I literally don't touch it. I'm a girl and I resist it every day. It's right in my face and in my house and I dot do that shit anymore. I dipped two cans a day and it was HARD to quit. But I am quit and I will stay QUIT because I KNOW now that it was killing me. With or without cancer it destroyed my life. Quit like a girl if you have to but please quit while you're young and healthy.
Thanks Cindy that helped my quit! Damn proud to be quit with you today my friend!
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Tobacco is so addictive it took me a year after a massive heart attack, in which doctor confirmed caused from dipping to finally put a lid on the bitch! ODAAT EDD

Offline Cindy

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #128 on: March 25, 2015, 01:37:00 AM »
Found it. Lol

Here is the thing. You have to make your quit your number one priority. Why would you do that you may wonder? Well three weeks ago I quit and I would give almost anything to have those 17 years of my life back. You're 18. You don't realize what the nicotine does to you but I know. It fucks up your brain. You don't know it when it's happening thanks to the magic of chemical addiction. It makes your brain think you need it. It makes you think that you need it more than you need anything in the world, right behind oxygen maybe. Don't do this for years an then wake up in your 30's and realize the shit wasted half of your life. Don't sit up at 32 years old and on night #2 and cry and bawl like an idiot because you never realized it did anything but "help" you and now you hate yourself for being so naive and letting this happen to yourself. How did I let this happen. How did it happen? What th FUCK was I thinking!?? You're young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Nicotine DOES NOT HELP YOU AT ALL. Everything you think it does is an illusion. Starting dipping was hands down the absolute worst decision I have ever made in my life. Worse than marrying a loser and not finishing college to be a veterinarian. And the best decision I have ever made was quitting. It was a better decision than divorcing the loser was. My point being marriage and divorces are big stuff. But nothing compared to what nicotine did to me. We are literally talking about your life. And say you never get cancer. It still controls your brain. It controls your sleep. It tells you when to wake up. It tells you when you can eat. It tells you what to do 24/7 and if you don't listen it kicks you in the nuts until you do listen. Kick it back and quit before it consumes anymore of your life. My husband now is an amazing man and I wouldn't trade him for anything. But he dips still. He does it in front of me. He uses my spit bottle I spit my fake in accidentally sometimes and I have to go wash it out. And I will not touch his snuff. He dips the same snuff I did. I won't buy it for him. I won't pick his can up if he drops it near me. I literally don't touch it. I'm a girl and I resist it every day. It's right in my face and in my house and I dot do that shit anymore. I dipped two cans a day and it was HARD to quit. But I am quit and I will stay QUIT because I KNOW now that it was killing me. With or without cancer it destroyed my life. Quit like a girl if you have to but please quit while you're young and healthy.
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QLF ODAAT..

When you stop quitting hard, you forget how hard it was.

"When will you put the arrogance and ignorance aside and choose to live and to live with honor and integrity. It's the best fucking feeling in the world. It beats the shit out of feeling like a loser caver. It beats the shit out of knowing that you are nic's bitch. It beats the shit out of getting cancer and dying. This is really hard shit and you have to attack it with a vengeance. Get after it January. Quit like fuck" ~ Bronc

Offline Cindy

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #127 on: March 25, 2015, 01:31:00 AM »
I wrote an epic reply to a young kid who was here trying to quit one time. I don't remember who it was or when it was. I wish I could find it, I need to read it
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QLF ODAAT..

When you stop quitting hard, you forget how hard it was.

"When will you put the arrogance and ignorance aside and choose to live and to live with honor and integrity. It's the best fucking feeling in the world. It beats the shit out of feeling like a loser caver. It beats the shit out of knowing that you are nic's bitch. It beats the shit out of getting cancer and dying. This is really hard shit and you have to attack it with a vengeance. Get after it January. Quit like fuck" ~ Bronc

Offline Done4Me

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #126 on: January 24, 2015, 02:05:00 PM »
Quote from: canless2014
Cindy,

Hadn't seen your name in a while and am super happy to see you're still here, still quit and still active on KTC. Best wishes for all in your life, and most importantly, I quit with you today  EDD!
Same here Cindy, you are the heat! Stay quit.
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Offline canless2014

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #125 on: January 21, 2015, 11:42:00 PM »
Cindy,

Hadn't seen your name in a while and am super happy to see you're still here, still quit and still active on KTC. Best wishes for all in your life, and most importantly, I quit with you today  EDD!
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"Post roll. Post more if you want to. That's the beauty of the place: We ask you post roll. We ask you to be honest. That's all. No more. No less. Be there for your brothers and ask for help when you need it." - Wastepanel 10/6/14

"What would you do to save your own life? If you were fighting cancer today would you suffer through Chemo, surgeries, try new a therapy? change your diet, go to church? What intolerable hell would you endure to simply live. When you have thought long and hard about that, think on this. Why not apply that attitude to your quit. Suffer through the temporary discomfort of withdrawal to achieve your freedom from a slow painful demise via nicotine. Your in the ring already- fight like you mean it." - Skoal Monster 10/8/14

Quit Date: 6/30/2014 at 4:30 PM

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Offline Ginet

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #124 on: January 06, 2015, 12:00:00 PM »
CONGRATS CINDY! You have an excellent quit going girl. Proud of you!
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The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person who is doing it. ~ Chinese Proverb
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. ~ Stephen R. Covey

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Offline Doc2quit4good

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #123 on: January 06, 2015, 10:49:00 AM »
I knew this one was a good apple. Congrats on this milestone. Get ready for the ride!!!
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NO MO SKOAL!!! I MEAN NEVER AGAIN!!!
Real Quit Day 9/18/2013 8th Floor 11/26/15
HOF day: 12/26/2013. 9th Floor 3/5/16
2nd Floor: 4/5/14 Comma Day 6/13/16!!!
3rd Floor 7/14/2014. 3 Years 9/18/6!!!
1 Year 9/17/2014. 11th Floor 9/21/16
4th Floor 10/22/14. 12th Floor 12/30/16
Half Comma 1/30/15. 13th Floor 4/8/17
6th Floor 5/10/15 4 Years 9/18/17!!!
7th Floor 8/18/15. 15th Floor 10/26/17
2 Years 9/17/15 16th Floor 2/3/18
5 Years 9/18/18  17th Floor 5/14/18
18th Floor 08/22/2018  19th Floor 11/30/18

Offline soxfnnlansing

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #122 on: January 06, 2015, 10:36:00 AM »
Congrats on 100 days without that can in your life. Activity is the key to a long term quit. Quit on sister!
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Here in THIS house, we Kill the Can. If it's not a top priority, go to one of the bitch sites where they "hurt the can" or "call the can names." - Pre

This is so much more that just throwing your name on a list, it is placing your word or promise that you will not use nicotine and it should be done everyday. - MCarmo44

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Offline wastepanel

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #121 on: January 06, 2015, 10:25:00 AM »
Quote from: Smeds
Two things I'm very happy about:
  • Cindy has reached HOF!!
  • Cindy's dog is doing great!
Proud of you Cindy ... enjoy the day, always remember that 101 is just as important (just not as shiny!)
Do you think Neil Armstrong was content with just taking one step on the moon?

Nope...Dude wanted to do cartwheels.

You shouldn't be content either. 100 days is awesome, but it's a drop in the bucket. Keep up the bad ass quit. You're doing great.
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In the end I Surrender, I and I alone accept that I have and always will have a Nicotene ADDICTION. It is my choice to quit, but I can't do it alone. I get to go down this path one time, I want to do it right. I recognize that my word, my integrety to you is on the line and is only as good as my actions. Caving is not an option in this plan-Eafman 7/11

I am not cured. I will quit one day at a time. I will continue to do what works. Posting roll everyday. To do otherwise would be foolish on my part. You can do this-Ready 12/11

To overcome your addiction you must comprehend what it means to fail-Razd 3/12

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Just as a building starts with architectural drawings. Your daily quit begins with a promise.-Scowick 2/13

Here and now, focused on today, minute by minute, whatever it takes, I promise to all my bros and myself not to become a negative stat and stay quit!-krok 1/15

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Offline Smeds

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #120 on: January 06, 2015, 09:56:00 AM »
Two things I'm very happy about:
  • Cindy has reached HOF!!
  • Cindy's dog is doing great!
Proud of you Cindy ... enjoy the day, always remember that 101 is just as important (just not as shiny!)
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My personality is who I am, my attitude depends on who you are.

Offline jforrest1980

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Re: Scared to death
« Reply #119 on: December 12, 2014, 08:57:00 PM »
sorry about your dog cindy. That really stinks.. I hope everything works out.
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