Looking back on the day I signed up for KTC, I barely remember actually registering. I admit, I definitely didn’t understand what this was all about. I wrote my intro and then rushed off to an appointment. I screwed up roll. But a guy I didn’t know called and talked me through it and then we actually just chatted the rest of my drive. I wouldn’t be here without that call. But, I still didn’t really get it..actually I’m sure that I still don’t- to it’s depths -what it means to be a part of this family...but I think I’m starting to see.
I really should’ve done more research before signing up because, in the very beginning, I was legitimately worried about how this could possibly work for me. A bunch of people yelling at each other on a forum when someone fails to their addiction, fake names and small talk with strangers from the internet…? It was a roller coaster!!! But in the midst of everything, bonds were forming and I couldn’t deny that. People taking the time to check in on me. Advice that changed the way I viewed my addiction. Words of wisdom and strength that reset my mind over and over throughout the day. Relating with other addicts...that’s new...and so valuable!
I had failed on my own...over and over. Some long stops, some short but I was never really, truly quit mentally. The support here is the daily reminder not to allow my addict brain to justify the lies and excuses for any reason. The daily reminder that I AM an addict and always will be. The brotherhood of joining together and fighting the addict in us all. THAT is what I’ve needed. For that I am grateful. For all of you, I am grateful.
