Hidden habit

[Zeus]

       Looking back on the day I signed up for KTC, I  barely remember actually registering. I admit, I definitely didn’t understand what this was all about. I wrote my intro and then rushed off to an appointment. I screwed up roll. But a guy I didn’t know called and talked me through it and then we actually just chatted the rest of my drive. I wouldn’t be here without that call. But, I still didn’t really get it..actually I’m sure that I still don’t- to it’s depths -what it means to be a part of this family...but I think I’m starting to see.
       I really should’ve done more research before signing up because, in the very beginning, I was legitimately worried about how this could possibly work for me. A bunch of people yelling at each other on a forum when someone fails to their addiction, fake names and small talk with strangers from the internet…? It was a roller coaster!!! But in the midst of everything, bonds were forming and I couldn’t deny that. People taking the time to check in on me. Advice that changed the way I viewed my addiction. Words of wisdom and strength that reset my mind over and over throughout the day. Relating with other addicts...that’s new...and so valuable!
I had failed on my own...over and over. Some long stops, some short but I was never really, truly quit mentally. The support here is the daily reminder not to allow my addict brain to justify the lies and excuses for any reason. The daily reminder that I AM an addict and always will be. The brotherhood of joining together and fighting the addict in us all. THAT is what I’ve needed. For that I am grateful. For all of you, I am grateful.

I know exactly what you're saying. You are a badass quitter and getting stronger every day. Keep up the great work that you've been doing.

[ankape]

       Looking back on the day I signed up for KTC, I  barely remember actually registering. I admit, I definitely didn’t understand what this was all about. I wrote my intro and then rushed off to an appointment. I screwed up roll. But a guy I didn’t know called and talked me through it and then we actually just chatted the rest of my drive. I wouldn’t be here without that call. But, I still didn’t really get it..actually I’m sure that I still don’t- to it’s depths -what it means to be a part of this family...but I think I’m starting to see.
       I really should’ve done more research before signing up because, in the very beginning, I was legitimately worried about how this could possibly work for me. A bunch of people yelling at each other on a forum when someone fails to their addiction, fake names and small talk with strangers from the internet…? It was a roller coaster!!! But in the midst of everything, bonds were forming and I couldn’t deny that. People taking the time to check in on me. Advice that changed the way I viewed my addiction. Words of wisdom and strength that reset my mind over and over throughout the day. Relating with other addicts...that’s new...and so valuable!
I had failed on my own...over and over. Some long stops, some short but I was never really, truly quit mentally. The support here is the daily reminder not to allow my addict brain to justify the lies and excuses for any reason. The daily reminder that I AM an addict and always will be. The brotherhood of joining together and fighting the addict in us all. THAT is what I’ve needed. For that I am grateful. For all of you, I am grateful.

[69franx]

  Day 38
      Yesterday my husband hurt his back, he could barely move and my kids all got a stomach virus. (I know that’s just a paragraph of life…but it brought me to something.)
     Been struggling the past few days really, but in this time of feeling extra overwhelmed, I found myself resenting KTC.
     I was right in the middle of negative thoughts about why I am here, when I realized what was REALLY happening. The knowledge I’ve gained here- kicked in.
      I started thinking about all the people here and all their quit days. KTC DOES work...it obviously works. I realized it was me, once again, slowly falling prey to the manipulation of the nic bitch. Oh, how tenacious she is at hi-jacking my thoughts. Of course my addict brain would try to drive me away from anything that’s keeping me quit!
I see you there...bitch... NOT this time!

Work as hard at saving your life as you used to work to destroy it.

some moments are defining moments...a paradigm shift.  Remember day 38.  Embrace day 38.  See day 38 for what you were, what you are, and what you can be.  Reading your day 38 post strengthened my quit and resolve.

Proud to quit with you.

Everything this guy just said ^^^. You have the right frame of mind to make this your one and only quit. Just keep doing what you're doing. When you hit a funk, come back here and re-read your intro. Gain inspiration by reading what your badass has already gotten through. Life will happen, you can use these memories to help you remain quit despite whatever life throws at you

[oldschool]

  Day 38
      Yesterday my husband hurt his back, he could barely move and my kids all got a stomach virus. (I know that’s just a paragraph of life…but it brought me to something.)
     Been struggling the past few days really, but in this time of feeling extra overwhelmed, I found myself resenting KTC.
     I was right in the middle of negative thoughts about why I am here, when I realized what was REALLY happening. The knowledge I’ve gained here- kicked in.
      I started thinking about all the people here and all their quit days. KTC DOES work...it obviously works. I realized it was me, once again, slowly falling prey to the manipulation of the nic bitch. Oh, how tenacious she is at hi-jacking my thoughts. Of course my addict brain would try to drive me away from anything that’s keeping me quit!
I see you there...bitch... NOT this time!

Work as hard at saving your life as you used to work to destroy it.

some moments are defining moments...a paradigm shift.  Remember day 38.  Embrace day 38.  See day 38 for what you were, what you are, and what you can be.  Reading your day 38 post strengthened my quit and resolve.

Proud to quit with you.

[ankape]

Day 39
It is true. Press on. Great days follow hard days. My quit is strong. Thankful and grateful for all my blessings.
    I asked my husband for his perspective of how I was doing. I told him I felt guilty putting them through my roller coaster. He said, “Seems like you’re doing great. I think your mind is just playing tricks on you.” Hmm...cool. Could be like “Does this dress make me look fat?” But oh well I’ll take it!

BMC's Wife: “Does this dress make me look fat?”
BMC's Response:  “Seems like you’re doing great. I think your mind is just playing tricks on you.”

786

@BluManChew
You’re welcome!!! 

[BluManChew]

Day 39
It is true. Press on. Great days follow hard days. My quit is strong. Thankful and grateful for all my blessings.
    I asked my husband for his perspective of how I was doing. I told him I felt guilty putting them through my roller coaster. He said, “Seems like you’re doing great. I think your mind is just playing tricks on you.” Hmm...cool. Could be like “Does this dress make me look fat?” But oh well I’ll take it!

BMC's Wife: “Does this dress make me look fat?”
BMC's Response:  “Seems like you’re doing great. I think your mind is just playing tricks on you.”

786

[ankape]

Day 39
It is true. Press on. Great days follow hard days. My quit is strong. Thankful and grateful for all my blessings.
    I asked my husband for his perspective of how I was doing. I told him I felt guilty putting them through my roller coaster. He said, “Seems like you’re doing great. I think your mind is just playing tricks on you.” Hmm...cool. Could be like “Does this dress make me look fat?” But oh well I’ll take it!

[ankape]

  Day 38
      Yesterday my husband hurt his back, he could barely move and my kids all got a stomach virus. (I know that’s just a paragraph of life…but it brought me to something.)
     Been struggling the past few days really, but in this time of feeling extra overwhelmed, I found myself resenting KTC.
     I was right in the middle of negative thoughts about why I am here, when I realized what was REALLY happening. The knowledge I’ve gained here- kicked in.
      I started thinking about all the people here and all their quit days. KTC DOES work...it obviously works. I realized it was me, once again, slowly falling prey to the manipulation of the nic bitch. Oh, how tenacious she is at hi-jacking my thoughts. Of course my addict brain would try to drive me away from anything that’s keeping me quit!
I see you there...bitch... NOT this time!

Work as hard at saving your life as you used to work to destroy it.

[FLLipOut]

Day 28
This morning I knew I would be facing triggers on a drive...I had myself psyched enough I almost took a different route. Then I thought, “that’s so stupid, (rolled up sleeves) NiC Bitch- let’s rumble!!” I realized that I’m really not scared to fight her face on- and if I proactively kick her ass every day she will know better than to try to jump me in a dark alley.

“Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship” ~ Denzel Washington

You got it exactly right.

I love that you are rumbling with the Nic Bitch -- You go girl!!

Ankape I admire your will and moxie.  I'd share a foxhole with you any day girl.  Thanks for leading the way.

"The best way out is always through." - Robert Frost.

You are definitely on the right track.  You cannot break the triggers without facing them head on!   Keep up the great work!!!

[EXBEARHAG]

Day 28
This morning I knew I would be facing triggers on a drive...I had myself psyched enough I almost took a different route. Then I thought, “that’s so stupid, (rolled up sleeves) NiC Bitch- let’s rumble!!” I realized that I’m really not scared to fight her face on- and if I proactively kick her ass every day she will know better than to try to jump me in a dark alley.

“Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship” ~ Denzel Washington

You got it exactly right.

I love that you are rumbling with the Nic Bitch -- You go girl!!

Ankape I admire your will and moxie.  I'd share a foxhole with you any day girl.  Thanks for leading the way.

[Falcon67]

Day 28
This morning I knew I would be facing triggers on a drive...I had myself psyched enough I almost took a different route. Then I thought, “that’s so stupid, (rolled up sleeves) NiC Bitch- let’s rumble!!” I realized that I’m really not scared to fight her face on- and if I proactively kick her ass every day she will know better than to try to jump me in a dark alley.

“Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship” ~ Denzel Washington

You got it exactly right.

I love that you are rumbling with the Nic Bitch -- You go girl!!

[Zeus]

Day 28
This morning I knew I would be facing triggers on a drive...I had myself psyched enough I almost took a different route. Then I thought, “that’s so stupid, (rolled up sleeves) NiC Bitch- let’s rumble!!” I realized that I’m really not scared to fight her face on- and if I proactively kick her ass every day she will know better than to try to jump me in a dark alley.

“Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship” ~ Denzel Washington

You got it exactly right.

[ankape]

Day 28
This morning I knew I would be facing triggers on a drive...I had myself psyched enough I almost took a different route. Then I thought, “that’s so stupid, (rolled up sleeves) NiC Bitch- let’s rumble!!” I realized that I’m really not scared to fight her face on- and if I proactively kick her ass every day she will know better than to try to jump me in a dark alley.

“Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship” ~ Denzel Washington

[EXBEARHAG]

@ankape
Thanks for keeping track of your quit and sharing your experiences with all of us.  I seem to have similar motivations.  When I feel weak and I'm headed for a cave, I also picture my wife and kids.  What will their facial expressions be when I tell them I'm sick?  Terror?  Disgust?  What will they say?  What will other's say?  I quit for myself but my strongest motivation is definitely my family.  Truth is, if I did not have to be accountable to them, I don't think I could be accountable to anyone else.

Sounds like you may be a first responder?  I'm a firefighter (LT)/emt in Massachusetts.  This job certainly has unique triggers for the nic addict.  Reach out if you want to vent about it.

You are doing great!!  I see you all over the site.  Keep doing what you are doing and you will make it through the suck. 

PTBQWYT my friend. -John

@EXBEARHAG I work in a hospital -imaging/ER. Not the day to day stress I’m sure you see...but I’ve seen a lot of things I wish I hadn’t. Maybe enough I can feel for you....? I was a wildland firefighter for a couple years in college, I know that’s a totally different world than structure!! I appreciate you and damn proud to quit with you!!

~Annette

@ankape It takes a special kind of person to work in an ER.  Lots of respect for you folks and I'm sure you've experienced your share of stress.  They tell me nic doesn't help with stress management...can't say I buy it yet but these guys haven't led me in the wrong direction so far.  Thank you for all you do and I couldn't be more proud to call you sister.
-John

[EXBEARHAG]

@ankape
Thanks for keeping track of your quit and sharing your experiences with all of us.  I seem to have similar motivations.  When I feel weak and I'm headed for a cave, I also picture my wife and kids.  What will their facial expressions be when I tell them I'm sick?  Terror?  Disgust?  What will they say?  What will other's say?  I quit for myself but my strongest motivation is definitely my family.  Truth is, if I did not have to be accountable to them, I don't think I could be accountable to anyone else.

Sounds like you may be a first responder?  I'm a firefighter (LT)/emt in Massachusetts.  This job certainly has unique triggers for the nic addict.  Reach out if you want to vent about it.

You are doing great!!  I see you all over the site.  Keep doing what you are doing and you will make it through the suck. 

PTBQWYT my friend. -John