My husband is 7 days into his quit.
Or my husband tells me that he is 7 days into his quit.
I told myself he was quitting for himself.
It's obvious now he is quitting for me.
When I make a big deal, he tells me to stop, I start to think that maybe it is because he's not quit, is his concise getting to him, I wonder?
I helped him make an account on here, he won't post, he's says he doesn't need to.
He talks about "problems in his life" and "needing dip."
He talks about dip like it's an entitlement.
He says he might "buy a few cans per year"
He says quitting is "easy"
I thought I could stay strong.
I prepared to be his support.
He doesn't want this quit.
I hate worrying about him.
I find myself distancing myself from him, I'm afraid for his life, he's gambled with these poisons so long.
Tonight I offered to go with him to run an errand, he accused me of only wanting to go because I wanted to stop him from buying a can, but I know that I can't stop him, only he can.
So for now I pray and choose to wait.
If he fails, I will love him still. If he doesn't fail, I'll be proud, so so proud.
Dipping is difficult on spouses. And all of you who think your wives don't know, I bet almost all of them know. It's just a fight that we can't win, it's a fight you have to fight for youself.
I hate to agree but I think you're spot on. If you're husband hasn't been able to do it on his own for 17 years, he's certainly not going to be able to do it now. This place is special. At first it seems elementary and almost beneath a man to get on a computer or cell phone to type in a promise to a bunch of strangers every day, but in that simplicity lies the magic. The fact that you're more involved on here than he is shows that his "quit" is for you and not him. It's also probably a facade.
Once he's ready to quit for real, tell him to sign up on his own, be a man, and jump in with the rest of us addicts. My wife shares/shared your sentiment. 272 days ago I was exactly where your husband is, except that I was fed up with this shit. He's not fed up, yet. Once he is, we'll be here.
I feel sorry for your helplessness and wish I could offer a solution but it truly HAS to be the addict's decision to stop. Our lives change when our habits change. There is no freak luck and God doesn't have any favorites.
Geis is spot on here, and I hate to say it, but I have to agree with both of you as well. As you pointed out, you can't force him to quit any more than you can't follow him around 100% of the time to ensure he's not buying a can.
I tried to quit many many times on my own thinking that I was manly enough to do it on my own and if I told myself I was done, then damnit I would be. Nicotine addiction was stronger than I was. Then I found this group of dysfunctional addicts, and that was 274 days ago. I've never met a single one of them, but I've spoken with a few, and texted with many others. This place is a brotherhood and I wouldn't have made it without them.
If your husband is anything like me, he thinks that cancer won't touch him. He brushes his teeth, takes care of himself, and everybody is entitled to one vice right? Wrong. This place helped me to understand that this "vice" will likely kill you in some way. There is a common rhetorical question that goes around here: How many 75 year olds do you know that chew? The answer is usually none.
My brother died about six weeks ago from cancer. He had been married about 2 years prior, had a 7 year old daughter, and was only 31. God doesn't play favorites and neither does cancer. The more opportunities you take to introduce carcinogens into your system, the more loaded puts you're putting in the chamber for your game of Russian roulette. I don't mean any of this to scare you or for you to try and scare your husband. The truth is this place has undoubtedly saved hundreds, if not thousands, of lives. It has also likely saved marriages, restored dignity, and changed perspectives. It has done that for me, and it can do that for you husband as well. I will pray that God grants you both grace in this difficult time. If there is any way we can help, please do not hesitate to ask.
