Adub,
I dipped for 23 years, probably alot like you. I liked to chew right up to the point where I stopped. I no longer miss it, not even a little. I had anxiety attacks when I quit. I drove myself to the hospital at one point because I thought I was having a heart attack. I had uncontrollable dip rage. I was beyond anger. I too felt the depression and loss and irritability and all the other crap you mention. Your in the fog still, just hang in and it will clear. As for the rest of it , I can un wrap your mind if you read thru.
First,
Ok, here is the problem. Apparently all dippers are not created equal.
This is a common addict rationalization, " I'm different, it's harder for me" get over it, it isn't harder for you ,and your no different than most of us. There are far far heavier users on this site than you, that have quit successfully. I chewed every second of my waking day. I thought I was a big addict until I read about guys putting a dip in to SLEEP WITH. YOU ARE AN ADDICT, telling yourself it is harder for you is an excuse to fail. This is a well documented relapse strategy, so stop believing in that, it's a lie.
My thoughts are consumed with this quit.
You are fixating on it, when you contantly think about craving and dipping and POTENTIAL side effects, your mind starts to create your reality. If the shit hits you then so be it, but try this. Next time you get a crave, acknowledge that your having it, then think about what the trigger was. Driving? computer? work? wake up? then decide on how to handle it. Take a walk, take a breath, use some fake dip, read on the site, go to chat, whatever.
Then let it go. You may do this 100 times a day . There is nothing in a crave that can hurt you, emotionally or physically, fixating on it as in " I want one, I want one Iwant one" WILL make it sooo much harder. I know you can't ignore it, thats why you have to acknowledge it first, BUT then train your self to do something else. Your in a loop that you need to step out of.
miss it and miss it dearly
You don't miss the buzz, because there wasn't one anymore.
You certainly don't miss the spitters and the mess
Do you miss the hassle of going to the store at odd hours so you don't run out?
Do you miss the spills?
How bout the mouth sores and scraping the dead skin off in the morning?
Perhaps you miss the fear of cancer or anxiety about going to the dentist?
Maybe you miss spending the cash.
Maybe you miss looking like a douchebag with a lump in your lip.
You think it calmed you down? right? LIE, that feeling of calm you got from it was nothing more than getting your fix. It was removing the withdrawl symptoms. Thats it. Nicotine raises blood pressure, it elevated your heart rate. It didn't settle you down. The chilled out effect was
ONLY THE REMOVAL OF THE WITHDRAWL..
Truly, there is nothing to miss, it is all a scam adub. The only thing that stuffwas good for was to keep you addicted to it.
Get this, the feelings you have now are CAUSED BY YOUR ADDICTION. If you never started, you wouldn't feel the way you do right now. Your craving the thing that created your problem. Nicotine created that feeling of loss, or something missing, or the void that you feel. DIP DOESN"T MAKE THAT GO AWAY, IT CREATED IT. Time and healing will make it go away.
On drugs,
So lemme get this straight. Your willing to ingest one of the most deadly neurotoxins known to man. Nicotine is essentially a insecticide. BUT you won't take any drugs to help you quit. I was just like you. I didn't want to take any of that shit either, however. I realized I needed some help, I went to talk to my family doctor and was prescribed ativan. It was a take as needed dose. When shit got to heavy and I was really having a hard time I could take one. I used this for about six months. It helped. I can't recommend Chantix or wellbutrin or any of that stuff, because I have no personal experience. I do know that having some meds to bring down my anxiety and irritability was huge for my own quit.
If you had cancer, I bet you would take any medication under the sun to try to beat it. What would you endure to save your life so you can meet your daughters daughters and sons. What hell would you go thru to walk your baby girls down the aisle.?Chemo?, radiation? all of it? You say your no pussy so I bet you'd do whatever you could to try to live longer.
This begs the question, why won't you do whatever it takes now? Don't kid yourself, your already in the ring with this shit , it will get you eventually. Cancer , stroke, heart attack, a million different ways for nic to kill you. You should consider fighting back. Quitting is not a spectator sport, and just trying to ride it out will get you no where. I took the meds because I was going to quit no matter what the consequences are.
Dont tell me its too expensive, its cheaper than dip.
It isn't embarassing either. No less than a grown man spitting all over the place, and keeping cups of spit everywhere.
But I have yet to read anything or see anyone post an experience or admit to experiencing the symptoms I am having
You must be kidding, read more brother. Have you read the cancer and quitter stories? All the Hof Speeches? The intros? The shit in May10? It is everywhere, hell, my own intro page is loaded with this shit. I bet I made you look like the most stable guy in the world. READ READ READ READ READ.
I'll give you an abridged version of me.
23 year two can a day habit and I smoked too, but only because I couldn't chew enough to kill the withdrawls.
Quit and wound up medicated, in marriage counseling, seeing a pastorial counselor, and a shrink. Had MASSIVE anger, anxiety, depression, rage, confusion, you name it. Had to re-learn how to live my life without nicotine. Eventually was diagnosed with ADD , the nicotine was a way to self medicate. It works just like ritalin or adderall. Counseling was because like you I was coming unglued. Marriage counseling was because I was taking my quit out on my wife, and because years of chewing had done untold damage to my realationship. (
ever stay up late by yourself to dip instead of going to bed with your bride) .
Little by little I pulled out of it. I posted roll daily, I read everything on this site . I still do. I posted up just like you did today when I was struggling. I hated it. I even made the same bullshit rationalizations you did. I took it a bit farther , to where I decided that life might be better if I dipped again and that all this shit wasn't worth it.
Ultimately , ALL OF IT WAS WORTH IT. All that shit your going thru disappears over time. Your going to have to re-learn how to live, relate with others, feel, and function without that poison. I can't tell you how much better it gets. I don't know you and you don't know me, but believe me when I tell you that it WILL get better, and you WILL look back and than God that you stayed on the course. The freedom you will gain and the feeling of reclaiming your life is tremendous. I would do it all again, if I had known I would have done it sooner. It's hard I know, but it can be done.
last, you dipped for more than 20 years. But call it 20 for math sake. Thats 7,300 days. You have been quit for only 24. Is it any wonder that you are still having a hard time? Patience.... you earning the tools and paying the price to earn your freedom. When will it get better? When it does. There is no magic finish line. Just keep quiting for today. It is like watching a plant grow. You can't see it happening, but then one day you look at it and think " Damn, when did that happen."
sM
