ok man you guys now that thats out a the way i wanna tell you guys my butt cam story. it aint funny. but man if your gettin old like old drome your gonna get yers one day. and just like old drome wants to help you no whats comin in your quit, well old drome wants you to no what life brings.
now the colinoscapy... that thing ware they stick that cam up your behind to check our your innner parts. well im just gonna call it buttcam cuz its shorter.
any ways sinse i just hit 50 not long ago my doc says, 'drome its time you got your buttcam done. now heres a guy who does a good job. you just call him up and he will take good care a you.' well cuz i plan on livin a good long time i make a pointmint with the buttcam doc. well the first thing that dint go rite is i set it up to be april 7th. is today april 7th? no its fuggin march 31. evin tho i made my pointmint for april 7 when they sent me the list a stuff i needed to do and buy it said do this for your pointment on march 31. well man i call them up and say it must be a misstake cuz im on for april 7. 'oh, no mr. drome. the doc is out of town that week. we don't no how you cood a got a pointmint on april 7.' well any ways i got stuck with the pointmint on march 31. so i tell the boss man im gettin my butt checked out a week erly and hes good with it.
now some a you mite no that it just aint a 1 day afair. oh no. the day afore you dont get to eat nothin. and no milk eether. then in the afternoon time you start cleenin the pipes. now bout 15 years ago a buddy a mine had to drink some nasty perscripshun stuff and man he was strait to the crapper for the next 12 hours. mrs drome is my old bat. she all reddy had it done a cuppel a years ago. and she got some crappy tastin perscripshun stuff to. no they sent me a list a over the counter shit to pick up. ducalax pills (4 doses) some powder shit mixed up with gaterade (14 doses in 2 hours!) and some gawd aweful shit like sodeum sitrate i downed a hole bottel of at 10 pm at nite. now that shit made me near toss my cookies. well i spent most a the time atween 6 pm at nite and 1 am in the mornin on the crapper. and by about 10 pm i was just peein out a my butt.
now heres some thing you dont no bout old drome. drome dont like drugs. and he reely dont like anasteesia. so i did my googel reserch and found out i dont need to get nocked out for this. so i call um up and say 'hay you guys are cool with me not gettin nocked out for this rite?' then i lissined for 15 minits wile they splained how good the drug were and i reely shood get um but they wood mark my file sayin no drugs.
so i get there nice and erly like they asked me to well erly bein a hour afore my pointmint time. it was still haff way thru my day. and i say to the front counter girl. 'we are good with no drugs, rite?' she looks at me funny but says it aint her job. so after a short wait i get sent to my room to get one a them nice gowns on. backwerds of course.
first nurse comes in. i need to put your iv in. 'whats the iv for' i ask. 'for fluids and the drugs' 'but i aint gettin drugs' she aint sure what to do and leaves.
seckind nurse comes in. she wants me to sine stuff. this ones for sergery. this ones for drugs. 'i aint gettin drugs so i wont sine that one.' and i dint.
now there all flusterd up. next thing you no i got 3 nurses tryin to tell me i need these drugs. there good drugs. you will be so happy drugs. look i dont want drugs. whats the big fuggin stink?
next the drug guy... anasteesiolagist... comes in. he says 'no drugs?' i say 'not intrested' and he was like 'i will talk to the doc. reely all they do is relax you so he can go faster. they aint reely nessassary.' cool then he says 'how bout we do this... the nurse anasteesitist will be there any ways so if you need drugs you let her no.' 'fine but i aint takin drugs' so now i gots to sine the sheet i woodnt sine afore but we all agree i gotta ask for um.
finely the doc comes in. 'no drugs?' he says. 'nope ' 'no big deal. i have done some with no drugs.'
then like 15 minits later i get wheeled down the hall. and in the scope goes. now its not all painless. but mostly its just preshure. like gas. there were maybe like 2 times it was that cramp you get from tryin to hold a fart in for like 20 minits wile your in a meeting with the big big big boss man. but insted of lastin for hours it was only a seckind or 2 each. and man cuz i was awake i got to watch the thing live on the screen. and the doc was doin play by play. thats some thing you just dont get when you get nocked out! any ways goin in was pritty fast and they did all the lookin on the pullin back part. now he did find a littel bitty pollip on the way out and i got to see him loop it up and cut it rite off. and on acount a theres no nerves in there i dint feel a thing. so he says the gotta send that in and see what kind it is and he wood let me no if i hafta come back in 3 or 5 or 10 years. the rest a the pull out was pritty rootine until the end. cuz i gess i got some a the hemeroids to and he wanted to look the cam back round to look at um from the insides. man i was in and out in less than 10 minits. and cuz i dint do the drugs i got back to my room, farted a few times for um, got dressed and left. the guy what went afore me was prolly still there anuther cuppel a hours. and they told him 'dont drive' but cuz i dint do drugs i was good to drive home.
and next time i dont hafta fite bout the drugs.
i got like 5 littel picstures. i gotta scan um. if any buddy wants to see what you been missin.
by the way what the fug is this -- 'nope'
