Reflections on the past 2 years.
Just over two years ago, I was getting ready to do the annual enrollment for benefits, and I noticed that the company was going to charge $50/month more for people who use tobacco. That's real money, and coupled with the $100+/month I was pissing away on Cope, I decided it was time for a change. I've tried to quit before. I've used the patch. I've used Smokey Mountain and Oregon Mint snuff. And I've failed. So I jumped on the internet in the hopes of finding something, anything that would help me quit. Among the things I found was this site. I lurked for a while, trying to find the magic trick to quit. I couldn't find it. Honestly, I almost didn't even register on this site. I mean how could posting to an anonymous internet forum be any better than medical science (the patch or gum) or doing it on my own? How fucking queer is that? But I joined any way, determined to give it my best shot. Like I said back when I had that first dip dream, if I caved, I could disappear into the vapors of the internet and never come back. My posting style (for the most part) has been predicated on looking at the brighter side of things for the most part. I don't think some of the vets thought I was serious about quitting. But I found brothers in arms with my Feb '09 quit group.
What's worked for me, and why I think it has. (and it may or may not work for you)
First and foremost was posting roll. I've already said I thought it was absurd, when I started. But posting with some of those guys made me feel like I'd be the biggest pussy in the world to cave. HDFIREDAWG was in fucking IRAQ and trying to quit with us. He couldn't post every day, but did when he could. The dude was getting his ass shot at, and trying to quit. Fuck if I was worried about being shot at, IEDs and car bombs, the last thing I'd be worried about is the bitch killing me! Yet here he was, quitting with the rest of us. No way was I going to fucking cave! After hitting the hall, I found other brothers with similar interests the EEC and posting up with those guys is just like an extension of posting roll. Stay in touch and support each other.
Second was addressing the addiction: the true chemical addiction to nicotine. As mentioned, I'd tried the patch. But as soon as the patch was gone, so was my quit. Ask any brother here, and they'll tell you the reason is obvious. The patch is just another delivery system. You've traded dip delivery for patch, but the addiction is still fed. Quit the patch, feel like shit, and BOOM! back to dip, because it makes you feel better. Well that cycle isn't going to work, but I didn't understand what it was doing, because I didn't understand the fog, the funk, or whatever you want to call it was part of the healing process, and I was destroying it after each cycle. Part two was understanding that the addiction NEVER GOES AWAY. Every day is a fight, and stress has caused a good number of quitters to cave. Then there are the true bad ass quitters, the ones we look to and say, "I want to be that tough every fucking day!" I don't even know how often she comes around these days, but I want to say, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU NICKIE for every story you've shared.
Third was the oral fixation: I'm not a fan of the fake stuff, because it always lead me back to Cope when I couldn't find the fake stuff. I needed something different, and anyone who has followed this thread can tell you what I found - atomic fire balls. I could buy them in bulk and cheaply. I couldn't pack them in my lip, and I could only take so many, and they killed the taste of anything I put in my mouth (so I didn't desire anything else in there.) I still throw one in every now and again. I rarely chew gum for the simple reason is that I still find myself packing it. Yes, even after 2 years.
I'm going to tell you right now that even after the hall it isn't always easy. I've had days where I've thought, "I could have just one." when I damn well know I can't. I've used the tools I picked up here or inertia (or the inability to get off my ass) to fight through and say, "NO FUCKING WAY AM I TURNING MY LIFE BACK OVER TO TOBACCO!" If you've been around for more than a few months, you've probably seen a long time quitter cave. This is a fight for life, and I'm going to fight it every day for the rest of my life! Now who's fucking with me!
