Kybo

[kybo]

Day 59.

Things aren't always what they seem. I am going to leave this statement alone for a few days. I may revisit it in the future if it turns out I am right.

By my rough estimates I think I have saved about $224 so far since I quit ($3.80/can). That number is probably closer to $200 because I have purchased about a dozen cans of fake chew. I have been putting the money I save in a stein in the man cave. My plan is to spend it on something frivolous once I get to 100 days (or donate it to charity if I cave). So far, I am leaning toward a drone or some kind of night vision device. I know that sounds like a stupid waste of money, but is it honestly any more ridiculous than spending the money on shit that is going to give me mouth cancer? I think not.

I might end up spending the money I saved on a rear tine tiller. My wife has decided that she wants a garden this year. I might as well make it a little bit easier on myself. We will see where I am leaning once (if) I make it to 100 days. One day at a time.

ItÂ’s amazing how fast the money adds up! I know that in the 8 days IÂ’ve quit IÂ’ve saved closed to 100 bucks. Each can was about $8 a can after tax, and I usually bought a couple sodas. I averaged each store stop to be about 12 to 15 bucks when it was all said and done. IÂ’m planning to spend my money saved on some new hunting gear for my wife and I. I say you spend it on what you want. ThereÂ’s no reason to not spend that money on something that will bring you happiness since before it was spent on something that was killing you. Props on getting to day 59! ItÂ’s an achievement that IÂ’m aiming for right now!

RTP - keep chopping wood and you will be successful in your quit.

I don't really see 59 days as being a success because I once gave up tobacco for over 2 years and fell back down the rabbit hole. I let complacency get me that time and I chewed for 10 more years as a result. We have to stay vigilant. Every day is a new battle that we have to fight one at a time. That is why I come to KTC every day. I come in and I read what the new guys/gals are going thru. Every so often I check out the Eternal Quitters page to pay my silent respects. I try to spend some time in the Wildcard section every day letting off some steam. That is what keeps my reasons for quitting fresh in my mind. I come in and take what I need and try to give back what I am capable of giving. I made my pledge this morning and I intend to keep it. Lord willing, I will wake up tomorrow morning and do it all over again. ODAAT!

[Rtp1990]

Day 59.

Things aren't always what they seem. I am going to leave this statement alone for a few days. I may revisit it in the future if it turns out I am right.

By my rough estimates I think I have saved about $224 so far since I quit ($3.80/can). That number is probably closer to $200 because I have purchased about a dozen cans of fake chew. I have been putting the money I save in a stein in the man cave. My plan is to spend it on something frivolous once I get to 100 days (or donate it to charity if I cave). So far, I am leaning toward a drone or some kind of night vision device. I know that sounds like a stupid waste of money, but is it honestly any more ridiculous than spending the money on shit that is going to give me mouth cancer? I think not.

I might end up spending the money I saved on a rear tine tiller. My wife has decided that she wants a garden this year. I might as well make it a little bit easier on myself. We will see where I am leaning once (if) I make it to 100 days. One day at a time.

ItÂ’s amazing how fast the money adds up! I know that in the 8 days IÂ’ve quit IÂ’ve saved closed to 100 bucks. Each can was about $8 a can after tax, and I usually bought a couple sodas. I averaged each store stop to be about 12 to 15 bucks when it was all said and done. IÂ’m planning to spend my money saved on some new hunting gear for my wife and I. I say you spend it on what you want. ThereÂ’s no reason to not spend that money on something that will bring you happiness since before it was spent on something that was killing you. Props on getting to day 59! ItÂ’s an achievement that IÂ’m aiming for right now!

[kybo]

Day 59.

Things aren't always what they seem. I am going to leave this statement alone for a few days. I may revisit it in the future if it turns out I am right.

By my rough estimates I think I have saved about $224 so far since I quit ($3.80/can). That number is probably closer to $200 because I have purchased about a dozen cans of fake chew. I have been putting the money I save in a stein in the man cave. My plan is to spend it on something frivolous once I get to 100 days (or donate it to charity if I cave). So far, I am leaning toward a drone or some kind of night vision device. I know that sounds like a stupid waste of money, but is it honestly any more ridiculous than spending the money on shit that is going to give me mouth cancer? I think not.

I might end up spending the money I saved on a rear tine tiller. My wife has decided that she wants a garden this year. I might as well make it a little bit easier on myself. We will see where I am leaning once (if) I make it to 100 days. One day at a time.

[Athan]

I have been abusing my body for over 30 years. I have definitely stayed at the fucking party too long.

Right there with you. Really starting to eat at me how much abuse I was heaping on my soul; I was starting to wonder how much more it would take before some serious health issues made themselves manifest in my bones.
So very pleased to have found this site and landed in April.
I'm right there with you Kybo.
All in, All day, PTBQWYT.

[kybo]

I just thought of another benefit to stopping. My Iphone battery lasts longer than it did before I stopped using. Why, you ask?

I was a ninja dipper and I constantly used Iphone finder to see where my wife and kids were so they wouldn't catch me chewing. Apparently that app really uses some battery power because my battery lasts a hell of a lot longer now. 'no'

[worktowin]

On my 38th day quit I skipped a funeral and played hooky from work by saying I was going to the funeral. That day has been the hardest for me so far. I had worked with the guy for seven years when I was younger and he was probably my best friend at that time in my life. I had every intention of going to his funeral, but when I woke up that morning I just couldnÂ’t do it. I was feeling very depressed and the funeral was two hours away from me. I had almost convinced myself to say fuck it and buy a can of chew for the drive. What difference would it make? We are all going to die eventually, right? I logged onto KTC and posted roll that morning and I knew immediately after that I wasnÂ’t going anywhere. I canÂ’t call that a win, it was more of a no decision. I feel like shit for being too weak to show my respect to a guy that meant that much to me. But, I didnÂ’t have a chew that day. If you want to judge me, go ahead. He is dead and nothing will change that. This is just one more demon that will keep me up at night.

Kybo - you did what you needed to do at the time to stay quit. Absolutely not going to judge you for that.

Don't beat yourself up over it. If anything, remember this as an example of how badly nicotine has screwed with your head. The depression, the feeling of screw it, the excuses and lies we tell ourselves... you faced that down, and you won. You made the decision to be quit, and then did what you needed to get through it.

If I were your friend, I'd be proud of you for embracing life and freedom.

Thanks, Samrs. I am sure he would have been fine with it. He probably would have laughed about giving me an excuse to skip work and get paid for it.

He and I had worked as landscapers while we were working our way through college. I stayed home on the day of his funeral and cleared brush from the back of my property. It was the kind of work he and I had done together all those years ago. I found myself talking out loud to him a couple times that day. Of course, he didn't answer me even once. But, it made me feel less like a piece of shit and I got a lot of work done that I had been putting off for months. I questioned my sanity more than once that day.

Hi man. This is a powerful introduction.

One day at a time, freedom is ahead. Your sister, by the way, would be very proud of you.

If there is anything I can do to help - shoot me a PM. Fighting this addiction is so hard at first. After a while, it becomes so obvious what total bullshit nicotine really is. Once that happens - you'll achieve a peace like you haven't had in a long time. One day at a time.

Peace be with you, sir.

Michael

[kybo]

On my 38th day quit I skipped a funeral and played hooky from work by saying I was going to the funeral. That day has been the hardest for me so far. I had worked with the guy for seven years when I was younger and he was probably my best friend at that time in my life. I had every intention of going to his funeral, but when I woke up that morning I just couldnÂ’t do it. I was feeling very depressed and the funeral was two hours away from me. I had almost convinced myself to say fuck it and buy a can of chew for the drive. What difference would it make? We are all going to die eventually, right? I logged onto KTC and posted roll that morning and I knew immediately after that I wasnÂ’t going anywhere. I canÂ’t call that a win, it was more of a no decision. I feel like shit for being too weak to show my respect to a guy that meant that much to me. But, I didnÂ’t have a chew that day. If you want to judge me, go ahead. He is dead and nothing will change that. This is just one more demon that will keep me up at night.

Kybo - you did what you needed to do at the time to stay quit. Absolutely not going to judge you for that.

Don't beat yourself up over it. If anything, remember this as an example of how badly nicotine has screwed with your head. The depression, the feeling of screw it, the excuses and lies we tell ourselves... you faced that down, and you won. You made the decision to be quit, and then did what you needed to get through it.

If I were your friend, I'd be proud of you for embracing life and freedom.

Thanks, Samrs. I am sure he would have been fine with it. He probably would have laughed about giving me an excuse to skip work and get paid for it.

He and I had worked as landscapers while we were working our way through college. I stayed home on the day of his funeral and cleared brush from the back of my property. It was the kind of work he and I had done together all those years ago. I found myself talking out loud to him a couple times that day. Of course, he didn't answer me even once. But, it made me feel less like a piece of shit and I got a lot of work done that I had been putting off for months. I questioned my sanity more than once that day.

[Samrs]

On my 38th day quit I skipped a funeral and played hooky from work by saying I was going to the funeral. That day has been the hardest for me so far. I had worked with the guy for seven years when I was younger and he was probably my best friend at that time in my life. I had every intention of going to his funeral, but when I woke up that morning I just couldnÂ’t do it. I was feeling very depressed and the funeral was two hours away from me. I had almost convinced myself to say fuck it and buy a can of chew for the drive. What difference would it make? We are all going to die eventually, right? I logged onto KTC and posted roll that morning and I knew immediately after that I wasnÂ’t going anywhere. I canÂ’t call that a win, it was more of a no decision. I feel like shit for being too weak to show my respect to a guy that meant that much to me. But, I didnÂ’t have a chew that day. If you want to judge me, go ahead. He is dead and nothing will change that. This is just one more demon that will keep me up at night.

Kybo - you did what you needed to do at the time to stay quit. Absolutely not going to judge you for that.

Don't beat yourself up over it. If anything, remember this as an example of how badly nicotine has screwed with your head. The depression, the feeling of screw it, the excuses and lies we tell ourselves... you faced that down, and you won. You made the decision to be quit, and then did what you needed to get through it.

If I were your friend, I'd be proud of you for embracing life and freedom.

[kybo]

I am on Day 58 today and I had the most fucked up dream last night. Yep, I finally had the dip dream.

To preface this story I want to say that I have been thinking a lot about my annual fishing trip to the Canadian outback the first week of June. I have been taking this trip for over twenty years with a great group of guys. I have already told all of these guys that I have quit tobacco and that I am planning on staying that way. They have all been really supportive, but that is what true friends should be. So, I am not surprised.

Anyway, I have been thinking about how I am going to post roll when I am in Canada and how I am going battle the nicotine demon that I am sure will be hounding me all week. It has been on my mind a great deal lately. I have decided that I am going to take a shitload of fake chew with me. I already know that I like Smoky Mountain (Peach, Cherry, Wintergreen) and Bacc Off Wintergreen. But, I have been thinking about ordering some different brands to try out before I go, such as Triumph or Hooch. I think this "plan" combined with a recent online order from the Black Rifle Coffee Company is what caused my dream.

Here is the dream:
It was midweek of my fishing trip and we are out in the middle of fucking nowhere. I am sitting in the boat with a giant fake chew of Triumph in my lip thinking about how much I enjoy the shit. And thinking that if I had found Triumph before I started chewing tobacco I might have never gone for the real tobacco. Yeah the week is going great so far!

Then my buddy that was in the boat with me says, "Hey, can I try a pinch of that Triumph? It smells good enough to maybe get me to quit too."

Of course I am toss him the can, even though I am slightly worried about running out before the week is over. What could be better than maybe playing a part in saving somebody else from the nicotine monster, right?

My buddy takes a giant shovel full of my Triumph and shoves it in his mouth. He sits there for a second and says, "Damn, this is really good!" Then he starts examining the can like he is trying to memorize everything about it.

He starts laughing hysterically and says, " Hey dumbass! You do realize this isn't tobacco free, right? You bought the full nicotine Triumph!"

Pure panic set in as I realized I had been chewing real tobacco for several days. The last thing I remember about the dream was me trying to dig the shit out of my mouth with my finger and spitting over the side of the boat. I woke up right after that with my heart beating like crazy.

I am sure this had to do with Black Rifle Coffee Company sending me the wrong coffee in the mail last week. I was mad when I opened the box, but it turned out that I liked their Just Black blend just fine. No harm, no foul. But what a fucked up dream.

[kybo]

On my 38th day quit I skipped a funeral and played hooky from work by saying I was going to the funeral. That day has been the hardest for me so far. I had worked with the guy for seven years when I was younger and he was probably my best friend at that time in my life. I had every intention of going to his funeral, but when I woke up that morning I just couldnÂ’t do it. I was feeling very depressed and the funeral was two hours away from me. I had almost convinced myself to say fuck it and buy a can of chew for the drive. What difference would it make? We are all going to die eventually, right? I logged onto KTC and posted roll that morning and I knew immediately after that I wasnÂ’t going anywhere. I canÂ’t call that a win, it was more of a no decision. I feel like shit for being too weak to show my respect to a guy that meant that much to me. But, I didnÂ’t have a chew that day. If you want to judge me, go ahead. He is dead and nothing will change that. This is just one more demon that will keep me up at night.

[kybo]

I originally posted my introduction in the Pre-HOF April 2018 group on January 13th, 2018. I thought I should post those words in here today to make it easier for me to add to it in the future. Kind of like a journal. I will follow this first post up immediately with a couple notes that I already had jotted down. I am doing this for my own therapy and not for anybody's else's entertainment. If you want to read and comment that is fine by me, but that is not why I am doing it.

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From 1-13-18

First off, I still can't figure out how to post correctly on here. I have read everything I can find and even watched a youtube video. I am just not very tech savvy, but I will figure it out eventually through repetition or just plain dumb luck. Thanks for the patience.

48 years old, been chewing on and off since I was 14. Married with two children. I have always been a bit of a loner.

So, why am I here?

About a year ago my only sister died from breast cancer. It was tough watching her battle to the end. It was even tougher watching her husband and children deal with what we all knew was coming. My sister lived a healthy lifestyle. Never smoked, never drank, nor did she take drugs. She ate fairly healthy and exercised regularly. Yet, she was dead at the age of fifty. I honestly was in a state of shock for several months. But then, I took a look around and realized that I didn't want to put my wife and kids through that kind of hell if I could help it. I knew I was going to quit chewing, but I just kept making up excuses to buy another can. In November I finally made the decision to start cutting back on how much I chewed every day. By December, I had myself down to 3 small chews a day. I stuck with the 3 chews a day all the way to January 7th. I knew by then that I was an addict. I was going through withdrawals every day between my 3 small chews. Every day for over a month. It wasn't getting any easier. Cutting back wasn't working because I was still feeding the beast, and the beast was always hungry.

Then, on January 7th my wife and kids went shopping, leaving me at home by myself. I immediately put in my chew and flipped on the television. There was a documentary on about Stevie Ray Vaughn. They were showing an old interview that SRV did after he came out of rehab for his alcohol and drug addictions. I am going to paraphrase a little bit, but he basically said, " You can't stay at the party forever. Eventually that shit is going to kill you." I have no idea why that statement hit me so hard, but it hit me square in the face like a freight train. I am not a young kid any more. I have been abusing my body for over 30 years. I have definitely stayed at the fucking party too long.

I spit out my chew at 11:55 am on Sunday, January 7th. The next 36 hours were pretty rough. It felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my head. But, I stuck with it. I stuck with it for my wife and kids. I stuck with it for my sister, who nicknamed me kybo when I was a toddler. And I stuck with it for my mother in the hope that she won't have to endure burying her only remaining child.

I am an addict. This morning I made a pledge to not have a chew, and I didn't have a chew today. Tomorrow I will make the same pledge.

[kybo]

DAY 401

Hard to believe that is already been 400 days without tobacco or nicotine of any kind.  It seems like just yesterday that I was watching a documentary on Stevie Ray Vaughn that somehow delivered a message straight to my soul that told me it was time to quit.  I can't explain why that documentary hit me so hard that day (January 7th, 2018).  But, the moment that Stevie said, "I thought I could stay at the party forever, it don't work that way, cause that shit will kill ya," I knew it was time for me to quit.  And that is exactly what I did right at that exact moment.

I was scanning thru the onscreen TV guide two days ago and saw the listing for that exact same Stevie Ray Vaughn documentary.  I watched it again in it's entirety on my Day 399.  That quote from him still punched me right in the gut the second time around.  I DVR'd the documentary so I can watch it again whenever I want.

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I have decided that 2019 will my year to seriously try to get back into shape.  I have been pretty consistent for the last year with exercising, but I was still eating and drinking whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it.  I am proud to say that I have already lost 20 pounds since January 1st of this year.  I have kicked up my exercising a little bit but I think the biggest contributor to the weight loss has been the fact that I have cut way back on my calorie intake since the first of the year, especially at lunch.  My goal is to lose 50 pounds and keep it off. 

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I have decided that I am going to spend the money I saved from Day 300 to Day 400 on some Eastern White Pine Trees.  I found a guy that will sell me 16 white pines that are 3 to 4 foot tall for $25 each.  I think I am going to plant them west of my barn lot to add a little more privacy from the road and to create somewhat of a natural snow fence for the barn lot.   I need to do a little research to see how far I need to plant them from the lot to maximize their effect as a snow fence.

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In about a week and a half the Kings and Queen of April '18 will have 27 active members surpass the 400 Day mark!  That is absolutely amazing in my opinion.  I am proud to quit with each and every one of them every single day!  On to 500! 

[Athan]

What? Four hundred days?  Already?  Seriously?
My oh my how time flies when you're quitting with friends.
Yessireebob, flying indeed.  Why it'll be five hundy in the blink of an eye, before I can even think of something witty and profound to say.
In short, I. Quit. With. You. Today.  !

[Athan]

Day 394

Today would have been my sister's 54th birthday.  It is hard for me to believe she has been gone almost three years.  As much as I miss my sister, I just can't imagine what it must feel like for my parents, brother-in-law, or my nephews.  Tonight I will call my mother on the phone and try to make her day suck a little less.  Then, I will call my brother-in-law and try to distract him for a little while.  Then I will call each of my nephews and tell them how proud their mother would have been of them for what they have achieved since she has been gone. 

My sister spent her 51st (and last) birthday in the hospital fighting breast cancer.  She was pretty far gone by then and we all knew she didn't have much time left.  Those were somber days that will stick with me until I take my last breath.  I now have nobody left that I can share some of my most cherished childhood memories with.

Watching my sister suffer and waste away in the hospital was the kick in the ass that I needed to give me the strength to finally quit tobacco.  It still took me well over a year after my sister passed before I could build up the mental strength to start seriously thinking about quitting.  Only a true addict can understand how difficult it is to battle that inner demon that always wants you to put off quitting for one more day.  But, I finally did it and I have my sister to thank for giving me that final push that I needed.

And today I dedicate my Day 394 to my sister.  Happy Birthday in heaven, sis!   

I read that slack-jawed punched in the chest eyes watering at the conclusion. My heart aches for you Kybo.  Got 5 sisters and can't fathom the loss of a single one. Privileged to have been part of your quit thus far.

[kybo]

Day 394

Today would have been my sister's 54th birthday.  It is hard for me to believe she has been gone almost three years.  As much as I miss my sister, I just can't imagine what it must feel like for my parents, brother-in-law, or my nephews.  Tonight I will call my mother on the phone and try to make her day suck a little less.  Then, I will call my brother-in-law and try to distract him for a little while.  Then I will call each of my nephews and tell them how proud their mother would have been of them for what they have achieved since she has been gone. 

My sister spent her 51st (and last) birthday in the hospital fighting breast cancer.  She was pretty far gone by then and we all knew she didn't have much time left.  Those were somber days that will stick with me until I take my last breath.  I now have nobody left that I can share some of my most cherished childhood memories with.

Watching my sister suffer and waste away in the hospital was the kick in the ass that I needed to give me the strength to finally quit tobacco.  It still took me well over a year after my sister passed before I could build up the mental strength to start seriously thinking about quitting.  Only a true addict can understand how difficult it is to battle that inner demon that always wants you to put off quitting for one more day.  But, I finally did it and I have my sister to thank for giving me that final push that I needed.

And today I dedicate my Day 394 to my sister.  Happy Birthday in heaven, sis!