So I followed through. Yesterday I called the lawyer and had him start the paperwork. She should be served by the end of the week.
That was the most disappointing call I have ever had to make. I have been struggling to find the right words to describe it. The best I can come up with is I was forced to go all in. I have spent many nights over the past 6 weeks reading the bible and praying about this.
I was not going to make the call if it was out of spite or anger. I was not going to make the call to prove a point or win a race. I was only going to make the call when I knew that it was for the right reasons.
It has gotten to the point where all of her responses to me are yes and no. She wont make eye contact or even be in the same room as me any more. She has begun cleaning and painting the house because "I have the urge to clean". BS she is getting ready to put the house on the market.
I can not continue to live moment to moment, it is effecting my girls. The girls say things like "Dont you love dad? Are you still married to Dad? Are you going to tell him you love him or good bye? " I need them to see what love is and how it works, but also help their mother see what she will loose if she keeps on the same path.
I continue to pray that her heart will soften and she will begin to see that every relationship takes work and can be strengthened if you want to. Until then I need to do what is best for me, to be the best father and role model for my girls.