Hey man. Do you want to save your marriage? It's all about honesty. You have to drop the wall that is between you and your wife. What is your wall?
My wall?
Fear of loss.
Fear that she will take everything I value from me.
Why doesn't she like you anymore? Why has she clammed up? Did you quit communicating with her? Did you quit being open and honest with her at some point? When did the problems start? The "wall" is the barrier in your communication with her. What initiated that wall? You say it's your fear of her taking your kids away from you. I think you may have put up a wall at some point and quit being open and honest with her. I'm just throwing out ideas.
Communication never really exisited. We never were taught how from either of our parents. We have a chance to learn how now.
She avoids problems it is how she learned how to do and deal with things. I used to do the same then I quit and had to face the demons head on. She does not want to. She needs to be forced to, just like I had to.
I want to work on me and us as parents. But doing so forces her out of her nice blameless boxes.
Hell I would sign a divorce paper today IF it guaranteed that she would go and activity work on her. She needs to figure out these things on her own. I cant fight that fight for her justnwith her. But if we seperate or get divorced with out that piece she is allowed to avoid it. So it isn't about me winning at this point, she needs help to be a better mother and person, but her friends and family let her avoid it. I am the only one that can get her to face it.
I'm noticing you seem to put most of the blame on her. Is it possible youve been ignoring her for a spell and she feels slighted? Just throwing out ideas here. I'm not a therapist, but I've gone through a recent marital rough patch lately. I was able to repair it by recognizing damage that I have done. Things have gotten real good. So maybe I'm projecting. Anyway, it does sound a tad to me like you are putting most of the blame on her. If you want to save the marriage you need to examine yourself first and look at it from her viewpoint. Have you been emotionally absent during your nicotine recovery process? If so, it's time to fix it. Just saying. And again, I only say this because it's been my experience.
GHC she came out and put 100% of the blame on me. She deflects the conversation and attempts at counseling. She has said that she has been going through the motions for the better part of 2 years. She opened a bank account because she thought I would take the money from her.
I know that I seem to be putting the blame on her, but she needs to own up to part of this. It takes two to break a relationship.
Why would anyone avoid eye contact in conversation or a session with a counselor (1:1) with me not there? She gets pissed because I wont accept her reasons for the marriage being over.
To review here they are:
1. I got black out drunk at our wedding (12/2006)
2. Lied about my chewing (I am quit 412 days ~ 9/7/15)
3. I made a comment/joke about her weight to her best friend (1/2013)
4. I do not have a job or income (Start tomorrow 9/8/15 as a Sales Manager at a Toyota Dealership)
So I know that these ^^^ put blame on me alone. So yes I am saying she is at fault for something, what I don't know.
