This Time Is For Real

[Candoit]

Day 65 It has been two weeks since I last posted anything up here or substantial. I have been pissed off at anyone that has crossed my path in the digital or physical world. Anger is a fowl beast, that corrupts and distorts our perception of everything from text messages and emails to things that aren't said.

I have about 2 hours minimum worth of driving M -F were I have nothing to do but think about why....

• Why am I an addict?
• Why could I not stop sooner?
• Why do I always feel like a failure?
• Why do I have something to prove?
• Why do I need the validation of others to feel better about myself?
• Why am I becoming a social hermit?
• Why do I feel very polar about things?
• Why do I just ramble and think I need to provide detailed answers to everything?
• Why can't I just shut-up and listen to others?
• Why do people raise their children to tell the truth but don't want to hear it themselves?
• Why can cops talk on their cell phones and pass me in the right lane going 85?
• Why am I forgotten?
• Why am I not considered important or capable?

Each of these questions gets me enraged to think about, but as I am asking myself these questions I become not upset but depressed and disappointed, almost on the verge of tears because I know that it is I who is fighting these battles with myself. It is the absence of the nicotine in my system that is driving these questions, because it is the new clarity of mind that allows these questions to rise to the surface.

Many say that our dreams are a window to the soul, but the questions we ask ourselves of ourselves are often more important than the dreams. This is because the questions that our mind raises are ones that need to be dealt with. It is all too often we ignore these questions or turn down the volume by turning to drugs, but it only a temporary fix. The questions become louder, becoming self doubt and pity so I push more drugs into my system and this keeps going on and on.

So until we can begin to find the answers and truth for ourselves our addiction will run our life. I know it did with me, and still does. Yes I am still quit, but the new addition is being quitter.

Being a quitter is not a habit, it cant be. Being a quitter is about fighting, a boxer does not train for 1 round, nor does a ball player train for 1 at bat, it is about latching on to something that is going help you begin answering those questions. We all find a sense of pride in being part of something larger than ourselves, but when we do is it at the risk of losing our own identity or is it now having the support to begin to truthfully answer those questions. I really do not know the answer to that, for one simple reason, I do not know who I am yet, as a person with out nicotine, and I have the rest of my life to figure that out, as I begin to answer why.

[Candoit]

Mr. C here at the Knowledge Emporium. Today we are going to visit a room that is visited about much as the porta potty on day 3 of the chilli cook off, The room of pledges. Once I remember where it is,and move these boxes of Penthou ....... I mean research journals.... There we are.

The room of pledges. We look in here we see some very important pledges, ......here's one its dated July 1776, oh look over there, that's dated January 1863, oh here's one I haven't seen in a while dated June 1215, or this one from December 1941, look at the amount of DUST on this one, hold one here let me grab the pledge......

September 11, 2001, why did that have the most dust on it? We all promised that we would never forget that day, or that it happened in three places. But we did forget, except on September 11th.

Why is that? Is it because we became so busy we where able to push it aside, it was time to move on, we didn't have time, we can't take a moment to remember the words and action each day, we have to disconnect ourselves from the pain of that day?

Why did we forget? Why is it okay? Why do we stand by and let broken pledges be trampled on? Is it when we stand up we are afraid of being pushed down or aside? We do not teach our children to act in this manner, yet we say "well that's not the way the world works, or that's ideallic."

Let's look at those pledges again
June 1215: a pledge that the king has to follow the law of the land
July 1776: a pledge to create a union in which all are equal in freedoms and rights.
January 1863: a pledge that all men are entitled to equal freedoms and rights
December 1941: a pledge that we will defend these rights
September 2001: a pledge that we will not forget what happens when we turn a blind eye.

While there many many many more pledges we can look at in this room, there is one more I want you to look at, the date of quit under your name, here. That is a pledge to all of us that you will not forget why you are here. Now is that pledge as important as the rest? Yes, it is, because you made it to us, just as all of the others. But the question is my friends..............................

How soon will you forget about this pledge, how soon will it become too time consuming, how soon will it become to ideallic? Too many people have died to protect these rights, all because they honored and respected their pledge.

'usflag' honor thy fallen breathern by not forgetting why they are fallen 'usflag'

[Candoit]

I don't know what is more fitting to celebrate this labor day weekend. Than the utter laziness that it unions. For all of you that do not know Labor Day was created in response to Union Strikes and a guilty feeling by President Cleveland. Yes that was in the 1880's, and the American worker needed to be respected.

But now the unions have mutated into massive PAC's that do nothing but line their own pockets at the cost of jobs. So continue to drink and be merry and forget about the struggle of the american work force.

I always try and draw parallels for us in this house of quit, and as I am tracking the time cards this weekend. It is oblivious that some titian's have become lost and greedy in their own quit. I look to some of the numbers next to the names and think do they understand that is only possible due to those who came before us? That is our parallel here today, that those workers stood up for their rights and many died. We stand up for our right to quit, and their are those that will die because they did not see or embrace the chance they had. We must hold them accountable if we are to hold ourselves accountable.

[Candoit]

FROM Oct 2014 Roll 8/30/14 Labor Day Weekend

So MIA For Yesterday...... I checked the log in and post records for each of the missing Tits,

CWBCPA Miss #1, Please don't make a habit of this!
FLAW Dude WTF You miss yesterday and post at some ungodly hour in the morning
Jspencer Miss 1, I saw you logged in and where reading the roll yesterday, everything okay?

REMULTIPLY MISS #7 3 IN A ROW Has not logged in since Tuesday.

CStapleton, I know that he had a deal with SP so.......

I have an overall question, is this a case of the cat is away (CANDO is covering for SP) or the weekend means we lower our guard?

I have noticed that we (that is the plural form, versus the singular, we mow the lawn, we take out the trash, we need to change the oil in the car) are not as active on the weekend. I get it, we all have families and want to spend time with them being dad, mom, soldiers, and friends. I am dad, husband, brother, friend, and QUITTER. We are all trying to figure out how to balance this new role with all of the others. But we also have made a commitment to our quit family here and on Kakao, so I ask that we think about the:
The promise we made on day 1 on KTC
The promises we have made to each other
The promises we have made to our families

Each of these promises WERE NOT time stamped nor time bound. Please think about this quote

"When we want to succeed as bad as we want to breath only then we will be successful." (If you want the youtube link PM me)

Breathing is not a M - F thing, it is all day everyday. There are points in which we do not think about it, but others it has to be deliberate and controlled. This is our quit, there are times in which it is automatic, but then there is times, it is our only thought. Those time do not always happen M-F.

[Candoit]

Mr. C., thanks for the factiods and insights. One of your earlier posts from today (maybe yesterday) talked about taking your quit as an opportunity to deconstruct ourselves and rebuild or something like that, and I think that part of this comes from the pride one should rightly feel in quitting nicotine. When one finds themselves doing what they previously thought impossible (quitting nicotine), then the thought that one should be able to reshape any aspect of their life that they are unhappy with. Also, some of the most commonly given (and useful) bits of advice given to new quitters is to exercise, and exercising also leads to a feeling that self improvement is possible. Furthermore, once the poison is out of ones system the brain starts getting more oxygen which leads to more thinking, and more thinking leads to knowledge bombs.... Wait what was I talking about? Nevermind, it doesn't matter... Keep doing what you're doing and quit on!

Knowledge bombs I think are mistitled. They are tangents of thought that I have made coherent and understandable.( I hope) these pearls or hair balls of wisdom I need to document. A good friend of mine always told me I had an old soul. After I looked at my shoes, he told me this.......

Many eastern cultures and native American believe in the idea the soul lives on and is transfered to the next person or opening. The receiver of the soul must first learn to deal with the accumulated demons of the soul, then begin to listen to the collective wisdom that is bestowed on that soul. Many people do not know how to deal with the demons or even how to listen to their own soul. The truly wise and gifted are able to do both.

If you choose to believe this or not there are some nuggets of sage advise in that statement. We all have our own demons to deal with many die trying. KTC gives each member the support to face theirs head on. While nic is only one of many demons we each posses. There is someone here that we can listen to guide us in how to change, and we need to only listen to deal with each and everyone of those demons.

[Candoit]

Mr. C here from the Knowledge Emporium, returning from vacation where you had access to electricity and WiFi, but I had to text in my roll, so I could not share the latest knowledge from the tree is of wisdom.

Today's tidbit comes from an unlikely source, Lim. Or at least a link he sent me. Marsupial males have two headed penis, and females can have two or three Virgina's. That fact alone completely is baffling situation, we have a tough enough time pleasing and one, but three. In that case you will always be leaving one wanting more, talking about never being able to please your wife.

So what does this teach us? That we think we have it bad trying to please the women in our life? We could have two penises, and never be able to fully please our mate. That is our battle with the sneaky woman nic, we feel we can do anything and we are better than her. Yet there is no pleasing her.

This knowledge moment is brought to you by Johnston  Johnston scamming you out of real poo since 1890, a family company. (SHAM-POO) get it????

[Done4Me]

Not sure but believe candoit to be a teacher hence the knowledge bombs which are both humorous and interesting. 4 in a row makes me think you hit the gin bottle a bit much in the afternoon. Regardless, impressed with the the quit. Carry on sir.

Done4me I am not a gin man. I prefer the Jack Daniels straight up. I wanted to post all of these knowledge bombs in one place. And yes I am a teacher, coach, and mentor, that part of my life has always been what I do and I damn good at it. Now I am learning how to do that with out the nic running through my system. I have "lost" my filter and editing system. So it is a challenge to do my job, and I find my self struggling to find and pronounce words. But again that will not be reason to give up. I now know I can relearn habits but it takes time and effort.

I am with you in that I also have lost my filter. At 112 days I am getting better than at 80 days which was better than at 50 days, etc. I believe that I will be fully cured (based on forum input) and ruler of the free world ( based on my Mom's input) at some point in the next year. Obama and the odd Korean dude with the f'd up haircut should fear me.

[B-loMatt]

Mr. C., thanks for the factiods and insights. One of your earlier posts from today (maybe yesterday) talked about taking your quit as an opportunity to deconstruct ourselves and rebuild or something like that, and I think that part of this comes from the pride one should rightly feel in quitting nicotine. When one finds themselves doing what they previously thought impossible (quitting nicotine), then the thought that one should be able to reshape any aspect of their life that they are unhappy with. Also, some of the most commonly given (and useful) bits of advice given to new quitters is to exercise, and exercising also leads to a feeling that self improvement is possible. Furthermore, once the poison is out of ones system the brain starts getting more oxygen which leads to more thinking, and more thinking leads to knowledge bombs.... Wait what was I talking about? Nevermind, it doesn't matter... Keep doing what you're doing and quit on!

[Candoit]

Not sure but believe candoit to be a teacher hence the knowledge bombs which are both humorous and interesting. 4 in a row makes me think you hit the gin bottle a bit much in the afternoon. Regardless, impressed with the the quit. Carry on sir.

Done4me I am not a gin man. I prefer the Jack Daniels straight up. I wanted to post all of these knowledge bombs in one place. And yes I am a teacher, coach, and mentor, that part of my life has always been what I do and I damn good at it. Now I am learning how to do that with out the nic running through my system. I have "lost" my filter and editing system. So it is a challenge to do my job, and I find my self struggling to find and pronounce words. But again that will not be reason to give up. I now know I can relearn habits but it takes time and effort.

[Done4Me]

Not sure but believe candoit to be a teacher hence the knowledge bombs which are both humorous and interesting. 4 in a row makes me think you hit the gin bottle a bit much in the afternoon. Regardless, impressed with the the quit. Carry on sir.

[Candoit]

I have at this point decieded that I am going to post things that I post else where here. Why BC I am tired of looking for oh when did I say this or that.....plus I am not charged for storage space.

[Candoit]

Posted: Aug 20 2014, 08:23 PM Forum Quit Groups View full topic
I think that we need to look at the words and wisdom of the elders of quit:

KTC Quitter Math

I think that everyone needs to ask themselves these questions and answer them honestly:

How can you tell if a quitter has integrity?
He keeps his promise even if it involves suffering.
I have brought pain and anguish to myself and my family, but knowing that I am accountable more now then ever before. I had to take my lashings from everyone, which made me want to run to the nearest store, but I am quit. I change the route i drive to and from work. The way i use money, take tests all to prove that I am clean
He sticks to it even when no one is praising him.
I am not seeking the forgiveness of others, I am seeking to forgive myself. I am looking for support not understanding.
He keeps focused even when no one is watching.
driving an hr everyday to work, there is no one watching, when I am in the office (in the basement by myself), when I drive to other locations, when I drive home, when I am doing yard work. I know that I am the only one watching and I can not be weak, I can not let my guard down, I can not fail
He does the right thing even if it is unpopular.
I know that I am far from the popular person right now, because I am calling people out, but guess what, I do not care, I know it is the right thing.
He keeps his values regardless of the cost.
Personal values are the one thing that has gotten me through the toughest of times. No one can take those from me, and they are what is giving me the strength to do this

From Keddy

[Candoit]

Pre HOF October 2014 Roll Call
Posted: Aug 13 2014, 06:53 PM Forum Quit Groups View full topic
Mr. C here from the ever busy knowledge emporium, it seems today we ran out of synonyms for fustrated. While we restock on synonyms, let's take a break from all that strenuous, herculean, arduous, demanding, effortful, energy-consuming, exhausting, hard, laborious, mean, operose, taxing, toilful, toilsome, tough, tough going, uphill, wicked things that frustrate us, and part take in some enlightenment.

When we look at the finite life span we all have here, we begin to ponder about the more important things in life. Such as, how do they get the the non stick coating to stick? Why does water stick to everything? How do clouds float if they are made of ice? One of these nagging questions was recently investigated on the international space station, why does a plant always grow in the same directions? In 2010 they conducted a series of experiments to determine the role gravity had in the development of root systems. You would think that since gravity plays a factor on earth, it would play a role in space. Yet 300 miles above the earth, the plants grew exactly the same. Flower and stem straight up roots down and out. So how come the plants were able to adapt from the seed in a non native environment? It is as if the seed was aware of its surroundings and instantly adapted.

So why share this experiment? Wouldn't it be nice not to have to go through the fog, rage, depression, and angst, in our battle to stay quit? The simple flower doesn't seem so simple any more, does it? So as the outsiders say quitting is easy, they are viewing the rather complex from a point of view that lacks the knowledge to appreciate the process of adaption to our new environment.

This knowledge minute has been brought to you by Goof Off the new official sponsors of Tony Stewart Racing.

[Candoit]

Aug 12 2014, 05:21 PM
Another imparting of knowledge by Mr.C's Knowledge Emporium where the facts go faster than Mossy Oak at a Cabelas Clearance Sale.

Quitting takes a lot of energy. But what is energy and how can we say it "takes a lot" ? So energy is defined as the ability to do work. The key here is the ability. That means it can do work or it can not. Let's look at an example, shall we? So there is a shot gun shell.....that shell posses the ability to different types of work. Chemical, physical, and mechanical where heat, light, sound, and motion are all examples of the result of the energy doing work. The process by which the engery it transferred and manifests itself is another factoid for another time. So the lesson here is that we all have the ability (energy) to do work (quit) it is our choice to expend the energy necessary to do the work. It is a choice that we make, the the result of the expendure of engery can take many forms, heated under the collar, lighting possums tails on fire, sounding off, and moving forward one day at a time.

This knowledge bomb was brought to you by, Hallmark's new choose your own adventure series, A Day in the Life of Big Worm.

[Candoit]

Posted: Aug 14 2014, 08:27 PM Forum Quit Groups View full topic
Mr. C here from the local neighborhood knowledge eemporium, where we keep you scratching your head, like a hobo with lice ,sleeping in a burlap sack, on a hill of fire ants.

Let's talk about the wind. I want you all to think about why for a minute, wind or what we call wind is not the cause but the effect............

We don't see the wind move the leaves, we see the leaves move as a result of the wind. Or we see large sand dunes, which exists as an effect of the wind.

Wind is one of those things we except as truth, but we can not see it. It is backwards in our way of rationalizing unseen forces. We take the effect (movement) and call it both the cause and effect, even though they are two separate things.

There is much in life that falls in this category, such as the sense of touch, seeing color, temperature, and the weather.

I would like you to take a minute and reflect on those unseen things, that we take for granted or we accept without pause.

This knowledge break has been brought to you by bounty paper towels, the quicker picker upper, to wipe up all of the gray matter dripping down the side of your face.