A post from yesterday (day 135) and one from today from my April group...this post HOF phase is tough.
IÂ’m reaching my breaking point with quitting. IÂ’m thinking more and more of throwing in the towel and saying fuck it. IÂ’ve been dealing with tension in my jaw since I quit. Some days it is ok and other days it just plain sucks. I find myself romancing the dip again and not hating it. Some days I find myself longing for what I think are happier times when I used to dip. I know this feeling will past but when? 90% of my days are awesome and I really love being quit. It is that 10% that just doesnÂ’t want to go away. I donÂ’t have major craves but more of a longingÂ…a sadness. My brain is telling me that those times when I dipped where awesome and you will not have that much fun again. IÂ’m writing this out to show and tell myself that this longing and sadness is all BS. It will get better. It is another one of Nic Bitches attempts at controlling me. It just plain sucks though.
I’m not going anywhere. When I left work yesterday to drive home…I thought about dip and what would happen if I bought a tin. In the past…after an extended break…and I would get the fuck its and my thoughts turned to buying a tin. I would get this rush…this high…like a drug and couldn’t wait to get to the store and buy one. Yesterday…nothing…no high or rush. Just utter disappointment if I bought one. I also thought about the promise that I made on roll. No way could I let you guys down. My word means something to me. My thoughts then turned to maybe tomorrow? But that didn’t go very far either…because…we quit today and worry about tomorrow…tomorrow. So then I thought…why this funk? What is happening or not happening that I’m dealing with this shit since day 120 or so. I think I need a vacation from quitting and work. I can’t vacation from quitting though so I’ll just take some time off from work. I haven’t had a day off from work, other than company holidays, since December. That is way too long…I need “ME” time. I have some vacation days coming up next week. I can’t wait. Let's QLF today.
Good medicine White...
It is a battle, but a hill worth dieing on.
Vacation is good.
Everybody needs time to sharpen the axe.
Keep posting, keep sharing, keep winning.
It gets better.
Rawls 549
I don't put too much stock in the funk time line that's been laid out. I think it sets up a fear of sorts and you can work yourself up to it. Not to say we don't get 'em! I sure dealt with a few!
But... that post HOF one is freaky and right on the money for most. It's pretty damn weird! I thought a lot about it at the time and really... it's a bit of a let down that hits you. You just spent an enormous amount of energy reaching that 100 day milestone that we pump and pump and pump. I mean... everything you had. I think it was right around 130 where I hit that wall you're at.
Now what!?!
I think we get a glimpse of the long haul and, despite knowing better, we get all reminiscent for that shit.
How f'd up is that!?!
Anyway... power on brother. You know what to do. I'm at 1,129 today and can tell you... that shit pretty much goes away. You're about to hit some awesome stretches and, man, it'll be great. So great.
Keep rockin'...
WW you're a keeper! Just love every damn second you're quit! You speak the truth which very few others will. I can honestly say after 500 days I'm having a string of 2 or 3 days I don't even think about dip or have a crave and by God it's the best feeling in the world! Quit on you badass! Keep telling it like it is because very few have the balls to do it!
Funks Suck
Quit Doesn't.
You are full of wisdom even in your funk times.
Love to come read you.
Issues and life come and go, and a dip won't fix that. I wasn't NAFAR until 140-150 myself - it just clicked one day that I will never use nicotine again, in any form. But I used to think of everyone I'd let down, from my July group, to the other groups that I posted with, to my family and co-workers, and most importantly myself.
My move was to send out silly text at those times, usually to 5 quitters, just to get a reply. Before I knew it, they were discussing what "heavy meat quit" means, and what I was sending it to them for - it always got me laughing and the crave moved on.
I can text you a LBBQ if you want, heavy metal from Wales rules!
