WW Introduction

[eyehatecope]

I am the danger! Use that quote to the nic.

Of course I'm a fanatic of BB as are the rest of you.

Remember, one day at a time. Every damn day.

25 year user here and if you need me I'm here for you.

Quit on!

[ChristopherJ]

Walter, I am glad to see you here to quit, but I am confused by your intro. What do you mean by "I used the roll call on KTC website but never joined the forums"? I assume that means that you have not been in a prior quit group?

Congrats on posting in April! Posting roll is the heart and soul of KTC. It is great to see you clearly state that you know you are addicted. That was half the battle for me and the cause of so many failures before joining KTC. Rest assured that there will be voices from the nic bitch whispering in your ear agin telling you it is oK to have just one . . . That's where the tools and accountability here with your brothers at KTC can really help.

[Cantoo]

First of all, Love Walter White!
Second, I quit with you brother!
You can do this. I've dipped for 38 years and I quit with you. We can do this! Never before have I felt I can do this until I came across this website.
Also, I did the same thing regarding life insurance.LOL.
Day 5 for me as a quitter, but day 5 for me with freedom. Day 2 is a bitch, no lie, but just look at it as today not day 2. Today I will not dip. Fuck tomorrow or next day or the next. Today I quit with you.
Cantoo -5-

[walterwhite]

Today is Day 2 of my quit. I have tried in the past to quit and I have failed them all. This time will be different because I know that what I need to do. I can never use nicotine again.

Here is a little background on me. IÂ’m 42 years old. I started smoking in high school. Quit smoking when I was 26. Starting dipping on and off for a year at 29. I have been dipping 2 cans a day for the past 10 plus years. My most recent quit was December 4, 2014. I had to quit for a life insurance test. I really wanted to quit that time and was really enjoying life being not a slave to nicotine. It lasted for 7 months. I was going away for a guyÂ’s weekend and I thought I could use that weekend and then go back to normal. In all honestyÂ…I used the roll call on KTC website but never joined the forums like this time. I used to post daily there but after my 100 days I starting to slack.

This time I know IÂ’m an addict. I can never use nicotine. I will take this quit one day at a time. I will post roll call every day. I know that I will be tempted and that I will not fail in that temptation because I have made a promise to myself and to my new Brothers and Sisters that I will not use nicotine ever again!

[Aumegrad]

Day 1002

I’m really happy.  My life is really awesome.  I couldn’t ask for a better wife and kids.  There are many times throughout my day that I get this giddy feeling.  I walked around with a smile on my face.  This wasn’t always the case but something changed in my life that made it all possible.  I quit.

My wife and kids used to me called the grinch.  I used to ninja dip and I wanted to be by myself.  I would rather be by myself instead of being with my family.  I use to lose my temper when I couldn’t get my fix.  I was defensive with how I was acting.  I would have anxiety about wanting to quit before I got cancer.  I would worry about telling my wife and kids. 

It is really crazy how much time and energy I put into my addiction.  How negatively it affected me and my loved ones.  I’m ashamed at all the times I put up of fight to stay home to do nothing but dip instead of going out and doing something fun.  Maybe that is why I’m so happy…I’m actually living my life.  I’m exploring this world with my family without worrying about my next fix.  It is so much better to live in the moment.
 
All of this wouldn’t have been possible without KTC and the hundreds of people that took the time to help me along the way.  Without you showing me how to quit I wouldn’t be quit today.  Thank you.  I’m so happy to call you all my friends.

I thank you for this post WW.  You were able to consolidate my "70 quit days of thoughts" into just a few sentences.  Our stupid addiction(s) should infuriate us for ALL that it took from our lives AND our loved one's lives.  Tis a new day, a day to be free and live free.  Your words strengthened me and I happily quit with you today!

[walterwhite]

Day 1002

I’m really happy.  My life is really awesome.  I couldn’t ask for a better wife and kids.  There are many times throughout my day that I get this giddy feeling.  I walked around with a smile on my face.  This wasn’t always the case but something changed in my life that made it all possible.  I quit.

My wife and kids used to me called the grinch.  I used to ninja dip and I wanted to be by myself.  I would rather be by myself instead of being with my family.  I use to lose my temper when I couldn’t get my fix.  I was defensive with how I was acting.  I would have anxiety about wanting to quit before I got cancer.  I would worry about telling my wife and kids. 

It is really crazy how much time and energy I put into my addiction.  How negatively it affected me and my loved ones.  I’m ashamed at all the times I put up of fight to stay home to do nothing but dip instead of going out and doing something fun.  Maybe that is why I’m so happy…I’m actually living my life.  I’m exploring this world with my family without worrying about my next fix.  It is so much better to live in the moment.
 
All of this wouldn’t have been possible without KTC and the hundreds of people that took the time to help me along the way.  Without you showing me how to quit I wouldn’t be quit today.  Thank you.  I’m so happy to call you all my friends.

[BBQchips]

Congratulations on the comma club!

[Athan]

One thousand.  It has a surreal quality to it all its own in the realm of numbers.  What's in 1000? In dollars it's a tidy sum and would make for a marvelous day somewhere or a nice gift to oneself or others.  In M&M's it's not a small bowl and would best be savored over days and not a single sitting.  In feet it would wind you for certain in a sprint or kill you for certain in a fall.
In days though...in days it's more than two years.  It's 33 1/3 months. It's just shy of 143 weeks.
It's support given and received. It's witnessing countless failures but also incredible victories.
It's freedom from the chains of addiction, earned ODAAT.
Thanks for paying it forward WW.

[walterwhite]

June 21st, 2018, 10:48 am #135

Today I celebrate 900 days of freedom. How cool is that? Never would I have imagined being able to finally break free from my addiction. Being quit is one of the best things that I have every experienced in my life. For the longest time I wanted to be quit but I kept failing over and over. Probably just like many of you…My addiction started in high school. I thought I was cool and I could stop at any time. As the years (20+) went on and I got married and having kids I would try to quit. It would last a little while but then I would always break down and buy a tin. It finally hit me after my last failure that I was an addict and that I needed help. Thankfully I found KTC and they showed me the way to freedom.

This place will save your life…if you allow it. You have to buy into it 100%. You can’t half ass it. There are no excuses. You are either quit or you are not. There is no gray area. People that fail always blames others for their mistakes. People that take ownership in their life are successful. I’m not going to lie…this will be one of the hardest things you will do in your life. But if you quit one day at a time…anything is possible.

P.S....A big thank you to all the people that have helped me along the way! I wouldn't be quit without you...I'm forever grateful.

[walterwhite]

February 22nd, 2018, 3:16 pm #125

Day 781

I had one weird cave dream last night.

I was out the night before drinking with friends. I woke up and posted roll as usual. Later that day someone told me that I took a couple of puffs from a cigarette the night before. I didn’t remember it at all. I was shocked that I did that. I wondered if I needed to count it as a cave since I didn’t remember it. I went back and forth on what I would do since I lied on roll. If I tell others then I would be banned from KTC. Even if I wasn’t banned no way I could start over on day 1 again. Should I just pretend it didn’t happen?

I have been having lots of dreams lately about caving and still posting roll like nothing happened. I usually enjoy vivid dreams but these caving ones I have been lately are really starting to mess with my psyche.

[walterwhite]

February 9th, 2018, 12:47 pm #122

The joy of the Philadelphia Eagles winning the Super Bowl.

It is hard to explain it to a casual fan or someone that hasn’t lived through the years of not winning. Most years you have a hope. Some years there is no hope. Those special years that you think this is the year and then to see them lose it…year after year. The thoughts of next year is our year. It just sucks. These past few days all these thoughts have run through my head and now finally…we are the champions! Never again will I have to hear that we never won the Super Bowl.

I tried to explain this to my daughter. She is 12. She didn’t get it at first but now she does since I explained it to her while we waited for the parade to start. She loves Christmas and gets so excited for it to come. Weeks before she is bouncing around the house. She told me I was acting like her on Super Bowl Sunday before the game. I was. I couldn’t sit still. I had that nervous energy. So, getting back to my story. Imagine every Christmas you had no idea if Santa would come. You heard stories of Santa leaving lots of presents for kids in other cities but you have never experienced it yet. Every year you would hope that he would come. Every year you would have that nervous energy that excitement that you have leading up to Christmas day. You go to bed and wake up and pray that he came. You run down steps and turn the corner and nothing. He didn’t come, again. You would feel total disappointment. What is worse though is that you saw that he came to the kids from NYC and to Dallas or those New England kids. You hear those kids laughing at you since Santa has never been to your house. Even some of these kids have experienced Santa on Christmas more than once. You have never felt that feeling of having presents to open Christmas morning.

Imagine after 57 years of him never coming he finally comes. Image how you would feel when you turned the corner and you see all the presents under the Christmas tree for you. All those years of disappointment wiped away. Never again will you hear those chants of you never winning. You are finally Super Bowl Champs! That what it means to me and I got to celebrate it yesterday with my family. What a week this has been and one that I will never forget.

[walterwhite]

February 7th, 2018, 9:21 am #121

Day 766

It’s been a couple of crazy days for me. In case you haven’t heard…the freaking EAGLES won the Super Bowl! WOW…I’m still in shock. I’m heading to the parade tomorrow with the family. I can’t wait!

I get together with my friends a couple times a year. It is so hard these days with all of us having kids and we just don’t get together as much as we like. The super bowl is one of those times. We are sitting around and talking and then out of nowhere I get this crave to smoke a cigarette. I used to smoke before dipping and a couple of my buddies still occasionally smoke. It hit me like a ton of bricks. My mind is telling me to reward yourself today…the Eagles are playing. You can go back to quitting tomorrow and it will help with your stress level. Yes…I really want to smoke. Then I remember my promise that I made that morning and tell myself no way. I start thinking about the dreams I have been having lately. I have been having dreams that I have dipped and still post roll like nothing it wrong. In my dream I think to myself…who would really know? No big deal. I wake up and find myself really upset that my subconscious mind would allow me to think that it would be ok to lie. I hope these thoughts go away soon because it is really messing with my brain.

Every time I think I’m on easy street with quitting I get a dose of reality. These times I’m so happy that I continue to post roll. It is my security blanket. I know without a doubt that if I stopped posting roll I would not be quit today. I would have said…one is ok and that would have started the cycle to using daily like so many times in the past.

[walterwhite]

December 4th, 2017, 12:55 pm #112

Day 701

There are times that I miss dip. I miss getting that buzz of the first dip of the day. I miss sitting down and watching the game and cracking open a fresh tin. I wish I was able to have just one. Lucky for me these don’t come all that often nor do these thoughts last that long.

When I get these thoughts, like I did yesterday, I always wonder what would happen if I stopped posting roll? Would I still be quit? Would I remember that I’m an addict? I have tried to quit multiple times in the past. What went wrong those times compared to this time? I didn’t realize I was an addict. I didn’t realize that I can never have just one. I came to this realization after my last failure. It was what finally got my mindset right about quitting this time.

My answer is that I really don’t know. I would like to think that I would still be quit if I stopped posting roll. What I do know is that I have been quit for 700 days by posting roll. It works because posting roll is my daily reminder that I’m an addict.

[walterwhite]

September 25th, 2017, 12:10 pm #107

Posted this in April 16 today....day 631.

I’ve been craving a lot lately. I get the feeling of missing the good old days of when I dipped. The feeling of the last time you did this activity it was a lot of fun and you dipped. The changing of the seasons always gets me and so does stress. I remember having a hard time last September. I have found that I have recently come across new activities that I haven’t done yet or only once or twice dip free. You would think that after 600 plus days first time triggers would be a thing of the past. It is frustrating for sure.

On the good news front…my son started high school this year. He runs cross country and they had a state wide invitational that he competed in this past Saturday. The rest of my family…me, wife and daughter get in car and drive 2 hours to see this meet. There are thousands of runners and it takes all day for the meet. His race is the last one of the day. It is 90 degrees and very little shade. We watch him run. He does great considering the heat and it was a super hilly course. I’m driving home and that is when it hits me. I didn’t think about dip all day long. I didn’t have to worry about when can I sneak away from the family to get a dip. Where will I keep my tin so my wife doesn’t find it? When will we get home so I can dip? I just lived in the moment all day long.

Life is so much better and less stressful since being quit. Especially when your team’s rookie kicker kicks a 61-yard game winner against the Giants…

[walterwhite]

August 25th, 2017, 1:30 pm #102

A view from the 6th floor…

Things have really settled down for me with quitting. I still get the occasional crave but nothing that can’t be easily dealt with. I still get those thoughts on how am I going to handle this upcoming ???. For example, I had a work trip to Chicago last week. This is the first time traveling solo and my mind was wondering how it would go being dip free. I tried not to think about it too much but you know how it goes. Trip came and went without a single craving. My mind during the trip was more of…thank god I don’t have to worry about when is this meeting over so I can dip? Life being quit is so much better and simpler than being a slave.

If you helped me along the way…thank you. I really appreciate it. You gave me hope and inspired me to keep the course. Without you, I doubt I would still be quit. To the newbies that are struggling…drink the KTC kool-aid. It really works. Just don’t forget to tip the bartender.