Thoughts from Day 25-
Today we finally had a rain day which meant I finally had a day off. Fifteen hour days are starting to drag on and I can't get on here as much as I'd like to. KTC isn't made for bouncing around in a tractor squinting at a phone. It makes it hard also to keep up on the forums besides writing my roll call in the morning. Chat is wonderful, but I can only use it sporadically. Harvest should be done in a few weeks and then I can be fully active on here.
I can't believe I've been quit for over three weeks now. The cravings lessen each day, and only in times of super stress (like a guy taking down a live power line with his grain cart auger, broken down equipment, dumbass truck drivers, etc) does it get really bad. There have been a few days were some people were definite quit savers.
But, I think I'm firmly to the point where I know and others know that I really did quit and am going to stay quit. I no longer feel like I'm forgetting something in my pockets. My skin is clearing up. The fog is starting to lessen a bit. Bonus: For the first time in four years I can put in contact lenses and not feel like the devil is pissing into my eyes. No matter how much I washed my hands, it always burned horribly. Now, I can put my contacts in, blink, and start my day instead of tearing up into a towel until the pain went away. My mouth is starting to heal too and that feels weird. I never have heartburn, but I've gone through Zantac like candy the past week. I feel good, but I think I'm going to call this part of the quit The Uncomfortable Times. I'm not really that sick, but just so much uncomfortableness in my body right now.
The biggest battle I've faced, I have debated about sharing but now know that maybe I can help someone by writing this.
I am bipolar and take two different medications three times a day to function normally (but, what is normal?). Quitting nic threw me for a loop and the nic bitch reared her ugly head. There were some bad days. Really bad. Scary bad. Not bad as in craving bad. Bad as in, there was no hope in the world, no happiness, just a dark violent hole. I used my digits and the chat and slowly, slowly got out of that Dark Place with some help.
Nic is a chemical and affects you so much more than one realizes. When you add legit medication to it, and remove the nic, the meds and your body take some time to adjust. It's brutal. Brutal, but worth it. Call your doctor or a nurse hotline. I promise you that your body will stabilize itself. It just takes time and sometimes a temporary dosage adjustment. I chewed for years, and the damage I did to myself will continue. This isn't a quick and easy quit. If you're in this postion, please please please reach out. You're not alone in your quit, and you are not alone at how low you feel.
On the bright side of things, my husband has also now decided to quit. His last dip was Saturday, Oct 15th at 10am. I did not (could not) ask him to or make him quit. His quit is exactly that- his quit. He is responsible for his decisions regarding this. I cannot “do” his quit for him; I can only be supportive and stand alongside of him- just like he has done with me the past few weeks during my quit.
