Day 186
Been awhile since I've updated on here, and it's hard to recollect the time.
Spring is trying to arrive here, which means that spring fieldwork is trying to get started. Everyone at work is tired of being in the shop; they're chomping too early at the bit to start, which happens every year. In two short months approx 25-20k acres of ground will be worked and then planted. In two short months, I'll be back on the road doing the custom harvest.
We had a small house fire on 3/17. It was caused by a faulty fixture (not wiring; actual arcing of the connections on the fluorescent lights to the fixture. The subrogation dept of the insurance company is going after manufacturer; fingers crossed we get our deductible back). I was home and thankfully caught it quick enough that the damage was limited to just that closed off laundry room. The chemical extinguisher the FD used damn near coated half the house- a pro clean up crew had our house completely back in order in two days. It was amazing. For the past week I've been tackling the renovation of the laundry room by myself. New washer/dryer, floor, repair work on ceiling (scraping, sanding, patch, skim coat, primer, texture coat, primer, paint), all walls primed and repainted, new trim cut and stained, re-leveled concrete, new floor, new fixture. It's definitely been a fun/frustrating/exhausting/annoying/awesome learning experience for me, and I'm going to toot my own horn because I am a bad ass mofo doing this all by myself. (My trade off is that I get out of field work to reno the room.)
On the flip side, even though we were so freaking lucky (the fire could have been so so much worse) it's been mentally and physically exhausting to deal with. I leaned damn hard on my Quit Squad. There's always going to be events in life where we hit them and automatically just want a dip, pat for that can, whether be it stress and fear, or just craving because who the hell didn't dip during home improvement projects?
The day the fire happened and I sent out a text message to my main people on here (along with some GroupMe's) to let them know I wasn't going to be around much (especially guilt geared towards being a conductor for March's HOF).
I had instant offers ranging from "I can come this weekend if you need help. Just say the word" to "Let me know what you need" to "I know you don't need it and you'll say no, but if you need anything financial, the offer is there". I had people texting me with words of support, asking how I was doing, and reminding me that nic would never solve anything. I was floored- people I had never physically met in my life were reaching out, yet again (because seriously, this year has sucked), lifting me up and telling me that things were going to be okay. The PTSD I've dealt with over the years reared it's ugly head hard, playing the stupid "what if" games, the "wonderful world of nightmares and flashbacks", and the ever fun "terrified to leave the house because just in case" struggle. Some might scoff or shun the brotherhood part of the main concept of this site, but if it wasn't for the people on here, I'm not sure what I would have done. For me, it just concretes the fact that some of the people I've met on here are more than friends; they're family that knows me better than myself sometimes.
Day 186- and I've proven to myself that I can get through more than I ever thought I could without a cig or a packed lip.
