I'm A Douche

[MN_Engineer]

Day #102.

I've been reading, over the past few months, lists of all the things people won't miss about dipping or chewing.  Lists that contain stuff about spraying dip juice all over the place and spitting into your wife's coffee cup and other crazy shit like that.

You guys are rude.

But there's one thing I haven't seen on any list. 

Now the disclaimer here is that the distinct possibility exists that the following is a can-hiding method previously unemployed by even the most ninja-fied dipper.  It may be shocking as well as disturbing...So if you're a 5-year old, you may want to fuck off.

Simply put, I will not miss hiding my dip can behind my ball sac.

There I said it.

For those of you who reside in warmer climes, you may have noticed the proliferation of short pant wearing dudes.  Well, I don't live in warmer climes, but I am one of those dudes.

Many types of shorts, for those of you who are unobservant idiots, do not have pockets.

(Personally, I think shorts with pockets in them are gay.)

Now, if your powers of reading comprehension are anywhere north of retarded, you will have taken from this that I very often wear shorts with no pockets.

Which, of course, leaves a stealthy dipper to ponder the question about where he will hide his dip can.

Well, one of the most unique and ground breaking innovations known to mankind is, of course, the ball sac.

Incredibly versatile, this globular feat of human engineering can be scratched by its owner for spine tingling pleasure. 

It can be kneaded, like a hairy loaf of bread, which results in a pleasurable feeling, albeit different than from scratching. 

It has a seam, but no opening.

And on holidays, you can even paint a face on it to make a goulish sac-o-lantern.

Being the rock star that I am, I had added another amazing feature to my sac.

I could hide stuff behind it.

Using the inherent properties of my bag, I found that a can of dip was the perfect size to be hidden behind its bulk.  Jammed deftly between the rear bumper of my nads and my gootch, I found that my Grizzly can would allow itself to be safely transported about.  My versatile bag hung perfectly about the can, rendering it completely undetectable.

Now if your wife is at all like mine, she is a fan and enthusiastic supporter of your "danger-area".

This is a source of concern for dudes hiding shit behind their balls.

While you are transporting your dip can in the space between berries and gootch, it is vitally important to keep people from groping you.  This is to say that, while the ball-notch method is otherwise impervious to detection, if your wife happens to grope you while you are transporting, your shit will be ruined.  Game over.

Not to mention that your local health board would probably frown on you putting something in your mouth from a container that you kept in such close proximity to your tailpipe.

Unbelievable.

And don't judge me either, bitches.  I never drank my own spit or anything gross like that.

But now that I'm not wedging cans of Grizzly in my crotch pocket, I wonder what a newly rational person could do with all that genital storage space...

Words can not express the sheer awesomness of this post. 'worship'

This is a great confession.

Now, have you come clean with the "lemme bum a dip off you" boys yet?

Them peeps "taint" gonna be real happy.......

That "Area" is a perfect storage site for your "Smokeyg" signed HOF knife and coin- I keep mine in a pocket, but you know if it is a valuable- keep it in a safe place!

We just don't get confessions of this quality in the May '09 group.  I am left in awe!!!

Colonel renders a standing ovation

Holy fuck that was funny.

Dude. That's one of many. I think that most are in this intro. I hope he's still quit somewhere.

A must read, so I am bumping. I have heard of many, many things, but not this. I think I'll start with a 50 cent piece and go from there.

bump

Not sure how I found this post but wow... Bumping lol

I've been on this site for 4 years and this was the first time I saw this. I'm over here in sheer amazement and awe.

[Rexx]

Day #102.

I've been reading, over the past few months, lists of all the things people won't miss about dipping or chewing.  Lists that contain stuff about spraying dip juice all over the place and spitting into your wife's coffee cup and other crazy shit like that.

You guys are rude.

But there's one thing I haven't seen on any list. 

Now the disclaimer here is that the distinct possibility exists that the following is a can-hiding method previously unemployed by even the most ninja-fied dipper.  It may be shocking as well as disturbing...So if you're a 5-year old, you may want to fuck off.

Simply put, I will not miss hiding my dip can behind my ball sac.

There I said it.

For those of you who reside in warmer climes, you may have noticed the proliferation of short pant wearing dudes.  Well, I don't live in warmer climes, but I am one of those dudes.

Many types of shorts, for those of you who are unobservant idiots, do not have pockets.

(Personally, I think shorts with pockets in them are gay.)

Now, if your powers of reading comprehension are anywhere north of retarded, you will have taken from this that I very often wear shorts with no pockets.

Which, of course, leaves a stealthy dipper to ponder the question about where he will hide his dip can.

Well, one of the most unique and ground breaking innovations known to mankind is, of course, the ball sac.

Incredibly versatile, this globular feat of human engineering can be scratched by its owner for spine tingling pleasure. 

It can be kneaded, like a hairy loaf of bread, which results in a pleasurable feeling, albeit different than from scratching. 

It has a seam, but no opening.

And on holidays, you can even paint a face on it to make a goulish sac-o-lantern.

Being the rock star that I am, I had added another amazing feature to my sac.

I could hide stuff behind it.

Using the inherent properties of my bag, I found that a can of dip was the perfect size to be hidden behind its bulk.  Jammed deftly between the rear bumper of my nads and my gootch, I found that my Grizzly can would allow itself to be safely transported about.  My versatile bag hung perfectly about the can, rendering it completely undetectable.

Now if your wife is at all like mine, she is a fan and enthusiastic supporter of your "danger-area".

This is a source of concern for dudes hiding shit behind their balls.

While you are transporting your dip can in the space between berries and gootch, it is vitally important to keep people from groping you.  This is to say that, while the ball-notch method is otherwise impervious to detection, if your wife happens to grope you while you are transporting, your shit will be ruined.  Game over.

Not to mention that your local health board would probably frown on you putting something in your mouth from a container that you kept in such close proximity to your tailpipe.

Unbelievable.

And don't judge me either, bitches.  I never drank my own spit or anything gross like that.

But now that I'm not wedging cans of Grizzly in my crotch pocket, I wonder what a newly rational person could do with all that genital storage space...

Words can not express the sheer awesomness of this post. 'worship'

This is a great confession.

Now, have you come clean with the "lemme bum a dip off you" boys yet?

Them peeps "taint" gonna be real happy.......

That "Area" is a perfect storage site for your "Smokeyg" signed HOF knife and coin- I keep mine in a pocket, but you know if it is a valuable- keep it in a safe place!

We just don't get confessions of this quality in the May '09 group.  I am left in awe!!!

Colonel renders a standing ovation

Holy fuck that was funny.

Dude. That's one of many. I think that most are in this intro. I hope he's still quit somewhere.

A must read, so I am bumping. I have heard of many, many things, but not this. I think I'll start with a 50 cent piece and go from there.

bump

Not sure how I found this post but wow... Bumping lol

[Nolaq]

bump....because this is solid gold.

Respectfully rky, this is a solid gold way to show how not to Quit. This guy talked so much shit, disappeared, and came back with his tail 'tween his legs, not behind his ball sack.

I was a huge fan of SWJ. Thought he was above and beyond, but in the end, he's an addict. Just like you and me. Plus, he didn't come here and learn anything, and when he returned, he still wasn't listening. Oh, btw, he's disappeared again. He hasn't logged on in over 4 years. Six bucks and my left nut he's sucking on a cat turd again.

[Rkymtnman]

bump....because this is solid gold.

[JGlav]

Absolute classic.

[dipbegone]

BUMP this river of quit humor

[Bucky]

Bump....because this thread is THAT fucking good.

Bumping ... the humor in this thread helped get through some rough stretches in this quit journey ... ENJOY!

[Rkymtnman]

Bump....because this thread is THAT fucking good.

[pab1964]

bumping this up. read every post - comic gold and inspiration.

That's truly hilarious, I believe someone posted that in my first week quit. Thanks for posting! You're correct truly golden

[Smokeyg]

bumping this up. read every post - comic gold and inspiration.

[slug.go]

Day #102.

I've been reading, over the past few months, lists of all the things people won't miss about dipping or chewing.  Lists that contain stuff about spraying dip juice all over the place and spitting into your wife's coffee cup and other crazy shit like that.

You guys are rude.

But there's one thing I haven't seen on any list. 

Now the disclaimer here is that the distinct possibility exists that the following is a can-hiding method previously unemployed by even the most ninja-fied dipper.  It may be shocking as well as disturbing...So if you're a 5-year old, you may want to fuck off.

Simply put, I will not miss hiding my dip can behind my ball sac.

There I said it.

For those of you who reside in warmer climes, you may have noticed the proliferation of short pant wearing dudes.  Well, I don't live in warmer climes, but I am one of those dudes.

Many types of shorts, for those of you who are unobservant idiots, do not have pockets.

(Personally, I think shorts with pockets in them are gay.)

Now, if your powers of reading comprehension are anywhere north of retarded, you will have taken from this that I very often wear shorts with no pockets.

Which, of course, leaves a stealthy dipper to ponder the question about where he will hide his dip can.

Well, one of the most unique and ground breaking innovations known to mankind is, of course, the ball sac.

Incredibly versatile, this globular feat of human engineering can be scratched by its owner for spine tingling pleasure. 

It can be kneaded, like a hairy loaf of bread, which results in a pleasurable feeling, albeit different than from scratching. 

It has a seam, but no opening.

And on holidays, you can even paint a face on it to make a goulish sac-o-lantern.

Being the rock star that I am, I had added another amazing feature to my sac.

I could hide stuff behind it.

Using the inherent properties of my bag, I found that a can of dip was the perfect size to be hidden behind its bulk.  Jammed deftly between the rear bumper of my nads and my gootch, I found that my Grizzly can would allow itself to be safely transported about.  My versatile bag hung perfectly about the can, rendering it completely undetectable.

Now if your wife is at all like mine, she is a fan and enthusiastic supporter of your "danger-area".

This is a source of concern for dudes hiding shit behind their balls.

While you are transporting your dip can in the space between berries and gootch, it is vitally important to keep people from groping you.  This is to say that, while the ball-notch method is otherwise impervious to detection, if your wife happens to grope you while you are transporting, your shit will be ruined.  Game over.

Not to mention that your local health board would probably frown on you putting something in your mouth from a container that you kept in such close proximity to your tailpipe.

Unbelievable.

And don't judge me either, bitches.  I never drank my own spit or anything gross like that.

But now that I'm not wedging cans of Grizzly in my crotch pocket, I wonder what a newly rational person could do with all that genital storage space...

Words can not express the sheer awesomness of this post. 'worship'

This is a great confession.

Now, have you come clean with the "lemme bum a dip off you" boys yet?

Them peeps "taint" gonna be real happy.......

That "Area" is a perfect storage site for your "Smokeyg" signed HOF knife and coin- I keep mine in a pocket, but you know if it is a valuable- keep it in a safe place!

We just don't get confessions of this quality in the May '09 group.  I am left in awe!!!

Colonel renders a standing ovation

Holy fuck that was funny.

Dude. That's one of many. I think that most are in this intro. I hope he's still quit somewhere.

A must read, so I am bumping. I have heard of many, many things, but not this. I think I'll start with a 50 cent piece and go from there.

bump

[Thumblewort]

Day #102.

I've been reading, over the past few months, lists of all the things people won't miss about dipping or chewing.  Lists that contain stuff about spraying dip juice all over the place and spitting into your wife's coffee cup and other crazy shit like that.

You guys are rude.

But there's one thing I haven't seen on any list. 

Now the disclaimer here is that the distinct possibility exists that the following is a can-hiding method previously unemployed by even the most ninja-fied dipper.  It may be shocking as well as disturbing...So if you're a 5-year old, you may want to fuck off.

Simply put, I will not miss hiding my dip can behind my ball sac.

There I said it.

For those of you who reside in warmer climes, you may have noticed the proliferation of short pant wearing dudes.  Well, I don't live in warmer climes, but I am one of those dudes.

Many types of shorts, for those of you who are unobservant idiots, do not have pockets.

(Personally, I think shorts with pockets in them are gay.)

Now, if your powers of reading comprehension are anywhere north of retarded, you will have taken from this that I very often wear shorts with no pockets.

Which, of course, leaves a stealthy dipper to ponder the question about where he will hide his dip can.

Well, one of the most unique and ground breaking innovations known to mankind is, of course, the ball sac.

Incredibly versatile, this globular feat of human engineering can be scratched by its owner for spine tingling pleasure. 

It can be kneaded, like a hairy loaf of bread, which results in a pleasurable feeling, albeit different than from scratching. 

It has a seam, but no opening.

And on holidays, you can even paint a face on it to make a goulish sac-o-lantern.

Being the rock star that I am, I had added another amazing feature to my sac.

I could hide stuff behind it.

Using the inherent properties of my bag, I found that a can of dip was the perfect size to be hidden behind its bulk.  Jammed deftly between the rear bumper of my nads and my gootch, I found that my Grizzly can would allow itself to be safely transported about.  My versatile bag hung perfectly about the can, rendering it completely undetectable.

Now if your wife is at all like mine, she is a fan and enthusiastic supporter of your "danger-area".

This is a source of concern for dudes hiding shit behind their balls.

While you are transporting your dip can in the space between berries and gootch, it is vitally important to keep people from groping you.  This is to say that, while the ball-notch method is otherwise impervious to detection, if your wife happens to grope you while you are transporting, your shit will be ruined.  Game over.

Not to mention that your local health board would probably frown on you putting something in your mouth from a container that you kept in such close proximity to your tailpipe.

Unbelievable.

And don't judge me either, bitches.  I never drank my own spit or anything gross like that.

But now that I'm not wedging cans of Grizzly in my crotch pocket, I wonder what a newly rational person could do with all that genital storage space...

Words can not express the sheer awesomness of this post. 'worship'

This is a great confession.

Now, have you come clean with the "lemme bum a dip off you" boys yet?

Them peeps "taint" gonna be real happy.......

That "Area" is a perfect storage site for your "Smokeyg" signed HOF knife and coin- I keep mine in a pocket, but you know if it is a valuable- keep it in a safe place!

We just don't get confessions of this quality in the May '09 group. I am left in awe!!!

Colonel renders a standing ovation

Holy fuck that was funny.

Dude. That's one of many. I think that most are in this intro. I hope he's still quit somewhere.

A must read, so I am bumping. I have heard of many, many things, but not this. I think I'll start with a 50 cent piece and go from there.

[BG]

Day #102.

I've been reading, over the past few months, lists of all the things people won't miss about dipping or chewing.  Lists that contain stuff about spraying dip juice all over the place and spitting into your wife's coffee cup and other crazy shit like that.

You guys are rude.

But there's one thing I haven't seen on any list. 

Now the disclaimer here is that the distinct possibility exists that the following is a can-hiding method previously unemployed by even the most ninja-fied dipper.  It may be shocking as well as disturbing...So if you're a 5-year old, you may want to fuck off.

Simply put, I will not miss hiding my dip can behind my ball sac.

There I said it.

For those of you who reside in warmer climes, you may have noticed the proliferation of short pant wearing dudes.  Well, I don't live in warmer climes, but I am one of those dudes.

Many types of shorts, for those of you who are unobservant idiots, do not have pockets.

(Personally, I think shorts with pockets in them are gay.)

Now, if your powers of reading comprehension are anywhere north of retarded, you will have taken from this that I very often wear shorts with no pockets.

Which, of course, leaves a stealthy dipper to ponder the question about where he will hide his dip can.

Well, one of the most unique and ground breaking innovations known to mankind is, of course, the ball sac.

Incredibly versatile, this globular feat of human engineering can be scratched by its owner for spine tingling pleasure. 

It can be kneaded, like a hairy loaf of bread, which results in a pleasurable feeling, albeit different than from scratching. 

It has a seam, but no opening.

And on holidays, you can even paint a face on it to make a goulish sac-o-lantern.

Being the rock star that I am, I had added another amazing feature to my sac.

I could hide stuff behind it.

Using the inherent properties of my bag, I found that a can of dip was the perfect size to be hidden behind its bulk.  Jammed deftly between the rear bumper of my nads and my gootch, I found that my Grizzly can would allow itself to be safely transported about.  My versatile bag hung perfectly about the can, rendering it completely undetectable.

Now if your wife is at all like mine, she is a fan and enthusiastic supporter of your "danger-area".

This is a source of concern for dudes hiding shit behind their balls.

While you are transporting your dip can in the space between berries and gootch, it is vitally important to keep people from groping you.  This is to say that, while the ball-notch method is otherwise impervious to detection, if your wife happens to grope you while you are transporting, your shit will be ruined.  Game over.

Not to mention that your local health board would probably frown on you putting something in your mouth from a container that you kept in such close proximity to your tailpipe.

Unbelievable.

And don't judge me either, bitches.  I never drank my own spit or anything gross like that.

But now that I'm not wedging cans of Grizzly in my crotch pocket, I wonder what a newly rational person could do with all that genital storage space...

Words can not express the sheer awesomness of this post. 'worship'

This is a great confession.

Now, have you come clean with the "lemme bum a dip off you" boys yet?

Them peeps "taint" gonna be real happy.......

That "Area" is a perfect storage site for your "Smokeyg" signed HOF knife and coin- I keep mine in a pocket, but you know if it is a valuable- keep it in a safe place!

We just don't get confessions of this quality in the May '09 group. I am left in awe!!!

Colonel renders a standing ovation

Holy fuck that was funny.

Dude. That's one of many. I think that most are in this intro. I hope he's still quit somewhere.

[Sap]

Day #102.

I've been reading, over the past few months, lists of all the things people won't miss about dipping or chewing.  Lists that contain stuff about spraying dip juice all over the place and spitting into your wife's coffee cup and other crazy shit like that.

You guys are rude.

But there's one thing I haven't seen on any list. 

Now the disclaimer here is that the distinct possibility exists that the following is a can-hiding method previously unemployed by even the most ninja-fied dipper.  It may be shocking as well as disturbing...So if you're a 5-year old, you may want to fuck off.

Simply put, I will not miss hiding my dip can behind my ball sac.

There I said it.

For those of you who reside in warmer climes, you may have noticed the proliferation of short pant wearing dudes.  Well, I don't live in warmer climes, but I am one of those dudes.

Many types of shorts, for those of you who are unobservant idiots, do not have pockets.

(Personally, I think shorts with pockets in them are gay.)

Now, if your powers of reading comprehension are anywhere north of retarded, you will have taken from this that I very often wear shorts with no pockets.

Which, of course, leaves a stealthy dipper to ponder the question about where he will hide his dip can.

Well, one of the most unique and ground breaking innovations known to mankind is, of course, the ball sac.

Incredibly versatile, this globular feat of human engineering can be scratched by its owner for spine tingling pleasure. 

It can be kneaded, like a hairy loaf of bread, which results in a pleasurable feeling, albeit different than from scratching. 

It has a seam, but no opening.

And on holidays, you can even paint a face on it to make a goulish sac-o-lantern.

Being the rock star that I am, I had added another amazing feature to my sac.

I could hide stuff behind it.

Using the inherent properties of my bag, I found that a can of dip was the perfect size to be hidden behind its bulk.  Jammed deftly between the rear bumper of my nads and my gootch, I found that my Grizzly can would allow itself to be safely transported about.  My versatile bag hung perfectly about the can, rendering it completely undetectable.

Now if your wife is at all like mine, she is a fan and enthusiastic supporter of your "danger-area".

This is a source of concern for dudes hiding shit behind their balls.

While you are transporting your dip can in the space between berries and gootch, it is vitally important to keep people from groping you.  This is to say that, while the ball-notch method is otherwise impervious to detection, if your wife happens to grope you while you are transporting, your shit will be ruined.  Game over.

Not to mention that your local health board would probably frown on you putting something in your mouth from a container that you kept in such close proximity to your tailpipe.

Unbelievable.

And don't judge me either, bitches.  I never drank my own spit or anything gross like that.

But now that I'm not wedging cans of Grizzly in my crotch pocket, I wonder what a newly rational person could do with all that genital storage space...

Words can not express the sheer awesomness of this post. 'worship'

This is a great confession.

Now, have you come clean with the "lemme bum a dip off you" boys yet?

Them peeps "taint" gonna be real happy.......

That "Area" is a perfect storage site for your "Smokeyg" signed HOF knife and coin- I keep mine in a pocket, but you know if it is a valuable- keep it in a safe place!

We just don't get confessions of this quality in the May '09 group. I am left in awe!!!

Colonel renders a standing ovation

Holy fuck that was funny.

[magnum9]

Jesus-H-Baldheaded-Christ...

All y'all bitches need to relax.

Actually, I recognize all of this Jerry Springerness for exactly what it is =

A bunch of dudes each making their own attempt to keep other dudes from caving.

Accountability.  I get it.

For the record, I'm 267 days quit today and still solid, thanks to me mostly, but also thanks to all of you a-holes.

No, I have not posted every single day and there are various reasons for that, some of which are really awesome reasons and some of which stink.

However, I am still quit.

Yes, I failed once and then came back. 

Took a lot of (well deserved) shit for it too.

And, it appears, I continue to take a lot of shit for the manner in which I'm quitting.

That's ok though.

Between texts, phone calls, and posting here though, I've kept my promise this time and I intend to continue to do that every day.

Because of what I do and what's going on with my family, I cannot and will not promise to post here every day or spend as much time here as I once needed to.

That's because I am not interested in breaking any more promises.

I do, however, hold dear the promise to stay quit.

And I've kept that promise to me and to each and every one of you.

I'm not pissed at any of you bitches for "butting in" on our group or ranting and swearing or generally acting like trailer-park dill holes.

That's because I realize that accountability takes many forms.

Sometimes it's a Care Bear hug  other times it's a foot in the ass, but either way, I get it.

And I value it.

Know this - My quit is going sweet.

I know it just enough to be proud of myself up to this point, but not so much that I think I have it knocked.

I don't.

But I continue to put daily sleeper holds on this bitch each day, no matter what.

Just like you.

In the meantime, everybody needs to fucking relax...

Thanks for answering. Like I said before whether you like it or not people are gonna pay attention to you and that may lead to expectations that you don't feel like meeting, that's understandable. I'll never be ok with casual roll posting but you do what works for you. Just know this site is a better place when more people are active and helping.
Quit with you.

Keep kicking nic's ass one day at a time brother!

You can quit any way you want.

Just don't let that "I don't want to break any more promises" become "oh, I won't post roll today because if I choose to use I don't want to break that promise".

See you around.