I'm done with this Sh#%

[Tuco]

Note to Self:

Brian, if you've come back to this post your mind is fucking with you right now. You want to cave. That voice inside your head is telling you "just one dip. One more dip and I'll leave you alone. You've proved to yourself you can stop if you want, so what's the harm of just one more dip?" Well guess what mother fucker, one dip is what got you here. One drink is what led to this. 20 years of this shit. 20 years you selfish prick, and why? Because it made you feel better? Because you thought you weren't doing any harm to yourself or the people you love? You fucked up. You fucked up 20 years of your life and now you're reading this thinking about fucking up another 20. Bullshit. You just made it through the toughest 4 days you may ever have to face, and there is no way you'll ever find the motivation to go through that again. If you made it yesterday you can definitely make it today. Tomorrow? Who fucking cares about Tomorrow. You might be dead tomorrow. Get through today, that's all I'm asking of you. Don't ever forget what this shit did to you. You're life revolved around this shit and you were miserable. Don't ever forget that. You made yourself a promise and you're going to stick with it. Day 5 and this is probably the best you have felt since you were a young teenager. The physical withdrawal of alcohol and nicotine has subsided. You feel fantastic right now. Don't fuck this up. Not even once. Once got you here. I plead with you, Do not listen to the voices trying to talk you into a cave. You're in control. You can do this. If you fail you know deep inside you'll never get here again. Be strong. One day at a time.

Goddamn if that didn't just give me a chill. Thanks for that, Heisenberg. The real you is starting to take over and is pummeling the shit out of the addict side.

[rdad]

Exactly right Brian! You are over the worst. Now its just winning back control of your mind. You got this!

[Heisenberg]

Note to Self:

Brian, if you've come back to this post your mind is fucking with you right now. You want to cave. That voice inside your head is telling you "just one dip. One more dip and I'll leave you alone. You've proved to yourself you can stop if you want, so what's the harm of just one more dip?" Well guess what mother fucker, one dip is what got you here. One drink is what led to this. 20 years of this shit. 20 years you selfish prick, and why? Because it made you feel better? Because you thought you weren't doing any harm to yourself or the people you love? You fucked up. You fucked up 20 years of your life and now you're reading this thinking about fucking up another 20. Bullshit. You just made it through the toughest 4 days you may ever have to face, and there is no way you'll ever find the motivation to go through that again. If you made it yesterday you can definitely make it today. Tomorrow? Who fucking cares about Tomorrow. You might be dead tomorrow. Get through today, that's all I'm asking of you. Don't ever forget what this shit did to you. You're life revolved around this shit and you were miserable. Don't ever forget that. You made yourself a promise and you're going to stick with it. Day 5 and this is probably the best you have felt since you were a young teenager. The physical withdrawal of alcohol and nicotine has subsided. You feel fantastic right now. Don't fuck this up. Not even once. Once got you here. I plead with you, Do not listen to the voices trying to talk you into a cave. You're in control. You can do this. If you fail you know deep inside you'll never get here again. Be strong. One day at a time.

[BG]

There is no tomorrow. There is no next week or next year, here at KTC. There is only today. Thinking about forever is too daunting for us. It leads to thinking that you can't do this. That's just her whispering in your ear. Do this today. Be here and be accountable today. That's all we ask. You don't have to quit forever anyway. You're gonna die of something else long before forever gets here.

#comfortingwords

[Hubie337]

I'm glad I got some support here and some new brothers to guide me in the right direction. When I went to get in my truck this morning to workout my brother left me a brand new can of Copenhagen on the hood of my truck. He thinks this shit is funny. I think he's worried I'm going to accomplish something he can't. What a prick.

First 3 days suck period. It gets better in a hurry.

There will be those things that turn your particular dip sensors on that will take longer to shake but getting the brutal physical portion out of the way (first few days) makes it much easier to fight these off.

For me it is the smell of diesel fumes from my days in the motorpool or sitting in a golf cart. If I smell diesel fumes I immediately think of shooting big bullets and dip or cigarettes.

The biggest mistake you can make is the one I made about 8 years ago. I had been clean for 5 years and thought I could handle 1 dip. If you take away one and only 1 thing from anyone here, understand this: YOU CAN NOT PUT THAT SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH EVER AGAIN if you want to stay QUIT.

[jimthins]

This is YOUR quit.
Noone feels the jaw being removed except the person being operated on.
I don't want an operation. I choose life with YOU Today.

A million x's this ^^

Good stuff 30!

[30isEnuff]

Enjoyed reading your story Heisenberg. As a fellow November SCQer, welcome to KTC. It sure sounds like you're on the right path. Don't get discouraged over friends/family not taking your quit seriously. You will have some support you and some do just as you mentioned. Let that be more fuel for your quit.
Also, everyone's quit is different. As your fellow brothers have mentioned, do not worry. Take this one day at a time.
You got this! Keep on quittin! If you ever need someone to talk with, don't hesitate to PM me and we can swap digits. Look forward to seeing you on roll brother.
Quit On!

Brothers can be pricks. Addictions suck. Quitting is not for the weak. Once you're quit and have lots of daze under your belt...your poor brother will go fucking nutz! He may or may never come around to reality. The choice is ours alone. I choose to be Quit with YOU Today.
This is YOUR quit.
Noone feels the jaw being removed except the person being operated on.
I don't want an operation. I choose life with YOU Today.
Wake in the a.m. and do it all over again.
Welcome.

[jimthins]

Enjoyed reading your story Heisenberg. As a fellow November SCQer, welcome to KTC. It sure sounds like you're on the right path. Don't get discouraged over friends/family not taking your quit seriously. You will have some support you and some do just as you mentioned. Let that be more fuel for your quit.
Also, everyone's quit is different. As your fellow brothers have mentioned, do not worry. Take this one day at a time.
You got this! Keep on quittin! If you ever need someone to talk with, don't hesitate to PM me and we can swap digits. Look forward to seeing you on roll brother.
Quit On!

[AppleJack]

I'm glad I got some support here and some new brothers to guide me in the right direction. When I went to get in my truck this morning to workout my brother left me a brand new can of Copenhagen on the hood of my truck. He thinks this shit is funny. I think he's worried I'm going to accomplish something he can't. What a prick.

That's asinine and deserves a punch in the nuts!

Keep your momentum and don't let his fear of your fortitude derail you. It takes more sac to do this than anything you've ever come across. That... Is truly badass man.

Rock on...

[Heisenberg]

I'm glad I got some support here and some new brothers to guide me in the right direction. When I went to get in my truck this morning to workout my brother left me a brand new can of Copenhagen on the hood of my truck. He thinks this shit is funny. I think he's worried I'm going to accomplish something he can't. What a prick.

[Tuco]

First time in 20 years I went an entire day without a dip. Yesterday sucked, I won't lie. Maybe the strangest day I've ever had. And when I say strange, I really can't explain the mood I was in or how I was feeling, but I felt as if I were on a drug that put me in a totally different state of mind. I was out of it completely. Sometimes I just found myself pacing down the hallway back and forth. I can't even comprehend the number of times I heard a voice telling me "how are you going to do this task without a dip or that one", and it went on and on and on. At the very most I maybe got an hour of sleep last night. Just a very different experience is the only way I can explain how I felt yesterday. Today however, I feel freakin' fantastic! Not a single beer, not a single dip. No fog, just a clear head and surprisingly some good energy despite the lack of sleep. Dipping is not an option. Drinking is not an option. The voices in my head better get that shit straight right fucking now.

Good stuff, Heisenberg. Relish these moments of clarity, because they will be rare in the early days of your quit. Try to remind yourself during the rough patches that you have seen glimpses of how good it feels to be dip/booze free. Speaking of being booze-free, good call on shelving the Schrader Brau for a while.

PM me if you need digits. There's no good excuse to quit alone.

[Thumblewort]

First time in 20 years I went an entire day without a dip. Yesterday sucked, I won't lie. Maybe the strangest day I've ever had. And when I say strange, I really can't explain the mood I was in or how I was feeling, but I felt as if I were on a drug that put me in a totally different state of mind. I was out of it completely. Sometimes I just found myself pacing down the hallway back and forth. I can't even comprehend the number of times I heard a voice telling me "how are you going to do this task without a dip or that one", and it went on and on and on. At the very most I maybe got an hour of sleep last night. Just a very different experience is the only way I can explain how I felt yesterday. Today however, I feel freakin' fantastic! Not a single beer, not a single dip. No fog, just a clear head and surprisingly some good energy despite the lack of sleep. Dipping is not an option. Drinking is not an option. The voices in my head better get that shit straight right fucking now.

Good post, but buckle up for day 3! Day 3 was by far the worst for me. I hope it is not for you, but I hear a lot of Day 3 and 4 stories. Stay strong, get some digits, drink water, and be close to hear, the worst is almost over!

[Heisenberg]

First time in 20 years I went an entire day without a dip. Yesterday sucked, I won't lie. Maybe the strangest day I've ever had. And when I say strange, I really can't explain the mood I was in or how I was feeling, but I felt as if I were on a drug that put me in a totally different state of mind. I was out of it completely. Sometimes I just found myself pacing down the hallway back and forth. I can't even comprehend the number of times I heard a voice telling me "how are you going to do this task without a dip or that one", and it went on and on and on. At the very most I maybe got an hour of sleep last night. Just a very different experience is the only way I can explain how I felt yesterday. Today however, I feel freakin' fantastic! Not a single beer, not a single dip. No fog, just a clear head and surprisingly some good energy despite the lack of sleep. Dipping is not an option. Drinking is not an option. The voices in my head better get that shit straight right fucking now.

[Thumblewort]

After reading through quite a few posts from other addicts I have to ask....Do you guys really have strong cravings after 30-40 even 100 days or are people just fucking with us newbies? That's fairly discouraging to people on day one.

I'm at day 134 and had a crave that hit me this morning. It lasted 10, maybe 15 seconds before I laughed it off. That's the freedom part of what we are selling here, we will always be addicts, and therefore will subject to craves, but once you get that first really nice day you will know it's all worth it, and you too can laugh a crave off. The freedom is fantastic Walter.

[Bean]

Heise -

You've gotten great advice and you're on the right track. Post roll, read and repeat.

As for "fucking with newbies"...I sure as shit hope nobody is doing that on here! Quitting is serious shit. It isn't for the asking. You won't get an invitation. And nobody can do it for you. It is a decision YOU make to save a life...YOURS. We're not just fucking around here. The stakes couldn't be higher.

Future craves? Listen...I quit in Sept 2010 after 20+ years of dipping everyday. Last weekend, I was getting my gear ready for dove season and I still "heard" empty snuff cans in my bird bag. WTF?!! Totally imagined...but still there. Holy shit, right?!!

My point is that nicotine may be out of my system, but it is still part my life. And it will always be. I am an addict. I post roll, I read, I try to stay involved. I do it as much for me as to help others...okay, mostly for me but still...

There is no "finish line" to quitting. Don't look for one. Anticipating how you'll feel on Day 40, Day 100 or whatever is "looking ahead." DON'T DO IT!!! Quitting forever is hard. That's why we don't do it here. We quit ONE DAY AT A TIME. We just post roll and give our word that come hell or high water we will remain quit today. And I can guaran-fuckin-tee you I can stay quit for one day. You can to.

Quitting is a daily battle...easier now than it once was, but a daily battle nonetheless. I welcome the daily opportunity to cunt-punch the Nic Bitch. You should too. Freedom is a great feeling. And it only gets better!!!