I"m in- just found my way

[ERDVM]

I'm at day 176 and just wanted to continue my record for future reference. It's been a while. I don't want to walk this path again, and i want to celebrate the journey as I make it too, so I want to remember how its been.

Mostly, i want to log in that this shit still ain't easy! I remember TCell referring to seasonal triggers, and have seen other references to working through all that. I've been getting triggers left and right lately. It feels like an obstacle course. Many sneak attacks, many dull and slowly building notions of emptyness that i recognize as former triggers too. And little faint "just once" whispers too, on occaision.

I also get bouts of "fuckits" where I just am sort of irritable. Maybe i'm cranky by nature, who knows, and who really cares, i'm free from the chemical addiction now and I love that.

The one thing I can say is that these triggers are handleable. Life is so much better than early-quit. I'm surprised that these are so numerous and fairly strong. I would have listened at some point, in the past. I won't now, and i guess I just have to keep training the nic bitch to fuck off. I'm up for that. I'm pissed thinking about it. The whispers of just once really piss me off-- brings up a fighter instinct, and i'm glad. As ususal, in perspective I'm thankful for the challenges because they ensure that complacency isn't an issue for that day.

What is keeping me quit? Fellowship, brotherhood, and the web of accountabilty/support I have created by following the program here. I owe my life to the bro's who keep in touch with me, who reach out to make a new friend, and to those who documented and shared this path to success. Frickin rocks!

I'm out. Thanks for all the help, and if i can help anyone reading this let me know.

Brett, my friend, you just need look below at your signature and re-read Skoalmonster's words, "To quit means to face withdrawal, it requires the confrontation of triggers without using nicotine. It will not always be easy, but get over it. This is the price you pay to earn your freedom."

I'll gladly pay that price every damn day, and I'll pay it with my roll post. Not only do I get to keep my freedom for that price, I get brotherhood and accountability. Every day I will tell myself that I'm not relinquishing my freedom, brotherhood, and accountability to feed an addiction that leads to one morbid outcome. And every day brother, one day at a time, I will make that promise with you.

Brett you have been more of a comfort and help to me than I can express in a post. I am loving following your quit and reading your journal here when I am feeling weak. This is a special community and we are all honored to have you with us. There is an unexplainable power in this brotherhood. Thank God we found this place. Peace!

What they said! You've been a welcome voice of encouragement for me from time to time. You're not one of the people I talk with daily, but that's ok. It's actually a welcome reminder that even though we don't talk regularly, you've got my back. Thanks for the support and the inspiration!

Brett, you're a hell of a quitter. I quit with you every damn day.

Expect unexpected craves and fuck-its during your first trip around the globe. They are normal. One of my funkiest was after HOF during the first part of summer. There was something about a clear, early summer night that just hammered my newly HOFed quit. I had just bought a 12 pack and was sitting in the parking lot and texted Pave about how beautiful the night was.....and within minutes I was getting sexts from Coach Steve, Pave, bird, TJ, Tsthar etc. Looking back, it was one hell of a crave...and it was recognized by my brothers even before me.

Keep up the daily Vigilance.

This place is fucking magical.

*PS - speaking of magical....I have big plans for our Meat Up next week...... 'archer'

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

I'm at day 176 and just wanted to continue my record for future reference. It's been a while. I don't want to walk this path again, and i want to celebrate the journey as I make it too, so I want to remember how its been.

Mostly, i want to log in that this shit still ain't easy! I remember TCell referring to seasonal triggers, and have seen other references to working through all that. I've been getting triggers left and right lately. It feels like an obstacle course. Many sneak attacks, many dull and slowly building notions of emptyness that i recognize as former triggers too. And little faint "just once" whispers too, on occaision.

I also get bouts of "fuckits" where I just am sort of irritable. Maybe i'm cranky by nature, who knows, and who really cares, i'm free from the chemical addiction now and I love that.

The one thing I can say is that these triggers are handleable. Life is so much better than early-quit. I'm surprised that these are so numerous and fairly strong. I would have listened at some point, in the past. I won't now, and i guess I just have to keep training the nic bitch to fuck off. I'm up for that. I'm pissed thinking about it. The whispers of just once really piss me off-- brings up a fighter instinct, and i'm glad. As ususal, in perspective I'm thankful for the challenges because they ensure that complacency isn't an issue for that day.

What is keeping me quit? Fellowship, brotherhood, and the web of accountabilty/support I have created by following the program here. I owe my life to the bro's who keep in touch with me, who reach out to make a new friend, and to those who documented and shared this path to success. Frickin rocks!

I'm out. Thanks for all the help, and if i can help anyone reading this let me know.

Brett, my friend, you just need look below at your signature and re-read Skoalmonster's words, "To quit means to face withdrawal, it requires the confrontation of triggers without using nicotine. It will not always be easy, but get over it. This is the price you pay to earn your freedom."

I'll gladly pay that price every damn day, and I'll pay it with my roll post. Not only do I get to keep my freedom for that price, I get brotherhood and accountability. Every day I will tell myself that I'm not relinquishing my freedom, brotherhood, and accountability to feed an addiction that leads to one morbid outcome. And every day brother, one day at a time, I will make that promise with you.

Brett you have been more of a comfort and help to me than I can express in a post. I am loving following your quit and reading your journal here when I am feeling weak. This is a special community and we are all honored to have you with us. There is an unexplainable power in this brotherhood. Thank God we found this place. Peace!

What they said! You've been a welcome voice of encouragement for me from time to time. You're not one of the people I talk with daily, but that's ok. It's actually a welcome reminder that even though we don't talk regularly, you've got my back. Thanks for the support and the inspiration!

Brett, you're a hell of a quitter. I quit with you every damn day.

[MonsterMedic]

I'm at day 176 and just wanted to continue my record for future reference. It's been a while. I don't want to walk this path again, and i want to celebrate the journey as I make it too, so I want to remember how its been.

Mostly, i want to log in that this shit still ain't easy! I remember TCell referring to seasonal triggers, and have seen other references to working through all that. I've been getting triggers left and right lately. It feels like an obstacle course. Many sneak attacks, many dull and slowly building notions of emptyness that i recognize as former triggers too. And little faint "just once" whispers too, on occaision.

I also get bouts of "fuckits" where I just am sort of irritable. Maybe i'm cranky by nature, who knows, and who really cares, i'm free from the chemical addiction now and I love that.

The one thing I can say is that these triggers are handleable. Life is so much better than early-quit. I'm surprised that these are so numerous and fairly strong. I would have listened at some point, in the past. I won't now, and i guess I just have to keep training the nic bitch to fuck off. I'm up for that. I'm pissed thinking about it. The whispers of just once really piss me off-- brings up a fighter instinct, and i'm glad. As ususal, in perspective I'm thankful for the challenges because they ensure that complacency isn't an issue for that day.

What is keeping me quit? Fellowship, brotherhood, and the web of accountabilty/support I have created by following the program here. I owe my life to the bro's who keep in touch with me, who reach out to make a new friend, and to those who documented and shared this path to success. Frickin rocks!

I'm out. Thanks for all the help, and if i can help anyone reading this let me know.

Brett, my friend, you just need look below at your signature and re-read Skoalmonster's words, "To quit means to face withdrawal, it requires the confrontation of triggers without using nicotine. It will not always be easy, but get over it. This is the price you pay to earn your freedom."

I'll gladly pay that price every damn day, and I'll pay it with my roll post. Not only do I get to keep my freedom for that price, I get brotherhood and accountability. Every day I will tell myself that I'm not relinquishing my freedom, brotherhood, and accountability to feed an addiction that leads to one morbid outcome. And every day brother, one day at a time, I will make that promise with you.

Brett you have been more of a comfort and help to me than I can express in a post. I am loving following your quit and reading your journal here when I am feeling weak. This is a special community and we are all honored to have you with us. There is an unexplainable power in this brotherhood. Thank God we found this place. Peace!

What they said! You've been a welcome voice of encouragement for me from time to time. You're not one of the people I talk with daily, but that's ok. It's actually a welcome reminder that even though we don't talk regularly, you've got my back. Thanks for the support and the inspiration!

[rdad]

I'm at day 176 and just wanted to continue my record for future reference. It's been a while. I don't want to walk this path again, and i want to celebrate the journey as I make it too, so I want to remember how its been.

Mostly, i want to log in that this shit still ain't easy! I remember TCell referring to seasonal triggers, and have seen other references to working through all that. I've been getting triggers left and right lately. It feels like an obstacle course. Many sneak attacks, many dull and slowly building notions of emptyness that i recognize as former triggers too. And little faint "just once" whispers too, on occaision.

I also get bouts of "fuckits" where I just am sort of irritable. Maybe i'm cranky by nature, who knows, and who really cares, i'm free from the chemical addiction now and I love that.

The one thing I can say is that these triggers are handleable. Life is so much better than early-quit. I'm surprised that these are so numerous and fairly strong. I would have listened at some point, in the past. I won't now, and i guess I just have to keep training the nic bitch to fuck off. I'm up for that. I'm pissed thinking about it. The whispers of just once really piss me off-- brings up a fighter instinct, and i'm glad. As ususal, in perspective I'm thankful for the challenges because they ensure that complacency isn't an issue for that day.

What is keeping me quit? Fellowship, brotherhood, and the web of accountabilty/support I have created by following the program here. I owe my life to the bro's who keep in touch with me, who reach out to make a new friend, and to those who documented and shared this path to success. Frickin rocks!

I'm out. Thanks for all the help, and if i can help anyone reading this let me know.

Brett, my friend, you just need look below at your signature and re-read Skoalmonster's words, "To quit means to face withdrawal, it requires the confrontation of triggers without using nicotine. It will not always be easy, but get over it. This is the price you pay to earn your freedom."

I'll gladly pay that price every damn day, and I'll pay it with my roll post. Not only do I get to keep my freedom for that price, I get brotherhood and accountability. Every day I will tell myself that I'm not relinquishing my freedom, brotherhood, and accountability to feed an addiction that leads to one morbid outcome. And every day brother, one day at a time, I will make that promise with you.

Brett you have been more of a comfort and help to me than I can express in a post. I am loving following your quit and reading your journal here when I am feeling weak. This is a special community and we are all honored to have you with us. There is an unexplainable power in this brotherhood. Thank God we found this place. Peace!

[Steakbomb18]

I'm at day 176 and just wanted to continue my record for future reference. It's been a while. I don't want to walk this path again, and i want to celebrate the journey as I make it too, so I want to remember how its been.

Mostly, i want to log in that this shit still ain't easy! I remember TCell referring to seasonal triggers, and have seen other references to working through all that. I've been getting triggers left and right lately. It feels like an obstacle course. Many sneak attacks, many dull and slowly building notions of emptyness that i recognize as former triggers too. And little faint "just once" whispers too, on occaision.

I also get bouts of "fuckits" where I just am sort of irritable. Maybe i'm cranky by nature, who knows, and who really cares, i'm free from the chemical addiction now and I love that.

The one thing I can say is that these triggers are handleable. Life is so much better than early-quit. I'm surprised that these are so numerous and fairly strong. I would have listened at some point, in the past. I won't now, and i guess I just have to keep training the nic bitch to fuck off. I'm up for that. I'm pissed thinking about it. The whispers of just once really piss me off-- brings up a fighter instinct, and i'm glad. As ususal, in perspective I'm thankful for the challenges because they ensure that complacency isn't an issue for that day.

What is keeping me quit? Fellowship, brotherhood, and the web of accountabilty/support I have created by following the program here. I owe my life to the bro's who keep in touch with me, who reach out to make a new friend, and to those who documented and shared this path to success. Frickin rocks!

I'm out. Thanks for all the help, and if i can help anyone reading this let me know.

Brett, my friend, you just need look below at your signature and re-read Skoalmonster's words, "To quit means to face withdrawal, it requires the confrontation of triggers without using nicotine. It will not always be easy, but get over it. This is the price you pay to earn your freedom."

I'll gladly pay that price every damn day, and I'll pay it with my roll post. Not only do I get to keep my freedom for that price, I get brotherhood and accountability. Every day I will tell myself that I'm not relinquishing my freedom, brotherhood, and accountability to feed an addiction that leads to one morbid outcome. And every day brother, one day at a time, I will make that promise with you.

[brettlees]

I'm at day 176 and just wanted to continue my record for future reference. It's been a while. I don't want to walk this path again, and i want to celebrate the journey as I make it too, so I want to remember how its been.

Mostly, i want to log in that this shit still ain't easy! I remember TCell referring to seasonal triggers, and have seen other references to working through all that. I've been getting triggers left and right lately. It feels like an obstacle course. Many sneak attacks, many dull and slowly building notions of emptyness that i recognize as former triggers too. And little faint "just once" whispers too, on occaision.

I also get bouts of "fuckits" where I just am sort of irritable. Maybe i'm cranky by nature, who knows, and who really cares, i'm free from the chemical addiction now and I love that.

The one thing I can say is that these triggers are handleable. Life is so much better than early-quit. I'm surprised that these are so numerous and fairly strong. I would have listened at some point, in the past. I won't now, and i guess I just have to keep training the nic bitch to fuck off. I'm up for that. I'm pissed thinking about it. The whispers of just once really piss me off-- brings up a fighter instinct, and i'm glad. As ususal, in perspective I'm thankful for the challenges because they ensure that complacency isn't an issue for that day.

What is keeping me quit? Fellowship, brotherhood, and the web of accountabilty/support I have created by following the program here. I owe my life to the bro's who keep in touch with me, who reach out to make a new friend, and to those who documented and shared this path to success. Frickin rocks!

I'm out. Thanks for all the help, and if i can help anyone reading this let me know.

[Derk40]

I ran across this story from a vet quitter about a dance with the nicbitch a full 5+ years out.  The quitter ended up winning, because he remembered the suck. This is why I want to stay involved for a long, long time.  And the newer quitters going though the suck strongest of all, you all help my quit by helping me remember how much I had to suffer to get my freedom. I did it though, and so can you...

Post is by Ranger 0770 on April 4, 2013 in Oct 2007 HOF class...

"Its been an amazing and long road since June 26, 2007 when I took my last dip. Those first 30 days were terrible. It really only got marginally easier after that, but I was determined. It wasn't until really my 1 year anniversary that I was able to bat away the nicotine demon with relative ease. Since then, I have had my ups and my downs, and yet I have remained strong. Then this week, something clicked in me, a craving so strong that I have experienced it in nearly five years. An overwhelming a desire to take a dip, you know the old "just one." I came so close as to actually buy the can of my old favorite, skoal longcut wintergreen at the 7-11. I'm sitting my car with an old familiarity, striking the can in the palm of my hand to pack it, using my thumbnail to break open the top. I am staring at the can...I open it and smell that old familiar tobacco smell. The demons are callling, "just one...just one...hust one..." Then I think to those awful first days when the physical symptoms were worse than the mental ones. No...no...there can never be "just one." I threw that can and a perfectly good 5 dollars into the trash can in front of the 7-11. A small price to pay to regain my composure. Even after so long nicotine free, that mistress is always calling to you and will always seek to compromise you in your weakest hour. "

Dude, I need to just post til I die. Just like erussrell. Nice nugget Brett.

Shit. Talk about walking right to the edge of the cliff and then just turning around. That is some crazy willpower! Yep, I agree with you guys. Post roll till we die. Its the only way.

That is a good read. Thanks Brettlees.

Never forget that we are all addicts. That does not go away even though you are quit.

There is no such thing as "just 1" for an addict. You cave and you will be back to your old ways in no time. Read the horror stories of those that gave up their quit.

The path to freedom is all laid out. Post roll EDD and stay quit ODAAT. The only way.

[rdad]

I ran across this story from a vet quitter about a dance with the nicbitch a full 5+ years out.  The quitter ended up winning, because he remembered the suck. This is why I want to stay involved for a long, long time.  And the newer quitters going though the suck strongest of all, you all help my quit by helping me remember how much I had to suffer to get my freedom. I did it though, and so can you...

Post is by Ranger 0770 on April 4, 2013 in Oct 2007 HOF class...

"Its been an amazing and long road since June 26, 2007 when I took my last dip. Those first 30 days were terrible. It really only got marginally easier after that, but I was determined. It wasn't until really my 1 year anniversary that I was able to bat away the nicotine demon with relative ease. Since then, I have had my ups and my downs, and yet I have remained strong. Then this week, something clicked in me, a craving so strong that I have experienced it in nearly five years. An overwhelming a desire to take a dip, you know the old "just one." I came so close as to actually buy the can of my old favorite, skoal longcut wintergreen at the 7-11. I'm sitting my car with an old familiarity, striking the can in the palm of my hand to pack it, using my thumbnail to break open the top. I am staring at the can...I open it and smell that old familiar tobacco smell. The demons are callling, "just one...just one...hust one..." Then I think to those awful first days when the physical symptoms were worse than the mental ones. No...no...there can never be "just one." I threw that can and a perfectly good 5 dollars into the trash can in front of the 7-11. A small price to pay to regain my composure. Even after so long nicotine free, that mistress is always calling to you and will always seek to compromise you in your weakest hour. "

Dude, I need to just post til I die. Just like erussrell. Nice nugget Brett.

Shit. Talk about walking right to the edge of the cliff and then just turning around. That is some crazy willpower! Yep, I agree with you guys. Post roll till we die. Its the only way.

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

I ran across this story from a vet quitter about a dance with the nicbitch a full 5+ years out.  The quitter ended up winning, because he remembered the suck. This is why I want to stay involved for a long, long time.  And the newer quitters going though the suck strongest of all, you all help my quit by helping me remember how much I had to suffer to get my freedom. I did it though, and so can you...

Post is by Ranger 0770 on April 4, 2013 in Oct 2007 HOF class...

"Its been an amazing and long road since June 26, 2007 when I took my last dip. Those first 30 days were terrible. It really only got marginally easier after that, but I was determined. It wasn't until really my 1 year anniversary that I was able to bat away the nicotine demon with relative ease. Since then, I have had my ups and my downs, and yet I have remained strong. Then this week, something clicked in me, a craving so strong that I have experienced it in nearly five years. An overwhelming a desire to take a dip, you know the old "just one." I came so close as to actually buy the can of my old favorite, skoal longcut wintergreen at the 7-11. I'm sitting my car with an old familiarity, striking the can in the palm of my hand to pack it, using my thumbnail to break open the top. I am staring at the can...I open it and smell that old familiar tobacco smell. The demons are callling, "just one...just one...hust one..." Then I think to those awful first days when the physical symptoms were worse than the mental ones. No...no...there can never be "just one." I threw that can and a perfectly good 5 dollars into the trash can in front of the 7-11. A small price to pay to regain my composure. Even after so long nicotine free, that mistress is always calling to you and will always seek to compromise you in your weakest hour. "

Dude, I need to just post til I die. Just like erussrell. Nice nugget Brett.

[brettlees]

I ran across this story from a vet quitter about a dance with the nicbitch a full 5+ years out. The quitter ended up winning, because he remembered the suck. This is why I want to stay involved for a long, long time. And the newer quitters going though the suck strongest of all, you all help my quit by helping me remember how much I had to suffer to get my freedom. I did it though, and so can you...

Post is by Ranger 0770 on April 4, 2013 in Oct 2007 HOF class...

"Its been an amazing and long road since June 26, 2007 when I took my last dip. Those first 30 days were terrible. It really only got marginally easier after that, but I was determined. It wasn't until really my 1 year anniversary that I was able to bat away the nicotine demon with relative ease. Since then, I have had my ups and my downs, and yet I have remained strong. Then this week, something clicked in me, a craving so strong that I have experienced it in nearly five years. An overwhelming a desire to take a dip, you know the old "just one." I came so close as to actually buy the can of my old favorite, skoal longcut wintergreen at the 7-11. I'm sitting my car with an old familiarity, striking the can in the palm of my hand to pack it, using my thumbnail to break open the top. I am staring at the can...I open it and smell that old familiar tobacco smell. The demons are callling, "just one...just one...hust one..." Then I think to those awful first days when the physical symptoms were worse than the mental ones. No...no...there can never be "just one." I threw that can and a perfectly good 5 dollars into the trash can in front of the 7-11. A small price to pay to regain my composure. Even after so long nicotine free, that mistress is always calling to you and will always seek to compromise you in your weakest hour. "

[brettlees]

Hey!!!!!...that's a pretty fuckin' cool number you posted today!

'Cheers' nice bro!

'army' Well done. Keep up the fight!

Thanks guys! The support means so much to me.

[Mthomas3824]

Hey!!!!!...that's a pretty fuckin' cool number you posted today!

'Cheers' nice bro!

'army' Well done. Keep up the fight!

[T-Cell]

Hey!!!!!...that's a pretty fuckin' cool number you posted today!

'Cheers' nice bro!

[rdad]

Hey!!!!!...that's a pretty fuckin' cool number you posted today!

[T-Cell]

Day 121- quitters log. Not much to report, but it has been a while and I feel like I just want to log it in so I can leave it behind.

Not much change in my situation since last post, really. My quit is now boring. The nicbitch still whispers in my ear. I still am not going to be fooled by it. Complacency is still the enemy, and I am committed to not become complacent too. I am still dealing with some messy home life situations, and the upshot of all that is that I keep facing things that i would have used as justifications to really ramp up my nicotine consumption in the past. However, I have no interest in using nicotine to deal with that stress now. I guess some reprogramming has been successful, and i'm damned glad.

I continue to get almost daily affirmative reinforcement about how important the network of fellow quitters here is to me. There are bros that have literally helped me through some major shit where I really took a lot of comfort in someone giving a damn enough to reach out. And, I am accountable to them not to use nicotine. Easy enough tradeoff for me.

I still owe a HOF speech, and I'm waiting for the inspiration. Really, HOF has turned out to be no big deal at all to me. But I woudl like to eventually get something down in writing that may help someone else. In the meantime, I"m just stacking +1's, creating lasting connections, and helping others when I can. Also learning how to deal with life in real-time, directly, without the damned poison crutch that really wasn't a crutch.

Been reading today about a guy who wants to stop posting after 200 days. This doesn't make sense to me. I've tried to learn a lot from others, and i'm convinced that things get better and better, but don't get really great until much later in the game than 200 days. More like they really seem to start to open up at a year or so, then really good around 500 to 1000 days. Yet, I've noticed there are funks at almost predictable times along the way even that long quit, and random big craves can creep up any time. I can't imagine walking away so soon as 200 days, and honestly I admire some of the people that have been around for 2years+ that right now I"d like to be helping others like them when I reach that time period.

Well, thats it for now. Damn i'm wordy sometimes. Looking forward to quite a few other quits that I've followed hitting HOF in the next few weeks- that'll be fun!

Been thinking about some of these things. Re wiring is a serious deal. I'm glad to see there is a light at the tunnel.. The learning curve only gets steeper if you're on ktc.

For one, I would look forward to a speech from you!

Keep stacking those +1s

Good update Brett. At this point keep posting your promise every day. It serves 3 purposes... Keeps you connected to your network, makes you think about your commitment daily, and (most important as time clicks by) reminds you just a bit every day of where you were and where you are. I'm proud to be on your team - you are killing it. Keep it up, you are about to get to a really good place.

You are getting it brother! Learn it, live it, Love it! I too have not as of yet done the whole HOF speech, but I will when I am ready. I still feel unready to be HOF speech worthy, but that is just me. Keep those tools sharp.

Good stuff brett, I too cannot fathom how one could stop posting after day 200. How many times have we all tried quitting on our own? When you're only accountable to yourself, the guilt of caving is far less severe then when you're accountable to hundreds or thousands. At least that is how I look at it.

Stop futzing around and write that speech. Kidding, all in due process. QLFEDD with you.

Brett- Don't worry about the HOF speech. I waited until over 500 days to write one, because 100 days just seemed so insignificant to me. There is no endpoint, you have all the time in the world.
Just know that the boring part of quit will change again, you will get sucked back into sharper quit focus by some drama here, some personal life event. Just like most other things you pay attention to daily in you life it will ebb and flow.