I"m in- just found my way

[cbird65]

Awesome on the 100! Congrats!

nice work bro~! 'clap'

Grab a celebratory beverage and get right back on the road!

'Cheers'

[SAM83]

Awesome on the 100! Congrats!

[worktowin]

Awesome 100 Brett! You've been a great inspiration and leader on this site. Celebrate your day 100, it is a big achievement. The only thing better than day 100 is adding 1 tomorrow. Thanks for bringing me along for the ride! Greatness is ahead.

[rdad]

Brett, way to go man and I am so glad you are sticking around. Thank you for all your support. I want nothing more than to be 31 days behind you always. Peace to you brother. Now carry on!

[ihatecope]

Hey Brett, I just wanted to personally thank you for being such a great support for me especially during the hard times of my quit. I will always be thankful for all the supporting texts and sound advice. Also thanks for making time to meet up with me in Denver it really strengthened my quit accountability. You are a bad ass quitter and I am proud to be quit with you. Here is to no more projecting. The nic bitch can kiss my ass.

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

Accountability 101 - newbies take notice Brett here chose to bring other quitters into his life and quit. He chose to invest in their quit as well. On top of all that he took the initiative and meet some people face to face. Finally how does a guy like this write in his chapter for day 100...this guy chose to arrange a meet up with other quitters one whom is a very much a veteran quitter who on here speaks when necessary and always offers sage advice, the other of which is very outspoken and stubborn as fuck.

This guy right here is a quitter, no ifs and or buts. He is a man of his word, he is a brother and most of all he is a guy I will always call a friend.

Brett and Tony I am looking forward to knocking back a few beers as we celebrate Brett's day 100 and my day 200 along with T-Cell's day 721.

IF you want to know how to make a potential cave epic, weave a huge web of accountability add in a few real human people whom you know will hunt you down and give it a roll.

Otherwise, meet new friends, have fun and quit being a douche dipper. This guy gets it.

P

Brett is a total badass. Congrats on 100 days brother.

[Pinched]

Accountability 101 - newbies take notice Brett here chose to bring other quitters into his life and quit. He chose to invest in their quit as well. On top of all that he took the initiative and meet some people face to face. Finally how does a guy like this write in his chapter for day 100...this guy chose to arrange a meet up with other quitters one whom is a very much a veteran quitter who on here speaks when necessary and always offers sage advice, the other of which is very outspoken and stubborn as fuck.

This guy right here is a quitter, no ifs and or buts. He is a man of his word, he is a brother and most of all he is a guy I will always call a friend.

Brett and Tony I am looking forward to knocking back a few beers as we celebrate Brett's day 100 and my day 200 along with T-Cell's day 721.

IF you want to know how to make a potential cave epic, weave a huge web of accountability add in a few real human people whom you know will hunt you down and give it a roll.

Otherwise, meet new friends, have fun and quit being a douche dipper. This guy gets it.

P

[brettlees]

Hey Mogul and Steak nice to see you guys in here- Thanks for stopping by! You guys share in my quit for sure!

Steak, how bout I post a skinny followed by two fats real soon here? Oh yeah! Just another day really, but why not have some fun.

Thanks guys! I'll save space for you in the hall and leave a light on for damn sure.

[Mogul]

It's been a click of the clock since I posted to you Brett, how bout that 100. How bout that shit? Keep on quitting because I believe 101 is just as important.

Mogul

[Steakbomb18]

Brettlees, you better finish this day strong. There are many of us who want to see you make it through today, including myself, and post up tomorrow with a big fat number. Stay strong, stay quit.

[cbird65]

bah-dah bowm chicka bowm-bowm! Is that an atomic dog I hear? Somebody call George Clinton! Bootsy Collins! Oh yeah, i'm in the funk babies!

Quit log update from day 88: Here's what my version of this famed funk is like. It's mainly a flat feeling and hard, hard craves that feel like they're from much earlier in the quit. Flitters of fog that last no more than a couple of minutes. Sick and f-ing tired of craves, thinking about dipping or not dipping, wanting to be just free of the shit and all its consequences in my life- resentment for the fact that i've come this far and still have to deal with this. And ..... this is all ok with me. I've been watching some of the vets go through a simliar funk again at around 150 to 170 days too. Maybe these things just come up from time to time. I know a crave can hit out of nowhere at any time in the future, but the first year or so it seems to be normal for these longer cycles to set in.

Cbird told me early on to use the first 100 days to focus on learning the KTC tools to beat the addiction, and this funk experience proves he was right. The craves are hard, and other quitting issues come up, but i can beat them all becuase by now i have a lot of practice.

When I get too sick of all the fighting craves, I lean into the discomfort and it goes away. By leaning in I mean i just accept it and deal with it the way I have learned to deal with the discomfort of quitting in general-- by coming to the boards to help newer quitters and longer-term bros, and by connecting with others via text-- these are really helpful. I don't have to complain about my situation. Rather, I usually just reach out and check in with a close bro, or strike up a connection with someone new, or give a new quitter some encouragement. Exercise helps a lot too.

So, I guess this is how you do it. I think it takes so long to learn because the addiction is such a bad one, and we have to first also learn what it really means that we cannot ever have just one. NAFAR (never again for any reason) has to be truly understood.

Then, it takes actually reprogramming your behavior- learning how to act to protect your quit- and it has taken me this long to get to this point. The recovery means replacing behaviors that grew up to support the addiction, with ones that support the quit instead. That takes some time and effort.

I say it all the time, and so do a lot of other people, but I'm so greatful for this site and the people who are active here. Your commitment has given me the chance to live clean of the addiction. If I can help anyone else beat this evil, wicked, disease of bad choices and deception, that nobody ever really warned us about or protected us from, you can bet I will! If anyone who reads this needs some help, contact me!

I also want to say thank you to each of you who as given me support around the other stuff my journey has included lately. That means an awful lot. If I say much more about how much it means, Diesel's gonna call me ghey again so I'll leave it at that. 'na na'

A Hazard to Yo Booty

^^^^^^Bringin the Funk Bitches^^^^^

[brettlees]

bah-dah bowm chicka bowm-bowm! Is that an atomic dog I hear? Somebody call George Clinton! Bootsy Collins! Oh yeah, i'm in the funk babies!

Quit log update from day 88: Here's what my version of this famed funk is like. It's mainly a flat feeling and hard, hard craves that feel like they're from much earlier in the quit. Flitters of fog that last no more than a couple of minutes. Sick and f-ing tired of craves, thinking about dipping or not dipping, wanting to be just free of the shit and all its consequences in my life- resentment for the fact that i've come this far and still have to deal with this. And ..... this is all ok with me. I've been watching some of the vets go through a simliar funk again at around 150 to 170 days too. Maybe these things just come up from time to time. I know a crave can hit out of nowhere at any time in the future, but the first year or so it seems to be normal for these longer cycles to set in.

Cbird told me early on to use the first 100 days to focus on learning the KTC tools to beat the addiction, and this funk experience proves he was right. The craves are hard, and other quitting issues come up, but i can beat them all becuase by now i have a lot of practice.

When I get too sick of all the fighting craves, I lean into the discomfort and it goes away. By leaning in I mean i just accept it and deal with it the way I have learned to deal with the discomfort of quitting in general-- by coming to the boards to help newer quitters and longer-term bros, and by connecting with others via text-- these are really helpful. I don't have to complain about my situation. Rather, I usually just reach out and check in with a close bro, or strike up a connection with someone new, or give a new quitter some encouragement. Exercise helps a lot too.

So, I guess this is how you do it. I think it takes so long to learn because the addiction is such a bad one, and we have to first also learn what it really means that we cannot ever have just one. NAFAR (never again for any reason) has to be truly understood.

Then, it takes actually reprogramming your behavior- learning how to act to protect your quit- and it has taken me this long to get to this point. The recovery means replacing behaviors that grew up to support the addiction, with ones that support the quit instead. That takes some time and effort.

I say it all the time, and so do a lot of other people, but I'm so greatful for this site and the people who are active here. Your commitment has given me the chance to live clean of the addiction. If I can help anyone else beat this evil, wicked, disease of bad choices and deception, that nobody ever really warned us about or protected us from, you can bet I will! If anyone who reads this needs some help, contact me!

I also want to say thank you to each of you who as given me support around the other stuff my journey has included lately. That means an awful lot. If I say much more about how much it means, Diesel's gonna call me ghey again so I'll leave it at that. 'na na'

[T-Cell]

Day 78

I've been going through some sh*t for a while, as some here know. Some of it's led to some realizations about my quit, that I want to record here. As for the stuff i've been wading through, it's tough to put it here but I will because i think isolation is part of the disease of addiction, and i want to battle that. Plus, maybe this will help someone else get through their own tough spots. It sure helped me to find out you all were here and getting through I thought for years I dealt with alone. So there's real value in terms of openness and it's part of how i'm trying to approach this thing. This will be a longer post, so I"m going to just post my realizations here early, to save anyone reading from going further to get to the point...

1. At this point in my quit, I"m totally unafraid of craves, etc. I"ve been tested. But i am not being cocky. Like a quit mentor here suggested to me, I"ve practiced using the tools here to help me. But the danger of the addiction has not gone away, and it never will. Around this time in a quit, it seems that the real ongoing danger comes to the fore-- that danger is complacency. I see it. I can see now why daily role posting is critical. I've seen failures on the site here, i know my own failed quits in the past, i read about other failed quits from the site.  I konw more caves will come to our little brotherhood, and I know it's a game of russian roullette for me if I were ever to decide to fall off this program here and stop posting. I am determined to remain here. I'm inspired by some of the quitters here, and uplifted by many of you.

2. I am increasingly developing a belief that once you start to clean up a major messy area of your life, like dipping and addiciton for so many of us, other things can potentially start to clean up too- in some sort of connection. If you're a Christian, maybe "the Lord starts working in mysterious ways" or if you are buddhist maybe Kharma goes about making other changes in your life when you start to clean it up. Change is not always, and arguably never, comfortable when we go through it. Otherwise we would have chosen the change long ago. But it sure does seem that when it rains it pours, many times, and i can't help but think there must be a connection.

3. I am absolutely committed to fighting what this drug does to us humans. It's ridiculous that it is allowed to be sold so easily, and perpetuated ignorance, that is only meant to benefit big tobacco, is allowed to continue in our society. This stuff is as bad of a drug, this addiction is as bad, as can be imagined! It is so harmful, and so addictive, and effects us all in so many ways. I will fight it. The fight is in the streets-- it's one by one, helping those who are strong enough to do it with support. It is also in education- and I'm constantly talking to people about just how terribly addictive this stuff is. I intend to continue to learn, from some fine examples here, how I can become my own advocate for quit, especially once I have a little time more under my own quit belt. The intention and commitment is already there though.

Ok, those are the insights. Here's where I've been lately. In November I posted about some frustrations I was having at home- my live-in partner, common law wife, had been doing some financial misdeeds that were a betrayal to me and busted my credit up pretty bad, not to mention racked up some debt. Alll sorts of trigger times, but not anything I couldn't handle with some visits back here, texts with quit bros, etc. Emotionally, however, I was feeling betrayed and trying to sort through whether I could learn to trust her again, etc. and dealing with the pending end of the relationship.

That sort of uncomfortable silence and delicate balance remained, as she and the kids needed to stay in the house as well as me. The took a couple of trips around the holiday times, fincanced by her family members pitching in. We weren't talking much though, outside of what was needed to function.

In her text to me about when she was coming home from the Christmas/New Years visit to her childhood home they made, she also told me she wanted talk about some heavy stuff with me. Being pretty excitable, of course that was a little nerve wracking for me, and gave me craves/triggers, but they weren't a problem, I am used to handling them now and i'm committed above all else to being quit.

When we had the talk, the next bomb came. She has been diagnosed with cervical cancer. WTF?!?!?  it sucks. I was shook up for a few days, as this was about all I could handle emotionally. I sought out a therapist to help me with anger at the surface before, then this Monday went into his office and bawled my eyes out with all the emotion and jumbled up mess of conflicting feelings about her, myself, everything. Let me put a plug in here for therapy, it can really help and i'm not ever ashamed to say I used it in my life when needed. Just like having a physical injury sometimes we need a doc and/or PT, same is true for emotions- we can get injured and need help getting back on track.

Well this story above created what has to be the most intense, confusing, and hard, sucky period of my life so far, including a pretty messed up childhood at times.  This is relevant to my quit because it was so intense. This woulld have broken me before. I would be chewing a can or two per day through this, when I was a 2-3 cans per week chewer normally. And I do get some hard craves, the "habitual" sort of ones i described in an earlier post to myself. But make no mistake, I am not tempted at all to chew or get any other access to nicotine. When the craves hit, they just remind me how much I hate nicotine. Then I'm sort of thankful for them for doing that. No temptation whatsoever from a crave, and this could go on forever as far as I can see. The issue that remains though, is really clear- at this point, complacency is the danger. As i read stories of caves on the site here, that seems to be the common thread too. I am now wary as heck against complacency, and committed to not let it happen in me.

These things in my domestic relationship are really hard to sort out. I do see a common thread of cleaning up, bringing to light things that were already there, but hidden. This sort of seems like a ripple effect of my decision to quit my ninja dipping and come to terms with an addiction that was never understood or admitted to before. All these other things that have been going on in my home involve something coming to light, that was not in the light before. Each of them would be worse if it continued in the darkness. So, if and when I can remove myself from the varous hurts and fears, etc involved, I can always find at least some gratitude that it came to light rather than continue to fester.

I recognize all sorts of spiritual and religious perspectives, and it seems like quite a few of them would point to the evil of the nicotine, and the other problems that were under the surface in my life, as being of a kindred sort. That is why I am committed to becoming a warrior against the nic bitch. 

My life is in a transition in many levels right now, and I will have some more tough times to get through as it all sorts out, and i can't know much about how a lot of it will work out in the end. I pray so much for my partner's health to get better, and ask for your prayers for the same, however you pray. I hope for the best for both of us to result from the tension in our relationship from her own shopping addiction that led to the credit mess and deceit. All these events in her life seem to have given her a new and better perspective than I have seen in a long time from her, and i'm grateful for that. I will sort though and survive the credit issues, although I'm not certain of how long etc that will take- i'm just confident that it'll work out with some effort. The one thing I do know is that I don't want any damned poison weed in my mouth.

I would have had to break the "quit" so many times before through all this. Now I'm not tempted. I get headaches, funks, huge stress, anxiety, and all other sorts of feelings were triggers before. Some of them still are, and I have to smack the bitch down as she whispers in my ear or does other stuff that'd make some of you more ghey guys jealous, but she ain't getting anywhere with me, I"m just not interested in any way. Like I said, complacency is my danger now, and my plan for that is to follow the method that works here.  I am so thankful for the fact that despite all this am am still quit and clearly planning to stay that way.

Final bonus- bulding my accountabilty network has also given me some great bros who I can reach out to when the times get tough besides addiction, and that is something that I always wanted more of. In an earlier post, I mentioned how I think the poison even isolated me in that way over the years too. Thanks KTC!

Damn. No battle tougher than life. Congrats on staying on the course of change. Now you are experiencing life on lifes terms.

Nicotine never saves, heals or cures. It enslaves, hurts and kills.

Very sorry about you personal situation and inspired by your grit.

Never, Never, Never, ever Surrender.

I read in the KJV Old Testament. Exodus:16. It gave me perspective that when we gain our freedom, we sometimes think slavery was better because the wilderness sucks.

Make it through the wilderness trials...You will get manna but you need time to rewire and reprogram.

Life Gets Better When you face it nic Free

Got your back brother. Hang tough and keep enjoying life despite tough circumstances.

Just wanted to chime in too. Your strength is inspiring to us all Brett. Stay committed and believe that things will get better. You have the right frame of mind and a lot of support. I'm sending good vibes over the sierras and the rockies. They should be there soon..... :D

Learning to successfully win this fight one day at a time can and will improve other parts of your life. You've got a great recap of some great wins. Thanks for sharing and being a great member if this community.

good share Brett. I think many of us found new strength to more closely examine our lives and clean it up once we got our quits established. Part of it is I can't tolerate addict behaviors and weaknesses in myself and don't want lame/weak excuses in an part of my life. Life gets messy and complicated, sorry you are in one of those patches. It will swing around again.

[ParadigmDawg]

Look who's done got all grown up....

I am using perfect grammar since you write so well.... :D

I like comparing your quit to my timeline and I get really excited when I see the days coming up for you.


"Day 86-99: Zero craves, zero dip dreams and temper under control. The strong craves when I drink are also gone. I am disgusted when I see someone dip. Proudly watching my group hit HOF one at a time; which is just how we quit, one day at a time. My guard is still held high as I know the fight is far from over".

You beat this thing from day one and you, much like myself, understand that the danger is complacency. This means that you will keep your guard up and you will win this war.

Your stories inspire me and help me be successful in my quit.

When you write your first book, I want the first signed copy....

[worktowin]

Day 78

I've been going through some sh*t for a while, as some here know. Some of it's led to some realizations about my quit, that I want to record here. As for the stuff i've been wading through, it's tough to put it here but I will because i think isolation is part of the disease of addiction, and i want to battle that. Plus, maybe this will help someone else get through their own tough spots. It sure helped me to find out you all were here and getting through I thought for years I dealt with alone. So there's real value in terms of openness and it's part of how i'm trying to approach this thing. This will be a longer post, so I"m going to just post my realizations here early, to save anyone reading from going further to get to the point...

1. At this point in my quit, I"m totally unafraid of craves, etc. I"ve been tested. But i am not being cocky. Like a quit mentor here suggested to me, I"ve practiced using the tools here to help me. But the danger of the addiction has not gone away, and it never will. Around this time in a quit, it seems that the real ongoing danger comes to the fore-- that danger is complacency. I see it. I can see now why daily role posting is critical. I've seen failures on the site here, i know my own failed quits in the past, i read about other failed quits from the site.  I konw more caves will come to our little brotherhood, and I know it's a game of russian roullette for me if I were ever to decide to fall off this program here and stop posting. I am determined to remain here. I'm inspired by some of the quitters here, and uplifted by many of you.

2. I am increasingly developing a belief that once you start to clean up a major messy area of your life, like dipping and addiciton for so many of us, other things can potentially start to clean up too- in some sort of connection. If you're a Christian, maybe "the Lord starts working in mysterious ways" or if you are buddhist maybe Kharma goes about making other changes in your life when you start to clean it up. Change is not always, and arguably never, comfortable when we go through it. Otherwise we would have chosen the change long ago. But it sure does seem that when it rains it pours, many times, and i can't help but think there must be a connection.

3. I am absolutely committed to fighting what this drug does to us humans. It's ridiculous that it is allowed to be sold so easily, and perpetuated ignorance, that is only meant to benefit big tobacco, is allowed to continue in our society. This stuff is as bad of a drug, this addiction is as bad, as can be imagined! It is so harmful, and so addictive, and effects us all in so many ways. I will fight it. The fight is in the streets-- it's one by one, helping those who are strong enough to do it with support. It is also in education- and I'm constantly talking to people about just how terribly addictive this stuff is. I intend to continue to learn, from some fine examples here, how I can become my own advocate for quit, especially once I have a little time more under my own quit belt. The intention and commitment is already there though.

Ok, those are the insights. Here's where I've been lately. In November I posted about some frustrations I was having at home- my live-in partner, common law wife, had been doing some financial misdeeds that were a betrayal to me and busted my credit up pretty bad, not to mention racked up some debt. Alll sorts of trigger times, but not anything I couldn't handle with some visits back here, texts with quit bros, etc. Emotionally, however, I was feeling betrayed and trying to sort through whether I could learn to trust her again, etc. and dealing with the pending end of the relationship.

That sort of uncomfortable silence and delicate balance remained, as she and the kids needed to stay in the house as well as me. The took a couple of trips around the holiday times, fincanced by her family members pitching in. We weren't talking much though, outside of what was needed to function.

In her text to me about when she was coming home from the Christmas/New Years visit to her childhood home they made, she also told me she wanted talk about some heavy stuff with me. Being pretty excitable, of course that was a little nerve wracking for me, and gave me craves/triggers, but they weren't a problem, I am used to handling them now and i'm committed above all else to being quit.

When we had the talk, the next bomb came. She has been diagnosed with cervical cancer. WTF?!?!?  it sucks. I was shook up for a few days, as this was about all I could handle emotionally. I sought out a therapist to help me with anger at the surface before, then this Monday went into his office and bawled my eyes out with all the emotion and jumbled up mess of conflicting feelings about her, myself, everything. Let me put a plug in here for therapy, it can really help and i'm not ever ashamed to say I used it in my life when needed. Just like having a physical injury sometimes we need a doc and/or PT, same is true for emotions- we can get injured and need help getting back on track.

Well this story above created what has to be the most intense, confusing, and hard, sucky period of my life so far, including a pretty messed up childhood at times.  This is relevant to my quit because it was so intense. This woulld have broken me before. I would be chewing a can or two per day through this, when I was a 2-3 cans per week chewer normally. And I do get some hard craves, the "habitual" sort of ones i described in an earlier post to myself. But make no mistake, I am not tempted at all to chew or get any other access to nicotine. When the craves hit, they just remind me how much I hate nicotine. Then I'm sort of thankful for them for doing that. No temptation whatsoever from a crave, and this could go on forever as far as I can see. The issue that remains though, is really clear- at this point, complacency is the danger. As i read stories of caves on the site here, that seems to be the common thread too. I am now wary as heck against complacency, and committed to not let it happen in me.

These things in my domestic relationship are really hard to sort out. I do see a common thread of cleaning up, bringing to light things that were already there, but hidden. This sort of seems like a ripple effect of my decision to quit my ninja dipping and come to terms with an addiction that was never understood or admitted to before. All these other things that have been going on in my home involve something coming to light, that was not in the light before. Each of them would be worse if it continued in the darkness. So, if and when I can remove myself from the varous hurts and fears, etc involved, I can always find at least some gratitude that it came to light rather than continue to fester.

I recognize all sorts of spiritual and religious perspectives, and it seems like quite a few of them would point to the evil of the nicotine, and the other problems that were under the surface in my life, as being of a kindred sort. That is why I am committed to becoming a warrior against the nic bitch. 

My life is in a transition in many levels right now, and I will have some more tough times to get through as it all sorts out, and i can't know much about how a lot of it will work out in the end. I pray so much for my partner's health to get better, and ask for your prayers for the same, however you pray. I hope for the best for both of us to result from the tension in our relationship from her own shopping addiction that led to the credit mess and deceit. All these events in her life seem to have given her a new and better perspective than I have seen in a long time from her, and i'm grateful for that. I will sort though and survive the credit issues, although I'm not certain of how long etc that will take- i'm just confident that it'll work out with some effort. The one thing I do know is that I don't want any damned poison weed in my mouth.

I would have had to break the "quit" so many times before through all this. Now I'm not tempted. I get headaches, funks, huge stress, anxiety, and all other sorts of feelings were triggers before. Some of them still are, and I have to smack the bitch down as she whispers in my ear or does other stuff that'd make some of you more ghey guys jealous, but she ain't getting anywhere with me, I"m just not interested in any way. Like I said, complacency is my danger now, and my plan for that is to follow the method that works here.  I am so thankful for the fact that despite all this am am still quit and clearly planning to stay that way.

Final bonus- bulding my accountabilty network has also given me some great bros who I can reach out to when the times get tough besides addiction, and that is something that I always wanted more of. In an earlier post, I mentioned how I think the poison even isolated me in that way over the years too. Thanks KTC!

Damn. No battle tougher than life. Congrats on staying on the course of change. Now you are experiencing life on lifes terms.

Nicotine never saves, heals or cures. It enslaves, hurts and kills.

Very sorry about you personal situation and inspired by your grit.

Never, Never, Never, ever Surrender.

I read in the KJV Old Testament. Exodus:16. It gave me perspective that when we gain our freedom, we sometimes think slavery was better because the wilderness sucks.

Make it through the wilderness trials...You will get manna but you need time to rewire and reprogram.

Life Gets Better When you face it nic Free

Got your back brother. Hang tough and keep enjoying life despite tough circumstances.

Just wanted to chime in too. Your strength is inspiring to us all Brett. Stay committed and believe that things will get better. You have the right frame of mind and a lot of support. I'm sending good vibes over the sierras and the rockies. They should be there soon..... :D

Learning to successfully win this fight one day at a time can and will improve other parts of your life. You've got a great recap of some great wins. Thanks for sharing and being a great member if this community.