Day 16 of my 2nd quit.

[BubbaM]

Day 65

Mental mind game. Mental relief came. What a sideshow I have become. But this sideshow is quit today. And will wake up early next morning and post a promise. A promise to be quit one more day. One day at a time.

[BubbaM]

Day 65

Afternoon-I am not going to lie, I am straight back into another bad mood. I donÂ’t understand what the problem is. Lately I keep asking myself if I can keep doing this? Can I keep this mental game going? Would I feel better if I started to chew? Is this pain worth it? Literally, thatÂ’s whatÂ’s going through my head. If I would have known how hard this was going to be, I donÂ’t know if I would have quit. Or I donÂ’t know if I would have ever started when I was younger. These ideas or thoughts will probly make vets on here upset. But I am just being honest. This sucks. Hopefully god will give me some mental relief tonight. Hopefully god will make my head heal faster so I donÂ’t have to endure any of this mental pain anymore.

[BubbaM]

Alright, from about 12:45pm till 2:15pm I was having a panic attack, anxiety attack. Whatever you want to call it. When this is happening I am functioning out of the butt of my brain or the brain stem. This is the brains fight or flight area or mode. In order to get out of this mode or area of the brain you need to access your relationships. That is by either talking to someone face to face, relating to someone on the phone, looking at pictures on your phone of family. If you do this then you will stop functioning out of the butt of the brain and you will move your thought process up to the top of the brain. Your relationship area. These are just a few ways in order to get yourself out of the butt of your brain. I am not very good at this yet. As of why I cannot think at that point to call or look at pictures on my phone. At about 2:15pm Mambo from my June group recognized that I was struggling and gave me a call. He explain to me that he has been having some of the same issues and I need to be patient. Notice that we related on a topic and then I calmed down. It works. Do not be afraid to reach out and help somebody out. It will make us all stronger!

[Steakbomb18]

June Jackhammmers of Quit and Vets
I just wanted to post this. I have been going to therapy because “yes” I am messed up from this quit. My brain goes in multiple directions depending on the day. I find that KTC can at times really help me when I am struggling. I also find that KTC can hurt me. It sometimes will make me depressed or keep me thinking about dip and chew all day. Because I am on the forum 24/7.
First off, should I be on the forum all the time? I donÂ’t knowÂ…Someone can answer the questions for meÂ…I guess being on the forum all the time is better than being on chew all the time.
Alright, lets talk about when KTC really helps meÂ…(I are going to discuss the difference between Supporting and Policing.)
This is what I needÂ…
I need people to support meÂ…even when I am being irrational and saying that I want to go back to chewing. People should then give me the reasons why I should not chew. On the other hand, people should reach out and try to talk to me about it. Ask me why I am struggling? Why do you feel this way? When I ask a question, I need some answers. I need positive supportive answers. When we are positive with each other, reach out, and build relationships. If this happens then healing will happen. This is because we will feel like we are not alone in this. We all have enough time in our day to take 5-10 minutes to text or call a brother in quit. We all have time to be supportive and build some relationships. That is how I am going to heal, that is what KTC is about. Building relationships and healing.
Now its time for the Policing partÂ…
When KTC is negative and when people start Policing other people this creates “hiding” or “secrets” or “planned caves”. Listen, if a person is going to go back to tobacco, then they are going to go back to tobacco. Is it the best choice? “NO” but there is also nothing that we can do about it. Yes, you can get upset, start cussing, and call them stupid. However, what would really help is if we reached out. Gave them the pros and cons in a non-threating manner. Then let it be that person’s choice. Policing makes people not want to follow rules and makes people want to stand off and not participate.
I have been helping our month trying to get people to post roll earlier. Yes, this is a form of policing. When I do this, I am going to try to do it in a non-threating manner. I am just trying to get people to participate in the forum to their full potential. So even, I need to work on the policing part of this.

I would like our month, to focus on supporting each other and not policing each other. If we support each there then we are going to have a higher success rate for this quit. Then people will stick with KTC for longer periods of time.
With that being said, take some time every day. Send a text or call a brother. Let’s start building some relationships. Let’s support each other to stay “QUIT”!

Disagree with a number of things you said here on the "policing" front. Sure, resorting to name calling and other juvenile tactics is petty and, at most, a bit irritating. But at the end of the day, posting roll is the number 1 most important thing you do for your quit. Notice I said,..."important thing YOU do for YOUR quit." Furthermore, when you start getting other people on board your quit train, you start building accountability and over time you develop brotherhood. Part of being accountable is letting your quit brothers know you are quit. Why? because they depend on you being quit as much as you depend on them being quit. Its all about fostering that network; which is there to keep you quit. And at the end of the day, it's all about you being quit, and you wanting it.

So, I suggest you find that network of people who 1) give you some semblance of the support you crave and 2) hold your hand to the fire to uphold your quit (and theirs) at all costs.

[BubbaM]

June Jackhammmers of Quit and Vets
I just wanted to post this. I have been going to therapy because “yes” I am messed up from this quit. My brain goes in multiple directions depending on the day. I find that KTC can at times really help me when I am struggling. I also find that KTC can hurt me. It sometimes will make me depressed or keep me thinking about dip and chew all day. Because I am on the forum 24/7.
First off, should I be on the forum all the time? I donÂ’t knowÂ…Someone can answer the questions for meÂ…I guess being on the forum all the time is better than being on chew all the time.
Alright, lets talk about when KTC really helps meÂ…(I are going to discuss the difference between Supporting and Policing.)
This is what I needÂ…
I need people to support meÂ…even when I am being irrational and saying that I want to go back to chewing. People should then give me the reasons why I should not chew. On the other hand, people should reach out and try to talk to me about it. Ask me why I am struggling? Why do you feel this way? When I ask a question, I need some answers. I need positive supportive answers. When we are positive with each other, reach out, and build relationships. If this happens then healing will happen. This is because we will feel like we are not alone in this. We all have enough time in our day to take 5-10 minutes to text or call a brother in quit. We all have time to be supportive and build some relationships. That is how I am going to heal, that is what KTC is about. Building relationships and healing.
Now its time for the Policing partÂ…
When KTC is negative and when people start Policing other people this creates “hiding” or “secrets” or “planned caves”. Listen, if a person is going to go back to tobacco, then they are going to go back to tobacco. Is it the best choice? “NO” but there is also nothing that we can do about it. Yes, you can get upset, start cussing, and call them stupid. However, what would really help is if we reached out. Gave them the pros and cons in a non-threating manner. Then let it be that person’s choice. Policing makes people not want to follow rules and makes people want to stand off and not participate.
I have been helping our month trying to get people to post roll earlier. Yes, this is a form of policing. When I do this, I am going to try to do it in a non-threating manner. I am just trying to get people to participate in the forum to their full potential. So even, I need to work on the policing part of this.

I would like our month, to focus on supporting each other and not policing each other. If we support each there then we are going to have a higher success rate for this quit. Then people will stick with KTC for longer periods of time.
With that being said, take some time every day. Send a text or call a brother. Let’s start building some relationships. Let’s support each other to stay “QUIT”!

[Steakbomb18]

Just read this well documented chronicle of quit for the first time. It was awesome. I mean, this is one of the best personal journals out there and you can see your evolution from lost quitter to man on a mission. Keep doing this man, people are reading and you're reeling them onto your quit train in the process.

Oh, and I totally get your anxiety about the summer. I mean, is it even possible to mow the lawn with out a dip in? OF COURSE IT IS! That is the stupidest thing in the world to believe that you can't mow the lawn without a dip. And that's why we're addicts, because we think and now "thought" that way. You're a quitter now and when you do that yard work sans the dip, it is a glorious feeling brother. Glorious freedom at its finest.

[BubbaM]

Day 64

I am excited and anxious about this summer. I suppose itÂ’s because I feel like I will have a lot of down time. I will likely be able to keep myself busy fixing sprinklers and playing with my girls. I could even join a yoga class or hang with my neighbor!

[BubbaM]

Day 64

Just some thought I am having over my lunch break. I do find it refreshing to journal what I am feeling or just getting stuff off of my chest. Anyways, is my brain really healing this much slower compared to other people? Is it my mindset that I have? Every time I start thinking about dip I say "hell no" or my mind starts wandering to different places of why I should go back. Every time after a little while I say "hell no". So is my mind really healing slower? This might just be me but some dudes on here don't say anything. Why are they not reaching out for help? Are they stronger then me? Do they know how to control their mind better? Or is it because people feel uncomfortable talking about their problems? I cannot be the only one that still struggles day in and day out. Don't get me wrong. I have had some good days. I have had some bad days. The feeling the last couple of days has not been totally bad. I would just say its a sulking feeling. But kind of a sick feeling. Sick and tired or thinking about dip all day. Kinda like a beat down feeling. But that doesnt mean I am giving in. Because I am not. I am fighting One Day at a Time.

Well time to eat!

[BubbaM]

Day 63

Kind of a strange day. I woke up and went to school in a pretty good mood. I was on KTC prolly a little to much today and that got my mind racing pretty good. The Nic was in my head today. She was calling. Saying I needed to go back. Well, I am a fighter. I donÂ’t know where I got it because I have never been in a fight. It just must be a trait I got from my parents about never giving up or being a man of your word. I got home from school and had a panic attack. Or a little cry. I donÂ’t know what you call it. But to be honest. My brain is messed up right now sometimes. I need to try and live in the moment. I think or worry to much. ThatÂ’s not good for anything. Anyways, IÂ’m going to keep fighting. Eventually I will come out to the other side of the tunnel.

[BubbaM]

Day 62

To be honest I kinda sulked in my quit today. I need to be happy and proud I have worked this hard! I donÂ’t know why I start to sulk thinking about chew. But I do. It will go away with time. Honestly it wasnÂ’t even that bad of a day. It was pretty darn good really!

[Athan]

I am starting to feel better. Starting to have better days. I understand I always need to keep my guard up. I understand that this is a problem I will have and need to always keep in my mind.

This is whatÂ’s on my mind...
When does this become a smaller problem? This is the only thing that I have thought about the last 62 days? When does this become smaller compared to the real problems that I have? Like having a newborn? Or paying bills? Or needed to get work done at school?

Sorry just venting this morning....IÂ’m not even having a bad morning...just needed to get that off my chest.

Tomorrow.

[BubbaM]

I am starting to feel better. Starting to have better days. I understand I always need to keep my guard up. I understand that this is a problem I will have and need to always keep in my mind.

This is whatÂ’s on my mind...
When does this become a smaller problem? This is the only thing that I have thought about the last 62 days? When does this become smaller compared to the real problems that I have? Like having a newborn? Or paying bills? Or needed to get work done at school?

Sorry just venting this morning....IÂ’m not even having a bad morning...just needed to get that off my chest.

[Rawls]

Day 59

I have been sleeping better. When I wake up in the mornings I usually have a freaky feeling. I think itÂ’s because thatÂ’s when I take my anxiety meds. I feel bad that I take them because I am getting a little help with the anxiety that I get. But I have been going to therapy and my therapist says that I shouldnÂ’t worry about taking meds because I have been chemically messing up my brain with nicotine for the last 18 years and I just need some help for a few months to level out the chemicals in my brain. Once I think about that I am usually pretty good to go for the day.

Anyways, today was super amazing. Started off with a walk. Then showered and took my 8 year old and my 3 year old to the Home Depot kids workshop. ItÂ’s on the first Saturday of every month and they make a little project that they can hammer and paint. ItÂ’s pretty cool. They made a little wind mill with a flower pot in it. They also gave them beans to plant in it. After that we took my 8 year old to soccer practice and I took my 3 year old to the park. She ran all over that place. It was awesome! For lunch we stopped at a local hot dog place that has been open for 40 years but is closing. I had some anxiety there but we were good. My wife and baby met us there for lunch. When we got home I was kinda stressed from my girls and the van door. I always think they are going to get stuck or caught and they donÂ’t. But I kinda lost it. My wife got pissed. I just sat down for a minute to catch my breath. Then we were good. An hour went by, I took my 8 year old to baseball practice and then I had practice after that with my older kids team. We had tacos for supper and now I am relaxing on the Couch. Life is getting to be amazing! I have earned this feeling. It has been a long road. And I am still going to fight head on!

Well done sir....
ODAAT
I quit with you today.
Rawls 1266

[BubbaM]

Day 59

I have been sleeping better. When I wake up in the mornings I usually have a freaky feeling. I think itÂ’s because thatÂ’s when I take my anxiety meds. I feel bad that I take them because I am getting a little help with the anxiety that I get. But I have been going to therapy and my therapist says that I shouldnÂ’t worry about taking meds because I have been chemically messing up my brain with nicotine for the last 18 years and I just need some help for a few months to level out the chemicals in my brain. Once I think about that I am usually pretty good to go for the day.

Anyways, today was super amazing. Started off with a walk. Then showered and took my 8 year old and my 3 year old to the Home Depot kids workshop. ItÂ’s on the first Saturday of every month and they make a little project that they can hammer and paint. ItÂ’s pretty cool. They made a little wind mill with a flower pot in it. They also gave them beans to plant in it. After that we took my 8 year old to soccer practice and I took my 3 year old to the park. She ran all over that place. It was awesome! For lunch we stopped at a local hot dog place that has been open for 40 years but is closing. I had some anxiety there but we were good. My wife and baby met us there for lunch. When we got home I was kinda stressed from my girls and the van door. I always think they are going to get stuck or caught and they donÂ’t. But I kinda lost it. My wife got pissed. I just sat down for a minute to catch my breath. Then we were good. An hour went by, I took my 8 year old to baseball practice and then I had practice after that with my older kids team. We had tacos for supper and now I am relaxing on the Couch. Life is getting to be amazing! I have earned this feeling. It has been a long road. And I am still going to fight head on!

[Athan]

You are so rocking it. Very pleased you've been blogging it out (I stop to read your progress every day). Makes my heart soar to see a young father walk away from the nicotine.
You're doing wonders for yourself and your family. You're also light years ahead of me. Wish I had the wisdom to quit when I was a young man such as yourself.
Mad respect brother! Quit on!