I am so scared

[ChickDip]

Figured I'd come back to this post and let you all know I did it! DONE. Been quit for a week now and I'll never, ever start again. I'm doner than I've ever been. The first 4 days were hell on earth but I never wavered like last time. It's different this time, like someone said on this post "You can't just be sick of it, you have to hate it" I hate it. DONE. Forever.

So what's next? Are you going to join July 16? Are you going to own up to caving and answer the three questions? In case you forgot, here they are:

1). What happened?
2). Why did it happen?
3). What are you going to do differently?

Be honest with yourself. Dig deep or get called out.

Accountability + Brother/Sisterhood = Success.

Sounds like you're serious, now prove it and post roll daily, that's what this site is for, its the way it works, you know that.

Do what Raider says.

1 week is great, but you're not done forever, you are quit each day, every day, one day at a time.

[Raider]

Figured I'd come back to this post and let you all know I did it! DONE. Been quit for a week now and I'll never, ever start again. I'm doner than I've ever been. The first 4 days were hell on earth but I never wavered like last time. It's different this time, like someone said on this post "You can't just be sick of it, you have to hate it" I hate it. DONE. Forever.

So what's next? Are you going to join July 16? Are you going to own up to caving and answer the three questions? In case you forgot, here they are:

1). What happened?
2). Why did it happen?
3). What are you going to do differently?

Be honest with yourself. Dig deep or get called out.

Accountability + Brother/Sisterhood = Success.

[agirlsickofgrizz]

Figured I'd come back to this post and let you all know I did it! DONE. Been quit for a week now and I'll never, ever start again. I'm doner than I've ever been. The first 4 days were hell on earth but I never wavered like last time. It's different this time, like someone said on this post "You can't just be sick of it, you have to hate it" I hate it. DONE. Forever.

[ChickDip]

I find this. It's very common to feel the way you felt, you are not different from other people who quit or try to quit. The typical person/addict will go to these for protection of their poison.

single/?p=825509t=1005775

Read that, you'll find it interesting.

Each time you go back to the leaf, its pulls you in closer, been there done that, until i came to the ktc and fought for my freedom, health and life along side
quitters that wanted it as much as I did.

[Doc2quit4good]

I guess she wasn't sick enough of it to care.... Noone will ever be able to quit this shit until they learn to hate it. Can't just be sick of it. I can't count the times when I was killing myself with dip... that I said to myself I was sick of this shit...as I was packing another disgusting dip in... People you can walk away from this crap!!! It takes a lot of hate of your addiction and of big tobacco though... Again I say. The only thing that nicotine is good for is keeping you addicted to it and filling the pockets of assholes at big tobacco companies... Never go back!!! Save your life!!!

[leeron]

TO AGSOG: PLEASE READ THIS

Can you take the time to read 2 paragraphs.

Excerpt from Tom and Jenny Kern Story:

"...On June 3 he spiked a fever, and I took him to the hospital. They ambulanced him to Minneapolis. They found lesions in most of his internal organs. After 5 days of testing, they found that it was all squamous cell carcinoma. We brought our children to the hospital on June 10 to tell them that their dad was going to die. That has been one of the most painful times of my life. To see my children (ages 16, 12, 9, 7) touch their once robust, jolly father who lay lifeless in his hospital bed and know he was dying just killed me. Two days later, we were all around him as he took his last breath. Our oldest child threw herself on his legs and cried, “Don’t go, Dad!"

Stage 1 cancer, 1.3 centimeters in size – and he was dead in less than seven months from the day he was diagnosed. He never thought it would happen to him. Someone once asked me what the chances of getting cancer from chewing tobacco was, and I replied that it didn’t matter what the chances are if you are the one who gets it. You never know if it will be you...."

[pete333]

I'm not sure you'll ever even read this, but if you do, let me tell you something from the perspective of someone whose parents use tobacco. If it sounds sappy or overly dramatic, I don't care. If it sounds too long winded, I don't care. I love my parents to death, and while I'd never blame them for my nicotine addiction, the fact they both smoke sure as hell didn't send me a good message.

I have a mother who has been through two quadruple bypasses, a stroke, and wears an oxygen mask. The entirety of my life I've heard her say "I'll quit when..." Well, guess what she still starts every morning of her life with after all her health problems? A cigarette. Gotta have that nicotine. But she only smokes once a day, you see. She uses those disgusting nicotine lozenges because she thinks "they're safer." Well, we just got word a few days ago that her neurologist discovered lesions on her brain from high blood pressure, caused by...guess what? Nicotine. In other words, she has irreparable brain damage from using nicotine lozenges, i.e. smokeless tobacco, and it's becoming more apparent by the day.

I have a father who lost both of his parents to lung cancer caused by tobacco within 6 months of each other. Do you know what he starts his morning with? A nice smoke. It defies any and all logic, but just gotta have that nicotine. And you know what he tells me when I beg him to quit? "Ah, come on, Cody. People have got to die of something." He isn't a bad man, he's just an addict. He's having a cat scan done in a few days, and I find myself literally shaking and breaking into a sweat thinking about it. I pray to God he isn't sick.

And do you know why neither one of them will quit? Because for reasons I'll never understand, they just can't bear a week or two of discomfort for a lifetime of peace of mind. And to see them continue to do this to themselves hurts me in ways I can't explain.

I'm not doing this for the sake of being dramatic. I'm not fishing for people to thumbs-up my post. I'm telling you this because I care, and the reality is this is not an uncommon story. And it's so easy to adapt it to two dipping parents. It might be your kid who is one day pacing around his or her apartment praying mom's dentist doesn't find a spot on her tongue. It might be your kid whose dad essentially says "I know this will kill me and I'm choosing it as my way to die - even though I know you worry."

Ash said you and her have similar stories. She fell off the wagon early on, but the thing is, she hopped right back on. I hope you do, too. You and your family deserve better than weekend tobacco binges. If you feel you need medication, I will understand that you know yourself better than me. But please do not put this off. Quit the day you get whatever pills you think you need. One way or another it's going to suck for a while. Nicotine withdrawal won't kill you, but continuing to use it will.

Damn....just.....Damn! Come to your senses! Don't let your kids see you die a horrific death, because you are selfish! Listen to what my man invader said , he's a grown ass man having to watch his parents kill themselves. You have little one's , please don't put there little souls through the torture of watching there parents die a slow death. Besides that it's f$$king disgusting!

I buried my dad several weeks after my first daughter was born. In fact he was in the ICU down the hall from the maternity wing. His addictions killed him. He was a severe closet alcoholic and chain smoker. I was 23. The first time he was hospitalized was after he finally went unconcious from 5 days of throwing up blood, with myself and my younger brother cleaning up after him. We were 12 and 14. I still occasionally have nightmares that are rooted in my middle school and high school years. ( this is probably the most sharing I have ever done on this topic)

I may be quittng for me and my own health, but I Damn sure will not put my kids through hell because of my selfish behavior. Unfortunately my brother is on a different path, and doesn't appreciate when I draw comparisons. Fortunately we can talk about it, even if he won't change his behavior. Thankfully he doesn't have kids, but someday my girls may have to help deal with their uncle.

I am very disappointed to see the decision you and your husband have made. I hope someday you find your way back here. We will be waiting to help. Are you ready to let us?

[pab1964]

I'm not sure you'll ever even read this, but if you do, let me tell you something from the perspective of someone whose parents use tobacco. If it sounds sappy or overly dramatic, I don't care. If it sounds too long winded, I don't care. I love my parents to death, and while I'd never blame them for my nicotine addiction, the fact they both smoke sure as hell didn't send me a good message.

I have a mother who has been through two quadruple bypasses, a stroke, and wears an oxygen mask. The entirety of my life I've heard her say "I'll quit when..." Well, guess what she still starts every morning of her life with after all her health problems? A cigarette. Gotta have that nicotine. But she only smokes once a day, you see. She uses those disgusting nicotine lozenges because she thinks "they're safer." Well, we just got word a few days ago that her neurologist discovered lesions on her brain from high blood pressure, caused by...guess what? Nicotine. In other words, she has irreparable brain damage from using nicotine lozenges, i.e. smokeless tobacco, and it's becoming more apparent by the day.

I have a father who lost both of his parents to lung cancer caused by tobacco within 6 months of each other. Do you know what he starts his morning with? A nice smoke. It defies any and all logic, but just gotta have that nicotine. And you know what he tells me when I beg him to quit? "Ah, come on, Cody. People have got to die of something." He isn't a bad man, he's just an addict. He's having a cat scan done in a few days, and I find myself literally shaking and breaking into a sweat thinking about it. I pray to God he isn't sick.

And do you know why neither one of them will quit? Because for reasons I'll never understand, they just can't bear a week or two of discomfort for a lifetime of peace of mind. And to see them continue to do this to themselves hurts me in ways I can't explain.

I'm not doing this for the sake of being dramatic. I'm not fishing for people to thumbs-up my post. I'm telling you this because I care, and the reality is this is not an uncommon story. And it's so easy to adapt it to two dipping parents. It might be your kid who is one day pacing around his or her apartment praying mom's dentist doesn't find a spot on her tongue. It might be your kid whose dad essentially says "I know this will kill me and I'm choosing it as my way to die - even though I know you worry."

Ash said you and her have similar stories. She fell off the wagon early on, but the thing is, she hopped right back on. I hope you do, too. You and your family deserve better than weekend tobacco binges. If you feel you need medication, I will understand that you know yourself better than me. But please do not put this off. Quit the day you get whatever pills you think you need. One way or another it's going to suck for a while. Nicotine withdrawal won't kill you, but continuing to use it will.

Damn....just.....Damn! Come to your senses! Don't let your kids see you die a horrific death, because you are selfish! Listen to what my man invader said , he's a grown ass man having to watch his parents kill themselves. You have little one's , please don't put there little souls through the torture of watching there parents die a slow death. Besides that it's f$$king disgusting!

[invader]

I'm not sure you'll ever even read this, but if you do, let me tell you something from the perspective of someone whose parents use tobacco. If it sounds sappy or overly dramatic, I don't care. If it sounds too long winded, I don't care. I love my parents to death, and while I'd never blame them for my nicotine addiction, the fact they both smoke sure as hell didn't send me a good message.

I have a mother who has been through two quadruple bypasses, a stroke, and wears an oxygen mask. The entirety of my life I've heard her say "I'll quit when..." Well, guess what she still starts every morning of her life with after all her health problems? A cigarette. Gotta have that nicotine. But she only smokes once a day, you see. She uses those disgusting nicotine lozenges because she thinks "they're safer." Well, we just got word a few days ago that her neurologist discovered lesions on her brain from high blood pressure, caused by...guess what? Nicotine. In other words, she has irreparable brain damage from using nicotine lozenges, i.e. smokeless tobacco, and it's becoming more apparent by the day.

I have a father who lost both of his parents to lung cancer caused by tobacco within 6 months of each other. Do you know what he starts his morning with? A nice smoke. It defies any and all logic, but just gotta have that nicotine. And you know what he tells me when I beg him to quit? "Ah, come on, Cody. People have got to die of something." He isn't a bad man, he's just an addict. He's having a cat scan done in a few days, and I find myself literally shaking and breaking into a sweat thinking about it. I pray to God he isn't sick.

And do you know why neither one of them will quit? Because for reasons I'll never understand, they just can't bear a week or two of discomfort for a lifetime of peace of mind. And to see them continue to do this to themselves hurts me in ways I can't explain.

I'm not doing this for the sake of being dramatic. I'm not fishing for people to thumbs-up my post. I'm telling you this because I care, and the reality is this is not an uncommon story. And it's so easy to adapt it to two dipping parents. It might be your kid who is one day pacing around his or her apartment praying mom's dentist doesn't find a spot on her tongue. It might be your kid whose dad essentially says "I know this will kill me and I'm choosing it as my way to die - even though I know you worry."

Ash said you and her have similar stories. She fell off the wagon early on, but the thing is, she hopped right back on. I hope you do, too. You and your family deserve better than weekend tobacco binges. If you feel you need medication, I will understand that you know yourself better than me. But please do not put this off. Quit the day you get whatever pills you think you need. One way or another it's going to suck for a while. Nicotine withdrawal won't kill you, but continuing to use it will.

[ChickDip]

Well she didn't make it.

She and her hubbs must have made the decision to continue to kill themselves together. Don't think your kids dint notice you dipping. "When i get older, in going to use mommy and daddy's 'gum'".

When you come to yours senses and really WANT to quit. Find your way back.

[syndrome]

hay girl i saw roll call from last nite. you mite not see this barryed in there so im puttin it here to (and i cleened it up some to make reedin eezyer.)

girl i want you to reed the tom and jenny story from bottom to top.

you could have a nuther week of suckyness. may be more. may be less. you disside if you want your family writin that blog.

i dont no how many friend i made here. i no each and evry one wood talk me down from the ledge. i no that afore i get that far i will here one a my kids writin kenzis words or my wife writin jennys.

thats what signin chewys contract means to me.

[Rawls]

Wow.....wanta know what QUIT smells like??
Stick you nose right here into this intro.
You rock Girl 'dance'
You cant control other peoples quit.
You can control yours.
Let that old you die.
Great start on a new life.
You were not created to need poison.
You never needed nicotine.... It was a lie the first time it touched you.
Dont let it ever touch you again.

I quit with you today.
Rawls 354

[invader]

Oh, oh! Also...we're watching you...muahahaha!

For example, I watched you go to your quit group tonight and share with them that you had a close call today, but the accountability on this site saved your quit. AGSOG, not only did this make ME very happy to see, but you also have MANY people who were proud of you. I think pretty much everyone who saw what you posted gave it the ol' thumbs up. And, you now know that this site works. That's huge.

You may not realize it, but things like what you did tonight makes the quits of those reading it stronger. Even those who have been around here for a while.

Keep up the good work. It WILL get better. I promise. Keep using the resources available to you, and punch Hubs on the arm if he wants to give up! You guys already have come too far.

- Invader

[invader]

I've been back and forth with quitting for so long, not even actually attempting, just thinking about it. I did quit once years ago, then started again on pouches because I thought they were "healthier". I've now been starting long cut again because the pouches aren't cutting it anymore. I am so, so sick of this, but so, so addicted. After one hour I feel the intense need for nicotine. Haven't gone longer than that except when sleeping in a long time.
I am scared for a couple reasons, gaining weight that I worked so hard to lose, (only 10 pounds from goal) and scared about being irritable beyond control with my 3 children. And I'm scared of missing it. It's there for everything in my life.
What complicates things even more (but I guess helpful in this case) is that I have severe health anxiety/paranoia and every day I think about having cancer and check my mouth/teeth/gums obsessively.
When I get anywhere near past that one hour mark I feel like I turn into a monster! I can't imagine putting my family through my rage, and crazy irritability, anxiety, etc.

How do I control that? How do I control the weight gain?
Are there some tricks I should know about?
Dread. That's the word I have to describe quitting. But I am SICK of it. Blowing money I don't have on cans. $5.39 several times a week really does not fit into our meager budget and that's SO frickin selfish of me!
Having the inside of my mouth all wrinkly and sore and running my tongue over it panicking all day.
My teeth are turning YELLOW.
Hiding it from everyone outside of my house.
Cancer cancer cancer.
That's why I want to be done.

But gosh darn it I am petrified.

HOly moly girl. Everyone had different quit stories? Nope... YOu and I are right on point. Its like looking in a mirror. I'm sorry I haven't been here to guide you but I'm gonna send you a pm as soon as I get done writing this. I cried reading your story. Because, its my story. The kids, not wanting to be a mean nasty person to them. The husband, dipping still (Mine has since quit also...yay!). Worried about gaining weight... me too. Cancer... I know a lot of people that are scared of that. But I wanted to let you know that I'm on day 159 now. And I never thought I would make it past day 4. I had grizzly in my mouth every day all day unless I was eating for 10 years. If I can quit, you can quit. I worried about my anger, being a bad mom, being moody. But its temporary. Once you get out of that fog, you will see that it gets so much better. You will have days that you have a tough time and you crave a dip. And that's where we come in... we will be here. And we will understand what your going through. Also, my husband quit and acted like nothing happened. No rage, no cravings that he mentioned... tough guy. But we all know guys are trained to act that way and they are big babies inside. Hehe. YOu just gotta quit for you. And you have to want it so bad that there is no way you would ever go back! I'm here for ya girl. I get you... I really do! Check yo pm's. XOXO- BadAsh

I agree with that lady up there! You two really do have similar stories. And you both have really strong motivation to keep quit. Ash, ChickDip, and the other ladies on this site are all very admirable quitters. As a guy, I had no idea the amount of women who used smokeless tobacco, but I'm really glad you all are here! It helps to remind us that tobacco does not discriminate whose lives it tries to ruin. Fortunately, we are all here making the good choice to refrain from using it, one day at a time.

Also, it was great seeing you in chat! Hopefully we will see you again soon. It really is a great place. You can talk about any struggles you're having, or just go somewhere to goof around and take your mind off of it for a while. Anymore, I just go there because that's where my friends are.

Quit with you today,
Invader

[AshleyLynn]

I've been back and forth with quitting for so long, not even actually attempting, just thinking about it. I did quit once years ago, then started again on pouches because I thought they were "healthier". I've now been starting long cut again because the pouches aren't cutting it anymore. I am so, so sick of this, but so, so addicted. After one hour I feel the intense need for nicotine. Haven't gone longer than that except when sleeping in a long time.
I am scared for a couple reasons, gaining weight that I worked so hard to lose, (only 10 pounds from goal) and scared about being irritable beyond control with my 3 children. And I'm scared of missing it. It's there for everything in my life.
What complicates things even more (but I guess helpful in this case) is that I have severe health anxiety/paranoia and every day I think about having cancer and check my mouth/teeth/gums obsessively.
When I get anywhere near past that one hour mark I feel like I turn into a monster! I can't imagine putting my family through my rage, and crazy irritability, anxiety, etc.

How do I control that? How do I control the weight gain?
Are there some tricks I should know about?
Dread. That's the word I have to describe quitting. But I am SICK of it. Blowing money I don't have on cans. $5.39 several times a week really does not fit into our meager budget and that's SO frickin selfish of me!
Having the inside of my mouth all wrinkly and sore and running my tongue over it panicking all day.
My teeth are turning YELLOW.
Hiding it from everyone outside of my house.
Cancer cancer cancer.
That's why I want to be done.

But gosh darn it I am petrified.

HOly moly girl. Everyone had different quit stories? Nope... YOu and I are right on point. Its like looking in a mirror. I'm sorry I haven't been here to guide you but I'm gonna send you a pm as soon as I get done writing this. I cried reading your story. Because, its my story. The kids, not wanting to be a mean nasty person to them. The husband, dipping still (Mine has since quit also...yay!). Worried about gaining weight... me too. Cancer... I know a lot of people that are scared of that. But I wanted to let you know that I'm on day 159 now. And I never thought I would make it past day 4. I had grizzly in my mouth every day all day unless I was eating for 10 years. If I can quit, you can quit. I worried about my anger, being a bad mom, being moody. But its temporary. Once you get out of that fog, you will see that it gets so much better. You will have days that you have a tough time and you crave a dip. And that's where we come in... we will be here. And we will understand what your going through. Also, my husband quit and acted like nothing happened. No rage, no cravings that he mentioned... tough guy. But we all know guys are trained to act that way and they are big babies inside. Hehe. YOu just gotta quit for you. And you have to want it so bad that there is no way you would ever go back! I'm here for ya girl. I get you... I really do! Check yo pm's. XOXO- BadAsh