I am done with this habit

[Pinched]

Day 28...

At some point in the last two days or so, someone slipped me a giant dose of "just don;t give a fuck". I could not give a flying fuck about work. I am so over extended at work, I keep having to tell myself "dip will not get you back on track". I spend more time each day focusing on that, than doing actual work. I was driving to work this AM and it took every ounce of energy to not swing by any one of 4 or 5 C-stores and by an entire fucking log of this lip shit. I spend so much time and energy focusing on not dipping, I just keep getting behind at work. I have no support from our main office whatsoever.

We also got a dog this weekend, and he is the cutest thing in the world. Except for the fact that he was a puppy mill resuce, so he pretty much is scared to death of any human. My wife and I are fostering him for the rescue organization, and wanted SO much to help him. We still want to help the little guy, but he is so timid/scared. It's not the end of the world, but it is just one more stressor on my life.

Ok, enough of my self-pity rant... None of these problems compare to the problem I was facing every day, taking myself one step closer to major medical bills and permanent dis-figuration. Not one of those is any even remotely worth "excuse" to pack a lip of cancer dirt in my mouth. There are no excuses....

ODAAT... NAFAR...

Brink...

Brink,
As you know take the small yet proven steps, if all else fails...you have my number. Dial up the Pinched Hotline before to make the mistake and make any purchases or bum a pinch from anyone.

Life is a bitch, quitting sucks but if you were a pussy you wouldn't be here now. Look on the bright side, you are QUIT, you have a chance to help another life in the puppy, you have a forum full of assholes at your disposal and did AI mention that you are QUIT!

QFQQ,
Pinched

[Mike from AB]

Stay strong today Brink! I know the feeling of falling behind at work, being less productive,  just getting by the best you can. Just didn't think it'd be 4 weeks in still...

I just feel bad you get no support at all. Today I'm thankful that if things pile up that greatly I do have all the support I could ask for at my work. I also hope that without knowing your workplace, that you're your own worst critic too  that some of the falling behind is just perception rather than reality, I know that's true for me.

Enjoy your new dog! I wish I could make one fit into my life. ODAAT

[copingwithoutcopen]

Day 28...

At some point in the last two days or so, someone slipped me a giant dose of "just don;t give a fuck". I could not give a flying fuck about work. I am so over extended at work, I keep having to tell myself "dip will not get you back on track". I spend more time each day focusing on that, than doing actual work. I was driving to work this AM and it took every ounce of energy to not swing by any one of 4 or 5 C-stores and by an entire fucking log of this lip shit. I spend so much time and energy focusing on not dipping, I just keep getting behind at work. I have no support from our main office whatsoever.

We also got a dog this weekend, and he is the cutest thing in the world. Except for the fact that he was a puppy mill resuce, so he pretty much is scared to death of any human. My wife and I are fostering him for the rescue organization, and wanted SO much to help him. We still want to help the little guy, but he is so timid/scared. It's not the end of the world, but it is just one more stressor on my life.

Ok, enough of my self-pity rant... None of these problems compare to the problem I was facing every day, taking myself one step closer to major medical bills and permanent dis-figuration. Not one of those is any even remotely worth "excuse" to pack a lip of cancer dirt in my mouth. There are no excuses....

ODAAT... NAFAR...

Brink...

Hey brink, if you stop at the store just grab some seeds or jerky or trident or whatever else won't kill you. The oral part is easily manageable while the rest is just a mindfuck that will eventually become less and less of a thing. Rising above our addiction means we acknowledge it will always be a thing, make the daily promise and decide to do whatever it takes to not screw it up. Life happens whether we poison ourselves and rob our families of time and money or not. Today, we're free thanks to ktc.

[brinkhoffs52]

Day 28...

At some point in the last two days or so, someone slipped me a giant dose of "just don;t give a fuck". I could not give a flying fuck about work. I am so over extended at work, I keep having to tell myself "dip will not get you back on track". I spend more time each day focusing on that, than doing actual work. I was driving to work this AM and it took every ounce of energy to not swing by any one of 4 or 5 C-stores and by an entire fucking log of this lip shit. I spend so much time and energy focusing on not dipping, I just keep getting behind at work. I have no support from our main office whatsoever.

We also got a dog this weekend, and he is the cutest thing in the world. Except for the fact that he was a puppy mill resuce, so he pretty much is scared to death of any human. My wife and I are fostering him for the rescue organization, and wanted SO much to help him. We still want to help the little guy, but he is so timid/scared. It's not the end of the world, but it is just one more stressor on my life.

Ok, enough of my self-pity rant... None of these problems compare to the problem I was facing every day, taking myself one step closer to major medical bills and permanent dis-figuration. Not one of those is any even remotely worth "excuse" to pack a lip of cancer dirt in my mouth. There are no excuses....

ODAAT... NAFAR...

Brink...

[Derk40]

Day 22...
I still feel like I am walking a tight rope... One un-expected shake, one light gust, and it will all come tumbling down...  I guess we are always going to be on a tight rope walk.  Just have to get a little bit further each day.  Maybe it is my project at work driving me nuts.  Feels like it is spiraling, which was the impetus for my last failed quit.  Feels like I am on an island on my project.  Just frustrating as hell.  I am not going to let it get to me.  Sometimes I will just google images of "oral cancer" and that helps strengthen my resolve.  I want to keep my face, my jaw, my tongue...

Today is not an easy day....

Hang in there Brink, you have this.

Go work out and then drink 3 gallons of water. If that doesn't work, repeat the entire process until it does.

I worked out so hard and often during my first 3 weeks that I couldn't hardly think of anything, much less Cope...

Remember that you are in the mind games now. Your mind is being reprogrammed from the years of abuse. I can tell you this... The world is not crumbling around you. You will not fall over at the end of the day because of this. I can tell you this with certainty... NIC won't be able to finish your project for you, or help you in any way. That is all BS. Of course, you know this or you would not be quit!

Here is what you should be thinking... I have battled to stay quit for 22 days and I am nicotine free. I am QLF today! I am no longer a slave to a can of poison. I am owning this quit and owning the path I am walking right now. I can stay quit today. I will knock down any crave today because that is how I roll!

You got this! Stay focused on your quit! Battle to stay quit today!!! Quit with you!

[jrod]

Day 22...
I still feel like I am walking a tight rope... One un-expected shake, one light gust, and it will all come tumbling down...  I guess we are always going to be on a tight rope walk.  Just have to get a little bit further each day.  Maybe it is my project at work driving me nuts.  Feels like it is spiraling, which was the impetus for my last failed quit.  Feels like I am on an island on my project.  Just frustrating as hell.  I am not going to let it get to me.  Sometimes I will just google images of "oral cancer" and that helps strengthen my resolve.  I want to keep my face, my jaw, my tongue...

Today is not an easy day....

Hang in there Brink, you have this.

Go work out and then drink 3 gallons of water. If that doesn't work, repeat the entire process until it does.

I worked out so hard and often during my first 3 weeks that I couldn't hardly think of anything, much less Cope...

Brother... Those days truly suck. Right now is battle mode. You fight this - you power through this. This is where we take our quit down to smaller increments and get through. And get through you will! Each time you experience these harder days and get through them you are laying that ever stronger quit foundation. This is embracing that SUCK! You never want to see this side of the equation again. Rock your quit man... I'm with you.

You got this, Brink. On a day like today, it may help to know that it really does get better, and soon. I'm on day 54 - not far off from you - and it's already WAY better. Sure I have plenty more rough patches to come, but they will be fewer and farther between.

Sounds like you are working on a group project at work. I know there's nothing worse. The only thing I learned from group work in college is that it doesn't work, one or two people end up doing everything.

Hang in there man. You've got this. I promise nicotine will not help. Imagine coming here and telling us you caved. Imagine wasting what has been a damn hard 22 days of strength.

You want to quit. You choose to quit. You are succeeding. I'm proud of you today and I quit with you.

[AppleJack]

Day 22...
I still feel like I am walking a tight rope... One un-expected shake, one light gust, and it will all come tumbling down...  I guess we are always going to be on a tight rope walk.  Just have to get a little bit further each day.  Maybe it is my project at work driving me nuts.  Feels like it is spiraling, which was the impetus for my last failed quit.  Feels like I am on an island on my project.  Just frustrating as hell.  I am not going to let it get to me.  Sometimes I will just google images of "oral cancer" and that helps strengthen my resolve.  I want to keep my face, my jaw, my tongue...

Today is not an easy day....

Hang in there Brink, you have this.

Go work out and then drink 3 gallons of water. If that doesn't work, repeat the entire process until it does.

I worked out so hard and often during my first 3 weeks that I couldn't hardly think of anything, much less Cope...

Brother... Those days truly suck. Right now is battle mode. You fight this - you power through this. This is where we take our quit down to smaller increments and get through. And get through you will! Each time you experience these harder days and get through them you are laying that ever stronger quit foundation. This is embracing that SUCK! You never want to see this side of the equation again. Rock your quit man... I'm with you.

[ParadigmDawg]

Day 22...
I still feel like I am walking a tight rope... One un-expected shake, one light gust, and it will all come tumbling down... I guess we are always going to be on a tight rope walk. Just have to get a little bit further each day. Maybe it is my project at work driving me nuts. Feels like it is spiraling, which was the impetus for my last failed quit. Feels like I am on an island on my project. Just frustrating as hell. I am not going to let it get to me. Sometimes I will just google images of "oral cancer" and that helps strengthen my resolve. I want to keep my face, my jaw, my tongue...

Today is not an easy day....

Hang in there Brink, you have this.

Go work out and then drink 3 gallons of water. If that doesn't work, repeat the entire process until it does.

I worked out so hard and often during my first 3 weeks that I couldn't hardly think of anything, much less Cope...

[brinkhoffs52]

Day 22...
I still feel like I am walking a tight rope... One un-expected shake, one light gust, and it will all come tumbling down... I guess we are always going to be on a tight rope walk. Just have to get a little bit further each day. Maybe it is my project at work driving me nuts. Feels like it is spiraling, which was the impetus for my last failed quit. Feels like I am on an island on my project. Just frustrating as hell. I am not going to let it get to me. Sometimes I will just google images of "oral cancer" and that helps strengthen my resolve. I want to keep my face, my jaw, my tongue...

Today is not an easy day....

[CaliforniaSlim]

Sounds like you are digging in your ktc mental toolbag in the tough situations. Perfect. Don't forget the rest of your tools. Call or text any of us you traded numbers with. Or, get on chat, or just post while the craving is hitting.
Keep close attention on your own mind to make sure the arguments aren't the nic bitch making you irritable and attempting to put you in situations where she can grab a foothold.
You have got this.
Glad to be quit with you.

[brinkhoffs52]

Day 18-20...

These past days there have been some major assaults on my quit. The biggest one was by far this Saturday. We had an annual summer bash at one of my friends homes. Big Crab feast, volleyball, beer and just generally a rocking good time. I was on the court playing volleyball pretty much the entire time. The physical activity felt great and nicotine was the furthest thing from my mind. Actually felt, dare I say it, "normal"?. Then it got dark. The game ended. The drinking didn't. There I was with several people around smoking.

I seem to always end up around smokers (oddly enough, very few dippers). To compound the situation, earlier in the day I had gotten EXTREMELY riled up by my wife. Another story, for perhaps another day, as it is rather long winded, and the ultimate resolution was favorable, but it was not without some extreme and intense stress/emotion. That said, my resolve was in a slightly weakened position. Had this situation happened two weeks ago, either one of those situations could have been my demise, but both together, would have CERTAINLY been my demise. But nearly 3 weeks in, I had just enough resolve to remain strong. I battled the nic bitch away. It was a grueling battle, but victory was sweet.

Lately, there has been quite a lot of different emotions. I'm also getting into a dangerous point (for me) in my own quit. This is about the time last year that I made a bad decision, that ultimately led to my "quit" becoming just another hiatus... I thought I was "cured"... I thought I was a :scowick: Smart move right? DOH!!! 'bang head' 'bang head' I am obviously no special butterfly... My cave didnt happen for another several months yet, but losing touch here was the point that I can trace that slow, inevitable decline to...

I am still more anxious that not most days; the tight gut, racing mind. I know that 1 problem + nicotine = 2 problems. The whispers are getting stronger from the nicotine whore... but I must stay strong...

Rambling done...

[miles]

The last week or so...

Has been a few days since i have updated my "blog" here. So here it goes: Been doing a little bit better. Craves are further between and a little more manageable. I still go through the fake stuff, but even that has been waning. I bought 12 cans at the outset of my quit. At my typical rate, I should have maybe 4 left... I have 8... Which is good. Even though I still draw some enjoyment out of the habit, and it helps me quell any craves, as I load a lip of SM, i realize the insanity of what I am doing...

My mood has been improving, and I find myself being a little less irritable, which is good. For the first time since I quit, yesterday I actually had a moment of peace in my head. Mind wasn;t racing, gut didnt feel tied in knots... it was a nice change of pace. I look forward to more moments like that. The nic bitch whispers softer know, but is still there. I know the focus is ALWAYS today. But there is a small part of me that wishes I could just be "cured". I know there is no cure. I must always remain vigilant and ready for a battle, be it the marching of troops I see coming a mile away, or a sneaky little ambush when I least expect it.

My boss the other day noticed I had quit dipping the real shit, and kind of laughed. Wanted to take his tin and shove it down his fucking throat when he doubted my resolve. But alas, my quit grew a little stronger. There is no turning back, only moving forward, and every day I make promise that "forward" will have no nicotine.

Some folks don't have the balls to quit.

You have great big 'ol quit balls.

Slaves to the nic bitch have tiny, dainty little scared balls....you don't want your quit balls to shrivel so let them grow with each passing day!

Posting roll every day ensures proper nutrition for your quit balls.

You rock Sir!

[brinkhoffs52]

The last week or so...

Has been a few days since i have updated my "blog" here. So here it goes: Been doing a little bit better. Craves are further between and a little more manageable. I still go through the fake stuff, but even that has been waning. I bought 12 cans at the outset of my quit. At my typical rate, I should have maybe 4 left... I have 8... Which is good. Even though I still draw some enjoyment out of the habit, and it helps me quell any craves, as I load a lip of SM, i realize the insanity of what I am doing...

My mood has been improving, and I find myself being a little less irritable, which is good. For the first time since I quit, yesterday I actually had a moment of peace in my head. Mind wasn;t racing, gut didnt feel tied in knots... it was a nice change of pace. I look forward to more moments like that. The nic bitch whispers softer know, but is still there. I know the focus is ALWAYS today. But there is a small part of me that wishes I could just be "cured". I know there is no cure. I must always remain vigilant and ready for a battle, be it the marching of troops I see coming a mile away, or a sneaky little ambush when I least expect it.

My boss the other day noticed I had quit dipping the real shit, and kind of laughed. Wanted to take his tin and shove it down his fucking throat when he doubted my resolve. But alas, my quit grew a little stronger. There is no turning back, only moving forward, and every day I make promise that "forward" will have no nicotine.

[dabean22]

Day 12 and 13....

I tried to sit down and write this yesterday afternoon, but couldn't get enough uninterrupted focus, so naturally I just waited to do it at work... haha.

All kidding aside, this weekend was a GIANT bagged of mixed emotions. A lot of "high" time. It was one of my good friends from college getting married so there were a TON of us back together from school. Fortunately, no one was a big tobacco user, but there were a fair share cigarettes around. I resisted temptation. We were having a great time dancing and drinking, and celebrating. It actually felt kind of nice not having to step away from the action. I would never dip here, but cigarettes are another story. Fortunately, I was able to stray strong. Sent a few texts out, and even got one hell of an awesome phone call from DaBean22, talk about a fucking bad ass quitter. That was definitely a humbling experience. It was a saturday night, and he felt compelled to take time and step away from his evening to give me a quick shout and make sure I was doing ok. Hell to the fucking yea!

There was also big chunks of low time. Most notably Sunday on the long drive home and Sunday afternoon/evening around the house. "Funky" doesn't even begin to describe it. This consistent agitation. There was a complete and total mental "fuck this all" mindset. I was able to keep my composure around my wife, but I just felt hollow inside, as if I was just going through the motions, and I wasn't even sure what those motions were. I was out running errands, and it would have been so simple to swing by a C Store and grab a tin of the shit. It would get me nowhere except into the grave faster. I'm not ok with that, but the little whisper in my mind tried to persuade me other wise. Maybe there is even some misplaced anger rolling around in there... Anger at myself for starting in the first place, anger at my roommate for offering me that first lip, anger at those other people along the way that offered me other "first lips", anger at myself for accepting.

I was reading some intros, and saw some good perspective on the quits.... I used nicotine in some form for close to nine years on and off... that's more than 3,000 days... I would be foolish to think that 14 days would make me normal. At least I know that I am moving in the right direction... I jsut gotta keep racking up those +1s. I will make it through today... I will be quit today...

Brother, that phone call meant as much to me as it did to you. I hope others realize that one of the best crave busters is to take the time to find someone else to help. I have craves all the time but am never at risk of caving because i am quit. That being said, when I have a craving, I hop on here and give someone else encouragement, bust their balls or get involved in some other way.
I quit for life. I jumped out of the plane and never looked back. All of November needs to do the same. NO BUNGIE JUMPERS HERE!

[Pinched]

Brink,
I have to say your text to me this weekend kept me QUIT; keep it up and know that when we help ourselves; we help each other.