1st Year Anniversary - “I got this!” Day 366
IÂ’ve been interested, during most of my quit, on what makes a person cave. With all of the retreads I see posting a new Day 1 every day, it intrigues me. Also, it seems that retreads have a much more difficult time than first time quitters. We have people like Siren, who has had three or four tries at quitting, but never takes his quit seriously. Then we have people like Swanson Approves, who made it well past HOF, left KTC, then came back to post another Day 1, only to fade away before HOF this time.
Why does a person cave? Why is it that retreads rarely match the number of days quit as their original attempt?
I’ve been asking the wrong question. The answers to the above questions is “It doesn’t matter.
Failure has all the excuses in the world.”
I should be asking “What makes a retread a successful quitter?” The answer to this question answers the question
“What makes a successful quitter?” I’m going to attempt to answer this based on my knowledge of two quitters: Danojeno and suthern_gntlman. I’m sure both will be along to correct my inaccuracies.
Suthern_gntlman posted his first day one on April 29, 2015 with “Quitting for the upteenth time! This time is the last time!” But, it wasn’t.
On March 23, 2016, suthern_gntlman posted 330. The next day, he posted Day 1. Suthern_gntlman was a pretty consistent roll poster, not 100%, but he didn’t miss many days. He didn’t leave the site and then cave. Today, he posted 338. He’s surpassed his previous “attempt”. Why do I think he is now quit? Let’s see what’s different about our now quit brother:
Here is one of his
responses to the three questions: “I've had problems with this site from day one. The vulgarity is a huge issue with me, not to mention having to make a promise. Because of this I don't think I was ever 100% all in. Posting roll every day, was a competition. I wasn't really posting roll to stay quit; I was posting roll because it was the thing to do.”
You can tell by this that he examined the past 330 days of his quit, and determined why he wasnÂ’t quit yet, even though he thought he was. LetÂ’s look at part of his response to the third question:
- Certainly this site/forum is a tool that I can use. My own personal question is how can I use this tool to better myself?
- Posting roll has to be about more than just making sure I don't miss a day. I don't mean making promises I can't keep either, for I still have issues with that.
- I'm talking about being more involved. I'm going to warn you though. If I get more involved, I'm going to be a pain the side for a lot of you guys/gals. The vulgarity really needs to stop
- I will not be just posting in my group, but in other groups. My posts will not just be good job and way to go. I will be posting bible scripture and encouraging thoughts.
- This is who I am and for me to truly be fully involved in this, I'm going to have to stay true to who I am. If this is going to be a problem, we can part ways and I will move on down the road.
Is he doing the things he said he would do? From what I see, yes he is. One thing I want to point out is that you have to be yourself at KTC. You wonÂ’t like it here very long if you try to be someone youÂ’re not.
Danojeno was one of the first people on KTC to really reach out to me. This was before I even knew what a retread is. HeÂ’d been quit for a year when we first exchanged texts. IÂ’d been quit for four days. He was rock steady, and helped me get through moving my daughter and son-in-law to their new house (via text) . I had strong cravings that day.
On August 29, 2014, Danojeno posted day 62. He quit on his own, fought the battle for two months, looked for help, and found it here. He seemed to be an active member of the October 2014 group, averaging 3.2 post per day. He made it to day 246 before a “planned cave” in Las Vegas on March 1, 2015. He immediately posted Day 1 on March 2nd.
His answers to the three questions were not as introspective as suthrn_gntlmanÂ’s.
“My failure was directly linked to being complacent and not reaching out. That's what this place is all about. It's not JUST about posting roll. It is about being involved in your group. I pledge to be much more involved in actively making contact with other quitters in this group and others I so fucked-uppedly turned my back on in my hours of darkness. Let this be a loud fucking warning. I have been here before and trust me, it is so much worse a 2nd time around, I can't even explain the misery. That said, though I'm an addict, I AM stronger than these chemicals and will prove myself worthy every single day.”
However, there is a tone of repentance and determination to change in this post. Is he doing the things he said he would do? He went from 3.2 posts per day prior to his cave to 24.2 posts per day since then. I would say yes.
So, what does a person have to do to stay quit? Post roll every day? Post 3 or 4 times a day? Spend a lot of time in chat? I will offer that these are indicators of a strong quit, but in and of themselves, just doing them for the sake of doing them does not make a strong quit.
A strong quit takes determination. You have to make your quit as important as anything else in your life. If you really want to stay quit, make it as important as life itself. You wouldnÂ’t stand on the tracks in front of an oncoming train. You need to develop that same thought towards using nicotine. When your quit is as important as eating, you donÂ’t even think about posting roll when you get up in the morning; you just do it. You browse through the new quit groups every day or every few days, just to see whatÂ’s going on. You become interested in othersÂ’ quit because quitting is important to you. ItÂ’s like reading Sports Illustrated, HGTV, or some other enthusiast magazine.
Another thing that makes a strong quit is becoming a part of this family we call KTC. Like all families, there are members we canÂ’t stand, members that drive us crazy, members that we pity, members that we envy, and members that we want to be with every day. Our common family bond is our addiction, which is stronger than some blood families have. We have a place that we can always call home. Good, bad, and ugly, I feel at home here.
