Today I quit. Tomorrow, I'll quit again. (A journey through one man's recovery)

[bojax]

[big][big][big]600!!!![/big][/big][/big]

'Cheers' Congratulations on reaching the 6th floor, Irish!!! 'Sing and Drink'

'band' 'party2'

Congrats on 600 'irish' ❤❤
Chick  'Sing and Drink'  Irish

Sorry I didn't see this earlier, congrats on 6 floors of badassery Irish! 'clap'

Bump

[DonkeyMN]

600!!!!

'Cheers' Congratulations on reaching the 6th floor, Irish!!! 'Sing and Drink'

'band' 'party2'

Congrats on 600 'irish' ❤❤
Chick  'Sing and Drink'  Irish

Sorry I didn't see this earlier, congrats on 6 floors of badassery Irish! 'clap'

[ChickDip]

600!!!!

'Cheers' Congratulations on reaching the 6th floor, Irish!!! 'Sing and Drink'

'band' 'party2'

Congrats on 600 'irish' ❤❤
Chick  'Sing and Drink'  Irish

[FLLipOut]

600!!!!

'Cheers' Congratulations on reaching the 6th floor, Irish!!! 'Sing and Drink'

'band' 'party2'

[JMckay]

No Excuse To Cave - NONE!

I don't know Todd, other than what I've read in his intro. His story is inspiring. His story made me cry.

If I ever feel life has given me an excuse to cave, I'm going to come here and read this, again.

Whew where to begin, well brothers and sisters today should be a joyous day 7th floor with 2 trips around the sun to follow and not to be overshadowed by too many other events right. Well, what I am about to follow up with is a warning my way to pay it forward a way for me to find something positive out of what I have found out. A way to reinforce to those that think they are cured and that they may be able to try a dance with their mistress/Reaper... This is a message to the vets as well as newbies it's not over. This isn't written for sympathy or pity I knew that this was a possibility when I thought I was a tough guy with my lip packed full of death.

Friday 3-13-15 a day I will never forget, I had a colonoscopy and yep you guessed it CANCER located close to where small and large intestines come together... I was a bad ass I didn't need a spitter I gutted it this pseudo-badge of courage is probably the culprit.

Funny what goes through your head when you get that kind of news first initial shock...followed up with panic, fear then sadness. It finally really hit me Sunday a.m. I broke down the thoughts that I may not get to see my wife again, smell her hair, see her smile, hear her laugh, miss her sarcasm...not getting to see my son play sports, graduate and see him go through life not getting to be a Grandpa...Yep all those moments be shared with others and not me. I took a walk down memory lane yesterdayÂ…have I put enough away for my family, what have I left for a legacy, have I given more than I have taken, will I be remembered or just another UST statistic... All that shit goes through your head...I am sure that are a lot more emotions to follow.

Today I am up and going I have shit to do before I go for surgery. I have to use all my tools that I have acquired from KTC and apply them moving forward. THIS DOES NOT GIVE ME THE RIGHT OR EXCUSE TO CHEW! This isn't going to be an I, it will be a WE, brothers and sisters from KTC, friends and family taking this head on one day at a time. I am absolutely impressed with the men and women of KTC who have already started pumping out support....THANK YOU.

So if any of you still have friends dippin tell them this if you dont have what it takes to quit nicotine you are gonna be TOO big of a pussy for chemo. Dying is easy its the living that is hard got to dig deep everyday and there would be no way in hell I could do this on my own. If it werent for the support of my wife and family, the support i get daily from the members this site and the people I have in my corner locally. I would have been consumed by this cancer shit. I have already lived through two you only have 6 months left.

Well it appears that it has been awhile since I have put in an update. I had double pneumonia that landed me in the hospital for a week...then home health for a week giving me very strong antibiotics. After a week of that the nausea and pain were enough I woke up on a Monday morning and fired everyone. I called the VA and asked to be put on hospice. Hospice has been working with me to get me under control as far as pain and nausea go. I have been puking and dry heaving for days so finally last night they hooked me up to a morphine drip and a Tordol drip subQ. they have also discovered that I have chemo induced thrush from my mouth to my stomach so another obstacle to overcome.

I also carry a BRAF mutation with in the cancer war is like trying fight fires with gasoline. So I am on the hospice pony and just trying to ride whatever time I have left in relative comfort. So just trying to take it easy.

Once again just wanted to say thank you to everyone that has been on this ride with me, I also wanted to say if you text or email and I dont respond right away please dont take it personal there are days that just making it to tomorrow is the best I can do.
thanks
Trauma

Wow trying to figure out how to put this on my intro cause that helps keep a person quit. Even when the anxiety tells you take a dip so you feel better.

[wildirish317]

Dip Dream #3 (I think). Day 573


No lead in to this one. Just a flash, a pinch between my cheek and gum, the squeeze forcing the juice out where I could taste it. The the aftermath. It was just a pinch. Does this ruin my quit?

Yeah, it does. You can't have just one.

Dream on, nic. I'm not coming back.

[wildirish317]

A year point five in.

8/25 was my 1.5 year mark. It seems like a short time, yet it seems like forever.

I'm here.

I'm quit.

I've made friends with all of you.

We're quit. That's special. Quit is good. I like it.

FLipOut, you live next to FF. You are a saint. Haha.

I love this place.

[Ginet]

I am Quit

Day 393. My quit is strong today. Several people around me spent the day packing their lip, one dip after another. I heard addict speak like "I will quit when the price goes up to $6 bucks because that is way too much money". I heard a person wanting to buy an e-Cig cuz they decided its better than smoking cigarettes. I even saw a person post a Day One here.

I watched those people around me snap the can, grab a pinch and stuff their lips. Then adjust the chaw just right with their tongue. Some spit in a use beer can, one in a bottle, another in a trash can and yet another in the sink. I smiled because it wasn't me. I am not them. I am quit.

I listened to the statement about the price of the can. I know I am an addict. They do not. They don't know what I know. I know I would continue to pay ten dollars for a can if that was the price because I am an addict. I grinned because that wasn't me. I am not them. I am quit.

I was sad to hear that one person thought an e-cig was a good idea. Not understanding how it is only a different delivery system with other risks not yet fully known. They aren't educated like I am about this now. I was thankful that wasn't me. I am not them. I am quit.

I was excited to see the post of day one in May 2015. All the emotions came flooding back to me of my day one. The beginning of the rest of my life they called it. The best decision I will ever make another echoed. Welcome to the suck they typed.

That's when I accepted it. That is me. All of it is me. I did the same. I thought the same. I lived the same. The only difference is, I'm quit. Never forget that you are an addict.....in whatever form your education, hard work, and dedication to others may be......you are still that addict.

~Lady G ~ LF

Thank you Lady G. I shared this quote with the August 2016 group as Sacksy and I conducted them to the HOF. They're all moderators now, so you can take pride in helping them shape their quit and step up to lead others.

I place this here because it strikes a chord with me. Back in the day, before KTC, (before it existed, actually) I was trying to come up with some way to reprogram my mind to that of a non-user. You remember a time before you used nicotine? That's what I'm talking about.

But you can never go back. Hard as you try, you can never go back.

We must go forward. We go forward as Quit.

We don't have "just one" because we are now Quit.

We've moved through life. At one point we were non-users. Then we became users. Then we became addicts. Now we are quit.

Stay quit.

Hey Irish! I still say these things to myself as I push on to year four....."I am thankful that is not what I am doing....They are me, only I battled to Quit and I hope they still have time to do so..."

#QuitCousins
Lady G

[JB65]

Damn that's awesome stuff Irish.

Its so satisfying now when I'm offered a cigar or chew and I say 'no thanks, i quit all nicotine" and if they press I say " I'm an addict and I cant handle just one of any nicotine product"

The look on so many faces is the same, and i feel like they are thinking ' holy cow, that is one strong Mo Fo, maybe I'm an addict..."

Im only strong because of this place and all the bad ass quit in here!

[wildirish317]

I am Quit

Day 393. My quit is strong today. Several people around me spent the day packing their lip, one dip after another. I heard addict speak like "I will quit when the price goes up to $6 bucks because that is way too much money". I heard a person wanting to buy an e-Cig cuz they decided its better than smoking cigarettes. I even saw a person post a Day One here.

I watched those people around me snap the can, grab a pinch and stuff their lips. Then adjust the chaw just right with their tongue. Some spit in a use beer can, one in a bottle, another in a trash can and yet another in the sink. I smiled because it wasn't me. I am not them. I am quit.

I listened to the statement about the price of the can. I know I am an addict. They do not. They don't know what I know. I know I would continue to pay ten dollars for a can if that was the price because I am an addict. I grinned because that wasn't me. I am not them. I am quit.

I was sad to hear that one person thought an e-cig was a good idea. Not understanding how it is only a different delivery system with other risks not yet fully known. They aren't educated like I am about this now. I was thankful that wasn't me. I am not them. I am quit.

I was excited to see the post of day one in May 2015. All the emotions came flooding back to me of my day one. The beginning of the rest of my life they called it. The best decision I will ever make another echoed. Welcome to the suck they typed.

That's when I accepted it. That is me. All of it is me. I did the same. I thought the same. I lived the same. The only difference is, I'm quit. Never forget that you are an addict.....in whatever form your education, hard work, and dedication to others may be......you are still that addict.

~Lady G ~ LF

Thank you Lady G. I shared this quote with the August 2016 group as Sacksy and I conducted them to the HOF. They're all moderators now, so you can take pride in helping them shape their quit and step up to lead others.

I place this here because it strikes a chord with me. Back in the day, before KTC, (before it existed, actually) I was trying to come up with some way to reprogram my mind to that of a non-user. You remember a time before you used nicotine? That's what I'm talking about.

But you can never go back. Hard as you try, you can never go back.

We must go forward. We go forward as Quit.

We don't have "just one" because we are now Quit.

We've moved through life. At one point we were non-users. Then we became users. Then we became addicts. Now we are quit.

Stay quit.

[walterwhite]

Maintaining a Sense of Humor day 509

Somewhere along my quit, I lost my sense of humor. Everything became serious, urgent, and either good or bad. My sense of humor went away, and I didn't even realize it. I fought more with Mrs. Irish. She couldn't express an opinion about any topic. If I didn't agree with her, I flew into a rage. If I agreed, I'd simply mumble an acknowledgement.

Such has been my life for the past few months.

This past weekend, it came to a head. I started catching myself as I was starting to rage and just say to myself "stop!". "It's not that important." "See the humor in this." It's then that realized I'd lost my sense of humor. Nothing was funny anymore. I used to be the guy that could see humor in any situation, but that slipped away during my quit. Actually, I let it slip away.

So how did I find it? Like everything else related to fighting an addiction, it takes concious effort, until it becomes a daily habit. I started looking for the humor in every situation that I encounter. When I start to get mad, I stop and think "this has got to be funny in some way" and then I find a way to put a funny spin on it. It helps that I can laugh at myself (although I stopped laughing at myself when I lost my sense of humor, so the two must be related).

Just a quick thought for the day. I'll come back to this.

Great post IrishÂ…You are not alone.

I too have to remember to laugh and not be so grumpy. I think we put all our energy in quitting. We let things goÂ…home life, work, friends, eating right, to even laughing to name a few. There comes a point in your quit that you can start to add these things back into your life because you arenÂ’t fighting tooth and nail to quit anymore. Some of these things take a little longer to get back because we forgot about them until we realize that we lost it in the first place.

What I have learned is that before I quit I wasnÂ’t a perfect human being and IÂ’m still not. We arenÂ’t the same person we were before we quit. We lost something but in doing so we gained our freedom. I find myself listening more and more to what others are saying about meÂ…especially from people that I care about. I take stock in what they are saying about me and if I think they have a valid pointÂ…I try to make some changes. Every day is a day to improve and to grow to be a better person.

[FLLipOut]

Couple of things I really look forward to in life...each new episode of Game of Thrones and a fresh update in WildIrish's Intro.

'Popcorn'

[wildirish317]

Maintaining a Sense of Humor day 509

Somewhere along my quit, I lost my sense of humor. Everything became serious, urgent, and either good or bad. My sense of humor went away, and I didn't even realize it. I fought more with Mrs. Irish. She couldn't express an opinion about any topic. If I didn't agree with her, I flew into a rage. If I agreed, I'd simply mumble an acknowledgement.

Such has been my life for the past few months.

This past weekend, it came to a head. I started catching myself as I was starting to rage and just say to myself "stop!". "It's not that important." "See the humor in this." It's then that realized I'd lost my sense of humor. Nothing was funny anymore. I used to be the guy that could see humor in any situation, but that slipped away during my quit. Actually, I let it slip away.

So how did I find it? Like everything else related to fighting an addiction, it takes concious effort, until it becomes a daily habit. I started looking for the humor in every situation that I encounter. When I start to get mad, I stop and think "this has got to be funny in some way" and then I find a way to put a funny spin on it. It helps that I can laugh at myself (although I stopped laughing at myself when I lost my sense of humor, so the two must be related).

Just a quick thought for the day. I'll come back to this.

[wildirish317]

Can't say it any better than the ones before me. Great job and congratulations!

Pab, you're one of my heroes. You never seem to run out of energy. The elephant avatar suits you, haha! You are as strong as one!

[wildirish317]

500 is the big league! So proud to be quit with you, Irish! Thanks for everything you do on KTC that is helping other quitters push through this addiction. I've sent newbies to this Intro on more than one occasion because the wisdom contained in it is pure quit gold!

'party'

Thanks FLLipOut! You've supported me through some tough times. That's what this site is all about.