A passing flingÂ…..
Today I was sitting at my desk with KTC on my laptop and I began to think about the past and as in the past I mean those days when I was finger banging a can. Thoughts and memories flooded me instantly and I was hurled back into time. I was replaying all kinds of events in my head when I dipped riding in the rig to that car accident or house fire, when I dipped on my way to a cardiac arrest for someone who was checking out from end stage cancer due to tobacco, dipping while providing CPR instructions to a frantic mother who is watching her child turn blue and I felt a huge sadness fall upon me. For years I believed using that shit helped me cope with the situations I faced. I'm 29 years old I've been a volunteer fireman for 14 of those years and I've seen some pretty wicked shit and have had a few close calls inside buildings we shouldn't have been in. I've spent the last 7 years working as a 911 Dispatcher a very rewarding career even though we don't get paid as much as we should and we hardly ever get recognized since we sit in a room with no windows locked out from the outside world. Taking 911 calls for people having the absolute worst day is a stressful job most dispatchers smoke, dip or struggle with alcohol due to the stresses and the hours we work. I'm proud to say I've wrestled those demon's and I no longer need those vices to get by instead I hit the gym as much as possible instead of poisoning my body! My sadness turned into happiness today because I was one of the few that was able to overcome the madness and drop the Nicotine and I now watch many co-workers poison themselves and I feel sorry for them only because I remember how much of a slave I was. I'm relieved that isn't who I am anymore. Sometimes I forget how shitty it was to first quit and then I stumble across some writings in a new quit month and it punches me in the face and I remember that I will never go through that fucking hell again. I thought this was important to remember and if you're new and reading this you can do this, you can beat this addiction and you can live free just don't ever forget where you once were even if it sucks to remember! Day 407 and I will not be Nicotines bitch today!
